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Pretend You're Mine by Crystal Kaswell (40)

Chapter 42

Ryan

Leighton isn’t in the lobby.

She isn’t in our room.

She’s not lounging on a deck chair by the pool. Or strolling along the garden path. Or sucking sugar syrup from a shaved ice.

My dress shoes sink onto the sand as I step off the concrete path.

There.

Moonlight bounces off a silver dress.

She’s sitting on the beach, her legs pulled into her chest, her gaze on the starry sky.

I move closer.

The fear in her eyes comes into focus.

She pulls her hands to her sides. Lets them sink into the dry sand. “It’s beautiful here.”

Yeah.”

“More stars than I’ve ever seen.”

There are, but it’s hard to see it as beautiful at the moment. Not with my stomach sinking like a stone.

“I’m sorry about your mom. I

“It’s okay. She gets it.”

She pats the spot next to her.

I drop to the sand.

She turns toward me with a soft smile. “You’re fucking up your suit.”

“I don’t care.”

“I do. I like it.” She shifts, straddling me.

She’s warm. Soft. Everything.

But is she mine?

I don’t fucking know anymore.

Her eyelids flutter closed as she kisses me.

I scrape my teeth against her bottom lip.

I kiss her hard.

I kiss her like the fucking ship is going down.

'Cause it might be.

She pulls back with a sigh. “I had to be sure.”

I reach up, rest my palm against her cheek, rub her temple with my thumb. She’s so fucking beautiful. So perfect. So everything.

It needs to stay like this.

We need to stay like this.

Leigh…”

Her voice is a whisper. “I am sure.”

“Of what?” The words are heavy on my tongue.

She stares into my eyes.

She stares into my goddamn soul.

“I love you.” Her voice is steady. “I love you so fucking much.”

I stare back at her.

“You’re my first thought when I wake up. My last thought before I fall asleep. When I see my future, I see you. I see us. Until it gets messed up and I see her. I see you loving her forever.”

“I don’t love her anymore.”

“But you’re not over her?”

“I’m almost there.”

“Almost.” Her eyes turn down. “Do you love me?”

I swallow hard. I can’t tell her what she wants to hear.

But I can’t lie to her.

I could never lie to her.

I run my thumb over her temple.

She closes her eyes. Turns to lean into the touch. “Please say yes. Ryan. Please. Please tell me you love me.”

“I want to.”

Her eyelids blink open.

“I want to so fucking badly.”

A tear catches on her lashes. “But you can’t.” It’s not a question.

I answer anyway. “I’m not sure what that feels like.”

She nods, accepting my explanation.

Deeming it inadequate.

A tear rolls down her cheek. Catches on my thumb.

She blinks and her lashes are curtained with them.

I wrap my arms around her. Pull her closer. Breathe in every ounce of her.

That coconut shampoo.

And something distinctly Leighton.

She sinks into my touch.

She cries onto my suit jacket.

Waves crash onto the beach. Moonlight bounces off the ocean. Stars shine against the dark sky.

“I know I said I’d be patient. But I can’t.” Her voice is a whisper. A promise. A plea. “I’m sorry, Ryan. But I can’t do this anymore.”

Leigh…”

“I want to be okay with it. Really, I do. But I’m not.”

She leans down and presses her lips to mine. It’s a long, slow kiss. It’s everything she has.

It’s everything I have.

But it isn’t enough.

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