PHILIP
I had to be the stupidest man on the planet. Why didn’t I keep driving when I saw Ryan walking home alone? It was still early, so the odds that he’d already screwed someone were slim, but my relief wouldn’t be satiated until I knew for sure. I couldn’t let this sick obsession with him get in the way of the rest of my life. He was young, and my student. But there was no explaining whatever it was that was driving me.
It was wrong, both morally and ethically. Not to mention, I could lose my job and possibly my license. So, being in a confined space where I could smell the intoxicating scent of his cologne was a monumentally bad idea. What was even worse was when his hand came down on my thigh. I tried really hard not to shudder at his touch. “Ryan, stop.”
“Stop what?” he asked with false innocence. His hand moved higher and I groaned.
“Stop, you really don’t want to do this.”
“Yeah, I definitely do.” His voice was silky smooth as he whispered a little too close to my ear. His hand moved even higher and his fingertips brushed my cock. My grip on the steering wheel tightened until I held it in a white-knuckle grip.
“I know you want me as much as I want you. Why fight it?” Ryan’s seductive voice whispered in my ear just before his tongue darted out and licked the lobe. The car swerved. I hastened a glance after getting control of the car to see his taunting grin.
“Don’t think for a moment that I wouldn’t fuck you senseless if you weren’t a student of mine,” I growled out, putting as much authority in my voice that I could muster. His eyes lit up with the challenge.
“I don’t get fucked, ever. I do the fucking, professor.” Oh, my dear boy. I have so much to teach you, and you have so much to learn. I chuckled out loud, knowing his words clashed with the heat in his eyes.
“Not with me.” I decided against better judgment to play this little game with him. I was playing with fire, but it didn’t stop the words leaving my mouth. “I’d have you so fucking turned on you’d be begging for my cock.”
His hand squeezed me through my jeans. I cursed, growing even harder under his touch. “Looks like I’m the one turning you on at the moment.” He grinned, so full of himself. “What would you do if I pulled your cock out and sucked it right here in the car?”
He was being more aggressive than I thought he would be. A dark laugh escaped my lips. “If you’re gonna do it, make sure you take it all because these jeans are designer and I don’t want to get any cum on them.” I lifted a brow at him.
He started for the button on my jeans as we pulled up in front of the dorms. “We’re here. Goodnight, Ryan.”
“Wait, what?” His head whipped back around to stare out the window. “You’re not going to come in?” The things I could do with the pout on his sweet lips.
“In there? Not a chance. I’m a professor. Everyone will see. Besides, you aren’t ready for me yet.”
After a silent stare down, he reached for the handle of the door, muttered, “Sure, whatever,” then stomped to his dorm, adjusting himself the entire way. How could I have been so stupid?
I berated myself the entire way back to my house. It was so irresponsible to have allowed him to touch me like that. He was a kid. Not even old enough to get into a bar, and I was fantasizing about him. It was sick. I was nearly fifteen years older. This was wrong. Even with that thought, the smell of his cologne hung in the air. Knowing I was already in too deep, I resolved to stay as far away from Ryan as possible.
The weekend meeting the following day was Narcotics Anonymous. I loved running them. It gave me a sense that I was giving back to my community. They were probably my favorite because the stories and accolades that were shared gave others in the program a true sense of hope.
Finishing up the meeting two hours later, I felt the buzz of my phone in my pocket. “Hello, Daniel. I was wondering how long it would be before you called me sniffing around.”
Daniel chuckled. “Can you blame me? That boy is absolutely delicious.” He always was a little more on the feminine side unless working, then he was all business.
“I’m actually surprised you waited this long.”
“I had to find a home for five foster kids.” He sighed, the strain the situation had me closing my eyes, thinking about little Abby.
“How about lunch? I just finished a meeting and the rest of my day is open,” I offered, knowing good and well that he probably needed someone to talk to. Hell, I needed someone to talk to, and I was sure Daniel would understand.
“Sure, lunch sounds great. Meet you at The Bistro in thirty.”
“All right, see you then.” I hung up the phone and went to my car. Maybe talking to Daniel would help me to stop thinking about Ryan. It was worth a shot but I doubted it would help, considering his smell still lingered in my car.
Twenty minutes later, Daniel was already seated in a back booth. He must have asked for somewhere quiet where we wouldn’t be easily overheard. A glass of Pinot sat on the table in front of my place setting, and I smiled at him gratefully. “You remembered, thank you. I have a feeling I’m gonna need this.”
“Next time the waiter comes by, I’ll have him leave the bottle.”
I chuckled. “Not a bad idea, if I didn’t have to drive after this.”
“So, this Ryan, who is he?” Daniel just jumped right in, which was nothing less than I would have expected. Since driving off with Abby the day before, I was sure a thousand images had crossed his mind.
I shrugged, hoping to express indifference. “He’s a student who has been going through a rough time lately.”
“Yeah, Abby told me about his mom.” He took a sip of his drink, then looked at me, shoulders tense. “Are you two...?”
“Seeing each other? No.” I scrubbed a hand over my unshaven jaw.
“But, you want to.” His whole body deflated.
Picking up my own glass of wine, I nearly drank half of it down before continuing. “It’s completely wrong, Daniel. I feel inexplicably drawn to him. I can’t help myself.” I nearly slammed the glass down on the table.
“Easy there, I know what you mean, and I also know that you typically go for younger guys.” He wasn’t wrong. My typical guy was young and submissive. Ryan fit one of those qualifications, but the other remained to be seen. I had no doubts of my domineering tendencies, but these out of control feelings had me curious… and questioning myself. “Philip, you’re gonna have to figure this out, because you could cut the sexual tension between the two of you with a knife.” He raised a brow. “If you don’t figure out what you want it’ll explode, which for both of you could be extremely dangerous.”
“I know. I mean I could lose everything, but knowing that isn’t stopping my need to be near him. He’s both incredibly strong and broken at the same time. Is it the therapist in me that just wants to fix him? To take the haunted look out of his eyes? Or is it something more?”
Daniel sat for a moment, taking in my questions, when the waiter delivered our sandwiches along with a basket of homemade truffle French fries. “My suggestion?” he began after the waiter left. Unable to stop myself, because their fries were the best on this side of the Mississippi, I grabbed a few and nodded for him to continue. “Take a step back. Figure out what it is and then decide whether it’s worth completely turning your life upside down. But don’t forget, while he is young, he is of legal age. Ryan’s an adult—a young adult—but I have a strong feeling, he’s lived more adult years than half of the student population put together. Besides, in the history of higher education, the number of relationships between educators and students would be impossible to count. You’re really not all that unique, Philip.” Sometimes I forgot how insightful he could be, and annoying.
Rolling my eyes dramatically, I shoved a few fries in my face before asking, “So, were you able to find a good home for Abby and the other kids?” The subject needed to change; talking anymore about Ryan would have me heading straight over to his place the moment we paid the check.
“Yes, thank God. There was an opening with Mrs. Robinson, such a sweet little old lady. Her last kid aged out a few months ago, so I lucked out. There is no Mr. Robinson any longer, and after what happened, for now, that’s the best course of action.” He pushed a hand through his blond hair, sitting back in his seat, having finished off his sandwich, thankfully leaving the rest of my truffle addiction to me, since the sandwich would be perfect for dinner. “It’s so frustrating trying to decipher which parents are a good fit. The worst is when the ones who appear perfect on paper end up being scum. I didn’t get in this job to allow shit like that to happen. I specifically do this to help kids not be subjected to that. Fuck.” He ran his hands down his face, and I could tell he was probably near tears as he dug his fingers into his eyes. “Fucking sick bastard. Would have been better if he’d gone back to drinking himself to death.”
“When are you scheduling the psych exam?” Having done some myself, I knew the state needed to provide not only physical care, but emotional care, especially since harm had come to a child under their supervision.
“Yeah, next week. I took her, along with the female cop on scene to the pediatrician at County hospital. They confirmed abuse.”
We both sat in silence for a few minutes absorbing the horror. I didn’t need or want to know at that moment the extent of the abuse, or what the sick fuck had actually done. Any amount of touching was wrong. Period. “How could someone do that to that sweet little girl?”
Placing my hand on his shoulder, I gave it a squeeze. He grabbed it like a lifeline.
Walking out to our cars, he handed me a piece of paper with Abby’s schedule on it as well as her new address. “Thanks, I’ll make sure Ryan gets this.”
“That’s for you. Abby asked me to give you her information as well. She’d like you to visit.”
I smiled at the thought of the little girl with pigtails. “Maybe I’ll go by today and see how she’s holding up.”