RYAN
Abby was a little champ. She never made a sound as they cleaned her bloody feet and removed the glass. They had her on oxygen and a mask over her face and an IV in her arm to treat her for possible smoke inhalation and dehydration. She was so strong and brave, but I could see the tears in her eyes either from the pain or from the loss of the first woman to let her be a kid. The first real mother she ever had and she only got to spend a few short weeks with her.
I knew she was gone. Martha never would have left the house with Abby inside. She cared for others even at her own expense. Daniel had told me that Martha never took the monthly government stipend when she had a foster child. She and her husband had been wealthy; they just wanted to help kids. Even after he passed, she carried on the tradition they’d started.
It was an hour or two later when Philip and Daniel walked through the hospital room door. Their faces were stricken. Abby whimpered. Guessing the meaning of the looks on their faces.
“How are you doing, Abby?” Daniel stepped forward and patted her hand.
“Martha?” she asked pulling the oxygen mask down off her face.
“I’m sorry,” Philip choked out. “She’s gone, honey.”
I don’t think I had ever heard a more sorrowful, mournful wail in all my life and I prayed to God I never heard it again. This little girl had seen too much tragedy. I wanted to lock her away somewhere beautiful where she would never be hurt again. I sat down on the bed with her, pulling her into my lap and wrapped her up in my arms, holding tightly as she cried herself to sleep.
“Daniel, if I get a two-bedroom apartment can I take Abby?” Both men looked stunned. Daniel scratched the back of his neck, uncomfortable with my question.
“I don’t think so, Ryan. I know you love her and she obviously loves you, but that’s not enough in the eyes of the state. You’re a nineteen-year-old college student.”
“Can you guarantee that she won’t end up in another fucked up home?” I whispered it, but my angry tone was clear. I was not just some kid. Abby needed me now more than ever.
“Ryan, calm down,” Philip cautioned quietly after I’d stood up from the bed. He turned his gaze on Daniel. “What about me? My house is big enough for the both of us. I can take her in. There are ways to apply for an immediate foster situation, correct?”
Holy shit. I stood there slack-jawed. He would do that for her? For me? I wanted Abby close and Philip knew that.
Daniel sighed. “I’ll see what I can do.” He looked between us with shrewd eyes. “How did you know that something was wrong? How’d you get there so fast?”
“Martha. She called me and told me that Harold was outside. She knew it was him, at least that’s what she implied. We thought she’d be in the room with Abby. I can only assume, when she heard him break in, she must have gone downstairs to investigate.”
I felt tears welling up, one actually falling over before I could stop it, as the finality of what had happened to Martha settled on my chest like a ten-ton brick.
“Does she have any family?” Philip asked, his voice was a garbled whisper.
“No, no one but the kids she’s fostered over the years. They didn’t really keep in touch after they aged out of the system. Martha got the difficult ones.”
“I will make funeral arrangements,” Philip choked out. I could see the tears shining in his eyes and I desperately wanted to comfort him, but thought better of it. Daniel was looking between us and I had a feeling he knew more than he should.
“If you’re serious about taking Abby, Philip, I’ll get the paperwork started. They may not approve you because of your marital status, but times are changing and the state is desperate. I’ll put in an emergency guardianship, but the actual process of you becoming her full-time foster parent is going to be grueling and take months.” He raised a critical brow at both of us. “Any kind of scandal could get her ripped from your care.” I shook my head, now knowing that Philip had told Daniel about us.
I would do anything for that little girl. Drop out of school and get a full-time job to take care of her. Though it would probably hurt beyond comprehension, I would even stop seeing Philip if it meant I knew it would keep her safe. He must have seen the resolve in my eyes because his shoulders slumped in defeat. I didn’t want to stop seeing him, just the opposite in fact. I cared about him, probably more than I should and definitely more than anyone else I had ever been with, but it was about Abby. If there was anything I could do, anything I could sacrifice to have a child live a better life than I had mine, I’d do it. Maybe not happily, but looking down at the little girl in the oversized hospital bed, my needs, Philip’s needs, didn’t matter.
Daniel left a few minutes later to get the paperwork situated and Philip looked at me with pain clear in his eyes. I had to look away. I couldn’t stand to see him hurting. “It’s over isn’t it?” he asked me.
I nodded, then said, “Can you think of a way for us to be together and keep Abby out of another horrible foster home? Because if you can, I’d love to hear it.”
“No, I can’t. But, how is this different than before? No one will find out about us, and we’ll be able to care for Abby.” It was like Philip had a turning point. While we’d been together, I always knew he was scared of his job, his license, fearing that word would get out about us, but not being able to stop himself from continuing whatever this was we had.
“What’s the difference? A little girl’s life is at stake here, Philip” I growled out angrily. “That doesn’t compare to your career. She’s nine and has been mistreated or left by everyone who was supposed to protect her. If anyone found out anything, you would lose her, she’d go back in the system. I won’t do that to her too. Even if it does rip my fucking heart out.” I stormed over to the window in the hospital room, yanking back the curtains to see the sun was already beginning to rise. What a way to start this new day. The anger radiated through me, frustrated with the whole fucked-up situation and the selfishness from Philip. How could he be so selfish? Keeping me with him only put Abby at risk. She needed him. I’d gladly move the sun and moon if it meant they would let me keep her, but Daniel was right, which pissed me off. But age was only a number to me, and Abby and I shared a similar past. If given the opportunity, I could care for us both. It was a hard pill to swallow, looking over my shoulder at Philip, knowing deep inside that he would be the perfect person to take care of all of us. The strong man, who’d helped me in countless ways he probably didn’t even know, looked destroyed. It wasn’t him I was really mad at, if I were honest. The situation just sucked. Needing to punch something, I pushed past him, then stopped, whispering before I stormed from the room. “Please, put her first.”