Karsen
“So, what do you want to do with your life now that you’ve got the degree?” The question pulled me out of the dark pit of self-recrimination I’d sunk into after we got in the car and headed back out on the road. It was a long, lonely stretch of deserted back-country road somewhere before Utah turned into Nevada. I hadn’t seen another car for an hour.
I couldn’t believe I’d kissed him.
After everything he’d put me through, after all the time I’d wasted pining for him and trying to forget him, there hadn’t been an ounce of fight in me when his mouth touched mine. Damnit. I’d practically melted into him and it almost hurt when he let me go because all I’d ever wanted was to know what Noah Booker’s arms felt like when they were wrapped tightly around me. It was so much better than I ever imagined. He held me like he never wanted to let me go. He handled me like he was worried I was about to slip through his grasp. There was desperation in his hands and on his tongue . . . but, more importantly, the power that this man had just under the surface was like a drug. And like an addict, I couldn't get enough of it. Finally, having proof he wanted me the way I’d always wanted him weakened my resolve and turned me into a quivering mass of hormones and greedy need.
Softening toward him in any way was such a bad idea. Letting him get close enough to touch was only going to break me once again. My heart was far too fragile for his huge, clumsy hands, but he called me ‘puppy’ and looked at me like I was the best thing to ever happen to him. All my reservations, every one of the hard-won barriers erected around my heart crumbled to dust. He didn’t need to kick in the door to all the places I was determined to keep him out of, I handed over the damn key the second he touched me.
While we ate, the tension had been thick and tense, simmering under the surface. It didn’t help at all when the young waiter mistook us for father and daughter. I watched as Booker immediately sank back into the skin he typically wore around me. The one that put him in the role of protector and guardian instead of potential lover. Too bad I now knew what he looked like with passion-glazed eyes, face flushed with arousal. It was a good look for him, and I was irrationally proud that I’d been the one to put it on his hard, unforgiving face.
“Well? What do you want to do with the rest of your life?” I forgot he had tried to break the silence and draw me out of my maudlin thoughts. Unfortunately, the subject was nearly as depressing as the one currently eating away at my insides.
“I honestly have no idea. When I left the Point, I didn’t have a plan. I still don’t. I was thinking about law school.” I grinned at him across the dark expanse of the car. He told me he would stop after we put a few hundred more miles between us and Colorado, and I was super excited about the idea of a bed and a hot shower. “You know there’s never a shortage for the need of a good defense attorney back home.”
Booker snorted. “Yeah, but you’d be defending people you knew were guilty if you went that route in the city. Can you do that? Considering you’re the princess of the Point, you’ve always had a surprisingly strong opinion about sometimes having to do the wrong thing for the right reasons. I can’t imagine those kinds of ideals would jive well within the traditional law and order communities.”
I sighed and slouched down in the seat. I rolled my head to the side so I could watch the shadows pass over his face as we raced through the night. “I thought of that. I could always practice somewhere other than home. That would keep the personal element out of it.” It would also mean leaving the Point behind, and I wasn’t sure I was fully ready to commit to that just yet. It was so hard to let go of something you loved as much as I loved my broken, dirty city.
He cocked his head to the side and watched me out of the corner of his eye. “Where would you go? Or would you stay in Colorado?” There was more than mere curiosity in his voice, but I couldn’t quite figure out what the other emotion was.
“I love Colorado. It’s beautiful and I have a nice kind of life there.” I loved Ari and the way she’s taken me into her family without question. But it wasn’t home. “I’m glad I left the Point. I never thought I would feel that way, but it was nice to see the kind of life I could have if I left for good. It helped me understand why Race was adamant I go. But I don’t know that it’s where I want to end up. I miss home. I miss my family.” I missed him, but you would have to torture me in order to get me to admit to it. I was supposed to be over him, after all.
“Sometimes it’s hard to recognize the Point as the same place that was on the brink of ruin all those years ago. Bax finds all the guys like him, hopeless, angry, and lost, and he gives them something to do so they don’t get in trouble like he did. He forces them to fix up his cars and he teaches them to fight if they want to get in the circle and earn some cash. Maybe if there had been a guy like him around when I was just starting to run the streets, I might have had a chance to be something more. Nassir and Race have done a good job chasing the worst of the scumbags out of town, and Titus has nearly killed himself getting the police force clean.” Titus King was Bax’s older brother and one of only a handful of dedicated police officers not on the take in the city. He’d given blood, sweat, and tears in order to wrestle control of his precinct back from the dirty cops who infiltrated every corner.
“Nassir’s wife has a system in place to help the girls on the streets find a way out if they want one. You would be shocked if you knew how many former dancers and hookers the cop’s old lady has sent her way. Bax’s girl is making sure the kids with nowhere else to go aren’t forgotten and lost to the system. The boy genius and his crazy chick are doing all kinds of crazy techie stuff, making sure there are eyes everywhere. It’s a lot harder for new bad guys to move in when the criminals already running the city see everything.” He paused for a second and when he spoke again there was something close to pride in his voice. “It’s almost safe enough to walk alone at night now.”
I felt pressure building in my chest and the sudden sting of tears at the back of my eyes. I’d missed all of that by leaving. Missed my city rising from the ashes like a redeemed phoenix all because I couldn’t handle a broken heart.
“I wish I could have been there to see the transformation.” My words came out husky and I had to clear my throat to hide the emotion I couldn’t control.
Booker made a noise and turned his head to look at me. “You’re the reason behind it all, Karsen. The reason the Point changed so much was because of you.”
“What are you talking about?” It was my turn to sound confused and a little something more.
“Everyone wanted it to be a place that was safe for you to come home to. They all wanted the city to be a place you wanted to return . . . a place you wanted to stay. So many people worked to get the Point into the shape you could be proud to call home, where you could settle down and not be scared to start your own family.” His voice lowered and softened as much as his deep growl could. “You are the heiress to the rusted throne.”
I’d never felt like royalty, more like an afterthought, but the Point was a kingdom everyone I loved had bled for. Leaving it behind somehow felt disloyal and wrong. Like I was denying a huge part of who I was, and in the process, abandoning everything I had ever known.
“I never asked for a tiara or a legacy.” In fact, the only thing I’d ever asked for was him.
“Doesn’t matter. It’s yours anyway.”
I sighed. “When I figure out what to do with it and the rest of my life, I’ll be sure to let you know.”
I heard him chuckle. It was a dry, brittle sound, like he didn’t get the chance to laugh very often and didn’t find humor in many things. That sad, crackling noise warmed me up almost as much as the gentle, reverent look on his face after he kissed me.
The fuzzy gray shadows in the car interior were suddenly gone as bright lights from approaching headlights washed over both of us. Booker sat up straighter in the driver’s seat and his eyes snapped to the rearview mirror. His hands curled around the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white. His jaw locked and the scar on his cheek jumped as a muscle twitched with tension.
“Is everything okay?” I twisted around in my seat to try and look out the back window, but Booker shot an arm out and kept me in place.
“Make sure your seatbelt is on. It’s probably nothing.” Those words came out of his mouth but he didn’t sound like he believed them.
I made sure the belt was locked and situated where it was supposed to be. I braced a hand on the dashboard in front of me and put a hand on the roof of the car to steady myself as the sedan lurched forward. Booker’s foot looked like it was trying to push the gas pedal through the floor he was pressing down on it so hard.
“If it’s nothing, why are you suddenly driving like we joined the Indy 500?” I didn’t want my nervousness to show, but my voice was thin and wobbled a little as the question squeaked out.
He didn’t answer me, eyes trained alternately on the road and the mirror. I could tell the car behind us was getting closer because the light reflecting in our car shone brighter.
“In my life, nothing is never nothing. It’s always something bad.” He gritted the words out, muttering something about getting his hands on a sports car next time he needed to outrun someone.
It would probably be a good idea, considering the car behind us was up on our bumper in no time, even though Booker was pushing the sedan so hard the metal around us was vibrating. I heard a powerful engine rev and closed my eyes as our car suddenly jerked so hard it forced my head to snap forward. My teeth clicked together, biting down on the tip of my tongue as the iron tang of blood flooded my mouth.
Booker swore long and loud as his big, scarred hands wrestled with the steering wheel. The car lurched again; the sound of metal grinding against metal was loud enough to make my ears hurt and my head pound. The night flew by around us as Booker fought to keep the car on the road. My heart was lodged firmly in my throat, and I could feel a cold trickle of sweat slide down my spine as I struggled to keep a scream from escaping.
I didn’t want anything to distract Booker as he worked to keep us both alive.
The car rocked violently once more. The car behind us was ramming into the back bumper relentlessly. I dared a peek at the speedometer and gulped when I saw that the needle was buried. I could smell the acrid scent of rubber burning as the tires from both cars fought to grip the road.
“Hold on.” The warning was barked out, and I jumped to obey.
I made sure I was locked in place as best as I could, as the car suddenly wrenched to the right, hitting the shoulder of the road and spinning violently into a skid as the tires underneath us lost traction. I couldn't swallow my scream anymore. It pierced the air, sharp and loud as the world started to spin like a pinwheel. I slammed my eyes closed and forced myself to breathe. I was close to passing out and I was waiting for the crunch of metal and asphalt, the feel of the car tipping end over end. I was sure we were about to flip.
Shadows danced behind my eyelids as lights flickered and died with every breath. My heart was thundering so loudly between my ears, it was deafening.
Nothing happened. The car skidded and danced off the shoulder of the road, sending gravel flying and pinging off the undercarriage as I was tossed from side to side, the seat belt digging painfully into my shoulder and across my hips.
As quickly as it all started, it stopped. The engine revved again and tires squealed as the car that ran us off the road sped off. I pried my eyes open after a few moments of eerie silence and looked over to see Booker shaking in his seat. His eyes were wide and trained on the disappearing tail lights. He was pale in the dim interior and I could see his broad chest was rising and falling rapidly.
If I didn’t know any better, I would say he was scared. But guys like Booker who faced armed assailants and stepped in front of bullets were never scared of anything.
Were they?
“You okay?” His rasp sounded like it was pulled from somewhere deep inside of him and wrapped in razor wire.
I slowly nodded my head.
I was okay, but I was also totally freaked out. That had been deliberate.
Someone tried to run us off the road.
I cleared my throat and put a shaking hand to my chest. “Was that for you or for me? Was that Troy? And do you think he’s coming back?” I really wasn’t up for another midnight car chase after everything else we’d been through today.
He shook his head and lifted his hands off the steering wheel to run them over his face. I noticed they were shaking, and again I wondered how someone who faced death on a daily basis could be so shaken over our near miss. He was supposed to have nerves of steel. “I don’t know who it was for, but I doubt they’ll be back. That was a warning. We can run, but whoever is after us can and will find us.”
We were literally in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. No other cars on the road, no witnesses to our potential demise. How could anyone pinpoint our location like that? My mind was spinning, trying to make sense of it all, and the reality of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. Someone was out to get me, and Race really didn’t want Booker anywhere near me. That was a lot of violence, with me directly in the middle, to wrap my head around. It had been a long time since the instinct to watch my back and treat everyone as the enemy was second nature. I wasn’t sure how I felt about being thrust right into the center of something so dangerous when I’d done my very best to leave that life behind.
I reached out and ran my fingers over the back of his shaking hand. He jerked away and folded the offending tremor into a fist to conceal it. I lifted an eyebrow and asked, “Are you okay?”
He kept the car on the road and upright and kept his cool. He was the reason we were still alive.
Slowly, he shook his head in the negative. “I’m not okay.” The grit in his voice was rough as sandpaper.
Before I could ask him what was wrong, he reached across the space separating us, unclicking my seatbelt so he could pull me up into his arms. His eyes sliced into mine. Serious and focused as he quietly told me, “Nothing can happen to you, Karsen. I’m not sure I could survive it.”
I guess guys like Booker were scared of something after all, because I could feel the fear in his grasping hands and the terror that made him shake when he reached for me.
He was terrified something bad was going to happen to me on his watch and he would be powerless to stop it.
I wanted to tell him it was going to be fine. I wasn’t his responsibility anymore. I was more than capable of taking care of myself, but the words died when his talented, tempting mouth landed on mine. In that moment, sitting in the car that would have been in a ditch somewhere it not for Booker, I forgot the fact I’d nearly died. Every single part of my body came alive at his touch.