Booker
I had no idea how Karsen could want me after everything I’d just laid at her feet.
When we first met, I knew a lot of her infatuation came from the fact I saved her, took a bullet meant for her sister. The hero worship went a long way to cover up all of my most glaring flaws.
Now she knew I was weak. A man made from the circumstances a kid couldn’t fight out of. I couldn’t protect myself when it mattered most. There was no reason for her to view me as anything but another victim, a tragedy that really had no end in sight. But there wasn’t an ounce of pity in her better-than-brown eyes. The only sign my story had hurt her were the tear streaks on her cheeks and the way her long eyelashes spiked together with moisture. I was so certain hearing where I came from and showing I had never been a man in control of anything, even my destiny, would kill whatever lingering crush she had on me. Where I was from, and where I was going, were both places that had no room for someone as sweet and as hopeful as Karsen Carter. She deserved to be in the kind of art that hung in famous museums in Paris, not the kind that was hastily painted on the side of crumbling buildings and quick-moving trains.
Despite knowing how much better she could do, and despite feeling raw and exposed after telling her about how I ended up on her doorstep, I still only asked for one room at the cheap motel when I checked us in. It was a mistake. We both knew that. But it was one we were going to make willingly. Falling together when her life was in danger and while mine hung precariously in the balance was no better than falling for one another when she was too young to understand how dangerous it would be for her. The timing was never right, never in our favor, but now, we were diving in. Damn the consequences. This was a mistake we were making together with eyes wide open. One we’d been ready to make since the first time our tumultuous lives intersected.
The room was surprisingly clean and had the overwhelming scent of lemon disinfectant lingering in the air. I watched as Karsen let out a relieved breath when she noticed there were no bloodstains on the carpet and the comforter on the bed actually looked pretty new and mostly untouched. I threw her suitcase on the bed and hefted my own duffel bag to my shoulder, tilting my head in the direction of the small bathroom. Sure, I wanted to get my hands all over her long, lean body. I wanted to jump at the chance to finally know what it felt like to have those slender curves under me while she writhed and moaned in pleasure. But I’d also been trapped in a car all day after a night of zero sleep, had disarmed a tweaked-out gunman, and narrowly escaped a hit and run at high speeds in the dark. I was supposed to be unflappable and unmovable. However, the minute Karsen was in danger, all of that went out the window and every nerve I had started to shake. Stress sweat was twice as bad as regular sweat, and I could smell myself from a mile away.
Karsen gave me a curious look when I turned toward the bathroom. I could see her watching me in the mirror hanging over the sinks outside the bathroom door. She didn’t look mad, just slightly curious and maybe a little tired. She’d been through the wringer right alongside me. I promised myself that I would leave her alone if she was asleep when I was done with my shower. Even sleeping next to her for the night was far more than I’d ever thought I’d get, and that would be enough to make the happy memory she talked about making for us to hold onto when times were tough. Times were always tough. I would have to hold tonight for when things were unsalvageable. Otherwise, it was all I was going to think about.
The hot water felt amazing. Even if I had to duck a bit to fit under the showerhead—one of the pitfalls of being so big in places made for normal-sized men. Finally, some of the tension that kept my shoulders locked and my neck so tight started to release. I scrubbed my short hair and rubbed my hands over my bristly face. I usually kept the whiskers to a minimum. The side where my scar was grew in patchy and not altogether even. The last thing I needed was to draw more attention to that part of my face. I couldn’t remember if I packed a razor or not, and as clean as this motel seemed, I doubted they were the kind of facility that had toiletries on hand for guests. The scruff was going to have to stay until I found the time and the means to take care of it. It wasn’t the worst thing ever. Altering my appearance was a good way to keep whoever was trying to track down Karsen on their toes.
I looked down at my dick. I was already half hard and wanting. Between the fevered kiss in the parking lot, and the handful of Karsen in the front seat of the car, the poor thing was feeling left out and lonely. Not anything new, but for once the thought of taking the problem into my own hand didn’t appeal to me at all. Not with the young woman who inspired so many of my jerk-off fantasies in the next room. Grumbling under my breath about bad timing and a lifetime of terrible luck, I ran soapy hands over my chest and the cut lines of my stomach.
I was still considering taking my cock in my soapy hands and chasing down some quick relief when the shower curtain was pulled back and I ended up face to face with a very naked, very beautiful Karsen Carter.
I had to blink the water out of my eyes to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. I was turning to fully face her when she put a hand on my shoulder and told me to hold still. She used her hold on me as leverage to climb into the shower behind me, yanking the curtain closed behind her.
“I guess it’s only fair you get to run away from me. I did a pretty good job running away from you when it came time to put up or shut up.” I wordlessly handed over the bar of soap I was loosely holding when she made a gesture with her hand.
I nearly jumped out of my skin at the first touch of her hands on my shoulders as they slipped and slid over the heavy muscles of my back. I didn’t bother to stifle a moan of appreciation when her strong fingers dug into the coiled muscles at the base of my neck.
“I wasn’t running anywhere. I smelled bad and I was giving you space to change your mind.” I was trying to do the right thing. It wasn’t something I’d ever been taught how to do, of course, so I was bound to screw that up.
“I’ve had four years to change my mind, Booker. If there was a way for me to kill all the feelings I have for you, I haven’t found it yet. And believe me, I looked everywhere. I’ve done everything I can think of to show you I want you, want this. I guess all that’s left for me to do is take it.” Words, even spoken so clearly and so sure, could be misconstrued. Actions I understood. Actions didn’t lie.
I sighed when I felt her lips brush the back of my neck and shivered when her slick hands skidded over the curve of my ass. I knew what she could see when she saw me bare and on display like this. A big body littered with healed bullet wounds, scars from being stabbed and sliced open, abraded flesh that healed wrong after it was torn from my body. I masked some of it with tattoos, most of them hastily done while I was locked up. A few were more professional and actually looked good. None of them covered up all the battle scars that ran beneath. It wasn’t a pretty sight by any means, but Karsen touched me like she was handling one of those priceless works of art. No one, not a single soul in my entire life had ever put their hands on me in such a gentle, reverent way. I could feel my knees shaking, my heart struggling to keep up with my frantic thoughts that were ready to put the entire world at this woman’s feet.
“I’m a fucking mess, Karsen.” The admission flew out before I could think to stop it. I squeezed my eyes shut and leaned forward until my forehead touched the tiles that rested under the showerhead. “I don’t mean my face or the rest of my body. I mean my head. My insides. My future. All of it is so fucking ugly and bleak. I’m a giant black hole, a huge void, and it is selfish and wrong of me to ever want to pull you into any of that.”
She didn’t say anything for a long time, just continued washing my back, even going so far as to drop to her knees behind me so she could run the soap up and down my legs. My cock was throbbing, harder than it had ever been, and already leaking from the engorged head. I knew it would take only a couple of good tugs and I would be painting the tiles in front of me with my release. My balls were raised up tight to my body, and every place she touched zinged with a mini electrical current that felt like it went right between my legs.
“What if I’m not being pulled in, Booker? What if I’m walking in willingly?” Her melodic tone was rougher than normal.
I was going to ask her what she meant by that when she suddenly climbed to her feet and draped herself against my back. All that smooth skin pressed against mine nearly had the top of my head coming off. I could feel the twin points of her nipples driving into either side of my spine and the soft press of her sex into my ass. When she reached around in front of me and wrapped a hand around my painfully erect dick, I almost let loose and came on the spot.
I had to count backward from one hundred to keep myself from exploding at her first tug on my dick. Involuntarily, I growled from low in my chest and moved my legs farther apart so she had more room to work.
“Between you and me, I like the Point just the way it is. Yes, I’m glad it’s safer for women and children, and yes, I’m glad people don’t have to live in fear for their lives every single day. I love that it’s turning into a place people want to stay and a place people want to be. But I liked it a little rough and broken. I liked it unpredictable and wild. I liked that you had to fight for your right to call the Point home. None of the dirt or danger ever bothered me.”
Her lips kissed along my shoulders and lingered for a second on my spine.
The sensation of her lips made my eyes cross as much as the way her thumb slowly circling the leaking slit at the tip of my cock did. Her touch was steady and strong. She wasn’t playing around. She had to know how close I was. Every time she squeezed the shaft, the heavy, thick flesh would jump eagerly in her palm. When she traced the pulsing vein that ran along the bottom with a barely there brush of her knuckles, my hips kicked forward into her hand, fucking into her fist, which of course made me immediately think of fucking her. Her hand was good, soft, warm, and tight. There was no way it could ever compare to the heaven found between her legs.
“You were safe, Karsen. You had Race and Bax at your back from the second you stepped into the Point. Most people don’t have that. They could never see the Point the same way you do.”
I felt her nod, her forehead tapping right between my shoulder blades as she continued to jack me off. I was struggling to breathe, eyes screwed tightly shut so this wasn’t over before it even started. This was the most insane and erotic hand job I’d ever received.
“Right. I know that. But I’m saying it’s all about perspective. Other people see the Point as this awful place full of crime and terrible people. To me, it was always home. It’s where I felt the safest and most loved.” Her warm breath hit the back of my ear as she put a hand on my shoulder and used her grip to lift herself onto her toes. A whole-body shiver shook me like a leaf. “The Point is beautiful if you look at it from where I’m standing, Booker.” Her teeth latched onto my earlobe and I hissed her name through clenched teeth. I didn’t want to know how the shy little girl, the one who used to follow me around with puppy-dog eyes, learned to be such a talented seductress. All that would do is add to my already-high body count.
“Are you comparing me to the Point, Karsen?” One of her hands was trailing along the sharp V on the side of my abs and working its way over my flank. My thigh muscles flexed in response, and I felt her smile on the side of my neck. My hands curled into fists as that wandering hand found its way between splayed legs and started to lightly stroke my balls. My dick was already hard enough to pound nails. The added stimulation pulled an embarrassing whine from my throat. I bit the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood so I didn’t come in her hand the second she started to fondle the tender sac hidden between my legs.
“I’m telling you that I know you’ve got bad inside you, Booker. It’s painted all over this big body of yours. I know you’ve got darkness inside of you, a lot of it. I know it drives you and influences the choices you make. I’ve always known that. But from where I’m at, I can also see the good in you. I know there’s light inside, even if I’m the only one who can see it. You know why I can see all of that when no one else can?” Her voice was almost as raspy as mine when she asked the question.
It was hard to answer when I felt the edge of her teeth bite into the side of my neck. She twisted the hand she was using to stroke my cock, rolling her palm enticingly over the now soaked and slippery head. Even the water cooling down did little to rein in the pulsating arousal.
“Because you know you’re safe with me. You know I would never hurt you if there was any other option. You know I’d die to protect you. You can see me in a way no one else can.” I wasn’t the smartest guy around. Not by a long shot. I operated on instinct and the overriding need for survival. There was no missing her point, though. No way to misunderstand what she was trying to tell me.
“You are beautiful to me, Noah. You always have been. I never even needed to look very hard to see it. It was always right there, directly in front of me. I may have forgotten it for a while, because you did hurt me. So badly. But as soon as I saw you again, I remembered why I could never look away from you all those years ago.”
She started a slow grind against my back. Our slippery skin finding no traction and only serving to work us both up to the point we were shaking, quaking, and barely holding on. It was as amazing as it was frustrating. I needed more. More of her touch. More of her skin. More of her mouth. More of everything.
“I’ve fucked up a lot in my life. I’ve made more bad choices than good ones. I need you to know what happened that night . . . it wasn’t all on me. I’ve told you a thousand times I wouldn’t hurt you on purpose. I need you to believe me.” I was so close to begging. Begging her to forgive me. Begging her to get on her knees. Begging her to go to bed. Begging her for release. Begging her to be mine in all the ways we’d never been able to be before tonight.
“But you did hurt me on purpose.” She sounded frustrated and annoyed. I didn’t want to kill the mood but I had to make her understand.
“I know I did. And I always hoped you were smart enough and knew me well enough to know the only reason I could ever do that was if I didn’t have a choice.” I always wanted her to believe in me and the one time she really needed to, she’d walked away instead.
I could feel hesitation in her touch, but it quickly vanished under renewed determination to have this moment that had been hovering between us forever.
“I don’t want to talk about that night. I want to finish this with you.” She reached past me and cranked off the water. I turned around to face her, reaching out and putting my hands on her hips so I could pull her close.
I groaned when her softness lined up so perfectly with every line of my hardness. My cock kicked happily against her belly, leaving a streak of wetness that brought out something primal and fierce inside of me.
“You can finish in my mouth, or we can go to bed. Your choice.” She lifted an eyebrow and wrapped her arms around my neck.
It was on the tip of my tongue to say both, but considering that was impossible, I was going to take her to bed. If this was the single good memory I was allowed to have, then I wanted all of it.
Instead of giving her an answer, I put a hand under the swell of her nicely toned ass and hefted her up. She obediently wrapped her legs around my waist and held on tight as I maneuvered us out of the shower and bathroom. Our mouths fused the minute we were face to face, and I let myself sink into the kiss as my dick happily bounced against her silken center. One little push and the tip would be coated in her damp desire. One tiny thrust and I would have her heat wrapped around me, coating my cock in velvet softness and burning passion. None of that was going to happen. I promised to take care of her. To protect her from anything, which included my sex-fogged brain and rampant lust. I paused just long enough to dig a condom from my duffel bag, then headed for the bed.
Even though the comforter looked clean, Karsen had tossed it on the floor. It was a good rule of thumb. No one usually washed comforters or wiped down remote controls in motel rooms. She rocked her tongue in and out of my mouth, making me chase her. She pressed her lips as tightly into mine as she could, rolling her hips with each step that brought us closer to the bed.
Instead of tossing her into the center when I reached our destination, I followed her down as her back hit the mattress. I pushed the foil packet into her hand and gave her the rough order to put it on me. She arched an eyebrow at the demand, but still complied. I kissed her lip when she pulled the plump curve between her teeth as she tried to concentrate on her task. I felt her heels dig into the groove at the base of my spine on either side of my ass and found myself rocking into her hands impatiently. Her hands glided down my cock like feathers, stopping to trace the thick veins that felt like they were going to burst after so much foreplay and so many years of waiting.
Once she had me fully covered, I felt her lift up, wetness dragging along my eager length. Her multi-hued eyes glowed up at me, and a grin that had every little thing that ever mattered to me inside of it, touched her mouth as she whispered, “Take me. I’ve been waiting a long time for you to make me yours, Noah.”
My name shouldn’t have been the sexiest, most alluring part of that sentence.
But it was.
Nowhere near strong enough to deny her, and well past the point of being able to control myself, I let my weight carry me down, sinking my body inside hers with an effortless slide. I gasped at the first clench of her body around mine. I forgot to breathe when she used the long legs wrapped around my back to pull me deeper inside of her. I lost track of everything, who I was, where I was, how I’d gotten here, when I bottomed out inside of her, making her yelp my name.
I wanted to kiss her. To tell her how special this moment was. I wanted her to know I’d never had sex that meant a damn thing to me before her. I needed her to understand this was the greatest gift I’d ever been given, but it’d been too long without her. I wasn’t the kind of guy who could string those words together, so I did my best to show her instead.
Instead of fucking her into the mattress like my body was screaming at me to do, I methodically started to kiss her face. Every curve, every ridge, every dimple and peak. I rolled my hips, taking her slowly, reverently, thoroughly, and as completely as I could. There wasn’t a single part of her free of my touch. I was going to burn my memory on every single inch of her, so she would never forget.
She rocked her hips up to meet each thrust, making impatient mewling sounds low in her throat. Her fingernails raked over my scalp and her legs locked like a vise around my waist. I could feel her body quivering and shuddering around mine. Each thrust, every withdrawal, pushing her closer to the edge. I could feel her desire building in the way she tightened and fluttered around my pounding cock. She was irresistibly responsive and so open with what she liked. She wasn’t afraid to tell me I was going too slow, that she needed it harder, faster, deeper. I did my best to give it all to her, while I continued to caress every other part of her with my mouth.
Eventually the buildup was too much to take. I was already on the edge from our shower and the days spent forcing my way back into her life. When she started panting and pulling on my ass like she was trying to merge our bodies into one, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I was right there, hovering so close to going over, but there was no way I was going to let that happen before taking care of her.
I shifted, putting my hands on her shoulder blades and pulling her up with me as I rose to my knees, so she was straddling my lap, much like she had been in the car earlier. I watched her eyes pop wide, both at the effortless show of strength and at how deep and precise I could get in this position. Her long eyelashes fluttered as the flared head of my cock hit the spot inside of her guaranteed to make her see stars.
She tossed her head back, and I finally got my wish to feel the waterfall of her nearly white hair cascading all over my naked thighs. It was so much better without clothes in the way like they had been when she was perched on top of me in the car. It was good. So much better than I imagined. But that was true for pretty much everything about her.
I helped her move, hands on her ass lifting her up and letting her fall as I pulled one of her pert nipples into my mouth. I sucked hard as she rode me for all she was worth. We were both panting and shiny with sweat. Every time she gasped my name I was sure I was going to come, but by some miracle I held out until her eyes got heavy and her face flushed with a rush of pleasure.
She was finally as close to going over as I was. Finally, she was ready to surrender to the undeniable want and need that had kept us both in a chokehold for far too long.
Unsure of my own breaking point, I wiggled a hand between our writhing bodies and managed to reach the place where we were joined. I loved how hot she was under my fingers. I nearly choked when I felt the way my cock had her spread open, so wide and willing. When I got my fingers on her clit, her entire body started to vibrate. Her eyes drifted closed and her rhythm sped up. Her breaths were coming in short, sharp pants as she wantonly ground our bodies together.
I could feel the second she unraveled. Her entire body went liquid and limp in my arms. Her chest lifted and fell rapidly, pushing the nipple I was torturing even farther into my greedy mouth. The rhythmic pulsations along the entirety of my still-rigid cock by her tender, inner walls immediately pulled my own orgasm out of my very willing body. It felt like I came forever, my dick throbbing and shooting ropes of cum into the flooded condom.
Sex was never like this for me. Any intimacy I allowed was quick and normally perfunctory. It wasn’t messy and involved. It wasn’t something I felt in every part of my body, not just my satisfied cock. It wasn’t something that felt like it turned me inside out and then put me back the way I was always supposed to be. And it definitely wasn’t something that wiped away over thirty years of horrible memories and mistakes.
I sighed and leaned forward until my forehead touched Karsen’s. “That was beyond worth waiting for. I will never forget this night.”
I felt her nod and let myself get lost in her embrace when her arms wrapped tightly around my neck.
I had no clue where either of us went from this point. But wherever she ended up, I was bound and determined to make sure she retained the ability and optimism to see it as beautiful and worthwhile.