Booker
I was a man who had made a lot of mistakes in my life. I bore scars I couldn’t and wouldn’t hide. I learned to live with the consequences and repercussions from those poor decisions. I’d long ago accepted my life was going to be a certain way due to my choices, no matter how desperately I wished for something different.
The biggest mistake, the one haunting me, the one eating away at what little soul I had left, was currently standing in front of me. She was looking at me like she wanted to rip my balls off and feed them to me. She also had a killer right hook. I should know. I was the one who taught her how to throw it. Race gave her the basics, but I taught her how to fight dirty and mean.
Unfortunately, I knew all too well I was the one who put the vacant, empty look in her tawny-colored eyes. I always liked her eyes. They were a hundred different shades of brown from nearly black to gold. They were the one part of her that fit in with the Point. Wild, expressive, demanding, and longing, her gaze always gave her away. It didn’t matter that the rest of her looked like she should be on the Disney Channel singing songs about princes and falling in love with love. Her eyes told you that there was more to Karsen Carter than you could ever imagine. I’d always seen more than I was supposed to when I looked at her. It was a mistake, one I knew was going to pay dearly for when the people who protected her found out I couldn’t stay away any longer. However, I was beyond worrying about the fallout for caring about this girl, no . . . this young woman.
I didn’t lie.
I had waited for her long enough.
She crossed her arms over her chest and I noticed how much she had changed in the four years she’d been gone.
She still had the long-legged, lean look that always brought to mind Taylor Swift. Something I’d overheard others say, so assumed was accurate. She was taller than when I last stood face to face with her, and her hair was longer now. It fell in long, platinum waves to her mid-back. And her face had narrowed, losing some of the youthful roundness that always made her appear so soft and innocent. Her multi-hued eyes were still alight with life and defiance. They were the only feature setting her apart from any other coed on campus. Anyone paying attention to those eyes would see this girl was so much older and wiser than her paltry twenty-two years.
At the moment, those amazing eyes were practically glowing with inner fire as she glared at me, clearly not as interested in this reunion as I was. It was on the tip of my tongue to tell her everything, but I couldn’t—I wouldn’t do that to her. Girls like Karsen believed in heroes and happily ever afters. I refused to be the one to take her optimism away from her. She didn’t need to know that people who shined so brightly in her world weren’t stars that lit up the night sky, but rather falling stars on their way to burning out before they crashed into Earth, just like the rest of us.
“You’ve been waiting for me?” Her voice was sharp as she bit out a laugh so bitter and broken I could feel the edges of it against my skin. “Waited for me to do what, Booker? Grow up? Wake up? Waited for me to forget?” She sucked in a breath and put a shaking hand to the center of her chest. “Because hell will freeze over before that happens. I never wanted to see you again. I never went back because I never, ever wanted to see you again. Surely you had to realize that. You need to leave. I don’t want you anywhere near me.” Her hands moved in front of her as if she was subconsciously trying to ward me off.
I was a bad guy. But I’d never hurt her . . . at least, not physically. I wasn’t any kind of threat to her, regardless of the way I approached her unannounced.
I knew if I had simply knocked on her door she wouldn’t have answered.
Her words sliced through me and her defensive actions nearly brought me to my knees. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but I couldn’t stay away anymore. I had to see her, even if it was the last time. I didn’t care if coming after her was signing my death warrant. I didn't care that she was still too good for me, too innocent and sweet. I wasn’t worried I made her hate me. I was used to people feeling that way about me. She was the only one who had ever loved me. Which was why watching her walk away had almost killed me.
In my life, I’d been shot, stabbed, beaten, and tortured. I couldn’t remember any of those things hurting as much as seeing the damage I did to Karsen up close and personal. I knew I was going to break her heart. I didn’t have a choice. But seeing the long-term effects of my actions still clinging to her, lingering with her, it burned somewhere deep inside of me. I felt it right next to the place that had been empty and hollow the second she left.
I lifted a hand and ran my fingers over my scar. It was a bad habit, one I mostly controlled, unless I was extremely anxious over something. There wasn’t much in this world that pushed me toward my nervous twitch. The young blonde in front of me was—and would always be—the exception to the rule. Even when she was way too young to make me nervous, I still found myself touching my face as a reminder there were some mistakes that stuck with you forever.
Realizing I needed to rein in this situation, I dropped back a step so she wasn’t as crowded and tried to relax my always rigid and alert stance. When you were nearly six-and-a-half-feet tall and built to take beatings and bullets, looking nonthreatening wasn’t exactly an option. The slender young woman watching me like a hawk was the only one who ever acted like she saw something beyond the battle scars and armor I showed to the rest of the world.
“I know I hurt you . . .” It was lame. Weak. But it was also true. I knew I hurt her. I meant to. It was the only way to get her to go. It was the only way to give Race what he wanted. It was the only way to keep my ass out of jail. But she’d had time—four years, to be exact—she’d had space, she lived a whole life without me or the Point in it. I was hoping the distance may have brought clarity, the realization I would never have done what I did without a damn good reason. But looking at her furious face, I understood I’d been existing on wishful thinking and false hope for far too long.
Karsen’s pale eyebrows shot up and her pretty, pink mouth dropped open like the hinges on her jaw had suddenly stopped working. Another one of those ugly laughs that shouldn’t come from such a pretty girl shot out of her mouth. Slowly, her head shook back and forth as if she couldn’t believe I not only had the audacity to sneak into her home, but to speak of our shared history in such simple terms.
“You did not hurt me, Booker.” She pointed a shaking finger at my stinging face. I was going to have a bruise and probably a partial shiner. I was proud of her for defending herself. I was glad living in a place where she could breathe without choking on pollution and corruption hadn’t made her soft or complacent. “You annihilated me. The girl I was before doesn’t exist anymore, and that sucks, because she was pretty damn special.”
I blinked at her in confusion.
She looked the same. Older, slightly more polished and pulled together, but she was still the same stunning girl I’d been carefully dancing my way around since she was sixteen. “Who are you now?”
She scoffed at me and rolled her eyes. “I’m a girl who’s homesick—and a woman who’s sick of my home—all because you’re there. I’ve wished every day for the past four years that I’d never met you.”
Ouch. Direct hit.
Most of the people I encountered on a daily basis felt that way about me, but not her. Before I’d done what I did, Karsen always went out of her way to make sure everyone in her life knew just how happy she was to see me and spend time with me. If only she’d been older, or I’d been younger, things would never have been as tenuous and complicated between us. Our timing was never right, but now, time was up. I had to see her before I finally let her go for good.
I wanted to reach for her but had a feeling she would run—or punch me again—if I did. Instead, I plowed aggravated fingers through my hair and looked down at the floor. I was not a contrite person. I did not apologize, because I rarely felt sorry for the shit I did. I lived a hard life and people got hurt. It was just the way it was, but I never wanted Karsen to be a casualty. If I had a choice, I would have prevented it, but I didn’t, so here we were.
“But we did meet. And there is no going back for either of us. I won’t ever forget you, and I know you haven’t forgotten me.” The refrain had echoed in my head for the last four years. She might hate me, but she was never going to forget me. I could work with it. I’d made do with less most of my life.
“I can try. What do you think I’ve been doing for the last four years?” She tilted her delicate nose in the air and looked down at me haughtily. That was new. She never pulled the ice queen act before. It was something I wondered if she’d learned from her sister. Brysen had icy down pat.
I sighed and rolled my head to the side until my neck cracked. The noise was loud, sounding almost like a gunshot in the quiet room. I watched her eyes widen, and because she could never hide anything in those eyes, I saw a flash of concern battle against the anger in her gaze.
“You were supposed to love your new life.” My voice was low, the rasp more pronounced than usual. “You were supposed to find someone who made you happy, something that put a smile on your face. You were supposed to build a life that was shiny and fulfilling. You were supposed to do anything but miss home and everything you left behind.” Race was determined that she had a way out, that she got to see what else was out there. He wanted her to have a chance at something more, something better, even though she never asked for more than she already had.
Her teeth snapped together and I could hear her molars grinding. Her hands curled into fists and she took a jerky step forward. I was tempted to let her hit me again if it meant she was close enough to touch. I wanted her hands on me any way I could get them. I’d finally given myself permission to show her all the things I’d always seen while looking at her . . . and I was more than likely going to end up six-feet under for the reveal.
“Have you been watching me? How do you know my life isn’t exactly the way I want it? What has Race told you?” Her spine stiffened and her shoulders straightened.
She was ready to do battle, but she was the last person I wanted to fight. I was tired of constantly being at war with everything and everyone in my life. I was ready to wave the white flag and surrender, but it wouldn’t get me anywhere with this girl. She wouldn’t respect weakness.
“Race doesn’t tell me shit. I don’t talk to him. I don’t have anything to do with him, and I know things here aren’t anything like your family thought they’d be . . . because if they were, you would be staying instead of fighting against everything inside of you begging to go back. You miss home, but you won’t let yourself plan a future there, even if that’s what you really want. You’re scared, Karsen. Scared the Point forgot all about you and doesn’t need you anymore. Here it doesn’t matter. Here, no one cares if you’re around to make things better because there are a thousand other idealists ready to stand up for what's right.” I smirked and drawled, “Of course I haven’t been watching you.” If I had, there was no way in hell I would have been able to stay away from her. I would’ve chased away and beat the fuck out of every frat boy and hipster who hit on her. I would’ve forced her to figure out what made her happy so she wasn’t simply going through the motions and living the life Race wanted for her instead of one she fought for herself. But just because I wasn’t watching, didn’t mean I didn’t have eyes on every single move she made.
Her eyebrows puckered in confusion and I could see her trying to figure out why my voice shook with barely checked fury when I talked about her soon-to-be brother-in-law. Race was her hero.
Too bad he was my goddamn nightmare.
“How can you have nothing to do with Race? Don’t you work for him?” Her head cocked to the side, curiosity evident in every word, chasing away some of her anger.
I grunted and ran my fingers over my scar again. “I work for Nassir.” I refused to take orders from that golden-haired asshole after he pushed me into a very tight corner and orchestrated the breaking of Karsen’s heart. Luckily, I didn’t have the same issues with his business partner, Nassir Gates. In fact, I liked working for the man they called the Devil. There was no question Nassir was a killer and a crook. What you saw was exactly what you got with him—not the case with Race. The fair-haired criminal was much more unassuming and insidious. I hadn’t seen his attack coming, and I hated being blindsided. If Karsen didn’t look at him like he was her saving grace, I would’ve put the former rich kid down without a second thought. He had it coming.
“Nassir and Race work together. How can you work for one and not the other?” She was asking questions she didn’t want the answers to.
I sighed and swore under my breath. “Nassir needs shit done; I do it. I spend most of my time running security for his clubs. That’s it. He pays the bills, not Hartman.” But sometimes things needed to get down and dirty . . . and bloody. I didn’t mind those times, as long as they didn’t benefit the golden king of the Point in any way. I didn’t care if his part of the kingdom burned, but it would devastate Karsen, so I stayed away from the fire and refused to be tempted by the flickering flames.
“Did Race do something you find morally objectionable?” She snickered at me, like she found it unbelievable there was actually a line I wouldn’t cross.
I shook my head and let my hands drop. I didn’t want to talk about her hero, but I should have known it was going to be impossible. “No. Race and I just don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things.” Namely her. I always believed she was smart enough and strong enough to know what she wanted. He insisted on insulating her, protecting her by taking her choices away. He manipulated her the same way he manipulated the people he did business with, and he was so damn charming and slick, no one ever realized they were being hustled. Including Karsen. “It’s better for everyone if we keep our distance.”
She made a noise. “I wish you would’ve kept your distance from me.”
That made my gut twist. Not too long ago she wasn’t allowed to get close. Now she could, and she wanted to be as far away from me as possible.
“Karsen,” I wasn’t good with words. I was an action guy. That’s why I was here. Race was going to kill me as soon as he realized I was gone, but she mattered too much for me to stay away. She had to know how much I cared about her when she was still living in the Point—even when I wasn’t supposed to. I was trying to figure out what to say next when the tension popping back and forth between us like a live current was broken by Karsen’s phone trilling with some obnoxious pop song.
I bit back a groan. The peppy, catchy song I didn’t have a hope in hell of recognizing was a reminder that no matter how much history existed between us, she was still so much younger than me. Still so harmless and untainted. I needed to see her again to prove to myself I did the right thing by letting her go all those years ago.
She pulled the device out of her pocket, eyes flickering to me before turning her back and answering the call.
“Hey, Ari. What’s up?” The genuine affection in her voice for the roommate made me smile. I knew all about the bubbly brunette with the cop for an older brother. She was a good match for Karsen. She helped bring her out of her shell, and she was fiercely protective of her friend. The pint-sized firecracker had terrible taste in men, but as long as her choices didn’t bleed onto my girl, I didn’t worry about them rooming together.
Suddenly, she stiffened and a new kind of tension started to swirl around her. “What do you mean, he hit you?!” Her shriek made the hairs on the back of my neck lift. She stalked out of the room without looking back to see if I was following, her raised voice echoing around the empty walls of her apartment. “No. You stay right there. I’m coming to get you. I understand why you don’t want Dom involved, but you need to call him.”
There was chatter on the other end of the phone and I could distinctly hear the sound of a woman crying. Whatever was going on wasn’t good and there was no way I was letting Karsen get in the middle of it without someone at her back.
“Ten minutes. I’ll be there in ten. If I see Troy I’m going to kick his ass. How dare he put his hands on you.” She swore and shifted gears faster than I could keep up. Suddenly soothing, she muttered, “I know, sweetie. You do deserve better. He absolutely should go to jail. Call your brother.”
She was at the front door slipping on a pair of fuzzy looking boots when I caught up with her. I grabbed her elbow and she gasped like she had forgotten I was there. She looked down at my fingers and then up at my face. Her jaw was locked and her eyes were blazing with emotion. I was sure she was going to shake me off and tell me to go to hell, but she didn’t.
“Since you’re here, make yourself useful and come with me so you can do the only thing you’re good at.” She jerked her arm free and stormed out the door.
I followed behind her, eyebrows lifted as I asked, “What exactly is it that I’m good at?”
“Hurting people. I want you to hurt him so bad he can’t ever put his hands on anyone ever again.” She sounded serious and cold.
Those first two words hurt me more than they should have . . . but she was right. Hurting people was all I’d ever known. But hearing her say that out loud, yeah, that sucked and forced me to realize that while I’d needed to see her again. She really had done her best to shove me so far down in her memories she couldn’t recall how careful I’d always been with her.
You could take the girl out of the Point, but you could never take the Point out of the girl. Her verbal combat skills were sharp and deadly.
I grunted and followed her out of the apartment. I was good at hurting people, I just had to figure out how to convince her I never wanted to hurt her again, that I’d never wanted to hurt her in the first place.