My final weeks in the camp dragged. Without Penny around, I felt lost. Before, even after the funeral and even though we hadn’t really been together, I’d woken each day with a feeling of cautious joy, mostly I guessed due to looking forward to seeing her. But it wasn’t just that, I thought, everything felt a little bit more possible, doable, my life had more meaning with her around.

Yet that had all dissipated the moment she’d left. The work kept me busy, and there was always more of it—but without her cheerful face around the days were interminably long. The squad kept up their usual heavy drinking, heavy joking schedule, but I found myself taking more and more walks along the perimeter—often stopping at the spot where Penny and I had shared that ferociously intense goodbye.

I wanted to believe that I could let her go, just say my goodbyes and that would be that, but it hadn’t worked out that way. She remained lodged in my heart.

“What would Frederick want you to do?” Vicky’s voice twittered in my head. I ignored her and it’s suggestion.

But that didn’t halt the on-going thoughts of Penny. I missed her in the way I assumed those who lost a limb must feel. There was a space by my side that now felt empty, a gap in my sense of self that I hadn’t ever known existed. I could only assume that this was love, and though it was improbable, impossible, and downright unthinkable I wanted her, and only her for the rest of my life. Thoughts of her bearing my children were running around in my head too. Goddammit, why hadn’t I done something more, said something more?

Everyone noticed my moods, but they were tactful enough to leave me to them. I had never been more grateful to my squad than I was right then, and hoped that they assumed my short-tempered moods were because this was now officially my last posting.

It had all been confirmed.

When the time came for us to pack up and go home, I was almost falling apart inside. Life without Penny seemed unbearable—and the life I was going back to was not one I would wish on anyone. My squad, as well as the staff I’d come to know in the camps, of course gave me the obligatory drunken send-off, though I wasn’t in my right mind to celebrate and ended up drowning my sorrows for most of the night.

Angel sought me out even though I’d managed to find a quiet corner where I could get blissfully rat-arsed by myself.

“I was about to ask you if you wanted another drink, Captain, but it looks like you’re well on your way.”

I tried to smile, but I’m sure it just ended up looking like a grimace on my face. She sat down and I rose my glass to meet hers. “Robert, you can call me Robert,” I said, my words slightly slurred.

“Ah, but Captain does have a delicious ring to it,” she said with a chuckle.

I arched a quizzical eyebrow at her. “If I didn’t know you any better I would say that you were flirting with me.”

She laughed and gave me a quick nudge on the arm. “Oh, honey, I’m far too old for you. Besides, there would be no point.”

“And why’s that?” I covered my mouth and tried to hide a hiccup.

“Cherie, because your heart is already taken.”

No truer words had been spoken and I nodded in agreement.

Kindly, she placed a warm hand on top of mine.

“There’s nothing stopping you now. You should go after her, make the both of you happy… if only she’d known that your service was ending so soon,” she said wistfully. “Why didn’t you tell her?”

“It’s not that simple, Angel.”

“Well, no, I didn’t think it was. There’s always more to the story, and I think Penny knew that too, knew you were holding something back, ‘cause it didn’t make sense to me why you’d let her go even though you knew you’d be going home soon, and especially when it was clear you both fell hard for each other. What on earth was so important that could keep you from being happy?” she asked, and for a second I asked myself the same question.

But then I remembered, as a mountain of traditions, responsibility, and propriety tumbled down upon me, crushing even the slightest trace of rebellion.

“I know it seems ridiculous to an outsider, but it can’t be helped. There are things… insurmountable obstacles that are beyond even my capabilities to overcome.”

Angel sighed and I took a swig of my drink, hissing under my breath as the harsh liquid burned down my throat.

“That seems unlikely,” she said kindly. “But you obviously have your reasons to not even fight.”

Her words were said gently, but they had an underlying hardness to them too, and I had to admit they stung. Had I been a coward not to go up against my family and fight for Penny? To do what Frederick so clearly wanted me to do; to be happy and damn the consequences?

The empty, pit-like feeling in my stomach told me that I had been. I’d let her slip through my fingers and would no doubt regret it for the rest of my life.

Angel got to her feet and I did the same. Surprisingly she gave me a warm hug. “You take care of yourself, Captain. It’s been a pleasure working with you.”

I nodded and returned the hug. “Same to you, Angel.”

Angel was a few steps away when I called to her. “Angel?”

“Yes, Cherie?”

“If you see Penny again… will you tell her that I wish her the best?”

“I will, of course,” she answered with a regretful smile.

* * *

From the moment I stepped off the plane, back on U.K. soil, and stripped off my uniform as well as the name Haven that had shielded me for a number of years, my life would no longer be my own.

There would be a crowd of photographers awaiting me and they would no doubt follow my every move—good, bad, and indifferent from now onwards.

My freedom was over. And if I’d dragged Penny into that life with me, not that the family would ever let me bring just any old soul into the ranks anyway, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to forgive myself. Being in the spotlight, practically twenty-four-seven, was not a life she’d want to lead. And I couldn’t imagine the reaction I would’ve gotten if I’d tried to take a civilian from Montana, with no connections whatsoever, into the palace.

I was going to miss my squad too, especially Claire and Mark. We had been sent to some pretty hellish places over the years together and I knew that adapting to life in a standard U.K. hospital without them by my side to ease me through would be one of the toughest things I would ever have to do. And now, my “career” would play second fiddle to the long list of society engagements and more important duties I would be expected to undertake.

All in all, there wasn’t much to look forward to. I longed to remain exactly who I was now. Captain Robert Haven, Army Medical Corps, surgeon… a man in love. But I wasn’t born into a family where that was enough or permissible.

I took a deep breath as the troop transport touched down on the tarmac. Nobody from my family would be there to greet me—but I peered out of the tiny window anyway and saw that there was indeed a huge bank of press waiting. I waited nervously as the doors opened wide, then walked out onto the runway. I strode calmly towards them, counting my breaths as I did so. I found that this often helped me to feel more in control. I waved, felt compelled to, and a cacophony of voices began yelling out questions, most of which I couldn’t make out—they seemed to merge into one loud clump.

“Captain, how was this last posting?”

“Your Highness, where were you this time?”

“When can we expect to see you at home with your family?”

“What are your plans for the future, Robert?”

I waved at them to shush, and thankfully they did.

“I have a final debrief back at base and then I will be heading to the family estate in Berkshire for some R&R,” I informed them. “I have been offered a position as a surgical registrar at St. Bartholomew's Hospital, which I will be taking up in one month’s time. And if the Royal Army and the Medical Corps wished you to know of my whereabouts, I am sure they would have sent out a Press Release,” I said with a wink.

I knew that they would always want more than they got from me, but I liked to try to be as amiable as I could about things. Though I expected their insistence and intrusion would only ramp up now that there were less of us heirs to go around. But unfortunately for them, they were barking up the wrong tree. I was deemed to be the sensible one. As a respected surgeon, and an Army Officer, I simply didn’t make the blunders they so loved to capture. They’d have to train their cameras and mics on William, and maybe even Victoria if they wanted sensationalism. Yet, one still had to be cautious. Their keen, hungry eyes, were just waiting for me to make a mistake, to trip up over the hurdles of Royal Protocol.

I got into the waiting military vehicle, and was whisked away to the base for my final debrief. I had just one question I wanted answering, and I was barely inside the door when it blurted out of me.

“Did you send all of that stuff because of who I am?” I asked a little too hastily.

Colonel Johnston looked at me with an exasperated expression.

“Of course we did, Captain. You’re a surgeon and you requested medical equipment. We damn sure as hell weren’t going to send you a drone or a missile launcher instead! Now sit down, and get that damn chip off your shoulder.”

“Sir,” I said, saluting respectfully, but I knew I had already pissed him off. I sat, and looked at his tired face as he did the same. Staring at one another across the antique oak desk, I couldn’t help but feel like I was being called into the Headmaster’s Office. “But, you did send me the exact contents in that shipment because I am who I am?”

Johnston sighed heavily, and I could see the truth in his eyes.

“Yes, but before you get all uppity about it, your mother, the Queen, was the one who requested that we complied. We just had to make it appear that it was the military supplying it. She was very impressed by the work you were doing there, and wanted to help out. She’s recently become the patron of Medica, the charity that is running the camps out there.”

I leaned back in the chair. The news startled me. She’d barely spoken to me during my brief visit home. Not that I could blame her. We’d all been out of sorts and thrown for a loop. Maybe it was her way to show her support in my decision to return to work so soon after Frederick’s accident? And I supposed when it came down to it, it was something she would do; working silently in the background, doing what she could to help. Well, that was true of most of my family really. They gave so much of their money and time to good causes, but only the tiniest amount of it ever got mentioned in the press—because they chose it to be that way. Their belief was that you did good deeds because you could, not because you sought reward for doing them.

“So that was why we were able to leave it there with them?”

“Indeed. Now, if you could deliver your report of the posting and get out of my hair for good and all, I would be ever so grateful, Your Highness!”

I grinned at the Colonel and handed it over without delay.

“Thank you, Colonel Johnston.” We both stood and saluted each other. I turned, and left the office. So, I was no longer a captain in His Majesty’s Armed Forces.

I began to wonder what life would throw at me next.