I stood in the shower, letting the water wash over me. My body felt pleasantly sore, used in a way that I had never truly experienced. Every bit of me seemed to be more sensitive than usual, and each tiny inch of skin brought back a luscious memory of Robert as I soaped myself down.

Usually I was really careful not to use more than my fair share, as water was at a premium here in the camps, and so I never overstayed the five-minute rule. But today it was the only place where I was guaranteed some privacy, and boy did I need a few extra moments to sort out all of my jumbled thoughts.

I was still struggling to reconcile my actions.

I wasn’t the kind of woman that had one night stands; not that there was anything wrong with them. I supposed I never really had the opportunity to, and truthfully when I thought deep down about it I wouldn’t even say that sex was particularly important to me in the great scheme of a relationship.

Yet something primal within me had taken over. The day we’d just had in surgery had left me with such a need to take risks, to feel like life was worth living, that I hadn’t even thought about it.

When the opportunity had arisen to drag Robert’s way-too-horny butt into my bunk I hadn’t even hesitated; I let my instincts lead the way and thank God he’d followed.

I couldn’t deny that we had been dancing around it from the moment he’d arrived, and I was almost ashamed at my wanton demands of the sexy captain. But he hadn’t seemed to be even vaguely put off, in fact he had risen to the occasion admirably and without making me feel bad about it. He’d been a gentleman, a passionate one at that and yet at the same he’d been forceful too in all the right ways.

Angel and Amy would find it hilarious, and would probably cheer—but I didn’t want them to know, at least not yet. I had no clue how we would ever keep it secret, or if I even wanted to forever, though there was something delicious in keeping him all to myself. But nothing was private here, and I wasn’t even sure I would ever be able to look at Robert without remembering what his skilled hands and talented tongue had done to me… or, what I longed for him to do next.

I blushed at the tiniest thing and I was surely going to spend the next month lobster red if the rest of the staff found out.

I heard voices and knew I would need to get out, so I turned off the spray and grabbed my towel. I was rubbing my hair, dressed in loose linen trousers and a strappy top when Angel and Amy arrived, looking tired from their own busy day.

“Hey, sugar, I heard you had a rough one,” Angel said kindly. “You okay?”

I smiled wanly at her and nodded. One half of me wanted to let them both in on what had happened, the temptation inside me bubbling away at the prospect; to gossip and share. But I thought better of it, he would be my secret for just a little bit longer.

“I’m fine, but exhausted. Going to have an early night, though.”

I needed space, time to think; time to daydream a little more before I started to over-analyse everything as I invariably did. I wouldn’t make Robert feel he had to make any promises to me. I needed the solace so I could find the courage to somehow tell him that I was okay with it being just a moment of madness, a bit of fun after a really tough day. I just prayed I could be convincing enough to pull it off.

“You want us to bring you over somethin’ to eat?”

“Nah, I’m not hungry, thanks.”

“You look a little flushed, maybe some rest will do you good. You’ve been working all hours again, haven’t you?” Amy said scrutinising my features carefully.

I had a feeling that she had an idea of exactly what was causing my almost permanent blush, but to have had an early evening quickie was so clearly out of my usual way of acting she looked like she was struggling to accept such behaviour in her mind. I couldn’t deny that I was struggling with it myself.

“I’ll just go and lie down,” I said and moved away from their eagle eyes as quickly as I could. I wasn’t ready for their questions, or their teasing.

I headed back to our quarters, and was just about to head inside when I saw Robert heading out of the men’s shower block. He was wearing a pair of 501’s and nothing else. His towel slung over his shoulder. He looked so much hotter than any of the guys who had become pinups advertising the iconic jeans, and I began to salivate at the sight of him, wanting even more of him.

He turned his head, sensing my greedy gaze. Not surprising considering how hot and lustful I felt. It must have been boring into his skull!

He grinned at me and jogged over towards me.

Shit! I wasn’t ready for any kind of public confrontation or displays of affection—definitely not when he was practically half naked, I would be a goner in no time—and I sure as hell wasn’t ready for Angel and Amy to see us together.

They would spot everything in a moment and they wouldn’t be long in heading back from the shower block themselves. I tried to wave him away with a giddy smile, but he didn’t seem to even notice.

“Hey, gorgeous,” he said as he joined me, his face a permanent smile.

He wasn’t even vaguely out of breath, but I could feel mine getting trapped in my chest from being so close to him again. My senses were on overdrive and the pulse between my legs thumped like he’d just set off a proximity alarm.

“We can’t let anyone know,” I blurted, taking a small step back as he leaned in for a kiss.

“Okay,” he said unsure. “Why not?” He was clearly shocked by my words and distance.

“Because…” I couldn’t come up with a rational or sensible reason; there really wasn’t one, unless you counted my anxiety.

“Are you ashamed of what we did?”

“Not at all,” I stammered nervously. “But, we don’t need to pretend it means anything more, right? We just reacted to a tough day. Nothing more.” I almost groaned inwardly at the lies that were falling from my mouth and I could hear my voice quavering, but prayed he missed how uncertain and false I sounded. I didn’t want the afternoon to be all there was. But I also wasn’t ready to embark on a full-blown affair that would only ever end up in heartache when he went home once his tour was over.

“So you used me?” he asked. His eyes looked perplexed, his eyebrows raised.

I wanted to reach up and smooth his brow, to let him know how much I wanted him, but I couldn’t take the risk. My heart broke every day here, I couldn’t survive losing him too—and I knew I was already too involved with him than was safe.

“And you didn’t do the same to me?” I retorted bravely. “Robert, let’s be realistic, we both know that there is no future in this, even if we wanted there to be—but we do have to work with each other.”

“Penny, I don’t think you realise how much I really like you. How much I want you. I didn’t intend for what happened today to occur. But it did happen, and it was your choice. You initiated it, remember? But, is it really such a terrible thing that it did? Why can’t we just see what happens? You know I want to… what’s holding you back? Let’s make the most of our time together—”

“Because no matter what happens, I will lose you!” I snapped. This was the exact reason why I needed to spend some time processing it all… so I wouldn’t react this way. But I couldn’t help myself from shouting out the words. The truth had been simmering away ever since he’d laid his hands on me. Ever since that first magical kiss…

I looked up and saw Angel coming towards us, concern all over her round face. She was running, but it was more of a fast walk.

“I will have to leave here eventually, yes,” Robert said weakly, but he didn’t seem to have anything else to add to it.

He knew he couldn’t make me any promises.

He would be sent somewhere else, even if he liked me back, and there was nothing he could do about it—it was the life he’d signed up for, and I couldn’t ask him to change it for me. But I had to think about my own life too, and the fact that he may not ever come back from that next posting—and if not this one, then the next one, or the one after that. I wouldn’t live the life my mom had. Always waiting for Pop to come home, trying to pretend she wasn’t worried when he was sent into yet another danger zone and hardly any means of communication while he was away.

“Come inside, honey,” Angel said, wrapping her arms around me and bundling me inside.

“Wait, Penny, we should talk.”

Angel glared at Robert, causing him to backpedal slightly. I wanted to tell her it wasn’t his fault, but I couldn’t find any more words.

Mark suddenly appeared beside Robert, rushing in from behind us. “Captain, you’re needed urgently.”

“Can it not wait? I’m trying to—” he said as he glanced at me, desperately wanting to finish the conversation we’d been having.

“No, Captain. You’re needed right away. This cannot wait. Orders from the very top,” Mark insisted, his eyes wide and imploring. “You better get changed.”

Robert’s head snapped to Mark, a question in his eyes. Mark nodded. Torn between what to do, Robert glanced back at me. “I’ll be right back. This isn’t over, Penny. I promise you that.”

“Just go, I think you’ve done quite enough harm for one day, Captain,” Angel said as she put herself between the two of us.

I suddenly felt completely exhausted—overwhelmed by everything in my life and the ache in my heart that weighed me down. I had unintentionally added on the extra thing I simply couldn’t cope with, and now I just wanted to sleep, to escape all of it.

To bury my head dead under a pillow and let it all drain out from me. I had ruined such a wonderful afternoon; perhaps it would’ve been best if it had never happened. Damn my new impulsiveness.