“Last event, sir,” Gavin said to me as he brushed down the shoulders of my dinner jacket. I had to admit I was going to be glad to get everything over and done with. It was just as well I hadn’t put myself forward for the consultancy position—my father, as well as William, had kept me busier than I had ever imagined. I simply didn’t have time to get to every event, and be a top flight cardio-thoracic specialist. I was cutting it close on being an adequate registrar!

But the events I was in New York for was for Medica—the charity that Angel, Amy, and my lovely Penny had been working so tirelessly for. So, when Mother, a patron of the charity, asked me to accompany her on this trip, along with Charlotte who couldn’t resist the allure of New York’s cutting edge fashion scene, for once I hadn’t been so reluctant.

It was a good excuse to spend some time with them both, away from the confines of England where each day was regimented and planned out down to the second.

Somehow abroad, even with the gruelling schedule, we were able to let our guard down a smidgen. Mother was able to relax a little too, as well as be distracted; taking her mind of the year’s earlier events by actually doing something instead of rattling around the palace day in and day out.

Most of the meetings had been pretty tiresome, endless lunches with the charity’s biggest donors, who all made out that they cared so much about the crisis, yet barely knew where the camps were located.

However, the evening promised to be a little more fun, a grand masked ball where I would—for once—get to indulge in anonymity again. At least for a few hours.

Gavin handed me my mask, I slipped it on happy with how it disguised my features. I walked to the lift that had one appropriately attired Secret Service agent as well my own personal guard waiting for me.

“Ready, sir?” one asked me politely. I nodded.

“Let’s go and make them some money!” I said happily.

The doors slid effortlessly open on the first floor, revealing an elegantly decorated ballroom. It was festooned with flowers, and people with exquisite masks were huddled in little clumps, gossiping, whilst others were already dancing. I scanned the room quickly, my military eye a little rusty but still better than most. I couldn’t pick out my mother, though I knew she had already come down with her own entourage. Charlotte would no doubt be fashionably late.

I had a feeling my mother would be amongst the dancers, she loved to be twirled around the floor. Like me, she enjoyed a masked ball for its relative anonymity, as it meant her partners were unaware who they held in their arms, and so they relaxed and she could really have fun. Though there had been the rare occasion, mostly when I was younger, where she’d go without a mask, and surprise the guests with her informality. Her way of rebelling sporadically, I guessed.

I walked stealthily through the crowds, not stopping to chat and be polite, while my security detail spooled off to the sides of the ballroom.

The disguise meant that for once, I didn’t have to be diplomatic or try and make sure I always said the right thing. I headed to the bar and ordered a vodka martini. It was crisp and refreshing. A young woman, in a stunning violet dress rushed up beside me.

“Two glasses of champagne, one large brandy and a bottle of water, and it had better be quick!” She turned to me, and explained breathlessly why she was in such a hurry. “I think my Uncle Pete has just been dancing with Her Royal Majesty, and he’s gone all faint!”

“So let me guess, the champagne is for you and Her Royal Majesty, the brandy and water for your uncle?” I asked with a grin.

Mother had struck again! The lady nodded, claimed the drinks, then hurried off to try and save her uncle’s mortification. I wandered slowly behind her in her wake.

“Mother, you really should be kinder to these poor old fellows,” I chided her very quietly.

“Nonsense, we had a lovely dance. Peter here is as wonderful at the foxtrot as your dear father was as a lad. Such a shame he has no patience for dances anymore.”

“That and his sore knees,” I said pointedly. Years of ignoring his physicians advice, including my own, had made my father’s range of motion in his legs go from bad to worse. He put a brave face on it of course, but there were days when he was crotchety and cantankerous—and often in a lot of pain.

“Too true, now have you found someone lovely to dance with? What about young Marian here?” she nodded to the niece who was still encouraging Uncle Pete to take a sip of the brandy, as he stared blankly, his mouth wide open, at my mother.

“I think Marian has her hands full. Now, let us go away from here, so these poor star struck people can breathe again.”

I herded her onto the dance floor myself, and we took up a spirited quickstep. My mother could have been a Hollywood song and dance lady, like Ginger Rogers or Vera Ellen if she hadn’t been born into her job. Graceful, lithe, and supple, she floated on air. She made me look positively pedestrian as I led her round the floor. Though that didn’t stop her from enrolling us kids into torturous dance classes from an early age. It had been several years since my last one, but it was like riding a bike once you got going again. Mother didn’t miss a beat, but looked up questioningly when my foot faltered a time or two.

“Are you sure you are quite all right, Robert darling?” she asked me seriously, not even slightly out of breath.

“Of course, just hard to keep up with you, Maybe you should lead,” I said with a smile, not quite so serenely, feeling a little bemused and off-guard by the question.

“I didn’t mean that. I meant all of this,” she shrugged her shoulders and spread her arms a little as if indicating the entire world. “You have always been my little planner, who knew your destination and goals before we even did. But now, you remind me more of William and his old wandering unpredictable ways. I don’t know, you just haven’t seemed quite yourself since you got back from Chad.”

“It’s an adjustment—”

“Well, after Frederick of course it will be.” She steeled herself as if wanting to say more but unable.

“I won’t lie, it’s been hard. I’m not fond of all this—never have been. Frederick was the man for all that, a natural. But Father says jump and so I do. The problem is he is saying it so often now that I really may lose my position at Bart’s. I didn’t think I would have to take on so many of William’s duties too.”

“Yes, that is unfortunate. But you know why. He’s taken on his fair share now that your father is taking a small step back.”

“Of course, I know. It’s just they need me there, yet I’m always haring off wherever he tells me I must go.” I tried hard not to let the bitterness show in my voice, but mother knew me all too well.

“Would you like me to talk to him? I know he doesn’t tend to listen to anyone but your grandfather, but maybe I could even have a word with him?”

“No, I have scheduled an audience with him, alone, upon my return. I’m going to be a man, tell him exactly how I feel and what I want. Charlotte is given enough leeway, as well as Victoria, and William—don’t get my started on my brother—has been given allowances I never thought possible. Proposing to Sophie and still permitted to jump out of blasted planes, yet I’m not allowed to be a surgeon.”

“Come now. If I didn’t know better I would think you were jealous of your siblings. Or that this is merely a smokescreen for something else that is worrying that head of yours.”

I almost stopped mid-step which would’ve caused a bit of a scene but managed to not trip over myself and lead Mother towards the outer corner of the dance floor.

“It’s not jealously,” I replied, thinking it wise to stick to the topic I was brave enough to discuss. “Well, maybe it is. Father just has a way of making me feel like he’s holding me to a higher standard than the rest. Especially now that Frederick is gone.”

“I suppose he does have the tendency to do that. He saw how he failed William growing up, gave him too much leeway, and look how that almost turned out. It could’ve been so much worse had Sophie not been able to corral his wildness. Your father was hard on you because he felt guilty; he wanted to do better the next time around so that you in turn would be a success.”

“Or maybe he just doesn’t like me and wants to punish me for choosing the army over the Royal Navy,” I teased. I knew this wasn’t the case. Our family, for all its faults, still cared for each other.

“Nonsense. Clearly he is testing your resolve,” Mother said nodding sagely.

“It’s been years, Mother. How much longer must I prove to him that being a surgeon is my lifelong dream? Now, I am going to pass you over to someone else before I become another of your casualties, like poor Uncle Pete over there.”

I gave her a quick squeeze, and gave her hand to the smart looking, white haired gentleman who had tapped me on my shoulder to ask my permission to cut in. I had a feeling that underneath his mask, we would find Malcolm Lindbergh, the founder of Medica.

Malcolm Lindbergh was a surgeon himself, and the more I learned about him, the more I wanted my life to reflect his. He was an absolute hero, and here he was at eighty-two, still giving himself to help others. That, to me, was a life worth living.

I walked back towards the bar and had to stop and blink as I saw a slender back, whose curves were imprinted on my soul, swaying through the crowds ahead of me, out onto the veranda.

It couldn’t possibly be her, could it?

What on earth was she doing here in New York? I would have expected her to be back in Chad by now. As I drew closer I could smell the soft, womanly scent of her; a simple unadorned fragrance that was shampoo and soap and exquisitely simple. I wanted to rush at her, to take her in my arms and never let her go this time. But I followed her, keeping my distance, watching as she retreated into the peace of the gardens.

“You can come out of the shadows,” Penny said, turning her head and looking over her bare shoulder. Her gown was a dusky pink, a simple silk sheath that encased her figure perfectly. I moved towards her, feeling my heart pound with anticipation. “I won’t bite,” she added wearily.

As I got closer, I could see that she was pale, and her eyes behind their mask seemed to have lost some of their sparkle, her unique zest for life, but it was still her. The love of my life. The woman I wanted to marry and have kids with. There was no doubt in my mind. I would know her anywhere, in any disguise.

“You’re not as stealthy as you think you are, Robert. I knew I would be seeing you at some point tonight.” Her voice was resigned, but I could see that her body was tense. “But though I tried to convince the trustees that I was not the woman for this particular event, they insisted.”

“God, Penny, it’s so good to see you.”

She remained distant; quiet.

“So, you’re working here in New York for the charity then?” I asked stupidly. “I thought you would be back in Chad by now.”

“Things change. People change.” Penny sighed and turned to properly look at me, a softness creeping back into her beautiful features, and I was glad. I wasn’t fond of the stony-cold Penny that looked like she’d rather be anywhere else but here, standing in front of me. “I was, but I had to return. It’s a long story. I won’t bore you. But what do you want, Robert?”

“You knew it was me then?” I tried to keep my voice light, but I could feel the months of emotion, the loneliness of my life without her threatening to engulf me. “Damn, this mask.”

“Yes, I knew it was you, Your Royal Highness. Nobody on earth walks with quite your confident gait. I suppose it must be all those years of knowing you truly are at the top of the tree. And, the cut of that suit is too perfect for you to be an American, anyway. We just don’t have anything to compete with Saville Row after all.”

She dipped me a desultory curtsey, and those eyes I had thought had lost their sparkle now gleamed with anger.

“So, you know,” I said like an idiot, everything was coming out wrong. Her frostiness and hostility were making me nervous, chilling me to the bone. I didn’t know how to change the facts, or how to make things right. I just knew I wanted to desperately.

“Yes, I know. Why the hell didn’t you tell me? Surely you had to know I might find out at some point?” she spat at me. “I had to read about it, about you… you and about your beloved Eugenie in a bloody magazine, Robert! How on earth do you think that made me feel?”

Oh God, she’d seen that stupid picture in the gossip rags—no wonder she was so damn angry at me. I’d always hoped that I could fudge it around the fact that I was lower down the totem pole, only playing an insignificant part in the royal family. My place in the world didn’t particularly make me anyone that special after all. At least not to me. I considered myself a doctor, an ex-military man first, above being a royal. But, in an odd way her outrage about Eugenie made my heart sing. She was jealous, that meant she still cared, and that meant I still had hope, however small it may be.

“You knew I didn’t want a meaningless fling but by not telling me you made it ten times worse. You made me feel inconsequential, our time trivial!”

“Shit, Penny! You have every right to be angry. But you have to understand there were reasons, protocols in place, so that I couldn’t tell everyone in Chad. I’m ashamed to say I tried to tell you, but I was a coward… my stupid sense of duty came before being honest with you, and I will forever regret that decision till my dying breath.”

Penny didn’t give me a chance to finish, to tell her that Eugenie was and only ever had been a friend. She clearly just wanted to get as far away from me as possible. I didn’t blame her. For all my intelligence, I have always been a bit of an idiot. It seemed that yet again my recklessness had blown apart the most special thing that had ever happened to me before it even got started.

“I know, Mark told us about the safety concerns around you, but Robert I wasn’t just everyone, was I? Unless I actually was. Unless I was just a quick shag.” She was clutching her arms around her tiny frame; cold and hurt and I hated that I was responsible for causing her that pain. I moved towards her, but she stepped away.

“Here, at least take my jacket, you are covered with goose bumps, Penny,” I encouraged her as I took off my jacket and proffered it to her; a tiny peace offering, that I was sure she would resist.

We stood there for what seemed like an age, the coat dangling between us like a flag of surrender, but finally she took it. Her tiny little hand looked ghostly white against the black fabric.

“I am so sorry. I never knew we would end up where we did and once we had, how could I have told you then?”

“I don’t know,” she said as she leaned against the marble balustrade. “I just don’t know.” I could see her chest heaving slightly, and knew she was crying. I moved to her and took her into my arms.

“Penny, please, don’t cry over me, I’m not worth it.” I crooned as I soothed her back, and caressed her shoulders. I was amazed at how skinny she had become; she was a delicate bird, I could feel her bones as I held her close. “Penny, whatever has happened to you?”

“It doesn’t matter now.”

“Penny, it does matter. I want to know. You mean the world to me and if anything were to happen to you…” I trailed off unable to finish my thoughts.

“I was sick when I went back to Chad,” she whispered. “I’m just trying to get over it, is all,” she continued dismissively, as if she didn’t want to dwell upon it, as if she didn’t want me to know about it.

“I’m sorry, if you don’t want to tell me that’s okay. I understand. It’s none of my business, I suppose. But, Penny, please don’t believe everything you read; there is nothing going on between Eugenie and I, it was just the tabloids clutching at straws. I could never have gone from being with someone as perfect as you to her, as nice as Eugenie is. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, not once since I got back. There have been so many times that I wanted to pick up the phone and hunt your number down, if only to hear your voice again.”

She looked up at me, having removed her mask so she could wipe her eyes, and I could see the naked hope in her face that what I said was true. Oh, how it broke my heart to know how much I had hurt her, without ever knowing.

“Penny, I love you. I know I shouldn’t and I know my family will never approve—there’s only so much leeway my father will give his sons. And I think that just about ran out with William. But that doesn’t change the fact that you are the only woman I have ever loved, or will ever love.”

Penny wrapped her arms around my waist and sobbed. I cradled her, still in disbelief that she was back in my arms, that I had her here with me once more. She looked up at me, and I couldn’t stop myself. I dipped my head to hers and stole a kiss.

Her lips were soft, slick with salt from her tears, and I kissed them away, wishing I could take the pain that she’d been feeling away too.

My caress was bold, but gentle, questioning. I ran my tongue between her lips and felt them part at the touch. Her hand was fluttering against my chest, and I could feel myself coming alive again.

A deep pull of desire welled up inside of me. But she pushed me away.

“Robert, I love you too, but I can’t do this,” she said as she pulled away from my arms, her eyes darting all around, and moved discreetly back towards the doors like a thief who was on the brink of being caught out for stealing. “Losing you again would hurt too much. Please don’t follow me. Don’t make me have to say goodbye to you all over again.”

With long nimble fingers she clutched the front of my jacket and shrugged it off her shoulders, then handed it back forcibly to me as if the cloth were ablaze. My surrender had not been accepted or sought after.

I clutched at the jacket as if it were a life raft and I were on a sinking ship. Beneath my fingers I could still feel the warmth of her body still imprinted upon it, the scent of her shampoo around the collar. It was the only clue that our encounter had been real and not imagined.

In moments she was gone, and I knew I would not see her again tonight. But I had to know what had hurt her so badly… I knew instinctively it wasn’t simply our parting. Her pain was too raw, too visceral for that, wasn’t it?

She’d looked like an animal caught in a trap, as if there was nowhere left she could turn to, to find happiness, or joy ever again. And I’d added to that pain, somehow I knew I had. I couldn’t leave her to cope with whatever it was alone. Damn my father and his antiquated rules about what we could or could not do; who we could or could not marry.

William had made a stand and won, and though it wasn’t discussed outright—that wouldn’t be proper—the implication was crystal clear: that his pairing with Sophie was only an exception due to his new rank. Quid pro quo.

But this couldn’t go on.

The unfairness and restrictions were harrowing. No one could in good conscience live like this.

Someone had to cast the die and have the final word. I had to make my father see sense. Show him that tradition didn’t hold the same weight as it used to. The world had changed. The people were more forgiving, but more importantly his children were part of that change whether he liked it or not.

This time, I vowed I would make a stand and fight for what truly mattered.

* * *

“Who was that?”

I turned at the voice. “Christ, Lottie you almost gave me a heart attack.”

“Jumpy, much?” my sister asked with a quirk of her eyebrow. “So…?”

“Where have you been? Mother was looking for you earlier,” I asked avoiding her question.

“Around. But stop being elusive. Who was she?”

“Who?”

“Oh, playing coy are we?” Charlotte shook her head and smiled. “The woman wearing that fabulous rose-gold gown.”

Charlotte pinned me with a no-nonsense stare, and I knew if I didn’t give some sort of an answer she’d only keep pestering me. But that didn’t mean I wanted to spill my guts, and reveal my raw stomped on heart.

“A doctor. Someone who works for Medica.”

Charlotte came closer, and studied the view before us. Imposing buildings made of unthinkable amounts of steel and concrete, but peeping through the forest of structures, the night sky twinkled. It was a beautiful night, but it paled in comparison the starry night Penny and I had shared not so long ago.

I could still remember how sweet Penny smelled, the tang of her skin… the same scent that drifted around me now, lingering, settling like a dense cloud around my head that I would never shake. I closed my eyes and breathed it in, attempting to record the essence of the moment before Penny left. Before it was lost and the cloud diffused, leaving nothing behind.

“It sounded like she was much more than that,” Charlotte said quietly.

“You were listening?” I asked, anger bubbling up to the surface.

“Don’t give me that look. I was merely passing, Robert.”

“Spying more like it. Bloody interfering sisters!”

“Interfering sisters? You should be thankful that we do interfere. Bloody foolish brothers,” she said muttering the last bit. “Besides, I don’t spy. I just have a knack of being in the right spot at the right time.”

“So, what exactly did you hear?”

She tapped her nose twice. “That would be telling, wouldn’t it? I have a better question for you: Why don’t you tell me why you didn’t go after her.”

“Because unlike some people I don’t act on my impulses. I respect people’s privacy.”

“Oh come on—”

“No, she asked me not to follow her. So I didn’t. It’s pretty fucking simple. I stayed here, like a gentleman. Respecting her wishes!”

“Boy, do you have a lot to learn about women. I thought William was bad, but jeeze…” Charlotte tutted.

I sighed. I couldn’t win. Charlotte clearly thought I should’ve gone after Penny, and performed some sort of romantic gesture. But what was the point when Penny clearly didn’t want me to? She wasn’t the type to play head games, or say what she didn’t mean. Penny told me not to go after her as it would hurt her even more and the last thing I wanted to do was cause her more pain.

“You don’t know her like I do,” I finally replied.

“Obviously not, but the tension between you two, I could still feel it after she’d left. Why aren’t you fighting for her?”

“I am… I will…”

“When?”

“Charlotte, I know you mean well, and you probably think that I don’t know what I’m doing, but I do. I need to do this the right way. And the right way is going to take time, patience. Which is severely lacking in this family!”

“Yeah, well, don’t take too long or you might lose her—whoever she is—for good. Now, how about you twirl me around the dance floor before I have to leave.”

“Why, where are you going?”

“Brother, dearest, we all have our secrets…”

* * *

Dawdling like a child who didn’t want to go to school, the rest of the evening dragged slowly by. I found myself constantly searching for that dusky pink dress, her golden tresses, but I knew she’d left long ago. Penny was not one for showing her emotions in public. I had learned that in Chad. She did her grieving for what we saw every day behind closed doors, rarely letting her colleagues, Angel and Amy included, know how much everything affected her, never mind the rest of us.

Penny, I was learning, was a bundle of her own secrets. There appeared to be so much pain and grief trapped in her tiny body. I wished she would let someone, hopefully it would be me, in enough to take on that burden for her. She deserved a wonderful life, full of love and happiness. She had the most generous spirit of anyone I had ever known.

As the clock struck midnight, I moved to where I saw my mother and Malcolm Lindbergh talking. Their fervent conversation could be heard over everyone else.

“Of course the camps are terrible. I’m sorry you missed getting to talk with Dr. Hawkins, she had to leave early, wasn’t feeling too well,” he said. “She has only just returned from there very recently, and the difference that the equipment you funded has changed things dramatically.”

“I would have loved to have met her,” Mother said diplomatically. “But, remember my son was out there too. I have heard all about it, trust me. Sometimes it’s hard to shut him up. It is why I agreed to become your patron after all.” She chuckled and Malcolm did too.

“Of course, of course. You will forgive an old man his lack of memory!” he twinkled. I almost laughed, my mother could be such a terrible flirt when it suited her and it looked like she may have met her exact male opposite. Kindred spirits.

“Mother, let the poor man be,” I joked as I moved to her side. “Your car will be here shortly. Shall I escort you?” I offered her my arm.

“Indeed. Goodnight, Malcolm. It has been a wonderful party, a great success,” Mother said breathily.

“All the better for your presence,” he said as he bowed a fraction, then gallantly kissed her hand.

“Where is your sister? I swear she barely stayed for an hour at most,” Mother asked as we followed the leaving crowd.

“Charlotte retired early and said she’d make her own way back to the hotel. With the proper security, I assure you.”

“Oh, I wonder why that is. She could have informed me. But you children do like to make your mother worry all the time.”

We swept through the lobby and I ushered her into the back of the large limousine.

“The Americans can be so crude sometimes,” she said looking at the stretched out vehicle with disdain, “but that was a delightful evening. I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Shame your father had other obligations, but Malcolm was fine company. You too, my dear.”

“Goodnight, Mother, you really should pick on a man more your own age next time!” I said as I kissed her gently on the cheek. She patted my face affectionately.

“But Malcolm is charming, age is no indicator of how well you will get on with anybody, my boy. Now, what about your evening?” she said perceptively. “You have that look back in your eye… the same one when you came home for dear Frederick’s funeral. There is something you are not telling me.”

“Don’t worry so much, Mother.”

“Oh, I know that look,” she sighed woefully, but then a gleam in her eyes shone. “You’ve met someone, haven’t you? Who is she? Was it the countess from Switzerland? I heard she was here and that she’s quite lovely. Would make a fine match. Why ever didn’t you introduce us?”

“You are incorrigible. No it’s not the countess, just someone who stole my heart,” I said sadly as I shut the door. My mother frowned, and the car pulled swiftly away, leaving me standing on the pavement alone.

* * *

Back on English soil, the drizzle coated my face as I waited. An overwhelming earthy tang, with an undertone of mustiness, as well as the smell of wet soil was abundant in the air. It reminded me of my old school days, playing rugby as my cleats squelched in the thick mud on a field that was stripped bare, not a blade of grass in sight.

But here the ground wasn’t waterlogged. Instead the grass and flowers were perfectly maintained.

My brother stepped forward from behind the headstone and I raised my hand in greeting. He footsteps faltered and I thought perhaps he’d caught his shoe in a divot, but the astonished look on his face, which was directed at me told me otherwise. He began to walk again.

“I hear congratulations are in order, brother,” I said with a smile, ready to embrace him. “Shit, are you okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost…”

“You could say that.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to… I didn’t want to disturb you, so I waited here. Didn’t think.”

“Don’t worry about it. I nearly had a heart attack, but I guess that’s what little brothers are for. What are you doing here anyway?”

“I told you before. We need to talk,” I said and pulled out the blasted letter I’d been carrying around for months now. “I presume you got one too?”

Fine droplets of rain misted on to the envelope, starting to sink into the paper.

“Lets go to my car and talk.”

“So you don’t deny it then?” I asked and followed alongside him.

He didn’t need to answer. He pulled a worn, but matching letter out from his jacket. It looked creased and haggard, as it had been through countless readings and handled a good many times.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” I said. “What did yours say?”

“Does it really matter?” William responded as he slid into his car and closed the door. I was forced to join him.

I shook the excess from my hair and settled into my seat. William did not turn the ignition and we sat in silence for a moment. The windows began to mist up.

“It matters to me.”

“Look, I’ve gone over it in my head a thousands times and you coming here and confirming you got one too doesn’t make anything any easier. It only proves my worst suspicion; that Frederick did this on purpose.”

“That he killed himself?”

“Yes!” William slammed his hands against the steering wheel. “And it breaks my fucking heart!”

I nodded and looked away. It hadn’t been my intention to come here and upset William. But the letter had been like an anchor hooked into my soul, I was unable to be free of it.

“But why?” I asked pensively. “He was happy… wasn’t he?”

Will leaned back, head cushioned by the headrest. “I thought so. But maybe appearances can be deceptive.”

“Shit.”

We were silent again and it was becoming difficult to see through the opaque windows now, our breath fogging up the insides.

“Frederick said, in my letter, to follow my dreams regardless of the…” I paused trying to find the right diplomatic word. “Difficulties.”

“He said as much in mine. And you know what? He’s right. I practically followed his advice to the T and look how my life has changed. Granted it got pretty fucked up along the way, what with him—”

“Yeah.”

“—But it turned out okay. More than okay.”

“You’re telling me. Groom and father to be,” I agreed with a grin.

“Add scared shitless to that and that pretty much sums up my life right now… but I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

“But what if I’m not that lucky?” I asked, more to myself than William; voicing what had been bugging me all these weeks. What if I go after my dreams, go after the girl, and fail?

“Rob,” he said drawing out my name, “what are you not telling me?”

“You better keep this close to your chest for now, okay? I’ve already had Charlotte and Vicky poking their noses in.”

“I can’t promise that I won’t let something slip to Sophie… but I’ll do my best.”

“Your best will have to be good enough.”

“Well then?”

“I met someone,” I responded and couldn’t help the smile that appeared on my face, showcasing my teeth. I probably looked like a nut-job.

Will snorted.

“It’s not funny!”

“It’s a little funny. Let me guess, is this someone the reason you abandoned your family right after Rick’s funeral?”

“I did not abandon—”

“Relax, brother! I’m messing with you. I did wonder why you scarpered so quickly though. Couldn’t bear to be away from her?”

“Something like that.”

“So what’s the lady’s name? Or are we about to have a whole different conversation?”

“I’m not gay if that’s what you’re implying.”

“Wouldn’t bother me if you were, Rob.”

“Penny. Her name is Penny. She’s a doctor I met in Chad.”

“Is she a pretty Penny?” William snorted, and dissolved into a fit of chuckles.

“Real mature, Will. Anyone would think you were the youngest. But to answer your question, yes. Yes and so much more.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Do I really need to lay it out for you?”

“Well duh, I’m playing catch up here. This is the first I’ve heard of this Penny from heaven.”

I rolled my eyes and rested my elbows on my knees. “For starters she’s American.”

“Oh, boy.”

“See! Thank you!” I said raising my hands in affirmation. “Also right now she doesn’t want anything to do with me.”

“You mean you fucked up?”

“Royally.”

“Then what are you doing talking to me? Go find her and fix it. Do what Frederick no doubt told you to do; take life by the horns, don’t roll over and be crushed by it.”

“But Father… I have a meeting with him soon.”

“Blow it off and go after her. Easier to ask for forgiveness… And I say this with the greatest of respect, but fuck Father. He and mother are stuck in the past and they aren’t likely to budge—”

“They did for you when you and Sophie got together.”

“They did it because I demanded it. If this woman is who you want to be with for the rest of your days, then you have to do the same. Besides, one day I’ll be king, and you’ll have my full blessing. So off you trot, go get your girl.”

“They’re going to be so mad. Mother already has it in her head that I should be marrying someone with a title.”

“She’s a doctor right, well there you go. She already has a title.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I do, but now you’re just making excuses. Either you want her or you don’t. Either you fight for her or you don’t. Your choice is pretty damn simple if you asked me… or Frederick. Read your letter again and tell me I’m wrong.”

“What if I risk it all and she turns me away?”

“Then at least you had the balls to go after what you wanted. No regrets?”

“No regrets,” I nodded resolutely, remembering the line that had stuck out like a sore thumb in Frederick’s last message to me. Have no regrets and you’ll live a happy life.

“That’s the spirit. In for a penny, in for a pound, I say!” William grinned and I batted him on the arm. “What can I say? Sophie has definitely rubbed off on me!”