During the day I digested what Robert had said, he was adamant about taking us to the next step regardless of the consequences. After thinking it over, I knew what I now had to do; support him with every fibre of my being. Because this time I wasn’t going give him up that easily. We were back in my apartment and I slid my arms around his waist.

“Okay, we’ll do it your way, Robert. But I’m coming with you,” I said to him firmly. Robert shook his head. It seemed we were having our first argument. “We vowed that we do everything together from now on.”

“No, Penny, I think it’s better if I do this alone. I know we said everything, but this is going to need such delicate handling.”

“You say this is about us being together, about you leading the life you want to, right?”

He looked at me; he already looked defeated and we hadn’t even left the security of my tiny loft yet.

“I love you. You love me, right? So we have to go together. Maybe if your parents meet me like you said they’ll realise I’m not a hussy out to break up her family and ruin the reputation of the Royal Family, they might be happier about it? Or at least happy and more forgiving that we didn’t keep us a secret from them.”

He sighed heavily, and shrugged his broad shoulders.

“Oh, Penny, if it was only that simple! There are just ways that things are done, and us marching in unannounced and declaring our love for one another, and ‘oh by the way I want to go back to Chad and work in the camps permanently,’ just isn’t going to happen. Let alone have the outcome that we want.”

“But why not? Robert, the whole point is you don’t want to live by those rules, isn’t it?”

“Yes, but they do! It’s called respect, Penny. I cannot, and will not, upset them, not after what my family has been through this year, losing my brother. Things have to be done a certain way.”

“Oh, damn you! You are so bloody regimented!”

“What do you expect? I’m institutionalised twice over, the Royal Family and the military. Though I suppose it could be three if you include Eton as well.” He grinned, and I couldn’t help but smile back. I wanted to stay mad at him, but I just couldn’t.

“Not fair, Robert,” I admonished him. “How are we supposed to get a good argument going if you fall back on logic and humour?”

He pulled me towards him as he sank into the armchair. I tumbled along with him, but he cradled me on his lap.

“Trust me, Penny. I know what I’m doing.”

“Hmmm. I’ll believe that when I see the results.”

“Well, I know if I do that you will shiver…” He ran a finger down my spine, and my stupid body proved him right as I quivered under his touch. “Yes, just like that, and if I kiss you right here,” he touched his lips to the sensitive skin just below my earlobe. “You will moan,” he chuckled as I did exactly as he predicted. “See, I do know what I am doing.”

“That’s cheating, and I hope you don’t use such tactics when trying to talk to your parents,” I said, pretending to be scandalised by his methods.

“No, this treatment is reserved especially for cheeky Americans who clearly don’t know their place!”

“Can’t I at least come to London with you? Wait patiently in a hotel room somewhere, or something? Wouldn’t it look odd, like I don’t respect them, if I’m not at least in the vicinity?”

I needed to be near him, to be the first to know how it went. I couldn’t bear the thought of being here in the States while he went to bat for the life he so desperately wanted, especially as that life included me.

But, I still hadn’t told him my secret, I simply didn’t know how to and it was becoming a festering sore that nagged at me every moment we were together.

“You have a point. And I would love that, actually,” he said dragging me from my reverie.

The past could wait. Details of me losing our baby could wait a little longer. I didn’t want to ruin the mood we had going. There would be more than enough time to tell him before he went and gave up everything to be with me.

“I can think of the perfect place. Quiet, discreet, ridiculously luxurious, you could fit the entirety of this place into the closet. You’ll love it and more to the point, we won’t bash into one another when we turn around,” he winked at me. I kissed him firmly on the lips.

“Sounds perfect, though I like bashing into you,” I said trying to be playful, though I could hear the lack of enthusiasm in my voice. I couldn’t help but be fearful that it would all be for nothing, and once he knew—or was told no by the king and queen—that there would be no future for us and secret retreats would be all we’d ever experience… a life in the shadows.

But, I let him bundle me into the town car with my luggage, and we headed for the airport hand-in-hand.

The private jet was everything you see in the movies. Plush leather seats, an elegant bedroom if you wanted to lie down, and a smartly dressed attendant who knew exactly how much privacy to give the passengers.

Three glasses of champagne, some strawberries and a lot of chocolate later and I couldn’t help but wonder why on earth Robert would even consider giving up this kind of lifestyle to live in a refugee camp. But, I could only presume it was because this to him was as everyday and common place as Walmart was to me.

“You must be tired,” Robert said gently, as I began to nod off in the comfort of my reclining seat. I nodded, my eyes closed. “And just a little bit tipsy! Come on, sleeping beauty. Time for you to go to bed.”

He picked me up as if I weighed less than a sheet of paper, and carried me into the bedroom. He laid me down on the bed, which was the softest thing I had ever known and slowly, he removed my clothes, then wrapped me up in the fluffy comforter.

“You’re not joining me?” I murmured.

“I’ll be back in a while, I have a few matters that need my attention. Get some rest.” He stroked my hair, and I barely even noticed him leaving the room.

My dreams were full of “happily ever afters”, though I knew it wouldn’t be as simple as I hoped. I saw us married, me in a huge designer gown sweeping down the aisle of St Paul’s Cathedral—just like a princess.

Robert looked so dashing at the altar in his full dress uniform, a full honour guard dressed at their best. His mother kissed me warmly, as if I were her one of her own daughters and the king looked on approvingly. My mom had tears in her eyes, and Robert’s brother had a supportive arm around her shoulder. It was such a happy dream, one I didn’t want to wake up from. The minister took us through our vows, and then Robert dipped his handsome face to mine to kiss me.

It wasn’t the kind of kiss you expected at a Royal Wedding, that was for sure. It was fierce and hungry, seeking and demanding. I felt the warmth of his bruising lips crushed down upon my own, could taste his delicious salty, sweet mouth. His tongue was lasciviously exploring every crevice. I forgot all about the foreign dignitaries and wound my arms around him, holding him close, revelling in the electrical impulses powering up and down my spine.

As the kiss deepened ever further, my hands began to roam, I caressed his back, and down to his butt relishing the silky feel of his skin under my fingers. This unexpected change left me confused. I had been expecting the thick wool of his uniform, and yet I felt warm flesh. I opened my eyes, as I realised I was no longer in my dream. This kiss was all too real. My head swimming with desire for him, I took in the elegant surroundings of the jet, but then lost myself in him once more.

He was already hard for me. I could feel his tumescent cock pressed up against my belly.

“Mmmm,” I murmured as I reached down to stroke it. “I take it you got all your pressing business done then?”

“Business yes, pressing may yet be to come,” he punned. I giggled and wriggled out of his arms, pushing him onto his back.

“Well, you never know,” I teased as I trailed a lock of my hair down his chest, and bare stomach. I used it as a gentle switch across his nipples, and then his rampant cock. He groaned and tried to grab me, but I inched out of his grasp. “No, no, no. We will have none of that.”

I carried on my flicking and caressing until he was writhing in frustration. I cupped his balls and licked up his length, encircling the engorged head in a sweeping motion with my tongue. Slowly, I took him into my mouth, creating just the gentlest suction as I moved up and down, feeling powerful and desirable as I listened to his ragged breath, and felt his pelvis pushing up towards me with each stroke.

But I was done with teasing; exciting him had made me hot, wanting, and very wet. I could feel a pool of moisture building between my thighs, a need for him to be inside me filling me. I moved to where I could straddle him and gently guided him inside my slick folds.

“Oh, Penny,” he cried. I bit my lower lip as I focussed on building the rhythm, letting it take over. I slammed down onto him, hard, and he met me on every stroke in perfect sync. I rocked a little to stimulate my clit as we moved together, and gasped as he pinched at my nipples. I leaned down towards him, delighting in the sensation he caused as he kissed at my breasts.

Pushing my hair up off my neck, arching my back, I rode him like a cowgirl. Slick with sweat, I didn’t care that the pilot, the steward, or Robert’s security man who could probably hear us, I just needed to be here, with him. And the chance of being overheard or caught made it even more exciting.

He cupped my ass, lifting me every so slightly as I rocked him further inside me.

“Fuck, you like that don’t you?” he asked, his eyes on me, as he drove his hips up starting to pound into me. His touch firm. “Hard and fast?”

I bit my lip and swayed with his forceful thrusts. His fingers were clamped onto me tight, digging in hard.

I needed something to hold onto and began to lean back, searching for purchase. My hands found his thighs and I let him take over. He was like a machine, drilling into me. Squeezing me closer to him as his grunts got louder. They were almost deafening in the confines of the small room. But then I realised I was just as noisy, our cries intertwined as we sought ecstasy.

I came in a series of shuddering pulses that surged through me, and I felt him come inside me, a forceful wave that battered against my throbbing internal muscles. I collapsed against him, and I loved that he held me so tightly, his big warm hands making me feel so very safe.

But then, all of a sudden, my emotions got the better of me as I dwelled on what had happened the last time we did this without any protection, without thinking anything through, and I began to cry.

“Hey now, Penny. Whatever is the matter?” he asked, pushing my hair away from my face and trying to make me lift my chin. Stubbornly I kept my face turned down against his chest. I couldn’t tell him. Where would I start? He would be so mad I hadn’t told him sooner and I felt like such a hypocrite from keeping it a secret from him when I’d been so mad at him for doing likewise.

“Penny, please this was so incredible, what on earth has upset you? Please tell me.”

I knew he had to know, it had been his baby too, and we had promised that we would do everything together, that there would be no secrets. Yet, I hadn’t been able to tell him this.

“Robert…” I started tentatively. He gazed at me, love filling his eyes.

“You can tell me anything, Penny, you know that. Is it about your dad?”

I laughed wryly. “No, not that. No, this is to do with us. You and me, and well our last night in Chad. Please don’t be mad…”

“What could I be mad about? It was magical, I will never forget it.”

It truly had been too. Being with Robert, as the sun had come up, would be one of those memories that would never leave me. It had been when I knew I had fallen for him hook, line and sinker, and that there would be no turning back from that moment on. And, it had changed the course of my entire life to boot.

He stroked my arm encouragingly. People always say that they are waiting for the perfect moment to give news, good or bad, but this wasn’t how I wanted to tell him, not after the amazing sex we’d just had. But I knew I had to finally make my confession to Robert. He had to know why I was in New York and not in Chad, why I was in bits when he found me again. Yet how do you say something that terrible, something that could ruin everything?

“Me either,” I admitted honestly. “But you see I wasn’t sick as such when I came back home again. I was pregnant.” I said, deciding that stating it plainly was the only way to do it, like pulling a bandage off really fast.

“Pregnant?” he repeated, his voice mixed with emotion and surprise.

I nodded. “But then when I got home, it all went horribly wrong. I lost the baby.” I sat up, and watched his face, trying to decipher his reaction. It clouded over with emotion: rage, confusion, sadness. He was experiencing everything that I’d gone through, but all at once. That made sense, I had had time to process what had happened over time. Strangely though now, I just felt numb. I had envisioned this talk with tears pouring down my face, but finally I was dry-eyed as I thought about my little one that never got to live.

“And you weren’t going to tell me?” he said finally.

“At the time, no. What would have been the point? As far as I knew then, I was never going to see you again, and you were British Royalty. I knew they would never let you marry me if I was already pregnant.”

“No, they would have insisted on it,” he said bitterly.

“Or that,” I admitted. “I didn’t want you to marry me out of duty. I didn’t want your family to think I had set out to trap you. Hell, I didn’t even know who you really were until after that night!”

Robert sat up beside me and wrapped me up in the coverlet. I hadn’t even noticed I was cold, but I started shivering as the warmth enveloped me.

“You should have told me sooner.”

“I know. I was waiting for the right moment…”

We sat in silence, neither of us seeming to know what on earth to say. A burst of turbulence made the plane shudder, and I squealed in fear. Robert held me tightly, and then let me go abruptly once it had passed.

“That’s why you lost all that weight?” he asked perceptively.

“Yes, I think so. It wasn’t on purpose, I was just so lonely, so miserable. I wanted to call you, to tell you, to hear your voice. I knew you were the only person who might ever understand what I had lost, not just a baby, but your baby. The only bit of you I was likely to ever be able to keep.”

Abruptly he stood.

“Get dressed, we’ll be landing soon. And I think I need a drink.”

He pulled on his clothes and left the room, leaving me alone wondering what on earth was going to happen next. Hell, I really had completely blown it this time. I knew he would never forgive me for not telling him, for not trusting him.

I got dressed slowly and followed him nervously back into the main body of the plane. Robert had put a tumbler of bourbon on the table for me, and was knocking back a scotch.

“Robert, please. You have to understand. I’d only just found out who you were. I had lost my baby. My hormones were shot to pieces. What could I have done?” I wailed. “Please, don’t be mad with me.”

“No, Penny, I’m not mad at you. I pissed at myself. You did the right thing, given where things stood at the time. I don’t blame you for anything. It was my fault you didn’t know who I was and the way you found out was unforgivable. I can’t imagine what you were going through. It must have been hard trying to work out what on earth to do. No, I’m just sad about how it ended. No, baby, no little piece of you and me in the world for us both to care for—you know how much I want a family of my own someday, to be a daddy. But the worst of it is what you went through made you sick. God, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there with you, to help you through it. To hold you when you…”

“I’m okay, I’m just a little skinny. I’m sure if I look a few plates of pasta or any type of carbs I’ll start putting on the pounds,” I said trying to coax a smile from him. I sensed he had absorbed the information, but knew it would take much longer for it to be fully assimilated. I just hoped he didn’t hate me.

“That we can fix,” he said with a slow grin, then more seriously, “but, can we fix the gaping hole?”

“No, that will never go away. Neither with the other holes in my heart…”

His brow creased in puzzlement and I took his hand. “While we’re being honest, you should know that when I was in med-school I had an abortion,” I said and swallowed. “It wasn’t something that I was totally on board with, but I still went through with it. And I suppose the guilt I’d buried all resurfaced when I lost our baby… I thought I was being punished. Thought maybe subconsciously I had to punish myself. It’s silly I know but—”

Robert blinked once then pulled me into a hug so tight I could barely breath. “It wasn’t your fault, my love. Don’t you ever think that, okay?”

I nodded against his chest and sucked back the tears.

“I know it will get easier,” I said partially muffled. “When my dad died it left a huge hole too, but I survived, I’ll get strong again.”

“You are so damn tough, Penny. I’m not half the man you are!” he joked. I put my hand on his chest and glanced up at him, hesitantly.

“Are we still okay? You don’t hate me?” I asked anxiously.

“Of course not! But I’m going to have to work even harder to get you to forgive me now.”

“No, you’re not… I forgave you before you even asked me to. That’s what you do when you love each other. I need you to forgive me for not telling you sooner.”

“Penny, there is nothing to forgive, my darling. There never was, and I doubt there ever will be.”

Robert paused then took a step back, releasing me. Then beyond anything I was expecting him to do he moved to kneel in front of me, taking my hands into his. I leaned down and kissed him, my heart beating furiously in my chest.

“I know I shouldn’t ask you this before I have permission from your mom and my family, but I don’t care anymore. And I will not let anyone else tell me what to do. Well, maybe except you.”

“Robert?”

“Will you marry me, Dr. Penny Hawkins? I cannot bear the idea of living my life without you. I want to be by your side while you show everyone how truly amazing you are. I want you to have my babies and watch you as you bring them into this world. But most of all I need you. So will you? I don’t have a ring… but I will get you one, and—”

“You’re babbling,” I said grinning, and smoothed my fingers across his cheek.

He beamed back at me. “Sorry, I didn’t plan to do it like this. You deserve so much more than this impromptu proposal but, Penny, I will make it up to you every day that we are together.” He paused and took a deep breath. “Will you marry me and be my princess?”

I struggled to get the words out, completely choked up with wonderful emotions, but finally I managed to pull myself together.

“You gorgeous fool, of course I will! But only if everyone is happy about it.”

“No. I’ve had enough. If we wait for universal approval then it may never happen. So you need to change your answer,” he said with a grin.

“How about just yes then?” I replied beaming, knowing he was right. It was our life to live.

“Perfect answer,” he said as he stood back up and tugged me back into his arms, kissing me tenderly. “That is all I wanted to hear. Let’s go celebrate,” he said with a twinkle in his eye, leading me towards the back of the plane.