CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Ben
My heart pounded and my head raced. She was there. Chelsea was on the ferry. If I could get there fast enough, I could touch her. That was fucking stupid. It was the last thing she wanted. Maybe I could talk to her.
I zigzagged between cars, never realizing fifty feet could be so far away.
“Chelsea!” I shouted. She was turning from the railing, and I worried that she might lock herself in her car. I couldn’t blame her. There were a lot of reasons to lock me out.
I jogged to her. She was close to the bow, where there was an open platform too narrow for cars to pull forward.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
The urge to reach for her and pull her against my chest was unbearable. Why was that the first thing I said, instead of ‘you’re beautiful and I’m an idiot’?
“I’m going to meet with Brandon,” she answered, hiding her blue eyes behind sunglasses.
There wasn’t a right thing to say. I didn’t have words that could undo how badly I had fucked up. But I had to try. “I’m sorry. God, I’m sorry.” Maybe she would listen.
“We can’t talk about this right here. I won’t talk about it.”
“Why not?” I pressed. “You deserve answers. You deserve the truth.”
“The truth?” she scoffed. “Now you’re interested in honesty? I’m finally leaving Brees and you want to talk about taking the blindfold off your lies?” She shook her head. “No. I don’t want to hear any of it. Just let me get back to my car.”
I blocked her path. “No.” My lips pressed together.
“No?”
“You heard me.” It was my last chance. “We have one hour until we get to the other side of the sound. One hour. After I’m done, if you don’t want to, you never have to talk to me again.”
Her hair blew around her bare shoulders.
She pointed at a line of people behind me. “But, see? There’s an audience. I’m not interested in making the news again. I’m not interested in anything that has to do with Ben Baldwin’s life.”
Damn it. Tourists and their smart phones. I searched for somewhere we could hide. If I let her drive off this ferry, it would be final. There would be no second chance.
I grabbed her by the hand, ignoring her attempt to jerk it back.
“Let go.” She wiggled.
“Follow me. You’re going to listen.” I was more stubborn than she was. And stronger.
I climbed a set of stairs to the lounge, tugging Chelsea behind me. There were several couples and a family enjoying the air conditioning inside the cabin.
Chelsea huffed as I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my wallet.
“Listen up.” I cleared my throat, competing with the hum of the ferry engine. “I’ve got a hundred dollars for each of you if you’ll give me the courtesy of having this room for the rest of the ride,” I announced.
Chelsea looked at me as if I had announced I was about to start breaking kneecaps. “You can’t be serious.”
“But, it’s all or nothing, folks. Everyone out or no cash.” I ignored her glare and started counting out the bills. I had enough to pay off these people and the ones downstairs.
“You got it.” The first dad collected his money.
“Yep, we can enjoy the view downstairs.” And older couple smiled.
“Thank you.” The last pair collected their two hundred dollars.
I slid a chair under the door handle to make sure we didn’t have any more interruptions.
“Ok. We’re alone. No cameras, no people. You and me.” I turned toward Chelsea.
She stacked her hands on her hips. “You paid them off!”
I shook my head. “You don’t get it. I want to be alone with you. Yes, I paid them off. I would clear out my bank account to be alone with you.”
“And buy beach houses with it?” she fumed.
“You didn’t like that? I thought you’d want your own place and that way you can keep it secure. You love it there.” I wanted to protect her. It seemed like the best way.
She spun on her heels and looked out the window. “I do love it, but I don’t love being bought. Is that what being a movie star is all about?” Her eyes narrowed. “You buy people’s silence? Their loyalty? Their love? Is that how it works for you?”
That hurt, but I deserved it. I had given her every reason to believe I was a dick instead of just being myself from the beginning.
I inhaled all the air my lungs would take in. I needed strength. I needed the speech of my life to get her back. I needed a damn Oscar-worthy script.
“Chels.” I sighed. “I lied to you about who I was. I lied. I am a liar. But—”
“No. There are no buts for lying. Everything was dishonest and concocted.” She ran her hands through her hair. Her voice was quiet. “Why couldn’t you just tell me your name? Two words—it was only two words,” she pleaded as she lowered into the chair.
I looked out the window. There were people gathered below with cameras. By now, they knew I had handed out cash to reserve the lounge. I reached above each window and tugged on the pulleys until all the blinds were closed.
It was as if she was in a trance. She kept talking, so I kept listening. “Did you think I cared about your money or about your fame? Did you really think it mattered to me that you’re a movie star? I haven’t even seen any of your damn movies!”
“Ok, I get what I did was wrong. And no, I never thought that stuff mattered to you. I know you don’t care if I have fifty million dollars or enough to buy us dinner.”
Her eyes flared. “No, I didn’t want any of that from you. That’s not what we were about.”
Here she was telling me the things I had known and felt since the first day on the docks. There were more important things in life, and I would give every cent I had if I could trade my life in and stay on Brees Island with her.
“I was stupid and made the biggest mistake of my entire life. Believe that.”
A tear rain down her cheek. “How can I believe anything you say? You have lost all credibility.”
I kneeled in front of her, wanting to wipe the tear from her face, but knowing she would probably slap me if he tried to touch her.
“Can I tell you why I came to Brees Island?” It was a story she needed to know. I waited for her to answer.
She nodded. “Why not? I’m locked here.”
“Because I wanted normal. I wanted my life back. Becs and I were dating.” I noticed her eyes flared at the mention of Rebecca. “And she went to Hawaii to shoot another film. Anyway, she hooked up with some guy and it made headlines.”
“I remember that story,” Chelsea whispered.
“The headlines got it wrong. I wasn’t heartbroken. She and I were done before she ever cheated. But I was tired of my personal live being splashed across every magazine and making the entertainment channels. It was humiliating to see another one of my failures on display for everyone to see. I was fucking embarrassed. And done. I was done with being a headline. Done with Becs. With relationships. All of it.
“So, I got drunk. Woke up to what was my life and decided something had to change. That was only going to happen if I did something different. I bought a Jeep, and started driving. I drove as far as I could, and when the road ran out, I hopped this ferry and rode it until I ended up on Brees.”
Her eyes glistened. “You just ditched your Hollywood life to live in a camper all summer?” she questioned.
“I didn’t have a plan or even a reservation. I slept in the campground because the hotels were closed when I drove in. Carl suggested Silver Sand Dollar, and she was perfect. Something I didn’t even know I needed. No one knew where to find me.”
“But you told everyone you were here as a writer, or was start that lie just for me?”
I knew the writer cover hit her hard. It was a connection she thought we shared.
“I made it up as I went along. I didn’t know who I could trust. Who would sell me out. Who would take pictures of me on the beach or drinking a beer. As far as I knew, everyone was a photographer in tourist’s clothing,” I admitted.
I tried to smile. I wanted her to understand. But from the outside I knew it sounded ungrateful and selfish to slap the hand that helped build my fame and fortune. At one time, pictures of me were the thing that made me popular. The paparazzi pushed me to the pinnacle of fame.
“I don’t get it, though. Why did you take the job at the store? You didn’t need to do that. You didn’t have to take it that far,” she attacked.
“Because of you.” I kept my voice low. If she would just let me hold her, I could fix it. “You looked so miserable and I couldn’t stand to see a pretty girl like you with that look on your face. God, Chelsea, you are the most beautiful and amazing woman I have ever known.”
“But you didn’t even know me.” She sniffed. “Why would you stock boxes and waste your time in a stupid kayak stand?”
I had done a lot of things to impress girls before, but truly, a summer as a clerk had to be at the top of the list. I wished she could grasp the significance.
I grinned at her. “Come on. You know me. I like to make you smile.”
“I don’t know if I do know you.” Her voice was bitter.
“But you do. I swear, you know the real me that none of those people out there do.” I pointed to the door. “I was me when I was with you. I know you don’t believe it. I don’t deserve for you to believe it, but I was me with you. For the first time in a long time, I got to be the man I should be.”
Other than the hum from the ferry, the room was quiet. She was too quiet. I hoped it meant she was thinking through my words.
“Ben.” She said it calmly.
“Yes, it’s Ben.” I searched her eyes for any clue as to what she was feeling. I felt lost and desperate, knowing the time was ticking on the ride.
“Ben Baldwin.” The name whispered over her lips.
Patience wasn’t my strong suit. If she made me sit here one more second without telling me how she felt, I was afraid my fist would end up inside the wall of the ferry.
“Chelsea, please look at me.” Her eyes drifted to mine. “I will do anything and everything for another chance with you. I am so sorry.”
She stared, her eyes tearing at my soul. “Did you make me fall in love with you as part of the charade?”
It was as if she had pushed all the air from my body. “God, no. No.”
How could she think that? I couldn’t take it anymore. I reached for her neck, my hands tangling in her hair, and crushed my mouth against hers.
She pushed against my chest and her warm lips fought the kiss, but I wrapped my arm around her tighter. The pain in my chest eased as I inhaled her scent and took her mouth with deeper kisses.
She climbed into my lap, her hands tugging on me in all directions. Nothing had ever felt like this. My hand slid along her back. Our arms twisted and franticly grasped at any part of each other we could touch. I never wanted her this badly.
Chelsea sat forward, breaking the kiss and pushing against my chest.
“I-I— We can’t. We do this too quickly. It’s too easy to touch each other like everything’s normal. When I know it’s not normal. You are a movie star. This is not normal.” She pulled her leg from my waist, and braced herself to stand. “You can’t seduce me back to you.”
My chest heaved and my stomach tightened. I stood to catch her before she made it to the door. This wasn’t over.
“You don’t think that’s what this is, do you? We have something that goes way beyond sex.” The sex was fucking incredible, but I needed her.
She leaned against the door. “I thought we did. At least I did before Rebecca showed up.”
Damn it, Becs.
“How about the poem I wrote for you? Or the beach glass I saved from the hurricane? And seriously, I wore the ugliest apron on the planet for you. I wouldn’t have done any of those things for a summer hook up. You mean more than that. I didn’t have to do a damn thing, but I did. I choose you. I wanted you.”
I watched her biting her bottom lip, her resolve slipping. But she turned for the door, trying to wrestle the chair braced under the handle.
“Chelsea, stop.”
She twirled. “That power you had over me is gone. You don’t have that control now.” Her eyes burned into mine.
“But you do.” I reached for her wrist.
“What?” Her eyes darted back and forth.
“I am only on this damn ferry because I thought it was what you wanted. I don’t want to leave, but I will do anything to make you happy again. If that means leaving or if that means staying.” I tucked her hair behind her ear. “You, are the one in control.” I caressed the side of her throat.
Her eyes closed, and I didn’t know if she was fighting off the feeling or taking it all in. What else could I say? What else could I do to prove that I had fucked up, and if she would let me, I would make it up in every way possible.
“Say something.”
I was about to try to kiss her again, when her long lashes opened. I saw the fire in her blue eyes. The fire that kept me up at night. The one that distracted me when I least expected it.
Her hands reached behind my neck, and she drew me toward her, bringing my mouth on hers. I groaned as her tongue played with mine.
“I missed you.” I held her face between my hands.
“I know.” She fisted her hands in my hair, sighing against my cheek. “Me too.”
I growled, burying my head in her shoulder. I had missed everything about this part of her body—the way it felt on my lips and how her shampoo smelled as I nuzzled into the warmth of her neck. She was like the sun. My own summer surrender.
“Tell me,” she moaned.
“What?” I kissed her ear. I thought I had said everything. The truth was out.
She pressed her palms against my chest and rubbed the rigid muscles.
“You have to tell me.” She grinned wickedly.
I looked at the clock over the door, the closed blinds, and the chair under the door.
I pulled her against me and leaned down to whisper in her ear. “Fuck me.”
She ran her fingertips along my stomach. “Right here? Right now?” she teased.
I nodded. My eyes urged her to do what she wanted. I was hers.
She shook her head. “Uh-uh. You have to tell me,” she purred as she dipped her hand below my waistband.
I sucked in sharply. She always had this effect on me—taking me to the edge with the things she could do.
“Chelsea, you can fuck me now. Here. Wherever you want.” I leaned back. “Just take me.” I had never given control up like that. Power and anxiousness coiled together as I realized how freeing it was to ask her for what I wanted.
My body come alive under her command. But I knew there was something else I had to tell her. I had waited until it was too late before, and I wasn’t going to make that mistake a second time. I would never risk losing her again. Maybe she hadn’t completely forgiven me, but this was her way of saying there was still something there—it wasn’t over. I needed to take the next leap. I had to tell her.
“Chelsea?” I tried to focus. The burning in my belly was intense and her hands were all over my cock.
“Mmm-hmm?” She gripped my hands against her hips, shimming her skirt up around her waist. Her shoulders flattened against the wall, and I watched her breasts rise as her breath quickened.
My eyes met hers. I didn’t whisper. I didn’t want to make her guess. This was the fucking moment of truth.
“I am in love with you.”
The light I loved so much, the one I was afraid I had dimmed with my lies, glowed when she smiled.
“Ben,” she whispered.
My mouth descended on hers and everything else faded away.