CHAPTER TWENTY
Blaze
“I’m so tired,” I sigh as I take my shoes off, sinking my toes into the plush carpet in Trevor’s living room. My feet still hurt from wearing the heels I did last night.
“I am, too,” he yawns as he takes his wallet out of his back pocket, putting it on the table next to the door. “It’s been a long couple of days.”
I collapse on the couch, snuggling into the blanket I left last time I’d laid there watching TV. Yawning, I glance up at Trevor. “Why don’t you come watch mindless TV with me? We can fall asleep in front of the Christmas tree like an old married couple.”
He laughs, the sound deep and rich. I love when he laughs like that. I’m thankful every time I hear it. I must close my eyes and doze off slightly, because the next thing I know, I jerk awake. Trevor is sitting on the other end of the couch with my feet in his lap, massaging the hard knot I have located in the ball of my foot from wearing those shoes last night.
“Oh dear God, that feels amazing, please don’t stop,” I moan, flexing against his fingers.
“It never disappoints me, hearing you say those words. It amazes me how many ways I can get you to say them though,” his tone is amused as his fingers continue to work against the hard spot.
“Now isn’t the time for you to make sex jokes, this feels so good. Merry Christmas to me.”
He drops my foot and I moan at the loss of the pressure. “Speaking of Merry Christmas, I have a gift to give you.”
“I have a gift to give you, too,” I smile over at him. “Let me go grab it,” I swing my legs over the edge of the couch and get up with a grimace as I put weight on my feet.
We meet back in the living room, sitting down together in front of the tree. Trevor’s legs are stretched out in front of him, before he leans over, cupping the palm of my cheek in his hand. He turns my face from side to side tilting my chin so he can inspect my neck. “I did good, huh?”
A saucy grin spreads across my face as I reach over and cup his dick in my hand through his pants. “I did good, too.”
He clears his throat loudly as he adjusts and hands me one of the wrapped gifts sitting next to him. “This is an apology for what I did last night.”
I’m intrigued with the way he’s phrased the words. As far as I’m concerned, there was nothing at all for him to apologize for. What we did last night was everything I wanted and more. “You know you don’t have to apologize, I loved last night.”
“You’ll love this too,” he assures me as he motions for me to open the gift.
Wrapped in Christmas themed tissue paper is some of the skimpiest, but also most beautiful lingerie I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s in colors I never would have gone for. I’m more of a black lace type of girl, but what he’s purchased runs the gamut. From virginal white to the most beautiful lilac color I’ve ever seen to bright yellow, and even a hot pink. Apparently my man has an affinity for this stuff, and he likes to have a shit ton of options.
“I don’t even know what to say about all of this,” my mouth hangs open as I continue to pull pieces from the never ending box of color.
“You don’t have to say anything,” he gives me a sexy smile. “All I want you to do it is wear it. I love that when you’re with me you’re a girlie girl. When you’re with the guys you work with, you adapt your personality to be able to hang with them. While that’s cool, I get to see a side of you that no one else gets to see. It’s special to me, and I always want to nurture that part of you. I never want to make you feel like you have to hide that part of yourself. With me you can be anyone you want to be, you can show me whatever part of you, you need to. That’s what makes me love you so much. You’re vulnerable with me.”
This man sees things in me that I never see in myself. He gives me the courage to be who I am without sacrificing my integrity. He encourages me to be sexy when other men have tried to dial me back. I will love this man forever, and I know I will. “I want to be vulnerable with you because I know you’ll put me back together again if I fall apart,” I whisper as I get up on my knees, walking over to him.
In the back of my head, I tell myself I should be honest about everything. I should let him know about the past I keep hidden. If I let him completely in nothing would stop us as a couple. He hands me a smaller box, this one from a jewelry store I like in the mall. I know without a doubt this isn’t an engagement ring or anything of the sort, the box is too big for that. “What did you do here?”
He surges up, fusing our lips together, before he pulls away. “Why don’t you open it and find out?”
Opening the box, I spy the watch I’ve had my eye on for months. It’s not super expensive, but I couldn’t bring myself to throw away the cheap watch I got at Walmart when I very first got out of school and buy this one. I felt like that move was something the old Daphne would have done, and the new Blaze wasn’t that caught up in name brand things. This though – Trevor giving me a gift is the most awesome thing in the world.
“I love it!”
“I know you do, you’d look at the thing every time we’d walk by it. Whatever your reasons are for not buying it for yourself, they’re yours. But now you have what you need and want.”
I lean down, kissing him hard again because this man knows me. “You pay attention to me, you listen to me.”
“I wonder why I couldn’t do that with Whitney,” he mumbles as he purses his lips. “Renegade told the family we listened, but we never paid attention.”
Tilting my head to the side, I give it some thought. “Maybe it’s because with the people we fall in love with, we pay more attention. We want to be everything they need us to be, everything they want us to be. We’re willing to let certain parts of ourselves go in order to converge into one unit with them, so we want to make sure they’re happy. Knowing their happiness doesn’t take any more than truly listening to what they’re saying.”
“Maybe you’re right, but you know more than anything I want my sister to be happy.”
“You do,” I agree. “But you want her to be happy by fixing her problems, not listening to them.”
The way he’s quiet, I can tell I’ve struck a nerve, and maybe he truly gets what I’m saying. It’s making me nervous. I’m throwing down some truth, when I’m not sure if he’s going to like the Christmas gift I got him. “I hope you like this.”
He gives me a look. “I love everything you’ve ever given me, why wouldn’t I love this?”
I have to be honest. “It took me a long time to figure out what I wanted to get you. Nothing seemed like it fit right, if that makes sense. I didn’t want to be too romantic, and not romantic enough, but I wanted it to mean something.”
“I’d venture to say anything the two of us say or do with one another means more post-Thanksgiving than it ever has,” he glances up at me as he unwraps the gift. “Words, sounds, gestures – they’ve taken on a whole new meaning when you aren’t sure if you’ll ever be able to do them or have them done to you again.”
I watch as he opens the box, wondering if I’ve made the right decision in what I got him. My heart beats heavily against my chest, thudding hard against my ribs. When he pushes the tissue paper back, I stop breathing all together. “Is this what I think it is?”
Even though he’s not looking at me, I nod.
“This was taken at the cookout,” he looks over at me, grinning.
It’s the very first picture that was ever taken of us. We didn’t know it was being taken, and we’d only just met hours before, but looking at the two of us, even then, you can see the chemistry there. “Holden gave it to me while you were in the hospital, and at the risk of sounding assuming, I thought you might like to have a copy, too,” my words are strained as I speak around my tight throat. “To remind us of where we started. The people in that picture had an attraction and quick smiles for each other, they laughed all night long while they talked about stupid shit, and then they exchanged numbers at the end of the night with no preconceived notions about one another. Sometimes we get caught up in the stupidest shit that doesn’t make a difference at the end of the day. Trevor, let’s never forget how we felt that night.”
He puts the picture down banding his arms around my body, crushing his mouth to mine. “I never want to forget it again, or how we feel this night. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so close to another human being, I know I’ve never felt so close to you before. I don’t want to lose this. Whatever we have to do, to make it work, let’s put the work in, let’s do the job. The only people who can fuck this up are us.”
And I know more than anything he’s right, and right here, on Christmas in front of the Christmas Tree, I decide once and for all – I’m fighting for what we have, I’m never letting it go, and even if it kills me, I’m going to tell him the truth about my past.
Not tonight, but soon, because nothing is going to ever stand in our way again.