CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Tank
I turn around, ready to face whatever this fight is going to be. “So this is it, huh?” She questions, hands on her hips, lips pressed into a firm line. Blaze is fucking pissed, and I can’t say that I blame her. “We’re gonna have it out now? After all these months of walking on eggshells with each other, you’re finally going to let me have it?”
“Do you really want it?” I take a pull off the beer in front of me. “Be careful what you’re askin’ for, sweetheart. Make sure you can handle it.”
“I think I saved Stella today and I showed you how important my job is for the world at large. That should count for something.”
She’s right, it does count for a lot, but there’s always going to be a fear I have after seeing what I saw. “You didn’t see what I did,” I argue.
Blaze gets in my face. “And you didn’t see what I did when you were in that truck, Trevor. The difference between us? I told you after it happened, I told you how scared I was, I shared my feelings. You’ve been tight-lipped about everything when it comes to the day you got smacked in the face with how real my job actually is. It’s not fair to me, it’s not fair to us, and it’s going to fucking ruin our relationship. Is that what you want?”
My leg bounces up and down with barely restrained anger and I’m doing my best not to take everything out on her, but fuck if I’m not pissed. “No it’s not what I want, but I want you to get it through your thick head you could have died!”
“Same with you!” Her voice is high-pitched before she bites her lip and blows out a calming deep breath. When she speaks again, she’s more in control of her emotions. “Help me understand, Trev. You know what I saw, because I told you. To be completely honest, I don’t remember a whole lot about that day,” she grabs my beer and takes a drink. “All I knew was I didn’t want to die, and I was praying to God to let me go home that night.”
She’s asking me for something I don’t know that I can give her. I’ve tried with everything in me to forget that day, but somehow if I close my eyes, I can take myself back to those mind-numbing moments like they were yesterday.
“You were wearing the uniform you hate. The one you accidentally shrunk a little in the chest when you washed it. You know, the one that gapes at the buttons. Your hair was curly and you had a braid going from the left side in the front to where it ended on the right at your shoulder. That day you’d lined your eyes with that black shit you like to use, and it made the green in them pop,” I speak almost robotically. “I know because I looked into your eyes the entire fucking time I stood to the side and let someone else save you because they had the hostage negotiation training,” I turn around so I’m not facing her anymore, putting my hands on my hips. “When all I really wanted to do was un-holster my gun and put one right between his fucking eyes for putting the fear in yours.”
I shove my fingers through my hair and hold the back of my scalp as the memory hits me like a brick in the chest.
Holden’s voice comes over the radio. “There’s a domestic situation at 1345 Main Street. EMS is on scene trying to administer to a patient having an episode. Call just came in that the man has taken a female medic hostage. Sources at the scene say there is a gun involved. Whoever can respond, please do so with extreme care in mind. Myself and a negotiator are in route.”
My pulse pounds in my throat as Ryan and I glance at one another.
“It wouldn’t be Blaze, would it?” He questions, holding on as I take a turn a little too fast.
“Could be,” I answer between clenched teeth. “She’s on shift today, and when I texted her about thirty minutes ago, she didn’t answer. Normally when she doesn’t answer, she’s busy.”
We’re both quiet as we take in the fact one of our own could be in danger. We work a lot with EMS, and they work a lot with us. In our occupations, you watch out for one another, and we’re all incredibly close when it comes down to it. None of us wants the others to hurt, and those EMS men and women are there for us in some of our darkest hours. This job isn’t easy, and every once in a while, someone gets hurt. It’s up to them to put us back together or to keep us calm until we can get to the hospital. I imagine it isn’t easy for them to administer to us, but they do, and I have the utmost respect for them.
But what I have right now is the worst fear I’ve ever felt in my heart for my girlfriend. We made it official a few weeks ago. I let a small smile spread across my face. I haven’t had a girlfriend in fucking years, but there’s something about Blaze, she gets me like no one else ever has. I’ve kept quiet about it for the most part because I’m scared to jinx it. The only people who truly know what’s going on between us are my sister and my best friend.
As I pull our squad car up to the house, I see where the ambulance has parked. Logan, Blaze’s partner, is standing next to the open back doors of the bus, talking to someone. They’re blocked by the angle it’s sitting. Both Ryan and I make sure we have our vests on before we try to make contact. It’s then I see the department’s hostage negotiator, sitting his gun down on the pavement. As we get closer, I can make out his words.
“Leonard, you don’t need this woman. Let her go and we can talk about whatever it is you need to talk about. But we can do that without her.”
My blood goes cold and immediately the adrenaline flows through my body. I’m not sure what I thought when I didn’t see Blaze. Maybe she was in the back, tending to another patient or sitting in the driver’s seat, getting ready for them to take off? I move closer to get a look at what’s going on, and my heart stops.
There’s the woman I made love to not twelve hours ago, standing on the sidewalk with an arm wrapped around her neck, a man holding her back to his front and the barrel of his gun resting against her temple. I lose my breath and damn near almost lose my mind. Ryan grabs my vest as I make a move to go toward her.
“Don’t even think about it. He’ll put her down before you can get there.” His voice is low in the tense atmosphere.
“How am I supposed to sit here and watch this?” I can hear the pain, the frustration in my voice. “I was a goddamn sniper. They need to let me take this guy out.”
“If this can be resolved peacefully, that’s what needs to happen,” Ryan argues, playing devil’s advocate.
I hold back what I want to tell him. Starts with kiss and ends with my ass. He isn’t in my position, doesn’t know how I feel, and can’t even begin to fathom it right now. I’m trying very hard to keep my shit together, but it won’t take much for me to explode.
“Calm down,” Ryan crowds me, making it so I can’t see Blaze anymore. “Take some deep breathes and calm the fuck down. You can’t let this guy see you this worked up. He sees it? He’s going to use it. You have to stay calm and know your lady knows what she’s doing – she has training just like we do. Trust our team and know they won’t let anything happen to one of ours.”
I walk away because I know he’s right. Hardest fucking thing I’ve ever done in my life. Walking away and letting her stay on that sidewalk with him. The sun is beating down on this hot ass, Alabama day. I almost wish it were overcast and raining, at least then the sun wouldn’t be in our eyes and we’d all have a better chance of having a visual. The hotter this guy gets, the more apt he’ll be to go off book from how we think he’ll proceed.
“Is there anything you need, Leonard?” I hear the negotiator ask.
“Don’t wanna go back to that hospital,” he cries.
I can hear the despair and fear in his voice, and for a split-second I feel sorry for him. He’s been dealt an obviously shitty life card. He has an illness, one that needs treatment, but the illness doesn’t allow him to admit it.
“They won’t keep you Leonard, they’ll make you feel better.”
He shouts again, this time anger fills his voice. “They’ll give me those pills and I won’t feel like myself. I don’t like it when I don’t feel like myself. I walk around in a haze and days go by before I realize what’s going on.”
“You and I both know it’ll happen in the beginning, but after a few weeks you’ll be able to go back to your job at the Quick Stop. Don’t you miss your friends there?”
Everyone stops talking, and I let out the breath I’ve been holding before I turn around and look at the scene again. This time I’m as calm and composed as I can be – as I’ll get. My eyes focus on Blaze and my heart rips out of my chest. Anyone who doesn’t know her will think she’s got this together. Her façade appears unaffected, but me, I see it. Her bottom lip is slightly trembling. She’s got her hands formed into fists, gripping the uniform material at her thighs. And that’s when I make my biggest mistake of all – I let myself look into her eyes.
It’s like a scene out of a movie. Between people, distance, and the intensity in the air, the two of us lock gazes. My stomach drops like it does on the first hill of a roller coaster, it’s somewhere down at my feet as I see the fear in her eyes. Tears are pooled behind the black stuff she uses to make her green eyes pop, and I want so badly to reach out to her and take her in my arms. Tell her this is all gonna be okay. I mouth to her I LOVE YOU, because I want her to know. We’ve been saying it a little here and there, it wasn’t this grand declaration of feelings. Nothing with us ever is. It was organic, and to be honest, I can’t even remember the first time I told her. All I know is one day she kissed me on the cheek as I left, told me she loved me, and I said it back. Everything with our relationship has been easy. Until today. Today I feel as if someone’s dropped an anvil on my head and it woke me the fuck up. We can’t continue to live in our bubble. Neither one of us have jobs that will allow us to.
Blaze nods, her bottom lip sticking a bit further out and I see her trying to keep the tears from rolling down her cheeks. She’s a proud woman, and the most beautiful one I’ve ever seen in my life.
“It’s okay,” I say. “You’re gonna be fine, babe.”
People look at me, I can feel their eyes on me, but the only person I care about it is the redhead with the green eyes, looking at me like I’m a superhero for giving her a little bit of hope.
“Don’t do that,” Ryan warns me. “Don’t turn his attention on you.”
I would gladly take every bit of his attention. I’d trade places with her in a nanosecond. I rest my hand on the butt of my gun, ready to pull it if I need to. God, I want to. As a sniper, I had kills that I can never talk about, ones that left me upset for days, but this one – to save her – I would do it without any kind of hesitation.
Our hostage negotiator is talking to him again. “Leonard, aren’t you hot? It’s a hot day, let us bring you some water. If not you, let us bring the lady some.”
His hand shakes uncontrollably as he holds the gun to her head. I watch a trail of sweat as it runs from his forehead, down his cheek, and pools at his neck, getting soaked up by the cotton of his shirt. Damn right he’s hot, he’s tired, and he’s scared. He’s probably got the most amazing adrenaline high of his life, which means he’s the most dangerous motherfucker on the planet right now.
“I wanna go inside,” he announces. “There’s air conditioning, and she’ll be comfortable,” he runs a hand down Blaze’s neck, caressing the column, before he closes his palm around her throat. I almost roar with anger. Nobody touches her but me, not like that, not the way he is. I make another move, and this time Ryan loops an arm around my waist from behind, using his body weight to keep me from going at them.
“Take it down a notch, bro. You can’t do what you want to. I get it though, I get it,” he’s telling me, trying to calm me down. “The best thing you can do right now is cool off. If Holden sees this, he will pull you outta here so fast, your head will spin. Get your shit together.”
It’s easier said than done, but I regulate my breathing, slow my heart rate down, and try to take stock of the situation in front of us. My girl is holding on like a champ. The only one who can tell she’s freaking out is me, and it’s because I know her so well. She seems like she has it all together; I send her every bit of good energy I have. Until my heart drops in my feet again as he starts pulling her back toward the house.
“No!” Everyone yells, me included.
“Leonard, you can’t take her inside. You take her inside, we will come get her out,” the negotiator threatens.
I wonder at that moment if it’s smart to be threatening this man. He’s crying now, his moods are shifting quickly.
“I just want a friend, and she can be my friend,” he tightens his grip on her throat. I can tell by the way she grimaces.
“I can be your friend,” Holden steps up from where he’s been standing to the side, putting his gun down on the ground, holding his hands up. “Let her come out here, and I can be your friend. You can take me and do whatever you want with me. She’s tired, Leonard. Aren’t you tired? She’s just as tired as you are.”
“But she tried to help me,” he argues. “She told me things were going to be fine, and she’d make sure of it.”
“She did try to help you buddy, and you put a gun to her head. How can she trust you?”
“How can I trust her?” He shifts again.
This is bad, his shifting moods. He’s hot, he’s irritated, and he’s got a gun to the woman I love’s head. Right now I’m not even interested in how this ends. All I want is my arms around her. I want to feel her heartbeat against mine. More than anything I want to tuck her head under my chin and feel the bite of her nails around my waist. When Blaze hugs, she hugs for all she’s worth. I need that hug right now, I want to give one back in return.
It’s then I see someone approaching from behind. Leonard can’t see Mason, the quietest member of our team, who goes by the name of Mace because basically because he gets in, gets the job done, and does it with the quickest efficiency any of us have ever seen. We joke it’s because he’s a single dad, and has to jerk it fast. Today I’m not joking, and my heart is in my throat as I see him get closer to the two standing on the sidewalk.
I can’t even hear anymore what’s being said, I’m not even paying attention to it. My eyes are again locked with Blaze’s and I’m trying to communicate to her to wait, we’re coming. Quick as a cobra, Mace puts his arms around Leonard, takes the gun, subdues him, and has him on the ground. Literally it was in the blink of an eye.
Blaze’s knees give out as I run to her, gathering her up as she collapses. We crumble in a heap against the hot concrete. She’s shaking and crying, burying her head in my chest. Her tears wet the piece of skin that’s not covered by my vest and I want to rage again for the fact someone’s upset her this much.
“I got you babe, I got you,” I’m breathing like I’ve run a marathon. Pulling back, I frame her face with my hands, running them over her, making sure she’s still in one piece.
“I know,” she nods, swallowing those tears. “I know, but oh my God, I was so scared. I’ve never been that scared before.”
Neither have I, and it’s hard to keep my own hands and body from shaking. The adrenaline is coursing through me, making it hard for me to take in anything going on around us except for Blaze. I capture her lips with mine, not caring who sees. We’ve tried to keep our relationship on the quiet side just because we didn’t want any of the usual teasing our friends are capable of, but right now I couldn’t give two fucks.
“Sorry you two, but Blaze, they say I have to check you out,” Logan interrupts us, the look on his face one of regret. “I told them we could wait a minute, but all the supervisors want to make sure you’re okay.”
She looks at me, almost as if she’s asking for permission, which is nothing like her. She’s more of the ask forgiveness rather than permission sort. That alone tells me how much this has affected her. “Go on,” I push her toward Logan. “Put everybody’s mind at ease, I’ll come get you in a minute.”
She leans into me, wrapping her arms around my neck. “I love you, Trevor.”
The broken tone of her voice does me in. “Love you, too,” I whisper as I kiss her forehead. We stand up, and I help her to the ambulance, before I go to find a moment alone.
Once I’m around the back of the house, I lean into the brick wall, bracing myself with my hand. It doesn’t take much until everything I’ve eaten all day comes up. I try to tell myself I’m okay, it’s just reaction and it won’t be so bad in a few hours, but I know that’s kind of a lie. I’m not sure I’ll ever be okay again.
“And now I have to be okay, because I’ve seen you save people we care about. I see the joy it brings you and the safety and security it brings to the people around you,” he reaches in, grabbing hold of my waist. “It’s scary, sharing you with the world.”
“If I explain to you why I do what I do, why I have to do it, will you listen? Will you try to understand?”
Her voice is thick, strained, and so full of emotion I can’t help but agree to it. In this moment, she’s the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen her, and I know if I don’t meet her in the middle, she’s going to eventually run.
“Please,” I grasp her chin, pulling her to me for a forceful kiss, one of ownership, but also one of a desperate man trying to hold onto the most important thing in his life. “Let me in.”