When I walk into the apartment I share with Marie and Gabby, I’m met with grumpy stares. I find the two of them lying on opposite sides of the couch with their faces buried in their phones while Sixteen Candles plays on the TV in the background.
“You two look like death warmed over,” I tease them, as I take off my heels and set my purse down on the small dining room table.
Marie flips me off, but Gabby just grunts, saying, “Well, my vagina feels like it’s trying to eat the rest of my body, so yeah, I probably don’t look so hot.”
I blink, her comment causing panic to race through me as I pull out my cell to look at the date on the screen.
“It’s that time of the month again already?” I mumble the question under my breath, mainly to myself, before pushing my phone back into my dress pants. I’m not experiencing any cramping or the usual cravings I have for mint chocolate chip ice cream, and I should be.
“You haven’t started yet?” Marie sits up as if she can read my mind, looking at me with eyes full of concern. I shake my head no, but cover up any further questions with an easy response.
“No, not yet, but I’m sure I will be soon. We’re like clockwork around here. Always in sync with each other.” I smile, half lying to myself and to Marie. She eyes me thoughtfully, like she’s trying to read further into my words.
The anxious feeling that fills my stomach when our eyes collide annoys me. I’m still upset over what happened between us, but I also don’t want to be. I want things to be normal, like they were before I brought up Ryker. Instead they’re tense, almost like a line has been drawn in the sand with each of us standing on a different side. I want to ask her what her problem is, but I’m also scared. The only possibility that makes sense is she and Ryker had some kind of relationship, and if that’s the case, I can never go there with him again.
“What’s for dinner?” I’m hoping a change in the subject will distract my mind from thoughts of Ryker having sex with Marie. Those thoughts along with what my period being late can mean will drive me crazy if I let them. Being late is the last thing I need, especially since I can’t remember if Ryker and I even used a condom.
Gabby’s answer makes me giggle. “Sleep. Sleep, alcohol, and Midol. My own personal concoction.” I’m not at all surprised. Most of the time she drinks an entire bottle of wine and begs me to watch an entire season of Grey’s Anatomy.
“So, should I just order a pizza?” Marie doesn’t answer and Gabby merely grunts. Fine. If they don’t want to choose, I’ll order one for myself and they can figure themselves out later. All I want is to get out of my work clothes and have my freak out in peace.
When I make it to my bedroom, I close the door and sag against it. It feels like there are a thousand secrets floating between all of us, the weight of most of them weighing heavily on my shoulders—this thing with Ryker and his up-and-down emotions, Marie’s strange hate for Ryker, and now the fact that my period is late. I’m choosing to stick my head in the sand and ignore that last one for now. It’s not like I can change anything now. It’s almost too much for me to bear, though. I squeeze my eyes shut and will away the tears trying to escape them. I will not cry. I refuse to.
After changing into a pair of pajama pants and a tank top, I sit on the edge of my bed, clutching my phone in my hands. I know I should pull up the app I have on it that will tell me exactly when I’m due, but if I don’t look, I won’t have a reason to panic. Plus, there’s that whole head in the sand thing. That’s what I’m telling myself anyway.
Besides, let’s be for real. This entire month has been stressful. Between the papers I had to write for school, all the internship interviews and rejections, Mom’s latest drama with my father… and of course, the night I had with Ryker and the way he treated me when we “met” again, it’s no wonder I’m out of sync. Stress can cause problems with your body, it can cause your cycle to be late, or even cause you to miss periods altogether. I’m almost positive I read that somewhere once.
Oh God… What will I do if stress isn’t the problem? The thought makes me nauseous. I can’t afford a baby right now, and there’s no way Ryker will believe me if I tell him I’m actually the woman from the bar and that I’m pregnant with his baby. The entire situation has my thoughts going a million miles a minute and I just can’t deal with it all right now.
There’s a quiet knock on my bedroom door, startling me, and I find myself rushing to the door without much thought. When I twist the knob, I pull it open with way more effort than I need to, and when I see Marie standing in the doorway, my heart lodges in my throat.
“Can we talk for a second?” Her voice is soft, almost timid, the anxious look in her eyes telling me how uncomfortable having this conversation makes her.
I find myself wondering how what happened between her and Ryker, and how it will affect our friendship. She steps into the room, stopping right in front of the bed. “Of course, Marie. You’re my best friend, why wouldn’t we be able to talk?”
“My intention wasn’t to start a fight or upset you last night. I just have some things going on, and I’m worried you’re going to get hurt.” Her eyes lift from the floor to meet mine, the concern she has for me etched into her features, proving her intentions are true.
I hate that she thinks the worst of Ryker. It makes me wonder if he’s truly the person I think he is. Maybe I’m the one making stupid choices. “I’m not going to get hurt. I’m okay. I swear.”
“No, that’s not what I mean.” She holds a hand up to silence me. I stare at her, not sure what she’s trying to say. She doesn’t want me to get hurt, but she’s not telling me what she knows either. “I just… I can’t tell you what’s going on right now.”
Well, that clears everything up. I want to ask her what it is she’s hiding, but at the same time, I don’t want to know, especially if it means my judgment of him is so off. And, I want to give her the chance to tell me without pushing her.
“Marie,” I plead with her, taking another step closer. This is my best friend. The girl who helped me when I was struggling in classes, the one who listened to me complain about boys, periods, and all my stupid family drama. If she wants to protect me from something, I should listen, even if it is about Ryker.
“Marie, please tell me what’s going on. I’m here for you, and so is Gabby. You can talk to us about anything, you know that, right?” I try reassure her while praying she’ll spill the beans, even though I can tell she’s not going to tell me anything. There’s a panicked look in her eyes that worries me.
What is her secret?
“Look, when I’m ready to tell you both, I will. Until then, don’t worry about me. I’m stronger than I look, and I didn’t come in here to have you question me. I only wanted to apologize for my outburst yesterday and tell you that things aren’t always what they seem. I’ve learned a lot about the Winston’s over the years, and trust me, they have more secrets than you could ever imagine.” She’s not looking at me when she speaks, and I know I’m missing something, I just don’t know what.
I try to cajole her, saying, “If he hurt you, Marie, I swear to God…” My words trail off and I sigh, running a hand through my long blonde hair. There are a million different thoughts running rampant in my mind. Is Ryker really capable of hurting someone like Marie says? I don’t want to think that he is, but then again, I don’t know him well enough to say he isn’t.
“Just protect yourself, okay?” She pauses before pulling away, her body turning toward the door. “It might seem like he’s interested, but that doesn’t mean he wants to keep you around long-term. Protect your heart and follow your gut, that’s all I’m saying.”
She’s talking in riddles when all I want is for her to explain what the Winston’s did to her. The things she’s saying make me think it wasn’t just Ryker, but all of them.
Marie gives me one last glance over her shoulder, a sad smile forming on her lips as she walks out the door. I want to chase her down and beg her to explain, but I can’t… I won’t.
It has to be on her terms, and that unsettles me, because with each passing day, I find myself growing closer to Ryker. If he or one of his brother’s hurt her, I’m not sure what I’ll do. I want to believe that nothing bad happened, but I have no way of knowing, and not knowing kills me.
Lying down on the mattress, I close my eyes for a moment, telling myself I’ll order food in a minute, but as soon as my eyes shut, I see Ryker’s face above mine, the memories of our one night together surging to the forefront of my mind.