I wake with a startle. A sheen of sweat covers my body, and I’m acutely aware of Ryker’s sticky body against mine. The sex we shared was full of passion and heat, leaving me blissfully pleased, and I wish more than anything in the world I could stay in bed with him, but I can’t.
As soon as I untangle myself from Ryker’s body, I feel the guilt over what we have done in the pit of my belly. I let him kiss me and fuck me without telling him I’m pregnant with his baby. What was I thinking? Sitting on the edge of the mattress, I hold my head in my hands, feeling like total shit, even though my body feels deliciously worked over.
Shifting, I look over my shoulder at Ryker, who is sleeping like a rock. It’s like déjà vu all over again, and I know I’m going to get up at any second, put my clothes on, and walk out the door. There’s no way I can be here when he wakes up. I’m too embarrassed and too freaked out about the fact that I wound up here again, even though I knew it was a bad decision to come over in the first place.
I hate myself a little more as I get up from the bed, slipping each article of clothing on as I find it. Squeezing my eyes shut, I tell myself I can never have Ryker the way I want him. He doesn’t know about the baby growing inside of me, and when he finds out, he could think it’s a joke, or me trying to force him to stay with me. I don’t let myself think about the possibility that he could hate me for keeping it a secret from him. I know I haven’t known for very long, but it’s something I should have told him the minute I found out, and I didn’t.
Instead of staying and being honest with him, I walk out of his apartment in yesterday’s clothes, hoping no one sees me doing this walk of shame. My body shakes as I leave, the door sealing closed silently behind me. When I make it down to my car, the guilt has started to overtake me, and tears slip from my eyes and down my cheeks.
I should’ve told him. I should’ve fucking stayed so I could tell him.
I beat my hands against the steering wheel and jump when my phone chimes with an incoming text message.
Do I even want to look at it?
What if it’s Ryker? I start the engine, intending to leave and ignore it, but curiosity consumes me, so I grab my phone off the passenger seat and suck in a deep breath before looking down at the message.
It’s not Ryker demanding I come back, and I’m disappointed when I see Fallon’s name on the screen.
Fallon: Hope you’re doing well? Just wanted to know if you wanted to come to my bachelorette party next Saturday?
Deciding to think on it before I answer, I drive home instead of answering her. My heart aches in my chest as my thoughts swirl. I know Ryker will wake up expecting me there in his bed, and I wonder if he’ll hurt as much as I do. It hurts me more than I expected it to, and that terrifies me.
Am I falling in love with him?
As I park, my phone chimes once more, and I’m almost afraid to look at it. Getting lucky once with Fallon sending a message the first time mostly likely means this message is from Ryker, and that scares me to death.
Except I’m shocked when I grab the phone and see that it’s instead Fallon who texted me again.
Fallon: PS.. it would really mean a lot to me to have you there.
I laugh to myself, knowing I won’t be able to tell her no, so I respond to a text letting her know I’d be honored. My pussy tingles as my thighs rub together and the memory of the way Ryker possessed me pushes to the forefront of my mind.
“I want to keep you forever so I can worship every inch of your body.” He murmurs the words against my skin as he enters me so slowly my body trembles.
I can’t feel anything but him and the way his body claims me.
“Would you want that, Ava? To be mine?” he asks with a deep thrust that causes a moan to escape my lips. I want to deny to myself and to him the way I feel, but I know it’s no good. I’ve never felt the way I do right now, with anyone.
“Yes, I want to be yours,” I whisper, feeling my insides turn to mush as he brings me to orgasm again, my body soaring to new heights as waves of pleasure overtake me for the third time that night.
“Miss?” I blink, strangely aware of someone calling out to me. “Your purse?” A man points to the wallet at my feet. I move slowly, realizing that I stalled in the middle of walking up to my apartment, all at the memory of Ryker and his irresistible lips, tongue, and cock. My cheeks warm, even though I know the stranger knows nothing of what I was daydreaming about.
I pick up the wallet and wave him on. “Thank you,” I call out, heading up to my apartment, wondering how the hell I’m going to get away with avoiding Ryker when he’s my boss and soon-to-be baby daddy.
He’s going to be pissed, and worst of all, he’s going to expect answers. What the hell will I do when I have none for him? I feel bad about leaving him this morning, but I feel worse about keeping our baby a secret.
As I enter my apartment, the only thought in my head is how I can avoid him until I’m ready to tell him when I just agreed to go to Fallon’s bachelorette party. Even if the party wasn’t a concern, I have no idea if Andi and Derek have started spreading rumors around at work.
Gabby is sitting at the dining room table when I walk in, a bowl of cereal and People magazine sitting in front of her.
She looks up from the magazine, eyeing me curiously. “Is that a walk of shame or something else?” The smile on her lips gives her away, and I cross the room, punching her gently on her arm before heading into the kitchen for something to eat. My stomach has been grumbling since I woke up this morning.
“I stayed over at Ryker’s last night,” I announce, getting a glass from the cabinet and the carton of orange juice from the fridge. I’m not normally a huge orange juice drinker, but the baby must like it because I could drink it all day now.
“And? Did you tell him about the baby?” I bite the inside of my cheek and shake my head no. I wonder if Marie told her about the pregnancy test or if she spotted the baby book sitting on the table in the living room.
“I’m too afraid to tell him. I don’t want him thinking I’m lying or trying to get money from him.”
Gabby shoves a spoonful of cereal into her mouth and nods. “I get that, but the longer you wait, the harder it will be. If you wait too long, you’ll miss out on doing all the baby stuff together instead of alone.”
Gulping juice from my cup, I ponder what she’s said. “What if he doesn’t want the baby though?” I ask nervously. Gabby doesn’t even skip a beat, like she knew what my question would be before I asked it.
“How do you know if you never tell him? Just because every man you’ve met has been a piece of shit doesn’t mean he is. Give him the benefit of the doubt, Ava.” Her voice is stern, and I know she’s right.
“You know you’re the second person to tell me that,” I mumble under my breath, knowing I’m backed into a corner.
“Let me guess, your mom was the other person?” she questions over her shoulder, her dark gaze piercing mine.
I smile. “Actually, it was. She said to give him a chance, but I’m too terrified to see what his reaction is to actually tell him.”
Gabby shrugs like it’s no big deal. “You’ll never know if you don’t try, right?”
“Right,” I agree, knowing it’s true. I won’t know unless I try, but I could also ruin whatever fragile bond we’ve created with nothing more than two words.
“I’m here for you, girl, but you have to give that man a chance and let him decide for himself. You can’t just assume he’s going to be the same as your dad. They’re two different people, and your situation isn’t the same as your mom’s was.”
I let Gabby’s words sink in as I finish drinking my juice, my hand rubbing against my non-existent belly. She’s right. I have to tell him, and I have to tell him soon if I want him to be there for everything.
First, though, I have to get up the courage to tell him, when just the simple thought makes me want to puke all over the floor.