The words burn against my tongue and make me feel nauseous. I’ve never told anyone I love them before, not aside from my family, and they don’t count. Telling the two hunks sitting beside me that I love them is nerve-racking. That and Caine has me all flustered with his words of what will happen when I tell them those three words.
It was tempting to step out of line and say I love you, but I need to prove my mother wrong, and to tell her that I’ve found not one but two men to satisfy me.
But now that I’m in the truck, stuck between their two warm bodies with the smell of their colognes filling my nostrils I’m tempted to break the rules again.
“You’re quiet, princess….” Knox whispers into my ear and sending shivers down my spine. He’s intoxicating, with one of his large hands resting against my thigh, and his hot breath fanning against my throat. If I wasn’t already soaking wet with need, I am now.
I don’t want to tell them how nervous I am, though I’m sure they can already tell. I’m beginning to think they know me better than I know myself. Biting my lip, I studiously avoid looking at either of them, but Caine’s hand against my other thigh forces me to lift my eyes to his tender gaze.
“You don’t need to worry about today. No matter what happens, you’re coming home with us. Knox and I? We don’t give a damn what your bitch of a mother has to say. There’s nothing she can tell you that will make us think what we’re doing is wrong.” The tension in my body leaves in a rush at his words. I need that reassurance from him, need to know that going to this party won’t cost me everything that matters.
Caine takes a right onto the road where my mom’s new husband’s house is and sweat pricks against my palms. I’m about to tell my mother off, and then tell the two men beside me that I love them both so they can take me home and show me they feel the same.
Barreling down the road, Caine hooks a left and we continue driving except this time we’re headed down the driveway. The closer we get, the more panicked I become. Why did I ever think telling my mom about my daddies was the best course of action? She’s going to be so pissed, and I’m sure my step-father will have plenty to say too. Then there’s all the people that will be here…
The nerves start to overtake me and before I realize it I’m on the verge of a panic attack.
“Relax Maddie. It’s going to be fine.” Knox assures me once more, rubbing my thigh soothingly while my eyes almost bulge out of my head as I take in the twenty plus cars lined along the driveway.
“I can’t do it. I can’t do it,” I chant mainly to myself. Caine pulls behind a BMW and throws the truck into park his body swiveling towards mine without warning. It startles me enough that my attention leaves Knox and I look up into his dark, concerned eyes.
I want to see myself the way Caine sees me, instead of being the scared little girl that I’m acting like right now.
“You can do it, and you will. Knox and I will be here no matter what. If you want to tell your mom you’ve found the men of your dreams fine. If you don’t, who cares? All that matters to us is you…” He growls the last words, his lips descending on mine. As soon as they touch mine, I feel this soul searing need to be everything they need and more, and I know I have to do this. I have too. Hiding my relationship with these two men isn’t an option because I never want them to think I’m ashamed of them.Not when I would do anything in my power to keep them as my own.
“You’re right. I’m going to go in there and tell her I’m done with her bullshit and that I don’t want to be hooked up with her new husbands friends sons or whatever it is she has plans for me to do.” I hold my head high, letting the words resonate through me and watch with amazement as Knox and Caine smile at each other, an unspoken message passing between them again. I’ve noticed they do that a lot. They’ve been friends for so long, they don’t even have to speak aloud most of the time.
“That’s our girl, and if you’re good in here, maybe, just maybe while give you a surprise when we get home.” Knox chuckles as they open up both doors and I escape out the passenger side. I smooth a hand down the front of my dress, and push away the nervous butterflies.
“Beautiful.” Caine mutters as I kiss them both on the cheek and walk up the gravel driveway towards the big huge entrance of the house. Greg’s house is a hundred year old plantation home with big white pillars out front. The place itself is beautiful but isn’t admired by the people that own it. He and my mom worry more about making sure people know he’s the third in his generation to live here.
I walk up the concrete steps, the sounds of muffled laughter and wine glasses clinking together fill my ears. The place is decorated beautifully, and for a moment I do nothing but stare inside, as if walking across the threshold will change everything, and it will…
Won’t it?
Seconds tick by and I’m greeted by one of the many caters walking around with hordevours and wine, and even though I shouldn’t drink I snag a flute off one of the trays giving the man carrying it around a friendly smile because it’s the least I can do knowing he has to deal with my mother and Greg.
I press the flute to my lips and tip it back downing the bubbly liquid, letting it warm me from the inside out. I’m nervous but the wine takes the edge off, and just in time because as soon as I finish downing the liquid I spot my mother’s brand new husband making his way towards me.
I have half a mind to start walking in the opposite direction and just tell him I didn’t see him in the crowd but instead I stay rooted in place, knowing wherever Greg is my mother can’t be very far behind.
“Maddie.” Greg greets me, my name dripping from his lips. His eyes roam up and down my body, excitement showing in them as he examines me to see if I’m dressed well enough to be here. The way he’s looking at me makes me feel dirty. Not even five minutes in his company and I’m ready to burn this dress. The way he undresses me with his eyes is gross. I tried to tell my mom, but she told me to stop making trouble. She accused me of trying to sleep with him when it was the other way around.
“Where’s my mother?” I ask skipping the pleasantries. I’m not here to talk to or be ogled by Greg. I’m here for my mother and her slimy husband just gives me more confidence that what I’m about to do is the right thing.
“Oh she’s around…” He continues looking at me as if I’m nothing more than a piece of meat that he can devour whenever he chooses. I swallow past the lump in my throat and look at anything but him. People pass by, unaware of the things that the man in front of me has done. Unaware of how horrible he is, how corrupt he is.
“Well if she’s not here right now then I’m leaving. I came specifically to talk to her.” Anger laces my words and I take a step back, wanting to escape Greg’s presence all together. I’m seconds away from walking away when Greg grabs me by the arm with his meaty hand, his fingers digging painfully into my arm.
“You’re hurting me.” I growl pulling out of his grip. He’s guided us to a more closed off corner of the room, and anxious butterflies erupt in my belly because I know this is wrong, and bad, so very bad.
“I saw you outside with those men. Two of them Maddie? Hell, if I’d known you put out so easily I would’ve fucked you a long time ago.” Greg sneers, a sinister look in his eyes. My hand twitches with the desire to slap him, but before I can two very large, very familiar bodies step in front of me, pushing me back behind them.
They’re shielding me. Protecting me.
“What the fuck did you just say?” Caine asks first. I peek between their arms looking at Greg’s flabbergasted expression.
“First who the hell invited you, and second did you think I would just leave town without knowing where my stepdaughter was staying?” Greg takes a drink of the brown liquid swirling around in his glass. He’s unfazed, and completely uncaring to the fact that Knox and Caine could, and probably will fuck up what he thinks is a handsome face.
Caine laughs at his audacity, but Knox is the one who speaks. “We don’t need an invite to some shitty party where you try and force Maddie to have sex with some young asshole that’s one of your friend’s sons.” Knox growls venom filling his voice.
Greg chuckles, “I think it’d be best if you two left, seeing as you’re housing and most likely sleeping with the little slut.” I gasp, shocked, but not really that Greg would talk about me in such an unkind manner while I’m standing right here. “I wouldn’t have to ‘force’ her, clearly. She’s giving it up to you two neanderthals easily enough.” He’s so smug. I don’t know how he knows so much about what’s happened since he and mom went on vacation, but I don’t get a chance to ask.
“Who the fuck do you have watching us?” Caine growls, taking Greg by the throat, the glass in his hand falling to the ground and shattering. Caine’s reaction to Greg’s comment only proves that I’ve been staying with them, and most definitely sleeping with them. I’m not ashamed about it, but I don’t want Caine and Knox to be hurt or get in trouble because of me.
“Alright, what the hell is going on!?” My mother’s firm voice has me whirling around as she rushes through the crowd and in our direction, her eyes going wide when she sees Caine holding Greg by the throat. Knox wraps an arm around me protectively, pushing me behind him.
“Seems your ex-husband has a thing for your daughter…” Greg chuckles, even as Caine seethes with anger, his eyes never leaving Greg’s face. I can tell the moment the words register in my mother’s mind, and within seconds she’s opening the doors behind us and ushering us into the room.
Caine releases Greg with a shove, causing him to trip over his own feet and land hard against the leather sofa. Greg starts to get up, but Caine’s growled, “Don’t,” makes him freeze in place, halfway between leaning against the sofa and standing upright.
I start before anyone can stop me knowing if I don’t I’ll never get the words out, “It doesn’t matter if I’m sleeping with Caine or Knox, or even both of them. I didn’t come here to discuss that. I came here to tell you that I’m not going to do this anymore. I’m old enough to make my own choices and I’m not required to be with a man that you choose for me.”
My mom scoffs, and I turn to face her. Before I can reiterate my words, she steps up to me, pointing her razor-sharp nail tipped finger in my face. “You might be nineteen, Maddie, but as long as you live in my house, you’ll live by my rules.” I open my mouth to tell her that’s fine because I won’t be living here anymore, but she talks right over me. “And trust me when I tell you, if you go through with this...this...thing with these two men, you can kiss any tuition help goodbye.”
“She don’t need your fucking money. I’ll pay for her to go to school. I’ll house her and I’ll take care of her like you should’ve been doing all along.” Knox speaks but he’s cool, calm and collective while Caine is barely containing his anger.
“When you say care you mean fucking her right?” Greg chuckles once more, and Caine unleashes on him, his fists slamming into Greg's face, the crunching sound of knuckles against bone filling the air and yet he continues to slug him, one punch after the other.
My mother’s voice pierces the air as Knox tries to separate Caine from Greg. Panic gripping me from moving even moving an inch.
“If you don’t want to live by my rules and standards, dating someone acceptable that will help further your stepfather’s career instead of being with your ex-stepfather…” Her face sours, “and his friend then you can leave right now. I will not have such a disgraceful child mare my precious appearance.” She crosses her arms over her chest and I see the distaste in her eyes. She really means what she’s saying and if I’m being honest her words hurt more than I thought they would.
It’s not that I thought she would be accepting of our relationship, but I didn’t think she’d be so upset and basically disown me. She’s my mom. Isn’t your mom supposed to love you no matter what you do? Apparently not when it might make people talk.
Though I prepared myself for this response, knowing all too well that what other people think will always outweigh her love for me.
“If that’s what you want, so be it.” I hide the pain in my voice, moving towards the door without realizing that I am. I need to leave, to get out, to be free of my mother’s precious world, with her so-called perfect husband and appearance.
She never loved me, not really. I was never anything more than an item she could parade around to make her look better for her friends and husbands.
“It’s what I want.” Her words pierce my heart and I’m running from the room, hate igniting a fire deep in my belly. I don’t slow down until I reach the truck and I realize then that everything’s going to be okay. I’ve got Knox. I’ve got Caine.
They’ll protect me.
They’ll provide for me.
They’ll love me.
And I’ll always be good enough for them, even though I wasn’t good enough for her.