ROUTINE HAD BECOME my friend over the passing months. It was the only way I could get through each day without anxiety completely overwhelming me. I wasn’t miserable; I wasn’t even unhappy. I had become…resigned. This was my life now. Well, for the next few weeks or so it was.
With my ascension quickly approaching, I could no longer sweep it under the rug. I couldn’t ignore the changes taking over my body. My eyesight was clearer, sharper. My hearing was magnified. My reflexes were quicker than any ordinary human. And I felt good. Better than good. I felt incredibly empowered in a way I never knew possible. And I loved it.
That’s why I needed to see Solara. I had so many questions for her and I needed to know I was making the right decision. I had been visiting the abandoned parking lot for weeks, hoping to see the illusion of the coffee shop. But it never returned. She never came to me, no matter how hard I tried to conjure her memory.
Resolving to head home, I click on my seatbelt just as my cell phone buzzes. Seeing the name on the screen, I smile and open the attached message from Jared. It was hard not to smile these days when he had made it his mission to brighten each one with his presence.
From Jared, 8:07 P.M.
-Thinking of you. But that’s nothing new. It seems like I can’t stop these days. Can I see you tonight when I get off? xx
-Absolutely. Only if you promise to behave ;)
I chuckle to myself and click over the ignition. Things between Jared and I had been…interesting, to say the least, since New Year's when we shared a searing kiss that would forever alter our friendship. We spent the night holding each other, our tongues tangled, before falling asleep in each other’s arms. It was perfect and tender. Jared reopened a part of me that I wanted to keep sealed away. A part that had been previously crushed by Dorian. But somehow, some way, Jared’s love had begun to heal that broken part of me.
However, I’m still not ready to commit fully to him; it wouldn’t be fair to him considering my heart is still completely captivated by Dorian. And Jared has been adamant about not crossing any physical lines until I can give myself to him emotionally. I don’t have the heart to tell him that that day may never come. How do you get over someone who has loved you in a way that transcends all rationality and logic? Dorian has loved me from the inside out, and knowing that he is still out there yet we can’t be together kills me every day.
The last thing I want to do is make Jared feel like he is second best but in reality, there is no competition. But unless I want to be alone for the rest of my life, I have to close that chapter of my life. I have to move on. Dorian and I will never be. We can’t. He’s Dark and that will never change, no matter how much goodness and love is in him. He’ll always choose his own kind. He’ll always play by his father’s rules. And I can’t sacrifice my soul and my sanity just to be with him.
“Hey chick, how was dinner with the ‘rents?” Morgan asks as I settle at our breakfast bar. It appears she is cooking though she can barely boil water. I mentally calculate how long it would take to get to the fire extinguisher under the sink.
“Good. I brought you back some leftovers. Donna got a puppy. You can take Dolce over there for a play date,” I reply, stowing the plastic container of food and grabbing a cold soda from the fridge. I pop the top and it suddenly explodes in my hand, soaking the sleeves of my shirt. “Shit!” I squeal, grabbing paper towels to sop up the mess.
“No! Don’t open that!” Morgan shouts just as I flip open the lid of the trashcan.
I give her a confused glare before peering into the trashcan. It’s littered with magazines and newspapers. I grab one on the top and instantly see the source of her trepidation.
“I didn’t want you to see them,” she says quietly. “You’ve been doing so well and I didn’t want you to get depressed again.”
I study the cover for just a moment before flipping to the featured story in the local gossip magazine. A full article on Dorian and Aurora, deeming them the It Couple of the Rockies, explains their future wedding plans, along with a full color photography spread of the happy couple. Pictures of them together at formal black tie functions and even Denver Nuggets basketball games sitting courtside stare back at me, and I suddenly feel like I can’t breathe. I take a few calming breaths, hopelessly reminding myself that I’m ok. That it’s normal for couples like them to be in the public eye. That no matter what, I’m alive so he must at least have an ounce of love left for me.
“I’m fine,” I say through a strained grin. I pop open the trash, seeing more editorials with similar themes and drop the magazine among them. “Really, you don’t have to shield me from all that. I know that they’re together. I accept it.”
“I hope you know this is all Aurora’s doing. I swear, ever since she sank her acrylics in Dorian, she has been on a damn rampage. She even had some camera crew at the salon the other day. And had the nerve to tell us that we should just start calling her Mrs. Skotos. I’ve wanted to slap the bitch for weeks.”
“Well, that’ll be her name soon enough,” I shrug. “This is what she’s always wanted. The spotlight, the wealth, the status. I guess that comes with being part of Dorian’s life. She can have it.”
Morgan places a hand on my shoulder and gives it a little squeeze. “You’re really ok with this, huh? You’re really over him?”
I look up at her big brown eyes, full of genuine concern and love and try to come up with a semi-truthful response when the doorbell rings. I sigh with relief and go to answer it, thankful for the lifeline.
“Hey babe,” Jared smiles, his green eyes glittering against the darkened backdrop. He looks gorgeous as always, and his enthusiasm to see me quickly pushes my mood back to the positive side of the spectrum.
“Hey yourself,” I grin back, lifting my face so that he can kiss me as he enters. His lips feel so warm and comforting, dispelling the chill of rejection I felt just moments ago.
“Jared! Geez, back again? We may need to start charging you rent,” Morgan winks.
Jared laughs off her mock insult and flops on the couch, dropping his overnight bag. “So what’ll it be tonight, ladies?” he asks, nodding towards the television.
We all quickly settle in on the living room couch to watch a movie. I get about two-thirds into it before falling asleep in Jared’s lap as he runs his fingers though my hair with one hand and traces little circles on my arm with the other.
“Let’s go to bed, baby,” he whispers in my ear, leaving a kiss below my earlobe. I give him a sleepy smile and nod. He’s making it entirely too easy to fall in love with him.
We change into pajamas and cuddle under the comforter of my bed. I curl into his chest, his large bicep capturing me and pulling me closer still. I sigh with contentment and relish my slice of peace and happiness.
“You know I would never hurt you, right?” he whispers in my hair.
I nod against his chest. “I know.”
“And you know that I want to give you as much time as you need to heal. That I would never rush you to make any decisions.”
Again, I nod. “Yes.”
He pulls my face up to meet his eyes, his lips just inches from mine. “I just want you to know that I want you. So bad, Gabs. I’ve imagined making love to you for longer than I can remember. And whenever you’re ready, I promise that I’ll make you happy. I’ll help you forget.”
His words seep right into my skin and attack my heart, the warmth of his affection melting the last layer of ice protecting it. I don’t even think. I simply lean forward into his lips and let his love enrapture me. The kiss quickly ignites from a spark to a flame and before long we are grasping each other’s clothes and hair. Jared eases me onto my back, pulling my tank over my head simultaneously before removing his own. He rests his naked chest on mine, the skin to skin contact creating a new depth of sensation. I give myself over to my body’s wants and just allow myself to feel.
Jared’s lips and tongue move from my mouth, down to my jaw and neck. He sucks and nibbles, groaning his pleasure in the base of my throat. My hands pull handfuls of his soft hair.
“Gabs,” he murmurs against my skin. “I want to feel you so bad.”
Words fail me again and I just tug at his hair even harder as he makes his way down to my breasts. His tongue finds a hardened nipple and I moan loudly. His body on top of mine feels so good, so right. Every nerve ending stirs awake after months of slumber.
Jared’s mouth explores my torso, tasting and teasing enthusiastically. He covers every inch with wet kisses as I continue to sigh and fondle his hair and shoulders. My body wants this. It damn near needs this.
I force my mind to focus on solely pleasure and try to push the emerging guilt from the forefront. I don’t want to think about all the reasons why this is a bad idea. I don’t want to stop Jared’s hands from pulling down my pajama bottoms. And I damn sure don’t want to stop him from hooking his fingers into the waist of my panties.
“Stop,” I sigh before my body ignores my mind any further. Jared’s mouth is on my stomach, his fingers beginning the slowly, torturous descent of my undergarments.
“What’s wrong?” he asks still swirling his tongue in my navel. I groan my displeasure at halting his efforts.
“I can’t do this, Jared. Not yet.” I pull him up by his shoulders so we are eye-level and sweep his ruffled almost-sex hair out of his face. “When I give myself to you, I want it to be completely. I don’t want to be focused on anything other than feeling you. I’m sorry, but I can’t right now.”
Jared rests his forehead against mine, his breath coming out in short, excited pants. His lips brush against mine and I feel him smile. “I understand, and I’m cool with it. I swear. You don’t need to apologize.” He gives me one last deep kiss before grabbing my tank top and maneuvering it over my head and sliding it over my breasts. I nearly whimper when they lose the warmth of his skin.
He settles next to me and pulls me into his still bare chest and I eagerly nuzzle into the contact, breathing in his familiar scent of Irish Spring. I leave a chaste kiss just below his nipple, smiling to myself as I let myself drift to sleep. It won’t be long now. I’m falling for Jared hard and fast. Maybe even enough to give him my whole heart. But what will that mean for Dorian? Will giving my love to Jared, in turn, snatch it away from him? Will allowing myself to fall in love with Jared kill Dorian?
And the most obvious question…What will that mean for us in a few weeks when I ascend? Having a conventional human relationship could potentially put Jared in danger. And will he even want me then? Will I want him?
COOL FINGERTIPS STROKE my cheek, trailing down to my jaw before landing at the base of my throat. I jerk awake and sit up straight, my quick fists balled in front of me.
“Easy there, killer,” Niko laughs, holding up his palms in mock defense.
I slump against the pillows and roll over with a grunt. It’s my day off and I was hoping to sleep in, not be disturbed by overly playful Warlocks with boy band hair.
“Come on, Gabs! I want to take you shopping!”
I roll back over and narrow my eyes at him. “Shopping? Why?”
Niko runs a hand through his perfect coif. “It’s the least I can do considering what I am about to ask you.” When I continue to glare at him, he continues. “I have to make sure you come to the party this weekend.”
Ok, that didn’t make me any less confused. “What party?”
He chews his lip and looks away, visibly stalling before letting out a resigned sigh. “For Dorian and Aurora. Father is throwing them some kinda grand affair to celebrate the wedding in a few weeks. And he requests your presence.”
My tired eyes pop open instantly. “Oh hell no! Hell-fuckin’-no! I am not going to a party for my ex and his ho-bag bitch fiancé! Hell no!”
Niko pokes out his lip. “I thought you’d say that. And I get it. But it’s important that you come. Father insists. And denying him will not be good for anyone. I’m trying to keep him from coming near your friends again, Gabs, but you have to help me out.”
“No!”
He lets out an exasperated groan, desperation marring his angelic face. “Ok, I didn’t want to say this, but Gabs, you have no choice. Either you go to him, or he will come to you. And if your friends or family are around, it won’t matter. He gets what he wants. Don’t you get that yet? You either play by his rules or you don’t play at all!”
I sit up with an irritated huff. “So are you telling me that if I refuse to go, your father will come to me? And that my loved ones may get hurt in the process?”
“Yes.”
I purse my lips and shake my head, beyond pissed and unable to successfully unleash my contempt. I know it’s not his fault and I shouldn’t blame Niko, but all I want to do right now is slap the Dark out of him. “You know this is complete bullshit, right?”
He nods, his shoulders slumping with relief. He’s knows I’m considering it. “I know. And I wouldn’t ask you if it wasn’t necessary. He only wants to talk. He wouldn’t try anything around so many witnesses. And even if he did, I’ll be there. And so will Dorian. Do you think any one of us would sit back and watch him hurt you?”
I shrug, unsure of what to think at this point. It’s true that Niko has been undoubtedly loyal to me. But he’s still Dark. And deception and betrayal seem to come second nature to his kind.
“Look, I’ll come. But you don’t need to take me shopping. I do happen to own a clothing store. And I’ll stay long enough to hear him out then I’m gone. I don’t need to see them flaunting their fucked up love for one another.”
“Thanks, Gabs,” he says leaning forward and kissing my cheek. “I promise it isn’t what you think. And for the record, I just have to say…I don’t believe he did anything with her in that video. I would bet my life that he didn’t have sex with her.”
“Doesn’t matter,” I shake my head, trying to erase the conjured memory of the video from my mind. “He’s with her now. What they do is none of my business.”
After he says goodbye, I begrudgingly roll out of bed. Jared had an early class so I know he was out of here hours ago. Waking up to the Dark King’s demands was not how I pictured starting off my day.
“Morning!” Morgan chimes, sipping her coffee at the breakfast bar. I give her a half-grunt and head for the pot. I’m still too annoyed to be cordial. She taps her acrylic nails against the marble top impatiently, indicating that something is on her mind.
“What?” I ask after taking the first sip of caffeinated heaven.
“So this Friday, I have to go to this function for work. I’m dreading it but I absolutely have to go, Gabs. All the Luxe employees do. And I wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how you’d react. But now that you see how the tabloids are blowing up with information, I’d rather you hear it from me,” she rambles nervously.
“The party for Dorian and Aurora. I know,” I say, putting her out of her misery.
She sighs with relief. “How did you know?”
“Because I’m going too,” I reply stoically. “I guess with Cashmere formerly being owned by Dorian or something, I’m required to make an appearance. I’m just popping in for five minutes then leaving.”
“Are you sure you can handle that, Gabs?” The space between her big brown eyes puckers with doubt.
“Yeah, what’s not to handle? He and I have been broken up for like six months now.” Before I am forced to convince her any further, the doorbell rings. Fortunately, I am greeted by Jared’s smiling face, bearing a paper sack full of bagels.
“Now that’s what I’m talking about! Did you remember to get smoked salmon cream cheese?” Morgan asks, snatching the bag.
Jared makes a disgusted face and fishes the individual servings of cream cheese out of his pocket. “Yeah. Gross.” He drops a kiss on my smiling lips, cradling my face in his large hands. “Good morning, beautiful. Sorry I left so early.”
“It’s ok,” I grin, folding my body into his arms. “You’re here now. And you brought bagels.” We both look over at Morgan who is muttering her thanks between large bites of bread and sesame seeds.
“So Gabs, I’ll stop by the store later and look for a dress. You wanna meet me there so we can shop together?” she asks after washing down her bite with a gulp of coffee.
I shrug, not sure what I plan to do for the day. The last thing I planned to do was shop for formal dresses for an event that I don’t want to attend. I’d rather cut off my left foot than go to a party to celebrate Dorian and Aurora’s upcoming nuptials.
“A dress for what?” Jared asks, grabbing himself a mug. Morgan and I lock gazes. Shit.
“Oh nothing. Just some bullshit party Morgan and I are being forced to attend on Friday. But I was planning to OD on Thursday so my RSVP is still tentative.”
“A party? What kind of party?” he asks eyeing me curiously. He knows I’m dancing around the truth, trying to throw him off the scent of my anxiety. I look to Morgan and plead for help with my eyes.
“A party for Dorian and Aurora,” she answers. “You know how ruthless these socialites are. We are practically being dragged there against our will.”
I mouth my thanks to her behind Jared’s back before he turns back to search my blank expression. “And you’re ok with that? You’ll be fine to be in the same room with them again?”
I don’t have the heart to tell him that Dorian and I tried to work things out and that I had seen him on New Year's. But I hadn’t even really considered Aurora. Can I really stand to be anywhere near her without wanting to snatch every single hair from her corrupt little head? Doubtful.
“I guess we’ll find out,” I shrug.
“Ok,” he nods. “What time should I pick you up?”
Huh? “Pick me up for what?”
“For the party. You really think I am going to send you to deal with those soulless assholes by yourself? If you have to suffer through it, so do I.”
I cock my head to one side and look up at him questioningly. “You’d really subject yourself to that for me?”
Jared sets down his coffee mug and takes mine from me as well, placing it on the breakfast bar. Then he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me into his body. “When are you going to realize that I would do anything for you? Of course, I’m going.”
I snuggle into his embrace and forget for one moment what I’ve committed myself to do. In a matter of days, I will be face to face with the Dark King and God knows what else. I could be walking into my own assassination. But I can’t tell Morgan or Jared that without raising suspicion. I just have to see this through and hope like hell that Niko is right about my safety.