Well, I’ll be damned. Carson actually did come through. The knot that had been in my stomach since that morning finally released when Quinn said we were going out tonight, just the two of us, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

I texted Carson while I blow dried my hair.

I didn’t respond. I deleted the messages from Carson and finished with my hair. It was straight and shiny by the time I was done.

Quinn and I ran a few errands and grabbed some lunch from the bakery down the street before we came home and spent the afternoon doing our own thing. Quinn played some video games, while I read and caught up on some work emails. That was one of the best things about our relationship. There was no need to fill the time and silence with stuff—we could just be together. It was comfortable and content and happy.

I looked up from my computer and studied Quinn. I wondered how everything would change if he knew what was happening. I would be naive to think things could continue on like they were. I knew that would never happen. But could we still be together? Would he want a divorce? Fear coiled in my belly at the thought of divorce.

I was going to break the heart of the beautiful man sitting in front of me. I didn’t want to, but I knew I would; I could feel it in my heart. I needed to end things with Carson, now, before it got to that point. The fear in my stomach grew, but this time for a different reason. I couldn’t image my life without Quinn, but a piece of me wilted a little at thought of never seeing Carson again. He brought something inside me alive. It was an invigorating feeling—an adrenaline rush; I was addicted to that feeling, to the rush. I craved more when we were apart. But I couldn’t have what I wanted. I wanted them both—forever.

They were so different. Quinn was tall, dark, and handsome, literally. He was smart, and loving, and tender, the kind of man parents dreamed their little girls grew up and married. Carson looked innocent with his blond hair and blue eyes, but he was anything but. He was rough and demanding, and took what he wanted and didn’t apologize for who he was. It was hot as fuck. My heart swelled a little at the thought of Carson, and fear raced through me again, because I couldn’t have real feelings for him. My heart belonged to Quinn.

“Why are you staring at me?” Quinn asked. I snapped out of my trance. I hadn’t realized I was still looking at him.

“Can’t a girl just admire her hot husband?” I winked. Quinn laughed and shook his head.

“Sure, I guess.”

“What? It’s true.” I got up from my seat at the table, walked over to couch, and sat down next to Quinn. I snuggled into his chest. “I love you.” It wasn’t a lie, but I was afraid maybe Quinn wasn’t the only one in my heart anymore. I shoved the idea deep down inside me and forgot about it. I loved Quinn, nothing could change that.

“I love you, too,” he said.

---

It was Tuesday night, and I’d actually gotten off work at five for a change. I was sitting on the couch, drinking a glass of wine, waiting for Quinn to get home with dinner when Dani called.

“Hello.”

“What up, bitch?” Dani said when I answered.

“That’s not a very nice way to address your best friend,” I said sarcastically.

“Please, I haven’t talked to you since Automatic Andy helped you get laid, which was like a million years ago. I don’t know if I can even consider you my friend anymore.”

“I’m sorry! I know, I’ve been a terrible friend.”

“What have you been doing anyway?”

“Work is nuts, dude. Being interim team lead is a bitch. I love it, but that and my regular job is a lot to handle.”

“Come on, you aren’t working 100 hours a week! What about all those Saturdays Quinn is working?” Dani said. “You haven’t even bothered me about yoga, and you’re always trying to get me to go to yoga with you.”

“You really should come with me, you’d love it.”

“It’s too fucking early in the morning. Take me to a class at, like, noon, and I’d do it, but you didn’t answer the question. What the fuck have you been doing?”

“Nothing, I swear. Just work and everyday life stuff.”

“And Carson,” she said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I nearly spit out my wine.

“What? No!” I didn’t sound convincing, even to myself. There was no way Dani would believe me. “Why would you even say that?”

“Because you won’t tell me if I don’t pry it out of you.”

“I thought you didn’t want to know!” I yelled and checked the time. Quinn would be home any moment.

“So, you are having an affair then?”

“Jesus Christ, Dani, is this why you called?”

“I can’t believe you honestly thought you could hide this from me,” she said, sounding mad.

“You are impossible!” I yelled. “You told me not to tell you, so I didn’t, even though I wanted to call you a million times. I left you out of it just like you wanted, and you’re still mad? How is that fair?”

“How is what you’re doing to Quinn fair?”

“Leave Quinn out of this. How did you even know? Why do you even care?”

“We’ve been friends for ten fucking years, Chloe, and you think I can’t tell when something is up? You haven’t so much as texted me in weeks, that’s not like you. Obviously something shady is going on,” she said. “And don’t pretend like you don’t know why I care. You know exactly why I care.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Fuck that. I don’t need to understand. You disgust me.”

“Are you going to tell Quinn?” I asked, suddenly afraid.

“That’s between you and him, and Carson, I guess.”

I didn’t know what to say, but I could feel tears forming through my anger. How dare she ask me to keep my infidelity a secret from her, and then blow up when she figured it out on her own?

“What happened to ‘you’ll always be there for me’?” I was grasping.

“Don’t you turn this around on me. You’re at fault here, not me.” A tear rolled down my cheek at her words. This couldn’t be happening. I couldn’t be losing my best friend over this.

“I haven’t done anything to you!”

“That’s not the point. Quinn is my friend, too.”

“Not like us.” My voice caught in my throat.

“Are you crying?”

“What else am I supposed to do? My best friend is breaking up with me. I don’t think there are enough tears in the world for that.”

“Don’t be all dramatic, I’m not breaking up with you,” Dani said. “But I don’t think what you’re doing is right. Quinn doesn’t deserve that.”

“So you just called to tell me you think I’m being a shitty person?” I asked. This was the strangest conversation I’d ever had with Dani.

“That’s what best friends are for. Who else is going to call you out on your bullshit but still love you when it’s all said and done?”

I let out a deep sigh. I had wasted weeks hiding from Dani, thinking she’d hate me if she found out. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I thought about all the times in the past few months I could have used her advice.

“Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” Dani’s voice broke through my thoughts.

I heard Quinn’s key turn in the lock.

“Not now, Quinn’s home, I have to go.” I heard her snort on the other end of the line before I disconnected the call. I wiped my eyes and took a big gulp of wine and prayed Quinn wouldn’t notice anything was wrong.

---

Quinn, as it turned out, was unobservant. He didn’t notice anything was wrong when he got home that night, he didn’t notice the sudden increase in my texting habits, and he didn’t notice how every time he brought up Carson, I found a way to change the conversation before it even got started. At least that was what I thought.

It was a little disheartening. I had always thought we were more in-sync, that he would notice minor shifts in my personality and habits.

Quinn’s less than stellar observation skills made me brave. I started doing things I said I would never do, things that were reckless and dangerous.