It was two AM before the tears finally stopped, before I dragged myself to bed, alone. I didn’t sleep much, dreams of Quinn slamming the door as he left haunted me. When my alarm went off at 6:30, I felt like I had been hit by a bus.

I did my best to cover my swollen eyes with makeup and went to work, hoping for a distraction from the pain that radiated from my chest into my entire body. At some point in the day, I tried to call Dani, but when she didn’t answer, I started sobbing again and left her a tear-filled voicemail I wasn’t sure she’d even be able to understand.

I was on my way home from work when she called me back.

“Hi,” I answered.

“Do you need somewhere to stay?”

“God yes,” I sighed. “Quinn won’t answer any of my calls, so I have no idea where he is or what he’s doing, but I can’t stay at our place right now.”

“Come stay with me,” she said.

“Aren’t you going home for Christmas?”

“This is more important.”

“Thank you, Dani, seriously…” I paused, the realization of everything that had happened yesterday hitting me out of nowhere. “My God, what did I do?” A sob tore through my words.

“Get some stuff and come over, we’ll talk it out.”

“I’ll be there soon,” I said and hung up. Quinn wasn’t at the apartment, and it didn’t look like he’d been there since last night. I grabbed a few things and left as fast as I could, the memories of our conversation less than twenty-four hours ago haunting the space. I sent Quinn a text to let him know I’d be staying at Dani’s, just in case he wanted to come back to the apartment. Like every other message I had sent him that day, he didn’t reply.

Dani answered the door wearing a sweatshirt and yoga pants. She took one look at me and pulled me into a hug. My shoulders shook as I stood on Dani’s doorstep and sobbed. She didn’t say anything, didn’t try to get me to come inside, even though it was cold outside; she just stood there in the doorway and let me cry. A breeze picked up, sending a shiver down my spine, and I finally peeled myself out of Dani’s embrace so we could go inside.

“What happened?” Dani asked ten minutes later when we were both sitting on her couch with glasses of wine. I curled my feet up under me and stared out her back window into the dark night.

“My time ran out,” I sighed. “I knew it would. I just didn’t expect it to all blow up so violently.”

“Why did you end it with Carson?” Dani asked. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. Dani was going to ask me all the uncomfortable questions, make me find the answers I’d been ignoring for too long.

“He asked me to leave Quinn for him.”

“Are fucking kidding me?” Dani shook her head. “What an asshole.”

“He questioned my love for Quinn, and our marriage, so I slapped him across the face, told him it was over, and kicked him out.”

“He’s not entirely wrong, you know.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“You can’t honestly sit there and pretend like none of it meant anything, can you? You slept with the guy for four months and lied to your husband the whole time … I would’ve questioned your marriage, too. If your love for Quinn is everything you say it is, what was the point?”

Anger swelled in me. I still loved Quinn, damn it, why didn’t anyone believe me?

“We got to that question faster than I thought we would,” I snorted and took a long sip of my wine.

“We can come back to it,” Dani shrugged. “I’ve got nothing but time. What happened with Quinn?”

“I got home from work after you called me, and he started badgering me with questions. He wasn’t buying any of my bullshit anymore, so I just told him the truth.” Tears welled in my eyes as I remembered the look on his face when I’d told him, the way his knees buckled when I’d said it was Carson. “It broke him, Dani. I saw it. I watched the light in his eyes change, watched the way he looked at me change, everything went dark and cold.”

“Oh Chloe,” Dani sighed.

“I did that. I broke the man I loved,” I said. “Why? Quinn loved me more than anything else in the world, why would I do that to him?”

“Only you can answer that question.”

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

“Yes, you do; you might’ve buried it too deep to dig up right now, but you know the answer. You don’t cheat on your husband for no reason.”

I rested my head on the back of the couch and let the tears roll down my cheeks.

---

Thank God I had a few days off work for the holidays. It was a struggle to drag myself off Dani’s couch for anything more than the necessities. Every day, I tried to call Quinn. I left him voicemails until his mailbox was full, then apologized a million times via text, but heard nothing from him.

Meanwhile, Carson seemed to be employing the same tactic with me. His calls and texts were incessant, but I ignored him. It was at least fifty percent his fault that I was in this mess.

The week after Christmas flew by in a blur of tears and work. It was slow at work, and I still hadn’t heard about the team lead position, even though I’d interviewed weeks ago. I tried to keep myself busy with planning for spring projects and organizing. Once I had organized my desk, I did the copy room and the supply closet.

Finally, it was Friday, and I could resume my Netflix binge and couch surfing at Dani’s. She was working an overnight shift at the ER, and as I watched old episodes of Sex and the City, loneliness crept in. Even though I had been with Dani, Christmas without Quinn had been miserable. I missed him. I missed his voice and his smile and the way he liked to snuggle in the morning before we got out of bed. Was it all gone forever? I wondered if Quinn could ever forgive me, if we could ever have the same amazing relationship again. Would he want a divorce? I took a shot of tequila to keep from thinking about it.

Somewhere around shot number three, I decided I’d go to the apartment tomorrow and get fresh clothes and some other things I needed. I couldn’t stay at Dani’s forever. I’d have to go home eventually … now was as good a time as any. After two more shots, I started crying again. I’d ruined my marriage and broke my husband’s heart; my life as I knew it was gone, and I didn’t know if I’d ever get it back.