Athena
“I mean it.” I softened my firm tone with a smile.
Finn was still gaping at me.
“You asked what you could do and this is my answer.”
He leaned his head back, staring up at the ceiling. “But I don’t want to reflect on my time here, and writing it down as if I’m some student doing homework, is the last thing I want to do.”
Raising my eyebrows, I gave him a stern look. “Remember when we were in your room, and I was desperate to get out and get some fresh air?” I jabbed the spatula in the air, dropping chocolate dough in the process. “You ignored me because you were playing that awful violent game you liked so much.”
He frowned. “You were a hostage. I couldn’t just let you dictate what you wanted to do and when you wanted to do it.”
“Exactly! And now the roles are reversed.”
“Do you know how much I hated homework in school?” Finn asked.
I returned to my baking. “Nobody becomes a physician without doing a lot of studying. School can’t have been too bad for you.”
With a snort, he crossed his arms. “I hated school.”
“Then why did you become a doctor? There must have been shorter forms of education you could’ve chosen.”
“It’s my hero complex,” Finn said and walked around my living room, picking up things and putting them down again. “I like saving people.”
“So do I, and this is me helping you help yourself.”
“It was so weird to see Tristan today,” Finn said, out of context. “I mean it kind of blew me away how much he looked like me as a child.”
I transferred the dough from the bowl to the baking pan while Finn continued.
“Karina isn’t Tristan’s biological mother, is she?”
“No, his biological mother is Randa Christine.”
“How old is she? Could she be my mother too?”
I laughed. “No, not a chance.”
“Too young?”
“I think she’s around forty.”
“Ah, okay, but it’s still crazy how much Tristan looks like me.”
“Maybe his eyes,” I agreed.
“I didn’t see the resemblance,” Hans said from the sofa where he had gotten out a large book.
“That’s because I look a lot different now than I did when I was fourteen.”
“Finn.” Closing the oven door, I set my timer and returned my focus to him. “I know what you’re doing, but striking up a conversation about Tristan won’t make me forget what I asked you to do.”
With a heavy sigh, Finn rolled his eyes. “Isn’t there something else we can do? I really don’t want to sit down and write about my feelings.” He spoke the last word as if it was dirty.
“You choose!” I said. “What do you want to do first? Meditate or write your report?”
“Can’t we just skip both and go straight to eating cake?”
“No.”
“Will we be holding hands while meditating again?”
I took a second to marvel at how fast Finn could go from complaining to being flirtatious, and it only heightened my suspicion that he was using mixed signals to confuse me and humor to distract me. Someone else might take Finn for a transparent womanizer, but I sensed there were protective layers beneath that.
“Sure, we can hold hands if it helps to anchor you.”
“Anchor me.” He grinned. “How about we get naked, and I anchor you,” Finn suggested with a chuckle. “What do you say?”
Watching him with curiosity, I took a calculated risk to test him. “Maybe we can do that tonight.” My tone was calm and I paid attention to the way his jaw stiffened. It was only a split second before he recovered, shooting me a wide smile.
“But right now we’ll just meditate with our clothes on,” I added.
Finn nodded. “Okay, but you just say the word and I and my anchor will be ready.”
“I said maybe,” I repeated and looked over at Hans. “Do you want to be in on a triple bond meditation?”
Hans lit up. “Sure.”
“Hey, wait a minute, Athena,” Finn said quickly. “I’m all fun and games if you want a threesome, but we’ve got to set some ground rules.” His eyes darted between me and Hans. “I’m not into men and the only person I’ll be having sex with is Athena.”
Hans frowned in confusion and I simply gave him a patient smile.
“Finn, would you let go of your obsession with sex for a second? I’m talking about a triple meditation on the floor. A small circle of calmness where we combine our energies.”
Finn’s face fell. “Ah, I see.”
This time I let the two men move the sofa away, while I put on relaxing music, and waited for them to sit down and create a small circle with me.
“Come closer,” I instructed Finn, until his knee was pressing against my knee. “Good, now take our hands and close your eyes.” I cracked one eye open to make sure he was following my instructions.
“This time we’re going to meditate on our past. We’re going to take deep breaths and let whatever our consciousness wants to show us surface. Instead of pushing it away, we’ll simply observe it and remember that a memory is just a thought and that it holds no true power over us. We are here in this circle of friends and we are safe.” I took a long deep breath and blew out in a long slow exhale.
“Whatever spiritual disturbance you feel, examine it. What patterns does it come with? Does it make you feel like crying, running away, or does it evoke anger or shame? Maybe it’s a good memory, and that’s fine. Try to hold no judgment as you let it rise and fall before you release it.”
Finn squirmed next to me.
“Breathe in and out. In and out,” I said with each long inhalation and exhalation.
Once I’d done my introduction, I let myself sink slowly to that place where I didn’t feel my body but existed only within the vibrant energy that connects all living things. My heartbeat slowed and I took in the two very different vibrations coming at me. Hans’ energy was a stable humming, untroubled and light in nature.
Finn’s energy was fast and jerky – like Morse code signaling S.O.S. Whatever memories he was seeing, I sensed they weren’t pleasant.
Like a spider working on my web, I secured my energy boundaries as I’d been trained to do by the high priestess who had taught me about mind work.
“Always remember to shield yourself from negative energy,” she had warned. “Spiritual hygiene is vital for us empaths. It’s our only protection when we do this kind of work.”
Once I was ready, I reached out, attaching my own energy stream to Finn’s and slowing down his vibration. It surprised me how powerful his energy was. Whatever troubled Finn, it had to be high on the scale of trauma to be this strong. And if that was the case, the impact of my energy would serve only as a temporary relief.
After fifteen minutes, I ended the session and asked them how they were feeling.
Finn yawned and shrugged like he was fine. But our connection with our meditation had given me a glimpse into the demons he had faced from his past.
“It was very nice,” Hans said and bowed his head to me.
“And what memory came up for you?” I asked him.
“Oh, there were a few memories, but one is a rather embarrassing one, to be honest,” Hans admitted.
“Do you want to share it?” I asked and got up to check on the cake.
Looking at Finn, Hans hesitated, but then he nodded. “All right. It was from our second week during mediator training, and I had to get up in front of everyone and do a role-play to show that I’d mastered what we had been told about calming down agitated people.” Hans broke into a nervous laugh. “I did everything wrong, and embarrassed myself. Some of the other students even laughed at me,” he said. “I mean, they tried to hide it behind their hands, but I still knew.” Hans heaved out a loud sigh dramatically. “It was the worst moment of my life.”
Finn stared at him and then deep frown lines formed on his forehead. “That was the worst moment of your life?” he asked in an incredulous tone of voice.
“Finn, do you want to share what memories came up for you?” I asked and walked over to the two men, who were now standing.
“Nah, I’m good,” Finn said and stretched his arms.
I looked into his eyes with sympathy in my heart. “Sharing can be a way to unburden yourself.”
He sighed. “All right, I was just remembering when I was about Tristan’s age.”
“And what did you remember?”
Finn broke our eye contact, his nostrils flaring and his body tensing up. “My life wasn’t easy back then, that’s all.”
“Was school hard for you?” Hans asked.
Pushing at his cheek with his tongue, Finn nodded. “Yeah, you could say that.”
“But you pulled through and became a doctor in the end,” Hans pointed out. “That’s something to be proud of.”
“What about you, Athena?” Finn looked straight at me. “What memories do you want to share with us?”
I considered whether or not I should tell him that I’d been too focused on him to allow my own memories to surface. This was a bonding experience, and maybe sharing a bit of myself with Finn would make it easier for him to open up to me. “My memory was a scary one at first, but then it changed into a good one.”
“Let’s hear it!” Finn encouraged.
“I was thinking about that time I was in your room when Magni came in.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Magni terrified me. Not only was he the man who kidnapped me, but I’d never met anyone so full of darkness and anger. In terms of energy, he was like a ticking bomb, just one word away from going off. And he looked at me with such resentment that I was sure he was going to explode and kill me in the process.”
“I would have never allowed him to hurt you,” Finn said, and there was a hint of sadness in his voice. “Magni isn’t some kind of monster you should have nightmares about. I understand that he frightened you, but I already explained to you that kidnapping you wasn’t an act of malice, it was an act of desperation to get back his wife, Laura.”
“You didn’t let me finish, or you would have heard the part that made my memory a good one,” I pointed out.
Finn waved his hand, signaling for me to continue.
“I remember being scared out of my mind at the sight of the angry giant in front of me and then you blocked my view by moving in front of me like a protective shield.”
“Because I saw how scared you were,” Finn said and shrugged. “It wasn’t a big deal.”
“To me it was,” I said in a soft voice. “It was the difference between facing my worst nightmare and feeling safe.”
He frowned. “You felt safe?”
“Maybe not safe, but I was impressed that you didn’t show any fear of him.”
“Why would I? Magni is my best friend.”
“I wasn’t aware of that at the time, and I was grateful you protected me from him.”
Finn shrugged again. “Are you grateful enough to lift the curse without keeping me here for five days?”
“No, but I’m grateful enough that I’ll help you become a better version of you.”
Finn groaned and placed his head in his hands. “You do realize that I don’t have unlimited time in the Motherlands, right? The other four Nmen are out there representing our people and creating a raving group of sex-hungry fans, while I’m stuck in an old mill meditating with you two.”
With grace, I moved to the door and opened it. “I’ve told you,” I said in a calm voice. “You are free to leave any time you want to.”
“What I want is for you to lift that fucking curse,” Finn boomed, his good mood gone.
Raising an eyebrow, I swung my hand. “Get out!”
Finn dropped his chin. “Are you for real?”
“I said get out,” I repeated in a firm voice.
Placing his hands on his hips, Finn refused. “Not until you lift the curse.”
My eyes turned to Hans, asking him to support me.
“Ehm.” Hans cleared his throat. “Maybe you’d better step outside,” he told Finn.
“Or what, huh?” Finn’s face was reddening and his hands were swinging in the air when he spoke.
“Or I’ll have to escort you outside,” Hans said with a sympathetic voice. “This is Athena’s home and it would be rude to stay if she doesn’t want you here.”
“You would escort me out.” Finn looked down at Hans, who only reached his chin, and snorted. “And how do you plan to get me to move?”
“By asking you to step outside,” Hans said as if the answer was simple. “You’re an intelligent and fairly well-mannered person; I’m sure you wouldn’t want us to call reinforcement and have you returned to the Northlands on your second day here.”
Finn took that in and with a huff, he stalked outside. “And now what?” he exclaimed looking back at me.
I was still holding the door. “You were warned that I wouldn’t allow curse words in my house. You’re welcome to come back in when you’re ready to follow my rules and refrain from using profanity in my house.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, that’s just ridiculous. You can’t expect me to…”
The last part of his sentence was cut off when I closed the door.
Hans shifted his weight from one foot to the other with nervous energy. “Maybe I’d better go out and talk to him.”
“Do as you please, but I would leave him to cool off first.”
Hans who already had his hand on the doorknob, stopped. “You’re right, I should let him get past his anger.”
“Good idea,” I said over my shoulder and settled down on the couch with my book, while Hans kept an eye on Finn through the window.
“He’s pacing outside,” he informed me.
“Let him pace.”
“I can see his lips moving, I think he’s swearing a lot,” Hans said.
Turning a page, I kept my eyes on my book. “As long as he does it outside, I really don’t care.”
“Do you think he’ll come back inside?”
That question made me turn my head to Hans. “How long have you been a mediator for?”
His back stiffened. “Why?”
“You just seem a little uncertain at times,” I noted.
Hans crossed his arms in a defensive manner. “I’m a certified mediator.”
“That’s not what I asked you,” I said and tilted my head. “I’m just questioning how much experience you have.”
Hans moved away from the window and faced me. “If I tell you a secret will you promise not to reveal it to Isobel?”
“That’s a promise I can’t make until I know the nature of your secret. Why don’t you start by unburdening your heart?” I asked with a soft smile.
Hans sighed and with remorse on his face, he threw his hands in the air. “Oh, who am I kidding? I can’t lie to a priestess.”
Patting the sofa, I signaled for him to come and sit.
“What I’m about to tell you, Finn can never know,” he said with eyes large and began talking.