Athena
Sitting on the doorstep to my house, I leaned my head back, closed my eyes, and enjoyed the warm feeling of sunshine on my face.
It was one of my favorite places to sit and let the calming sounds of nature wash over me: the wind breezing up my bare calves and playing tag with the beautiful colored autumn leaves, a bird chirping in the distance, and a woodpecker tapping away.
All these sounds and impressions normally soothed me, but the last few days I’d been out of balance.
Finn was coming to see me.
Why was a mystery to me since I didn’t for one second believe he truly wanted to apologize to me. We had spent five days together and he had shown no signs of remorse during that time. The apology had to be an excuse.
He had played with me, like a mad scientist probing at his test subject. With a heavy exhalation, my memories took me back to the last hours we’d spent together.
“What is it, sexy? Why don’t you just tell me to fuck off if that’s what you mean?” Finn was in my personal space again, squatting down behind me and breathing down my neck in that imposing way that he knew I hated. “Come on, say the F word, just once – I dare you.”
I ignored him, keeping my back straight, my legs folded, and my eyes closed although my meditation was a pretense at this point.
“What happened to that scared young woman I met on the first night? I miss her, she was temperamental and interesting.”
Finn moved even closer and whispered into my ear. “Tell me I’m not the only one going crazy from being stuck in this room.”
Opening my eyes, I stretched and pushed up from the floor to confront him. “Are you sure your mental health is connected to this room? I could’ve sworn you seemed unbalanced the first night I met you.”
A sparkle in Finn’s eye revealed that he didn’t take my words as an insult, but rather a reward for his persistent nagging. I was his only entertainment and he had gotten me to talk.
“Sleep deprivation will do that to a man.” He shrugged. “And so will boredom, so let’s do something exciting. How about we play strip poker?”
Angling my head, I sighed. “If you ask me to have sex with you one more time, I have to question your intelligence.” I couldn’t count how many times I had rejected this man and he still kept pushing.
“You know what I think?” He didn’t give me a chance to answer before he continued. “I think that if I didn’t give you a choice, you would like it. My gut tells me that you’re attracted to me but you would just never allow yourself to admit it and give in to your desires.”
I kept a straight face. “Your gut must be out of whack then.”
He grinned. “I knew you wouldn’t admit it.”
Shaking my head, I played with my earlobe. “Even if that was true, your logic is obscured by a lack of knowledge about women. No one likes to be forced.”
“I’ve heard otherwise.”
“No one likes to be forced,” I repeated. “Not even you!”
“Huh, tell you what, I’m willing to test that theory,” Finn said and crossed his arms in an attempt to look serious, but the edges of his lips were twitching from his suppressed smile. “How about you force yourself on me and then afterward, I’ll return the favor, and we can compare notes?”
Five days in this room, with only a few strolls in the park and stolen conversations with Christina, had drained me to the point where I now found amusement in tormenting my prison guard. It was immature and below my dignity, but I was only human and did it anyway. “How would I force myself on you when you’re a head taller than me and much stronger?” I asked.
He thought about it. “I guess you could hypnotize me,” he said. “Aren’t you supposed to be a witch or something?”
“What an interesting thought.” I looked to the bed. “So, you’re suggesting, that I hypnotize you into being my sex toy?” The idea was ridiculous, but after our first night together when he had stripped me naked and tied me to the bed, I was no longer afraid of him. If Finn wanted to rape me, he would’ve done it then. I should’ve known right away when I met him that he wasn’t that kind of man. And I would have, if I hadn’t been in the state of survival mode after being kidnapped by Magni, who without a doubt was the most frightening man I’d ever met.
“Sure, you can use me as your sex toy.” Finn gave a smug smile. “And of course I will do the same with you when we switch the experiment around.”
“But you can’t hypnotize me,” I pointed out, not telling him that I couldn’t really hypnotize him either.
“I don’t need to, I’m a head taller and much stronger, remember?”
Tapping a finger against my chin, I looked thoughtful. “But if I hypnotize you, what makes you think that I won’t take advantage of you? I could make you open the door and take me to the border instead of having sex with you.”
“Good point, thanks for bringing that up.” He scratched his arm and looked to the door. “I guess I would have to post a guard outside and tell him about our experiment.”
Narrowing my eyes, I did my best to read him. Finn had told me he was a physician, and after hours of intense discussions about equality, politics, theology, and environmental issues, I knew he was very intelligent and opinionated. So how was it possible that someone like him could believe in curses and hypnosis when most people in the Motherlands would laugh at such notions?
I didn’t for one minute think that I was capable of casting a curse on him or doing him any physical harm, but I had studied the human psyche and knew enough about the brain to understand that people could be manipulated into doing horrible things to themselves and others.
“The problem with hypnosis,” I said and tilted my head, as if I was considering his suggestion, “is that you won’t be able to remember much afterwards.”
“Really?”
“Yes, you would be in an altered state of consciousness, and that would sabotage the whole idea of the experiment since you wouldn’t be able to remember if you liked it or not.” I sighed and shrugged.
“Oh, I’m pretty sure I would remember us having sex,” Finn insisted.
I shook my head. “Nope, you wouldn’t.”
He blew out his cheeks and threw up his hands. “I’m willing to give it a try anyway, and when you think about it, it would really give us a scientific answer to not one, but two questions.” He held up one finger. “One, will I remember having sex with you if I was hypnotized?” He lifted a second finger. “And two, will I like it if I’m powerless?”
I swayed my head from one side to the other as if weighing evidence. “You make a strong point,” I said. “But I have another idea. How about I just tie you down on the bed before I have my way with you? That way you will definitely remember every humiliating thing I do to you.”
He laughed. “You would love that, wouldn’t you?”
I lifted my hands. “You were the one who wanted to test my theory that no one likes to be forced.”
“I’m not letting you tie me down.” He laughed as if the idea was insane. “You would just humiliate me in front of all the other men.”
Batting my eyelashes innocently, I asked: “What other men?”
“Oh, I can just see you making a spectacle until Khan, Boulder, Magni, or some of the guards knock down the door to see what’s going on. And trust me, they’re not going to find my naked ass bound to the bed, that’s for sure.”
“So, you don’t trust me?” I challenged him.
“Oh, I trust that you would fuck with me, but unfortunately not in a good way.”
My memories from that day were interrupted by the sight of a drone in the distance. I stood up and leaned against the doorframe, with nervous energy surging through my body.
Not one day had gone by in these past five months without my thinking about Finn, and my five days as a hostage. There were things I wished I had asked Finn, things that I was curious about and didn’t understand.
That’s why I hadn’t hesitated to accept his request to see me again. And maybe it was also a vain desire to see if my time with Finn had changed him. I would like to think that my time in the Northlands hadn’t been a complete waste and that I had somehow brought enlightenment to him. My intuition, however, told me that Finn was the kind of man who had to feel it in his own body to truly understand. And that’s why I was prepared to introduce him to my good friend Karma. Some people said that Karma was a bitch, but I couldn’t disagree more. Karma was like a patient mother watching out for her children. If one needed a lesson in humility or empathy, she would teach it. After what Finn had done to me, he definitely needed a lesson.