Athena
I woke up to Finn making a deafening whistle that made me sit up straight, my hair in disarray, and my eyes popped wide open. “What happened?” I shrieked.
His chuckle made it clear that the mill wasn’t on fire.
“You have two seconds to untie me or you’ll have a wet bed,” he warned.
“You could have just woken me up like a normal person,” I grunted, displeased.
“Ah, yes, but where would the fun be in that?”
With fumbling fingers, I started working on the first knot, while blinking and trying to wake up, but Finn only stressed me further by whispering: “Come on, Athena, hurry up.”
Tired, and not thinking straight, I climbed over Finn to untie the second knot, but this time the knot wouldn’t give.
“Oh wow, and here I thought that you didn’t like me,” Finn said in a sultry voice. “I guess I was wrong or you wouldn’t be rubbing your tits in my face, would you now?”
My inner peacemaker was thrown off by his rude suggestion that I was coming on to him.
“Just trying to save my mattress here,” I muttered and got the knot untied.
“Right you are.” A slow smile grew on Finn’s face, and it provoked me. That’s why, when I pulled back, I timed my next sentence to give him the full impact of my bad morning breath. “You can untie your own feet, right?”
When he wrinkled his nose, I suppressed my smile and got out of bed.
“Breakfast is ready in ten minutes,” I said and walked downstairs, where Hans was already up and folding the blankets he’d slept with.
“Did Finn’s whistle wake you up too?” I asked and yawned.
“Yes, it was very loud.” he replied and gave me a sympathetic glance. “Did you get any sleep at all?”
“Hard to believe, but, yes, I slept well.”
“That’s great. I couldn’t sleep so I read a little.” He pointed to a book on the table. “I hope you don’t mind that I borrowed one of your books.”
“Not at all.” Walking over, I picked it up and turned it around to see the cover. “Myths and Legends of the Past,” I read out loud. “Ah, one of my favorites.”
“I’ve always been fascinated by the past,” Hans explained and piled the pillows and blankets neatly on the sofa.
“Me too. It’s the mystery of lost knowledge, don’t you think?”
“Uh-huh.” He yawned.
“It’s not even six o’clock,” I said and washed my hands by the kitchen sink. “I don’t know about you but I need a cup of strong herbal tea to wake me up.”
Hans smiled. “Sounds good. I just need to freshen up a little first.” While he walked to my downstairs bathroom, I began prepping for breakfast.
Five minutes later Finn came down the stairs with his hair still wet.
“The shower has a dryer function, I can show you how it works,” I offered.
Shaking his head, he sat down at the round kitchen table, grabbed the cup I’d already poured for him, and took a large sip.
“Are you okay?” I asked when he started coughing violently.
“What kind of horrible coffee is this?” Finn sputtered and looked at me with blame-filled eyes.
“It’s not coffee, it’s herbal tea with nettle, licorice, lemon, and a whiff of mint,” I explained.
Finn shook his head with a look of disgust. “Please tell me you have coffee.”
“Sorry, I don’t.”
“And you call us primitive,” he muttered and sniffed at the tea.
“What’s going on?” Hans asked when he came out from the bathroom with his blond hair pulled back in three symmetrical braids.
“Athena gave me a witch brew to poison me.”
Hans looked confused and took a seat opposite Finn.
“Hey, Hansi, you’ve got something on your face there.” Finn was gesturing at his eyelashes.
Hans’ hands flew up to his face. “What do you mean, did my make-up smear?”
I looked over. “No, you’re fine.”
Finn turned to me. “Wait a minute, are you saying he put on that purple shit on purpose?”
“Yes, and it shouldn’t surprise you since Hans had make-up on yesterday as well.”
“Huh.” Finn angled his head. “Na-huh, I’m sure I would have noticed.”
I placed two bowls in front of the men and gave Hans a small smile. “Don’t mind Finn, he’s just messing with you for fun. I like your make-up.”
Pulling out my chair, I sat down between them and dug into my bowl of sautéed kale, red onions, and red peppers.
“And what is this?” Finn asked and held up a fork with crispy kale leaves on it.
“A healthy and tasty breakfast that is also nutritious.” I took another forkful.
Finn didn’t complain out loud, but his hesitation in eating was in sharp contrast to how I’d seen Finn wolf down his breakfast at home.
“What?” I asked when he just sat there staring at his food.
“Nothing, it just looks…ehm,” he trailed off
“It’s just looks what?” I asked.
“It looks absolutely delicious.” His mock smile didn’t reach his eyes.
Hans was busy chewing, but after observing the scene between Finn and me, he leaned toward me and whispered. “I think Finn’s too polite to say that he doesn’t like it.”
“Yes, that’s it, I’m way too polite.” Finn chuckled and pushed the bowl away.
With his index finger pointing in Finn’s direction, Hans tilted his head. “That was another example of your special Nman irony, wasn’t it?”
Finn answered with a genuine smile and it made Hans flash a grin as if he’d just passed a difficult quiz.
“I’m getting the hang of it,” Hans praised himself and turned to me. “Once you understand how irony works, it’s not that hard. Finn is simply saying the opposite of what he means.” Hans was waving his index finger in the air and grinning. “It’s funny when you understand it. Let me try it out.”
“This should be entertaining,” Finn said and leaned back with an expectant look at Hans, who was biting his lips in concentration.
“Okay, how about this one,” he said and smiled a little before he looked straight at Finn. “I think you’re a very sweet man,” he said with laughter in his eyes.
Finn frowned and opened his mouth to say something, but Hans held up a hand and with eagerness he exclaimed, “No, wait, I’ve got a better one, how about…” He gave a pause before he delivered his best piece of irony. “I think Athena is a terrible cook and this breakfast is disgusting.”
Finn nodded. “That’s right, you tell her, Hansi.”
Hans smiled. “I’m good at irony, right?” He looked at me and with his hands gesturing in the air he asked me, “Did you see how I was really paying you a compliment there? You know, because irony is the opposite, get it?”
“Uh-huh,” I said and took another forkful of my kale.
“Do you want me to try another one?” Hans asked but Finn gave him a light smack on the shoulder.
“No, it’s better to sprinkle sarcasm and irony a little at a time. You don’t want to give away your whole repertoire at once.”
Hans nodded. “Okay, then I’ll save a little for later.”
“Athena my dear, would you mind telling me what the plan for today is?” Finn asked.
“You’re going to follow my instructions, just like I had to follow yours when I was your hostage.”
“All right.” He crossed his arms. “And what are your instructions?”
“First, we’ll meditate.”
Rolling his eyes, Finn sighed. “Do we have to? Kya already tried to teach me how to meditate, but it’s boring as hell.”
“Maybe that’s because you’re not doing it right,” I suggested.
“Finn, did you know…” Hans leaned closer and lowered his voice as if letting Finn in on a secret. “That here in the Motherlands our priestesses are our spiritual leaders. They train from childhood and learn how to master the life energy. They know how to put mind over matter and the best of them can go days without eating or sleeping.”
Finn looked at me and then back to Hans before he leaned in and spoke in the same confidential whisper. “You want to hear something even more impressive?” he asked Hans, who nodded to show his full attention.
“In the Northlands, people are so damn wise that even the village idiot knows to eat when he’s hungry and sleep when he’s tired.”
I got up from the table swallowing a smile. Behind me, Finn’s familiar laughter rumbled.
“Don’t look so offended, Hansi, I’m just messing with you.”
“My name isn’t Hansi, Finn. It’s Hans, and I’d appreciate it if you called me that.”
Right then my cat strolled in and when she saw the two men, she hissed at them.
“Oh, hello, kitty, come here.” Hans was already distracted and reached out for her. “What’s her name?”
“Bast, after the cat goddess of Egypt,” I explained. “Did you know that cats were sacred to the Egyptians?”
“How pretentious to name your cat after a goddess,” Finn said.
I gave him the stink eye. “Look who’s talking! In your country, all men are named after heroes.”
“Is that true?” Hans asked Finn. “Who are you named after?”
Squaring his chest, Finn boasted: “I’m named after Finn MacCumhail, a legendary Irish warrior who was the leader of brave men and who ate the salmon of knowledge.”
“Wow.” Hans gave Finn a genuine smile of recognition before he turned to me. “Athena, your name has meaning too, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, it does,” I said over my shoulder. “Athena was the goddess of wisdom, skill, warfare, and tactics.”
“Hah, there you have it,” Finn muttered. “A war-hungry witch with a black cat named Beast.”
“Bast, her name is Bast,” I corrected him, “and I’m not a witch.”
“So you say, but then you go around casting curses and you have a black cat.” Finn angled his head. “I’d say the evidence is piling up against you, honey.”
“If you’re so convinced that I’m a witch, you might want to be careful about provoking me. I could turn you into a toad or something.”
“I wouldn’t recommend it,” Finn said and sat up straighter, “unless you would like a toad to kill you.”
“How would a toad kill me?” I asked and shook my head. “A toad seems pretty helpless to me.”
“I’m a fucki… sorry, a freaking Nman and we are resourceful and cunning.” He tapped a finger against his temple.
“Yeah, but you forget that you wouldn’t be an Nman anymore; you’d be a toad.”
Raising his chin, Finn narrowed his eyes. “Not just any toad. I would be the fastest toad in the world and wait silently in the shadows until you fall asleep and then I’d crawl down your throat and block your airways.”
I looked at Finn, giving a grimace. “That’s mean.”
“Hey, I’m not the witch threatening to turn the nice Nman into a toad here.”
“But you’re threatening to suffocate me.” I moved to the couch and started pushing it toward the wall in order to create enough space for the three of us to meditate.
“That’s right, so you better not try any tricks on me,” Finn replied with a satisfied nod of his head.
“Allow me to sprinkle a bit of irony here,” Hans said and helped me get the sofa where I wanted it. “Athena, I think you really should turn Finn into a toad, that would be fun.” He turned to look at us as if waiting for applause.
“You might want to work a bit on your delivery – and a small tip here,” Finn said. “Try not to announce every time you use irony.”
Hans nodded. “Got it! Next time I’ll just say it without warning.” He gave us a sly smile. “You won’t even see it coming.”