I clicked the mouse, enlarging the image on the screen in front of me before taking another bite from the chocolate chip cookie on my lap. I recalled that sugar worked very similarly to blow inside the brain and had decided to work on becoming a Type 2 diabetic by Christmas. On a positive note, it was definitely helping me to put weight on faster. My sweatpants were growing snugger by the day.

Doc had come through for me with not only a laptop, but a wireless printer too. I realized during the card game that the men didn’t know sign language. The journal had mentioned that she was going to teach them, but maybe she’d never gotten around to it or it hadn’t stuck. Regardless, I wanted to fix that—everyone deserved to be heard. These signs were pretty basic, but it was a start.

My motorcycle ride with Charm never happened because, just as we were about to leave, Gunner came outside. He told Charm that they had ‘club business’ to discuss and the two disappeared. I thought things would get better between us, but, if anything, they’d gotten worse. While I’d been disappointed that Charm never came back out to take me for a ride, I didn’t think much more of it with all the work I had to complete.

My crush was just going to have to wait until the chores were completed. Unfortunately, the pull of the journal was too strong and I found myself yet again in Charm’s room; crouched beside his bed, poring over his words.

 

 

I’d left the journal in his nightstand, but could still clearly see the sloped letters of his words as I lay in bed that night. My dreams had been nothing short of a disjointed nightmare. In it, Charm had navigated the winding roads easily, leaning one way and then the other as we rounded the curves. It was exhilarating. The wind whipped across us, tossing my long hair up around the helmet as I’d kept my arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

My thighs had clenched around him with every curve we took, the bike vibrating beneath us. I remembered that even in my dream, he smelled like leather and smoke.

He’d taken me down to the riverside and asked me to run away with him. Unlike her, I’d immediately agreed. It would’ve been okay had that been the extent of it, but just as he leaned in to kiss me, Clint broke through the trees and Charm pulled away.

“You love him?”

I told him I didn’t, but he hadn’t listened. He just got up and stalked away, leaving me with the man who wanted me dead. The whole thing made me question my feelings. I’d woken early to watch the sun rise and when he didn’t show, I felt let down.

My heart had started pounding when he walked into the kitchen at dinner time that next night. Lust, an emotion I hadn’t experienced in quite a while, reared its head. Suddenly, he was all I thought about. I tried to tell myself that my brain was just reprocessing the day’s events and that it meant nothing, yet the feelings persisted.

If that wasn’t a clear indicator of just how messed up in the head I was, then I didn’t know what was. I was attracted to a man who had, at the least, shown indifference toward me.

At most, he’d—well, he’d bought me books based on what I told him I liked. I consoled myself with the knowledge that if the mysterious she was right; the feelings would fade over the next four months. This was nothing but a silly crush.

In the meantime, here I was, nothing but sweaty palms and a racing heart anytime he showed up. It didn’t help that he now had me doing the laundry as well. Knowing what he was wearing underneath those jeans wasn’t helping my situation. I had to stick to the plan of making him my friend, while keeping my adolescent feelings under lock and key.

I clicked a button on another illustration and the printer immediately fired up. It had taken a little over a week for Doc to get me everything I needed and another week to find the illustrations I wanted to use. I couldn’t wait to see the look on Joker’s face when he saw them.

While I was online I’d done a quick search of my name, but unsurprisingly, nothing turned up. No missing person’s reports had been filed because I never went any place enough for anyone to notice my absence.

I put the papers into a small stack and carried them downstairs. After some digging and a little cursing, I found a roll of scotch tape in one of the kitchen drawers.

I took my time and had just finished hanging the last one when the back door opened.

“Darlin’, did we miss arts and crafts time?” Rooster squeezed my shoulder as he looked around the lodge.

I grinned. “Do you like it? Now everyone can learn what Joker’s signing.”

He pursed his lips just as Gunner came through the door. “Good God, what happened here?”

“Neve here was just learnin’ us some sign language, Gunner.”

I nodded at Rooster and turned my smile on Gunner. As usual, he didn’t return it.

“Charm’s gonna have your ass over this one.”

I exhaled slowly and began walking toward the kitchen. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Gunner. I can always count on your cheery disposition in my time of need.”

“Fuck off, Neve.” He clipped out before stomping up the stairs.

Well, there was the one biker who would not be getting a friendship bracelet from me in this lifetime.

I pulled the ingredients I needed for dinner from the fridge; cooking wasn’t an intimidating task anymore. I’d just make a menu ahead of time and one of the bikers would go get everything I needed. At some point, maybe they’d even consider letting me do the weekly shopping.

I’d been here six weeks and was slowly finding my groove. I’d wake up and watch the sunrise. Sometimes, Twitch was there and sometimes, it was just me. Charm hadn’t shown up since the morning I hit him with the flashlight. Then, I’d work my way through the lodge, cleaning and starting laundry. Either the rooms were starting to improve or the guys didn’t have enough time to destroy them. I didn’t care—it left me with more free time in the afternoons; time that I’d spent reading the journal.

Doc rounded the corner, clutching his face, and headed straight for the freezer. He grabbed an ice pack and held it up to an eye that was almost swollen shut.

“Doc? What the hell happened?” I tried to grab his arm, but he moved out of reach.

“Club business.”

I was quickly growing tired of those two words. As if that answered all my questions. Rooster raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say a word.

I’d just picked up a cutting board when the front door slammed shut and loud footsteps stomped up the stairs.

“Let me guess—club business?”

Rooster chuckled and pulled a beer from the fridge. “You know I’m not saying one way or another, Darlin’—but you might wanna stay down here for a bit.”