“Axel, do you know who Rae is?”

The prospect froze. “Where’d you hear that name?”

I shrugged and continued folding laundry on the couch, avoiding his stare. “I just heard someone mention it and I was curious. There are no women hiding out around here besides me, are there?”

I risked a glance from underneath my lashes and saw that he’d gone pale. He took several steps in one direction before turning back to me. “I wouldn’t mention that name again if I were you. Now, if you’re looking to make a friend, I’ve got just the person.”

With that, he promptly left me and the laundry, off to conjure up a friend for me.

Damn.

I’d thought that with him still being a prospect, he’d yet to take the oath to ‘keep Neve from knowing anything.’

In a river of tears, I was quickly and irrevocably being swept downstream in a swirl of emotions. It was moving beyond a simple crush; I was falling in love with Charm’s words and the passion that I saw displayed on every page. Like a firefly, I wanted to capture it and make it my own.

And I hated myself for it.

She loved him in ways I’d never be able to—they’d had decades together and with that came a familiarity that he’d never have with me. I was just some junkie they rescued and nursed back to health.

Like Bones, the dog.

And my demise would be much the same. My heart had led me into no man’s land—afraid to move forward due to uncertainty and unable to retreat. Instead, I remained stranded—paralyzed with fear.

 

 

“Neve!” Axel called from the stairs and I hastily shoved the journal underneath my pillow, heart beating double-time, as his bootsteps approached my door.

“I’m in here. Just cleaning up a little.” These near misses were becoming quite the high for me.

Axel came in, closely followed by a woman I didn’t recognize. “Neve, this is Amber. Amber, Neve. Thought you two could keep each other company this afternoon.”

She tucked a strand of bleached blonde hair behind her ear and extended her hand toward me. “Hello.”

“Hi.” I took her hand in mine, grateful for the distraction. Axel left us and went back downstairs. “Does Charm know you’re here?”

Her blue eyes widened. “Absolutely. Axel wouldn’t do nothing without the Prez’s approval.”

I nodded, my mind working to come up with how she fit into this world. “And you know the club…” I trailed off, hoping she’d fill in the gaps.

Amber smiled widely, her blindingly white teeth on full display. “I’m a club whore.”

She announced it much like one would if they got all A’s for the semester; such pride in being a plaything to a bunch of bikers. Amber didn’t look like what I imagined a whore would look like. Her makeup was expertly done, giving the appearance that she wasn’t wearing any, and her clothes were modest—tasteful even. She could’ve blended in on any college campus in America. Her speech was the only indicator that she probably hadn’t completed anything beyond secondary.

“Oh,” I tried to choose my next words carefully, so that I didn’t offend her. “And you enjoy that, um, line of work?”

She grinned again, as if she found my words entertaining. “Neve, I’m just fucking with you. I’ve been with Axel since freshman year of high school. He’s patching in, so this club has become like a second family for us, you know?”

I nodded, even though I had no idea what she meant. I’d been here going on two months and nobody had tried to adopt me. Amber continued to chatter on about her experience with the club and growing up in Kasselhessen, while I counted the hours until I could read the journal again. It wasn’t that her stories were boring; I had just become addicted to that leather-bound book and needed another fix.

She finally paused to take a breath before eagerly asking if she could give me a makeover, further solidifying that it didn’t matter the age, we women could always bond over beauty.

My body jerked, startling me awake. I rubbed my eyes and looked over at the clock. It was just after two. I needed to get at least another hour if I wanted to be productive. Amber had left me just before the men got back and by then, it was time to start dinner. The journal was returned to Charm’s room and I made excuses to turn in early. I really just wanted to be left alone with my thoughts.

A light caught my attention and I turned toward the source. The mirror on my dresser flickered as if it was a television screen and I sat up and stared at it dumbly.

My reflection disappeared and the mirror became a window. It was Clint’s house. He sat on the worn couch, snorting lines, oblivious to the fact that I was watching him.

I slid out from under the sheets and padded over to it, trying to make sense of what I was seeing.

Maybe I’d relapsed.

If that was the case, why couldn’t I remember using?

I brought my hand up and touched the glass. As I did, Clint’s head popped up and he stared right at me. There was something wrong with his eyes, something unstable. He grinned and stood up, taking slow uneven steps toward me.

I jumped back in fright, nearly tripping over my own two feet.

“Hey, baby. I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” He continued advancing closer and I bit back a scream.

“You’re not real. You’re not real.” I shook my head back and forth, as if clearing the image of him. The back of my calves connected with the mattress and I fell onto the bed, but I continued to scoot away until I hit the headboard with a low thud.

Clint reached the glass and stopped. “I thought for sure a bear had gotten to you—maybe even a mountain lion. I never imagined you were shacking up with eight men. You know fairy tales aren’t real, right? You find yourself living in the woods with seven men and their leader, you’re not a princess, Neve. You’re nothing but a slut.”

He moved his body and then his hand pushed through the mirror as if it was made of water. Once he knew that the mirror wasn’t a boundary, he began crawling through onto the dresser. It was like something out of a horror movie, but no matter how many times I pinched myself, I couldn’t wake up.

I started screaming then. “No…no!”

He slid all the way through and dropped onto the carpet. Now, he was blocking me from my only exit. The mirror shimmered behind him, flames erupting across the glass.

I clutched my chest. It couldn’t be. Clint followed my gaze and turned toward the destruction. “Careful, it’s hot!” He laughed and moved his hand away from the mirror before looking back over at me, cowering in fear.

“I can’t—I can’t.” I clutched at my throat, feeling the familiar tightness wrap its way around my vocal cords.

A family portrait grew black from the smoke before the fire devoured it. Trinkets and collectibles gathered over the years were no exception and quickly fell victim to the destructive blaze.

Clint held his hands up and I realized they were covered in blood. “Oops…guess I made a little mess.” He dipped his hands into the mirror and when he pulled them back out, both were in flames.

I screamed until my throat was raw, the smoke becoming heavier to breathe through. It was like trying to inhale through a damp blanket.

Clint touched the bed and flames began racing up the sheets, scorching my skin. “Trial by fire, Neve. Let’s see how you fare.”

The walls began to bend inside the house stuck in the mirror. The fire had weakened the entire structure and I had to turn away. It hurt too much.

“Neve!”

I looked back at the mirror and I could see them, at the top of the stairs. They were terrified. And it was all my fault.

“I can’t stop it! I’m so sorry!” I hoarsely yelled to them.

“Neve!”

I shook my head. “I don’t know how to get you out.”

The woman blew me a kiss before getting caught up in the inferno. “Neve, honey, open your eyes! Open your eyes. It isn’t real!”

Clint pounced on top of me, knocking the air from lungs. His hands sought out my throat and I thrashed wildly to keep him away. “I’m not finished with you…where’s the money?”

The fire faded and the window closed again, leaving a mirror in its place. I was still trapped in a burning room with Clint though. I’d been so preoccupied with that damn book that I hadn’t thought to keep myself safe.

“Neve, honey. Wake up!” Rough hands gripped my face and my eyes flew open. I immediately tried to sit up, only to collide with a wall of muscle.

“You’re okay. Shhhh…it’s okay.”

I was hyperventilating through the tears. I could still see them clearly in my mind, stuck in a burning house.

“I couldn’t stop it. I’m so sorry...” I repeated the words softly to myself.

The hands moved up and brushed the hair off my damp cheeks. He whispered, “It’s okay, it’s alright. Just breathe. You don’t have to be sorry for anything. I’ve got you.”

I lay my face against his chest and wept until a soft knock sounded at the door. A sliver of light cut across the dark as Rooster poked his head in. “Is she okay?”

I stiffened. If Rooster was at the door, then who was holding me?

“Ain’t nothing, but a bad dream. She’ll be alright.” His hands were still holding onto my hair, so I couldn’t move away.

Charm.

Rooster closed the door and left the two of us alone again and I wiped at the tears on my face. “I’m sorry I woke everyone up—”

“What’d I tell you about apologizing?” He grumbled.

“I—I think I’m good if you want to go back to bed.” I shifted, but his hands remained where they were, pinning me against him.

“What was it?”

I inhaled a ragged breath. “House fire. I just—” A sob worked its way free and I tried to cover it up by clearing my throat.

Charm was silent for a moment. “Did you start it? You kept apologizing in your sleep as if you were the one who set the fire.”

I thought back to that night and a small tremor passed through my body. Hadn’t I? “I don’t know why I was apologizing.” I cleared my throat again.

What else could I say—that I’d worked so hard to get clean—only to lose everything? That the feelings of anguish were so strong I was certain they’d incinerate me, from the inside out? That I tried to overdose, but found the numbness a better alternative?

I couldn’t admit that to anyone.

Love was the same as addiction—destructive.

Charm tightened his hold on me, using his hand to push my head against his chest. He didn’t do the awkward thing people do—where they apologize as if they had something to do with it. In fact, he didn’t say anything at all. His hands just made small circles across my back and I began to drift off. His voice startled me awake again.

“When I was five, my mother took me to the grocery store with her. I remember that I’d always beg to ride the mechanical horse at the front of the store or even to play the crane game. We walked in and she handed me a small bag of quarters—told me to enjoy myself while she shopped.

“It wasn’t until it began to grow dark out, that I got worried. I found a store employee and we looked for her. She’d been gone for hours by then—knew if she took me, my old man would come after her. So, she dropped me off in the front of the store and never once told me goodbye—never gave me any indication that she was leaving for good.”

My arms broke out in goosebumps as he softly spoke. It was something that he’d never written about, but it had impacted his life. I didn’t understand why he was telling me though; didn’t know what it meant. Knowing the things that Luck had put him through, I couldn’t fathom how she could’ve left him with a man like that.

Luck had been a monster and there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that his mother had taken his childhood when she abandoned him in that grocery store.

 “Charm?”

He shifted. “Yeah?”

I took a deep breath. “Thank you—for waking me, I mean. Would you, would you mind staying a little longer?”

He exhaled softly. “I’ll stay—try to get some sleep.”

Maybe his presence chased the demons away. Wrapped up in his arms, I realized I’d gotten a piece of what I wanted. I had the man from the journal—if only for the night.