“Okay, we can set that pan over on the back counter.”

Joker grabbed a pair of oven mitts and moved the pan of baked beans from the oven to an empty countertop. We hadn’t had a moment to rest. The past three days had been nothing but work.

I spent yesterday morning cleaning the entire clubhouse and the damn thing sparkled from all the elbow grease. I’d taken some extra time cleaning Gunner’s room—okay, I snooped.

Again.

I’d done something nice for almost all of the guys, but I hadn’t been able to think of one thing to do for him.

It had taken me an extra fifteen minutes, but in his nightstand, under a roll of condoms, was a worn picture of two Marines. I studied the picture and realized that one of them was Gunner. When I turned the picture over, there was a name and a date.

I’d known that he was a Marine, but nothing was ever mentioned in the journal about his return home. It appeared that Twitch wasn’t the only one who’d lost friends in battle.

Feeling like a thief, I’d tucked the photo into the waistband of my jeans and finished cleaning. Once I was sure that no one was paying attention, I snuck out and drove into town. The men were busy getting the meat ready to smoke—something that was going to take all night from what I understood.

I doubted they’d even noticed I was gone. I parked the truck to find them gathered around the smoker back near the storage shed, drinking and laughing. I’d simply returned the photograph back to his nightstand and set the canvas up on his dresser before heading back to work.

Hours later, I woke to an empty house and realized that the men hadn’t even made it back inside. Joker joined me in the kitchen about an hour after I got up and we worked side by side in comfortable silence. I’d made the potato salad up in advance, so all we had to take care of were the baked beans.

I was going to need to nap for a week to recover.

 

 

I wanted to shed my ratty clothes and head upstairs to shower, but I owed this to Charm. I was finally beginning to understand his anger over the signs I’d made. I’d practically rubbed his face in the fact that she was gone.

I turned to Joker. “Hey, I forgot to take the signs down. I’m just gonna take care of that while this finishes up. Okay?”

His face fell, but he nodded.

No one had mentioned them again, but I knew what they must’ve been reminded of every time they passed by one. The other clubs weren’t likely to let it go unnoticed either. I’d just pulled the second one off when his voice startled me.

“What the hell are you doin’?”

I jumped and turned around. “Hey, good morning. I was just getting rid of these before the party.”

I wanted to try and fix a horrible mistake…

Charm shook his head before barking out, “Let’s put it to a vote. See what the club says.”

My mouth fell open in shock. “Are you drunk? You all but told me to take them down not that long ago.”

“Guys! Let’s go.”

The other bikers walked in and sat down at the table, as if it was completely normal to call impromptu meetings in the middle of the dining area.

He walked around to the head of the table and addressed them. “Listen up, Neve here was thinking she should take down the signs before the other clubs arrive. Thoughts?”

PD shook his head. “They stay.” He’d been using his Neti Pot faithfully and I hadn’t heard him sneeze since. He was much more pleasant to be around; although that might’ve had more to do with me bumping into Ali as she snuck out of his room one early morning last week.

Rooster gave me a cocky grin. “Stay.”

Joker held his thumb and pinky out in a Y handshape before shoving his knuckles forward and down.

Stay.

Guardrail raised an O’Doul’s in a toast to me. “I like ‘em.”

Twitch fingered a chain around his neck and my heart skipped a beat at the sight of the medallion hanging from the end of it. “The kid’s stuff stays.”

Doc pinched his lower lip between his thumb and forefinger, lost in thought. He looked like he’d done more than just hang out with the smoker—I wasn’t even sure how he was remaining upright. “I vote they stay,” he said, with a slight slur.

Gunner sat silently at the end of the table. I knew there was no way in hell that he’d be on my side. He cleared his throat and looked around the room. “Well, Neve. I’ll say what no one else has the balls to—” I cringed. “The signs class this shithole up. I say they stay.”

Charm nodded. “Looks like it’s unanimous. You better get those two rehung and then get ready for the party.”

The men cleared out to finish setting up and Joker retreated back into the kitchen, while I stood in disbelief with the signs in my hand.

Had Gunner been abducted by aliens?

That was the only explanation for the complete one eighty he’d just done.

“Neve.” The voice was soft.

I held my hand up. “Just a second, Gunner. I’m trying to determine if you’ve been body snatched.”

He smirked at me, but his eyes were shiny. He tried to cover it up by running his hands through his hair. “You know there’s no motherfuckin’ way that aliens would even think about crossing me.”

I smiled. That sounded like Gunner.

He cupped my face in his hands and my eyes widened. This was definitely not Gunner.

“Neve, I saw what you did—in my room. No one’s ever—that picture—honoring Cody like that?” He got choked up and paused. “Let’s just say you’re not a complete pain in the ass.”

If I would’ve known that enlarging a photograph of him and a Marine buddy was the way to his heart, I would’ve done it day one. He might as well have told me that he wanted me to have his babies. My mouth was near the floor and he kept my face gripped in his hands before leaning in and pressing a rough kiss to my forehead.

“Thanks.”

By the time I remembered to respond with a weak “You’re welcome,” he was already gone again. A river flowed from my eyes as I rehung the two pictures and, after being assured that Joker had the kitchen under control, I went upstairs to shower.

I let the hot water knead my sore muscles for as long as I could stand it before towel drying off and getting to work on my hair and face. I hadn’t worn any of the makeup I got at the store. I hadn’t worn anything since the afternoon that Amber came over. There just hadn’t seemed to be any point to it with me cooking and cleaning all day.

I wiped the steam from the mirror and smiled at the girl in the reflection. Almost three months of taking care of myself had done wonders. I’d put on some much-needed weight and my face no longer looked skeletal.

I was damn proud of the woman I was becoming, even if I’d endured Hell to get here.

I took my time applying makeup and blow-drying my hair until it hung in loose waves down my back. Amber had told me that these gatherings were a big deal, so I wanted to look my best.

Once satisfied that I’d mastered the beauty aspect, I pulled the dress out of the back of my closet. I’d gone into Pearl’s Treasures with plans to find a nice blouse, but when I’d told her that it was for the barbecue, she led me over to the dresses and began gathering them up by the armful.

“Let’s get you a dressing room started.”

She had me try on only one. When I slipped on the vintage halter dress, we both agreed it was perfect. It featured large white polka dots on red material. The bust was white, with cherries and red skulls across it. It was low-cut, but for a biker gathering, I’d fit right in. The best part was that it came down to my knees, so none of my scars showed.

I smiled as I slipped it off the hanger and stepped into it. I was going to match the guys with their flaming skulls. Pearl had tried to talk me into a pair of vintage red pumps, but with it being an outdoor party, I settled on a pair of red flip flops instead.

I applied sunscreen to my arms and chest before giving myself one last glance in the mirror. It was amazing what a good dress and a little red lipstick could do.

I heard the rumble of bikes pulling up as I got to the top of the stairs and I was only slightly disappointed that there wasn’t a handsome biker with dark hair waiting for me at the bottom. However, this wasn’t Titanic and I wasn’t a woman of high-class.

With a deep breath for courage, I opened the front door and stepped out into the sunlight.

Rooster was talking to a man from one of the other clubs, but stopped and stared when he saw me. I gave a shy wave and he held his hand up, frozen.

The other guy was still talking as if nothing was amiss when I walked up. “Hey, Rooster.”

His eyes pinballed up and down my dress more than once. “Holy fucking hell, Neve. Has anyone else seen you?”

I shook my head. “Is this not okay?”

He excused himself from his conversation and latched onto my arm, pulling me through throngs of people. The biker left behind stared longingly at me and I looked away, suddenly uncomfortable.

Charm was behind the smoker, a beer in hand.

“Charm. Did you want Neve to be somewhere special?”

He didn’t look at us. “Uh, no. Just tell her to stick with our guys.”

“Why don’t you tell her yourself,” I suggested playfully and he turned around, nearly dropping his beer when saw me.

Rooster chuckled. “I thought you’d wanna see.”

I smoothed the front of the skirt with my hands and waited for him to say something, while Rooster went to grab another beer, leaving the two of us alone by the smoker. If we hadn’t been surrounded by dozens of other people, it might’ve even been considered romantic.

“Jesus, honey. You look fuckin’ amazing.” He kept staring and I began babbling away to cover up the awkwardness.

“Did you see I have skulls right here?” I gestured toward the bust. “Just like you guys.”

He swallowed and nodded. “I—uh—I did see that.”

“They’re actually considered the center of individuality and archaeologists have found skulls dating back thousands of years ago, some even predate writing systems. This means that we don’t even know why they had them on display.”

Charm nodded again, the corner of his lip turning up into a slight smirk. “You’re doing it again, Neve.”

“Doing what?”

He chuckled. “Spouting off inane facts because you’re uncomfortable.”

Luckily, PD walked up before I had to explain myself. He actually did a double take when he saw me. “Holy shit, Neve. You look sexy as fuck.”

Charm growled. “Somethin’ you need, PD?”

He frowned and took a step back. “Yeah, actually. I need Neve—we’ve got a little situation.”

I looked around. “Where’s Doc?”

PD kicked at some loose gravel with his boot. “Well, the situation is Doc. Guy’s been drinking since last night and he is beyond fucked up. Said Neve owed him.”

I groaned. “Where is he?”

I was hoping to enjoy the party for a little while before having to take care of anyone.

“We got him up in his room, for now.”

Charm gave PD a look and he added, “I’ll take you up to him.”

I brushed off any feelings of disappointment. I’d given my word to Doc. “Bye Charm. Save me some food.”

He gave me that weird look again before agreeing.

The party was in full swing now—there were bodies everywhere. I was busy counting the bikers in attendance when I got the distinct feeling that I was being watched. I turned around and there he was, back by the trees.

Clint.

He’d found me, but didn’t make a move, like I’d expected. He just stood there, watching me silently.

I sucked in a breath and PD grabbed me, spinning me around to face him. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

I blinked and looked again, but he was gone. Had I imagined it? “I’m sorry. Thought I saw something.”

It was a hallucination.

That was the only thing that made sense.

“Neve. Neve. Neve.”

I took a deep breath and patiently replied, “Yes, Doc?”

“Have I told you how pretty you look?”

“Not in the last five minutes, no.” If I’d acted anything like he was while I was detoxing, it was a wonder he hadn’t thrown me out into the woods himself.

PD had dropped me off to find Doc hunched over the bathroom counter. “Kill me,” He’d groaned. “Why did I drink so much?”

From there, he’d proceeded to splash cold water onto his face before giving up and sinking down to rest his head against the toilet seat. I’d patted his back as he repeatedly told me how pretty I was. Apparently, his idea of manning the smoker had involved copious amounts of liquor.

“He’s gonna be so fucking pissed at me for keeping you in here,” he grumbled to the toilet seat.

I wet a washcloth with cool water and placed it on the back of his neck. “Eh, what’s a party without you?”

He continued mumbling to himself. “If I thought the black eye was bad—shit, he’s going to murder me.”

“Wait, Charm gave you the black eye?”

He nodded slowly. “Yep. I opened my big mouth and told him about strip Go Fish. I shouldn’t have done it, but I wanted him to know about your legs—see if we could track down the assholes responsible. Obviously, he didn’t take it well.”

I shook my head as my face went numb. “But, that was right after I got here. Why would he care about our game?”

He hadn’t given any indication that he’d felt anything other than disgust back then.

Doc propped his hand up under his chin and looked at me. “I can see down your dress, Neve. Is that a new bra?”

I slapped the back of his head. “Focus, Doc. Why did Charm hit you? It doesn’t make sense.”

He laughed until his head fell off his arm and then righted himself. “It doesn’t make sense? Are you fucking kidding me? It’s been you from day one. Everything changed when you showed up.”

I raised a hand to stop him. “He called me a mangy dog. Surely you didn’t forget about that.”

He smiled to himself and closed his eyes. “Oh yeah. You know how some guys are cards and flowers?” I nodded and he continued, “Well, Charm is whiskey and insults.”

I began fumbling with the washcloth in my hand. “I just wanted to return the favor to you guys for helping me, and I wish I could’ve done more. I never meant for any of this to happen.”

His smile faded and he leaned closer. “You say that like you’re not planning on being around tomorrow.”

“Look at me, Doc.” I paused. It was now or never. “How many addicts go the rest of their lives without a relapse? How many live to say they beat it? There’s already been so much loss in this place—I can’t put anyone here through that again. I’m going to be leaving soon, so you’re not reminded of her.”

Doc ran the back of his hand across his eyes, like a toddler fighting sleep. “I wondered how long it was going to take before he opened up to you about her. You’ll never be anything like that, Neve.”

I snorted as a bitter laugh escaped. “Obviously. She got sick—I did too, but in a different way. I couldn’t cope with my life, so I medicated with snow. We couldn’t be more different.”

He propped himself up again and looked me in the eye, all traces of humor gone. “How is it you know so much, but so little? His sister was an addict and there wasn’t a damn thing any of us could do to save her.”

I grabbed Doc’s shoulder and got right in his face. “His sister? I’m talking about the woman from the picture. Who is she?” My voice had taken on that shrill tone that seemed to always accompany hysteria.

Nothing was making sense. It was as if Doc was speaking in riddles.

He shrugged out of my grasp. “The girl from the picture? Do you mean Rae? That’s her. That’s his sister.”

I sucked in a sharp breath. Sister? The entire time it had been his sister? There had never been a twisted love triangle involving Twitch. “He has a sister?”

He nodded. “Had. He had a sister. Their mom abandoned them when Charm was five and Rae was two. Just left them at a grocery store. He tried to look out for her as best he could when Luck moved them from Texas up here. The club was heavy into drugs and it was really only a matter of time before Rae got in deep herself.

“She would try to clean up, but with that bitch heroin living under the same roof, she couldn’t stay away long. When H wasn’t available, she did blow. Luck turned a blind eye to it, but Charm? Charm did everything in his power to sober her up. We’d detox her, but she’d crawl right back to it.”

“That’s why you have the straps downstairs, isn’t it?” The hope that had briefly made an appearance, just as quickly left.

Doc nodded. “Yeah, for all the good it did us. When she fell for another biker, we thought it’d straighten her out, but she just dragged him down with her. Rae got pregnant and said she was gonna quit—told us that he begged her to.” He paused and roughly wiped at his face just as I did the same. Twitch had tried to save her, only to go down himself.

“We found her dead in her room not long after—she’d overdosed on heroin. Twitch attempted suicide three days later—slit his wrists and ended up in a psych ward. I didn’t think he was gonna make it. Hell, there are days that I still don’t.”

Twitch?

The scars.

I brought a hand up to my mouth, trying to muffle my sobs. He’d loved her, but she’d loved drugs more. It could’ve been the story of me and Clint. He’d never cared for me the way he did heroin.

Doc continued, “Hasn’t been right since then. Lost his girl and his baby at once. He was out on a run, so he blamed himself for it happening—thought she would’ve been fine had he stayed back. Rae was always going to do what she wanted though; it wasn’t a question of if she would OD, it was when.”

It made sense; why Twitch had gotten close to me. It was why he’d wanted to hold me the night we got high—because I reminded him of Rae; and in that moment, he had her back, however brief it was. God, he’d even convinced himself that I was her…maybe he’d even thought that he could save me where he hadn’t been able to save her.

I stumbled back into the doorway and sank down to join Doc on the floor. “So, what did Luck do?”

Doc laughed humorlessly. “He pinned it all on Charm. Said if he would’ve done a better job with her that none of it would’ve happened. The club began to split after that—if the Prez couldn’t handle his own daughter, how the hell was he supposed to run the club?”

Charm had pushed me away when I showed up, not out of spite, but because I reminded him of his dead sister.

Hurting people hurt people.

My mom used to say that all the time, but I never really thought much about it until now. Charm put up boundaries because he couldn’t relive her death again.

“Charm would drag her out to watch the sunrise—he’d read a book on helping addicts recover. Apparently, watching the sunrise is a natural high. He didn’t go out there again though until you showed up.”

The entire time I’d wanted to prove him wrong and it turned out that he’d wanted the same thing. I thought back to the first time he took me out to the ledge and the way he’d stared at me; needing me to be different.

“Is that why he took me on the motorcycle? As part of this natural high thing?”

Doc cocked his head to the side, still using his arm for support. “He took you out on the bike?”

I nodded and he continued, “Well, yeah that was one of the things he tried with Rae. He put his role as VP on hold trying to fix her—yoga, meditation, cliff jumping—you name it, the guy tried it.”

We slipped back into silence again and the weight on my chest grew heavier, not lighter. Hearing about Rae made what happened at the cliff more complicated, instead of less. Before, it was the thought of a girlfriend standing in the way. Now, it was this intense fear of not living up to his expectations. What if I was no better than her?

If given the opportunity, would I blow my sobriety?

Doc saw my face. “Hey, you’re nothing like Rae. Don’t try to compare the two. You worked your ass off to sober up and you’ve remained clean. I don’t know that she ever made it past a week.”

I shook my head. “But, Charm…he can’t have feelings for someone like me. I’m what he despises most—an addict.”

What had happened between us was nothing more than lust. I was a female in close proximity; it was bound to happen. Nothing about it was a good foundation on which to build a relationship though.

“Neve, how many times have you driven into town on your own?”

I thought back over all my visits into town. “I don’t know—I’ve gone at least once a week though.”

“Eight. You’ve been into town eight times. Wanna know how I know? Because one of us has followed you every single time to make sure you stay safe. Hell, I think most of us would’ve done it even if he hadn’t asked us.”

I pushed myself up, my legs shaking. “I have to go. Doc, can I leave you alone?”

I had to know if it was true and I had a crazy hunch that I knew where to find my answers before confronting Charm.

He nodded. “Probably just gonna upchuck and get it over with the minute you leave.”

I wrinkled my nose. “Okay, glad I’m leaving then. I just need to sort this out. I’ll come back by later and check on you.”

He nodded and stared down into the toilet bowl. “He’s gonna claim you as his ol’ lady, Neve. If he doesn’t, then he’s a fucking moron and one of us’ll do it.”

I could hear him retching as I shut the door behind me and raced down the hall toward Charm’s bedroom. I tore open the nightstand and flipped through the journal, but everything in it was about Rae, ending with her death.

I returned it to the drawer with a sinking feeling. What had I expected—that he’d written about me?

Wait a minute.

I slipped out of his room and down the stairs, dodging bikers in various states of drunkenness before letting myself into his study. In the center drawer, buried underneath ledgers, was a shiny red notebook.