Chapter 26

Brian

 

Adam would be here in less than twenty-four hours, and I didn’t like the twitchy feeling that had been needling me for the last few days.

It didn’t help that we weren’t spending the evening “together” like we often did. He was tied up with some work-related stuff tonight. Filming for his next movie was coming up fast, and he’d spent the entire day darting from meetings with his assistant, agent, and God knew who else. He’d apologized profusely for it, but I’d assured him that I could last a few hours on my own. I’d see him tomorrow, after all, and he didn’t need to know I was a damn basket case tonight.

I was fine with us spending an evening apart, but I did need some company. An hour after I’d walked the dog, I was getting stir crazy, so I called Julian to see if he was free. I sweetened the deal by offering beer and takeout, and in minutes, he was on his way.

When he arrived, I pulled a couple of beers from the fridge, and we settled in the living room.

Julian dropped onto my couch and draped his arm across the back of it. “So what shenanigans have you been up to at Ye Olde Clinic?”

“Just the usual shit,” I said as I sat beside him. “Everyone’s coming in for their shots before school starts, and I get daily lectures on the evils of Obamacare from people who aren’t even on the AHA.”

He chuckled. “Same shit, different day?”

It took some work, but I laughed. “Yeah. Same shit, different day.”

My friend’s brow furrowed. “Okay, level with me, hon—what’s going on? You’ve been a wreck lately, and that’s when I actually see you, which I almost never do anymore.” He shot me a pointed look. “Out with it, baby.”

I exhaled, sinking back against the couch. “I know. And it’s not getting any better.” After he’d taken one of the beers, I worked at the label on the other with my thumbnail. “In fact, it’s getting worse, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

Julian straightened. “What’s going on?”

“Well.” I kept working at the label as I tried to sort out my thoughts. “This stays between us, right?”

“Of course.” He squeezed my forearm. “You know I’m a steel trap when it comes to your gossip.”

I tried to laugh, but it took too much work. Finally, I met his gaze. “Okay, so do you remember that article that came out a while back? The one where they tried to say Adam Jacobsen and I are dating?”

“Do I remember?” Julian snorted. “Girl, I almost had a heart attack when I saw it.”

“Yeah. Well.” I drummed my nails on my beer bottle. “It’s, uh… it’s true.”

Julian froze. “Come again?”

“It’s true.” I swallowed. “Adam and I are—”

“Are you serious?” he damn near squealed, and he clapped his hand over his mouth. He stared at me with wide eyes, and his hand muffled the “You’re dating him?”

I laughed self-consciously. “Yeah. I am.”

Lowering his hand, he eyed me. “So why did you tell me you weren’t?”

My face burned. “I’m sorry. I kind of panicked when it came out. We were trying to keep a lid on things, and…” I exhaled. “I’m sorry.”

“Okay, I understand that. I don’t think I’d want my business out there.”

I laughed bitterly. “You have no idea.”

“Well, your secret’s safe with me. Now…” He grabbed my arm. “Tell. Me. Everything.”

“What do you want to know?” I shot him a playful glare. “No, you’re not getting bedroom details.”

Julian huffed, but then grinned. “So you admit you’ve been in the bedroom with him?”

I rolled my eyes. “No, Julian. I’m dating the hottest man on the planet, but it hasn’t even crossed my mind to have sex with him.”

“Hey, you never know.” He showed his palms. “Maybe you boys are taking it slow like you did with Xavier and Jason.”

“That was a little different. Jason’s ace. Xavier’s demisexual. Adam is… neither.” Wasn’t that the truth? He may have been inexperienced, but he was definitely into sex. Though I supposed he could be demi; we hadn’t started getting physical until after we’d established a connection, so maybe? Well, either way, we were definitely getting physical now. “And I always go slow.”

“Bullshit you do.” Julian rolled his eyes. “Come on. I’ve known you forever, and when you’re dating a man who isn’t ace or demi, you don’t exactly let the grass grow, know what I mean?”

“What the hell? I always wait at least a few dates before I sleep with a guy.”

Julian’s eyebrow arched. “Mm-hmm. Aside from Joe, right?”

“Joe and I had been emailing for months.”

“And Alex?”

“We’d known each other for like three years.”

Julian clicked his tongue. “Okay, fine. But don’t change the subject. Are you and Adam…?” He waggled his eyebrow.

The heat in my face was probably already giving me away. “Just don’t tell anyone, okay? About any of this?”

“Of course.” He sobered and patted my arm. “You know I’d never share your business.”

“I know. And I didn’t mean to imply you would. We just have to be so guarded about keeping this quiet, and…” I closed my eyes, pressing my head back against the cushion. “Man, it’s exhausting.”

Julian didn’t speak for a moment. When I opened my eyes, he was watching me like he was trying to read something in my expression, and it was all I could do not to squirm under his scrutiny. Finally, he said, “Okay, let’s back up a step.” He touched my knee and looked me right in the eye. “Pretend the press doesn’t exist and nobody gives a shit who he’s dating or what he’s wearing or whatever.”

“Um, okay,” I said dubiously.

“Right, so none of that nonsense. How is dating him otherwise?”

“It’s…” My heart went crazy, and I couldn’t help smiling. “God, he’s amazing.”

“Yeah? Tell me.”

“He’s just… I mean, I know we’re still in that honeymoon phase where everything seems perfect and he still seems flawless to me. I get that. And I know we’ll eventually find things that annoy us and whatever.”

“Mm-hmm.” Julian nodded. “Go on.”

“I swear, though, he’s perfect for me. My parents adore him. My dog adores him. I adore the hell out of him.” I sighed, practically swooning just thinking about him. “He’s so sweet.”

Julian’s eyes widened. “Wow. I have never heard you talk about a man like this. Not even that bonehead you almost married.”

I grimaced at the memory. “Don’t remind me.”

“Right. So.” Julian patted my leg. “You’ve got a good thing going with him, yeah?”

“A really good thing.”

“Except for the press.”

I deflated. “Except for the press. And I mean, it shouldn’t be a deal-breaker. I don’t want it to be a deal-breaker. But the secrecy… hell, I fly into San Diego so we can hopefully avoid photographers. We have to be really careful when we go out. If we go out. I even had to swear my parents to secrecy and hide Adam’s car—his plain, cheap, urban camouflage car—in their garage.” I leaned forward, elbows on my knees as I raked my hands through my hair. “It’s exhausting, and it really is like being back in the closet.” I sighed and started kneading my neck. “I’m the one who freaks out about the press, and that’s why we’ve kept a lid on things, but it’s just…”

“It’s tiring.” Julian’s voice was full of sympathy. “I know.”

I nodded slowly, and it was a struggle to speak above more than a whisper. “I feel like if we didn’t have the press following him around, and if we could just be open and normal without people losing their shit, we could really make this work.”

“Do you think you can make it work even with all that craziness?”

I gnawed my lip and stared at the floor as I kept rubbing my stiff neck. “I want to say yes. I just… I don’t know. Neither of us needs all that, but he’s a package deal. Dating him either means doing it on the sly, or coming out and letting the whole goddamned world have an opinion about it. I can either stay a totally private person, or I can date Adam. I can’t have both. And I mean, just hearing his speech almost gave me a stroke, and he didn’t even mention my name.” I dropped my hands between my knees and turned to Julian. “What do I do?”

“I don’t know, baby.” Julian gave my shoulder a squeeze, and he kept his hand there. “As much as you hate being in the spotlight, he must be something else if you’re sticking around.”

“He is,” I whispered, and couldn’t help smiling despite my knotted stomach. “He’s amazing. And you should see him with Lola.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah.” I was grinning like an idiot now. “He loves her. When he came to see me, he even suggested we take her with us when we went out.”

Julian put his free hand to his chest. “Oh, that boy knows the way to your heart, doesn’t he?”

“Right?” I laughed. “He didn’t even mind when she joined us in bed that first morning.”

My friend glanced at Lola, who was snoozing by the fireplace, then eyed me. “How the hell big is your bed if it fits the two of you and that beast you call a dog?”

“Well, to be fair, he and I weren’t, uh, taking up much space.”

“Oh Lord.” Julian closed his eyes and sighed wistfully. “That man is a snuggler, isn’t he?”

“Yeah he is.”

“So he’s gorgeous. He’s Adam goddamned Jacobsen. He loves your dog. And he’s a snuggler.” Julian clicked his tongue and wagged a long finger at me. “You better put a ring on that boy.”

I barked a laugh, showing my palms. “Hey, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, here. We just started dating a few weeks ago and—”

“Don’t care.” Julian shook his head emphatically. “He is perfection with a six-pack. I don’t give a damn if he steals the covers or leaves his underwear on the floor.” Beat. “Which, side note, if he does that, kindly grab a pair for me because—”

I smacked his leg playfully. “Really?”

“What?” Julian laughed. “Anyway, he’s obviously perfect for you. If you don’t want to husband that man yet, fine, but don’t do something stupid and let him go.”

My humor faded, and I stared down at the carpet again. “I don’t want to let him go. Believe me, I’m hoping and praying this keeps going. I’m just…” I swallowed. “He’s famous. He’s got people following him around with cameras, talking about him, speculating about his private life. I don’t know if I can handle… fuck, any of that. Like, that article? I wasn’t kissing Adam. I was literally just telling him there was a place across the street we could check out for lunch.” My gut churned. “How will I ever be able to relax with him in public when I’m worried some asshole with a camera is going to take our picture and then make up a bunch of bullshit about what we’re doing?”

Julian pursed his lips thoughtfully. “Maybe you guys just need to stop giving a shit what people say. I mean, I know it sucks having your privacy violated like that, but most people take tabloid shit with a grain of salt, you know?”

“That’s true, I guess.”

“Anyone who knows you isn’t going to believe whatever salacious nonsense they make up about you,” Julian said. “And anyone who doesn’t know you—who cares what they believe?”

“True. Well, he’ll be here tomorrow night.” I steeled myself and met my friend’s gaze. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Good.” He shot me a stern look. “And don’t you be holding out on me, sweetheart. If you’re dating a man that hot, I expect to be introduced.”

I laughed. “Okay, okay. I’ll introduce you guys. Just… maybe not this trip.”

“Okay.” He wagged his finger at me again. “But I will hold you to it.”

“You’ll meet him. I promise.”

Assuming Adam and I find some way to deal with all the attention.