Chapter 19
Cara
I couldn’t believe he’d left me there. I’d known that he wouldn’t take it well, but I figured my explanation would have been good enough for him to understand. I had messed up everything. LJ was gone, Caden was gone. Having two more drinks after Caden left had not seemed to help anything. Neither had listening to the saddest songs I could find on the way back home.
I sat in the driveway staring up at the blank, black windows. Even the outside of my house now looked empty somehow. I was still in his car. I didn’t want to get out of it. It was all I had left of him, and I was certain he would be coming to get it soon. I hadn’t wanted to send him a text message, because I didn’t really know what I would say. I had already lost his trust.
A small raindrop landed on the windshield, splattering smaller droplets around it. I stared at it until my eyesight blurred around it. Another drop came, and another, each making little splashes around the small puddles where they landed. My mind went back and forth between watching the sad little droplets that were destined to break apart on the windshield and my extreme longing to see Caden again, to make him understand and see how much I had already fallen for him. I wanted to tell him how I didn’t want to even breathe anymore until I knew that he would see me again. Hug me again. Make love to me again. I felt like those little raindrops, falling and breaking apart all at once.
I got out of the car, lifting my face toward the sky and feeling the drops softly hit my face. I walked toward my steps and, reaching the door, put my key in the lock. I didn’t want to be back here. The place where I had flirted with Caden, and the place where I had started building a life with LJ. Now, here I was, alone and confused. I stepped in and closed the door again, locking the deadbolt, and began my trek upstairs.
Sitting on my bed, I opened the computer on the nightstand. Mostly junk emails had come through, and then about 20 sub requests. Why was it that fitness instructors always getting sick or had the sickest kids? I grabbed my pen and paper and began to chart out the classes that would need substitute teachers. Some classes had already had responses from instructors that could teach at that time, which made my life a little easier, though I had to make sure that the subs were the right fit for the students in each class. I usually ended up subbing the 6 am boot camp classes, as it was hard to find substitutes at that time, and I honestly needed the workout now that I wasn’t teaching on a regular basis. Thinking about teaching a boot camp led me to thoughts about being with Caden. I had always been a bit on the athletic-looking side, but lately I had lost a lot of my muscle definition and had become insecure. Caden hadn’t seemed to notice at all. He had told me how beautiful he thought my body was. Caden, with his beautiful blue eyes, his muscular arms, his generous disposition, and his...everything. I loved everything about Caden.
“Focus,” I said to myself as I realized I had closed my eyes to see Caden again.
I finished up charting the classes, and then opened up my personal email. Junk emails and online invoices to pay. I shut my computer again and lay down in my cold, empty bed, not even bothering to brush my teeth. I was too depressed to do anything else. I was going to need to go to the gym tomorrow to show my face and make sure everything was running smoothly with the personal trainers, who always seemed to be stepping on each other’s toes.
I closed my eyes, going over and over in my mind how to get Caden to want to see me again, not just once, but to become the part of my life I had begun to imagine. Within minutes, the stress the day put me to sleep.
Bill Withers’s voice woke me up as he sang, “Ain’t No Sunshine” through my phone’s speaker. I had put that song as my alarm song one day and it never really had meaning to me. Peeking out of the window, I saw that it was still raining outside. I wondered if it had ever stopped last night.
I had slept fitfully, tossing and turning in bouts of waking. Reaching for my phone, with a heart full of hope, I clicked it on. More emails, but no text messages or phone calls. I couldn't stand it. My fingers had a mind of their own as I dialed his number.
After a few rings, I heard an unfamiliar voice on the answering machine. “You've reached Caden Zahn. He is not able to take your call right now…” I hung the phone up. Was that a secretary? His ex-girlfriend? Jealousy was seeping into my already fragile heart. My fingers flew on the phone as I typed out a simple message:
I miss you. I'm sorry.
I clicked off the phone and dragged myself to the bathroom to shower.
The hot water felt good washing over me. If only it could have washed away the loneliness I was feeling. Washing myself was a chore, but I managed to get it done and make myself get out of the comfort of the warm shower stall, wrapping myself in the new comfort of a fluffy towel.
My phone beeped the distinct noise of a new text message, and I fumbled to get the screen visible with my wet fingers. It wasn't Caden. Another teacher, wondering if she could talk to me at the gym today. She probably wanted to complain. That's what most of my job was, really—handling complaints. My heart sinking again, I told her it would be fine, and continued getting ready to finally face a day back at the gym that was my office.
* * * * *
Time went by slowly as the monotony of my day was filled with the same small talk with our customers about the weather and the latest workout classes. I had a discussion with a teacher about a potential raise, and another about a teacher's jealousy over a time slot she wasn't given. I approached them all the way they were used to, with a smile and words of encouragement. It made me feel slightly better to try to make other people’s days seem less gray, although thunder clouds were all around me. I had been at work for ten hours. Avoidance of my personal life was my friend.
When I finally walked out to my car, I saw a black sedan with tinted windows had parked beside me. As I continued walking, a window rolled down.
“Hey, Cara. We need to talk,” the voice said.
My feet felt like lead and fear paralyzed me. It was Graham.
He opened the door and got out, leaning against the driver's side of my car. He was wearing black slacks and a button-down shirt, which I knew wasn't his normal work attire. My mouth still wasn't forming words.
“Because of you, my own brother removed me from my own company. I will not lose my position and what I've built my life around for a slut like you,” Graham snarled. “And until you help me get it back, you're not going anywhere.” In one swift motion, he had grabbed my arm and dislodged my keys and phone from my hand, shoving them in his pocket.
I struggled to scream, but no voice came from my throat.
“Now,” he continued, “you have two ways you can make it up to me.” He traced the bend of his index finger from my shoulder down to my elbow.
My whole body trembled and my throat felt as if it was closing off.
“The first is by showing me exactly what it is that Caden finds so special about you,” he said. “I can only assume he found it in bed. The second, I use you as leverage to get Caden to sell me two more shares of the company. Choice is yours.” His smile had a devious twist to it, and his eyes were squinting, perhaps to hide the venom that was swirling in them.
What was wrong with me? I couldn't move, I couldn't speak, I had no keys to push the alarm button, no phone to call the police. I could run, but Graham was close enough to grab me. Nobody was around—the last class had ended thirty minutes ago, and there wouldn’t be another one starting until later. My options seemed grim.
“How do you think I'm going to provide leverage for you? Caden doesn't even want me around right now,” I whispered, still trying to find my voice.
“Oh, right, because you're still sleeping with your boyfriend.” Graham laughed, as if there was some secret joke.
“I'm not sleeping with him! I'd never do that to Caden!” I defended.
“You'd just stick your tongue down his throat after sleeping with my brother the night before. You're a whore. And you've ruined my life.” He grabbed both of my wrists and shook me this time. “Get in the car,” he ordered, swiftly opening his door with one hand while holding me with the other hand.
I twisted in his grasp, trying to pull away, but he was right behind me. He kicked the backs of my knees and I fell forward into the passenger’s seat. He slammed the door and walked around to the driver’s side.
While he walked, I frantically tried to open the door, but there must have been some kind of child-proof lock. I scrambled across the front seat, but Graham was already there. He swung at me, and I cowered back.
“Where are we going?” I whispered, trying not to cry.
He started the car without replying. He grasped the steering wheel and pulled out of the parking lot with fierce acceleration. This was going to be the one time I disliked the feeling of being in a fast car. I felt like I was going to vomit. My throat felt completely closed off now. My entire body was shaking.
“Graham, please, talk to me,” I said. “I can’t help you. Caden won’t even talk to me.”
Graham still didn’t speak, but his mouth twisted in to that devious smiled again. He glanced over at me and shook his head. Finally, he said, “You should have chosen me.”
I looked out the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of another car so I could signal that I was in distress. But nobody looked up. I was alone, trapped with this horrible man. Surreptitiously, I tried the door handle again, but it didn’t give.
What scared me the most was that I had no idea what was going on in Graham’s mind. He had tried to force himself on me before; how far would he really go? Money and power could make a man crazy, and he had lost both because of me.
Episodes of crime shows where people were kidnapped popped in to my head. Sometimes the person taken pretended to go along with the abductor and ended up getting free once they were trusted. I wondered if I should try to talk to Graham? Maybe even just tell him I'd have sex with him, if that's what he wanted. The problem was, I didn't know what he wanted. I couldn't figure out how he thought I could help him at all. I had stupidly met LJ against Caden’s wishes and then had kissed LJ. How stupid could I have been? Caden was the most exciting, chivalrous, gorgeous, and successful man I had met, ever.
And I blew it because another man who had broken my heart had come back to me for a moment. All of this was my fault. Maybe I deserved whatever was coming to me.