CHAPTER NINETEEN

 

Surprisingly, it wasn’t too difficult to avoid him. 

Every time he walked past my desk at work I kept my eyes glued to my computer screen and pretended he was just a passing shadow.  He was putting in long hours at Scratch and at home he devoted all his time to his brother so I didn’t need to worry about him seeking me out.  We passed each other sometimes, both at work and at home, and it couldn’t be helped but at least I was gone two evenings a week at school.  Anyway, the situation wouldn’t go on for too much longer.  Curtis and Brecken would be moving to their new apartment next week. 

Plus I broke the news to my dad that the bookstore would be back in business in six weeks and he ought to start interviewing for a full time front desk replacement.  He seemed disappointed. 

“When the fall semester starts I won’t be able to keep these hours anyway,” I said. 

My dad nodded.  “I know.  It’s just been really nice having you here every day.  I always thought that someday at least one of you girls might want to run the place.” 

I smiled.  “Are you planning your retirement already?” 

He winked.  “It’s never too early to plan.”  Then he grew serious.  “I don’t want you to feel obligated, Cassie, but if you ever want to learn more about the way things are managed here just say the word.” 

I looked around my father’s office with fondness. The walls were busy with random pieces of artwork, most of it created by him. When I was little there was no bigger treat than visiting my dad at work.  Scratch wasn’t just a business. It was a member of the family.  Perhaps someday I’d want to become more involved in the operations here.  However, at the moment I needed to be out there in the world finding my own path.  I also needed to be away from Curtis Mulligan. 

“Oh,” I told my dad before exiting his office, “I forgot to tell you not to expect me home later.  I’m meeting my friend Debra for dinner and then we might go out to a movie or something.” 

My father raised an eyebrow.  “You’re twenty-two, Cassie. You know you don’t have a curfew to answer to.” 

“I know.  But I also know you guys worry if you’re expecting me to be at home and I’m not there.” 

He grinned.  “Fathers all over the world would give anything to have a daughter even half as considerate.” 

As I rounded the corner after leaving my father’s office I nearly collided with Curtis. 

“Sorry,” I grumbled, keeping my eyes down and stepping around him. 

He sighed loudly but I just kept walking.  I knew if I looked at him I was bound to notice that he was totally sweaty and sexy.  All morning Curtis had been carrying in the printing equipment and getting it set up in the newly converted workshop. 

I really didn’t hate Curtis, not at all.  I wasn’t even angry with him for turning me down.  He was right to say that we had nothing in common because we didn’t.  And despite all his terrible self-revelations he really wasn’t a terrible guy. I’d watched him enough with his younger brother to see a different side of him.  What I couldn’t quite get over were his assumptions.   

Who the hell did he think he was, presuming to know everything about me? 

Curtis Mulligan had apparently decided I was some over-privileged airhead without a care in the world.  He probably thought my worst life experience involved going too many weeks between manicures.  I had no intention of correcting him.  He could keep his stupid judgments to himself. 

Luckily I didn’t run into Curtis again for the rest of the day.  Marian arrived on time for the evening shift and I was glad to turn the front desk over to her, happy to have evening plans that didn’t involve school or work.  Debra Martinez and I had gone to high school together.  We’d been friendly but were never very close and we lost touch after I left school.  Then last summer Debra had run into Cami at a resort where Cami was working and Debra was a guest.  Things weren’t going well for her.  She was at the tail end of a scandalous affair with a politician and one night she took too many sleeping pills, winding up in the hospital under suicide watch.  She was better now, living with her mother again and working at a boutique clothing store.  We made an effort to get together at least once a month and even if we weren’t everyday best friends it was still nice having her in my life. 

Debra was already seated at the restaurant when I arrived.  She smiled and waved, looking stunning in an eye-catching floral print dress with her glossy black hair piled loosely atop her head. 

“I feel underdressed,” I said, accepting Debra’s warm hug before sliding into the booth across from her.   

She waved a hand.  “This old thing?  Actually I might be abusing my employee discount at the shop.” 

I laughed.  “Maybe I should do the same and get myself a bunch of ink at Scratch.” 

“Oh, that’s right.  You’re working at your dad’s tattoo place this summer.  How’s that going?”

I unfolded a napkin and spread it across my lap.  “Fine.  Easy job, no complaints.” 

“And I bet there are hordes of hot guys walking through the door.”   

I considered the clientele of Scratch.  “Not exactly hordes.  More like the occasional good scenery.” 

Debra was in a good mood.  She’d started dating a guy who was employed at the electronics store in the mall where she worked.  She chatted about him happily while we worked together to devour the basket of fresh bread the server had placed on our table. 

“And what about you?” she asked. “You seeing anyone?” 

My mind darted instantly to Curtis but I wasn’t willing to talk about him. My feelings were too raw, too baffling. Anyway, there was no point. We weren’t together and we never would be. 

“No one in particular,” I said evasively. Debra looked at me with a slightly sad expression but didn’t say anything. My lack of dating action had been a sore point with me for a long time.  People were always puzzled as to why I hadn’t managed to snag a boyfriend since high school.   

“But you’re so pretty, Cassie.  You could have any guy you want...” 

Except that wasn’t true.  Because when I finally let a guy touch me for the first time in years and invited him to do much more he ran for the hills. Even though I understood why Curtis had pushed me away the fact still stung. 

 “Oh my god,” Debra said.  She was looking at something over my shoulder, her eyes wide, her lips parted. 

“What?” I turned around. 

Though the lighting was dim in the rustic Italian restaurant I immediately saw what had startled Debra.   

I turned back and hissed, “Shit, is that who I think it is?” 

She nodded, still staring over at the bar where a collection of our former high school classmates were making a racket.  There were two women and three men, all of them slightly older and more polished versions of faces I had once seen in the hallways every day, sat next to in class, waved to at parties and laughed with at after school activities.  They had once been part of my wide circle of high school friends.  One by one their names popped unbidden into my head.   

Tanya Rowley. Jeff McDonald. Kenzi Laroche. Alex Dorsey. Ryan Herberger.

 If I tried hard I could summon an unpleasant memory about each of them, like the time Tanya wrote something obscene on my cheerleading locker or when Alex printed a still shot image from the ghastly video and left it on all the desks in the history class we shared.  They were in the so-called popular crowd, the kings and queens of high school.  And they had no compassion for the cruelly wounded.  Worse, they circled like vultures at the smell of blood and called on the rest of the flock to do the same. 

“Cassie?”  Debra was concerned, looking at me with sympathy.  She knew the story.  She’d been there in high school, although she was never one of my tormentors. “Do you want to go?”

“No.” I dipped a wedge of bread in some seasoned olive oil.  “We came here for dinner and we’re going to have dinner.” 

The server appeared at that moment to take our order.  I ordered the fettuccine with shrimp and Debra ordered the chicken parmesan.  The server had no sooner taken our menus and departed when our table had another visitor.

Tanya Rowley stood there beaming at us in all her spray-tanned glory.  “You guys,” she squealed, putting her hands together and bouncing on her toes. “It’s so great to see you!  Cassie, you look gorgeous. Debra, I love that dress.” 

Debra glanced at me.  I chewed on my bread. 

“Hi Tanya,” Debra said slowly and Tanya took that as an invitation to slide her well-toned ass into the booth.   

“So how have you guys been?” Tanya said, still smiling and now helping herself to our bread basket.  “God, I’m sure I haven’t seen either of you since high school.” 

I looked over at the bar.  The other four flashbacks from high school hell were looking our way with curiosity but they remained where they were for the time being. 

Tanya merrily ignored the awkward vibes at the table and was prattling on about her sorority, her new car and her recent graduation from the University of Arizona. 

“And I had no idea.  I just came home the weekend after graduation and there was a brand new Prius in my mother’s driveway with like, one of those giant ribbons around it like you see in the commercials.”  She giggled.  “I guess I’m a little spoiled.” 

“You think?” Debra muttered, rolling her eyes and sipping her soda. 

Tanya ignored her.  “So what have you been up to, Cassie?” 

Trying to forget the past and trust people again. 

“Working,” I said.  “Right now I’m working at my dad’s tattoo parlor and going to school at Sonora Community College.” 

Tanya pointed to the bar.  “Oh yeah, Alex’s sister works at that place in the registrar’s office.  Amanda.  You remember her.  Amazing natural eyebrows.  She graduated two years before we did.  Have you seen her there?” 

“I haven’t,” I said, feeling a little distracted because I had looked toward the bar when Tanya pointed and noticed that someone else had joined the party. 

Naturally Parker Neely had shown up.  This was his crowd.  He and Alex had been best friends since grade school.  I wouldn’t have been at all surprised to see my old boyfriend Kent Lopez stroll through the damn door next. 

Parker was busy back slapping and laughing with his buddies.  He hadn’t noticed me yet. Seeing Parker no longer felt unpleasant though.  I’d made my peace with him.  He greeted me with a smile every time he saw me in class but hadn’t issued any further pleas to get together since the night my car broke down.  

Tanya suddenly leaned across the table and clutched my arm.  “Cassie, can I just tell you that I’m like so happy to see you.  I’ve missed you.  How’s your sister?  Is she like a world famous reporter yet? Oh my god, do you remember that one time when we were supposed to be putting up the homecoming decorations in the gym and we kept sneaking back to the locker room to drink from the bottle of red wine I’d snatched from my mom’s liquor cabinet?”  She cackled.  “We were so plastered we misspelled the word homecoming on this giant banner and it was a huge thing and the principal made us take it down.  Do you remember?” 

“No,” I said rather flatly.  That wasn’t true.  I remembered. 

Tanya’s smile faltered, just a little. “Oh.” She shrugged. “Well, it was a really really long time ago,” she said as if we were talking in terms of centuries instead of merely half a decade.  “I mean, who the hell can remember everything that happened in high school, right?  It doesn’t even matter anyway.” 

Tanya tapped her long acrylic nails on the table and looked over at the bar where her friends awaited. 

“I’m really glad I ran into you guys,” she said.  “We’ll have to plan something, a night out with a bunch of us survivors from San Verde High. Who says it’s too soon for a reunion?” 

“I have memories I’d like to talk about, Tanya,” I said a little sharply.  “Other memories.  They’re not as cute and nostalgic as yours.” 

She started to slide out of the booth.  “Oh.  Well, like I said it was a different era.” 

“Yes, an era when you wrote the word ‘Slut’ on my locker, spread the lie that I blew half the football team in the boys’ locker room for twenty bucks, and bashed me all over social media while encouraging everyone else to do the same.  That’s the era I remember far more clearly than giggling at cheerleading practice.” 

Tanya Rowley was no longer smiling.  A fleeting look of embarrassment crossed her face and then her pouty lips flattened into a hard line.  “I didn’t have anything to do with all that.” 

“Bullshit,” I said. 

“Double bullshit,” Debra chimed in.  “I was in cheerleading too, Tanya.  You turned bullying Cassie into a goddamn crusade.” 

Tanya glared.  “I wasn’t exactly the only one who had an opinion on the subject when it came to Cassie.” 

“You were the worst,” I said quietly.  “The others on the squad just followed your lead.  And then so did the rest of the school.” 

“And you did nothing, I suppose,” Tanya spat, her fake veneer of friendliness fading completely.  “That’s right, you did nothing to deserve the whispers and the gossip.  You were completely innocent.” 

“I didn’t deserve that,” I said.  “I messed around with a guy at a party. So what? Seriously, so fucking what? That did not justify what came next. The way I was treated, the way you all ran me out of school.  You know damn well I didn’t deserve it.” 

Tanya lifted her chin and fixed me with a look of contempt.  She remembered.  She remembered all of it.  And she wasn’t the least bit sorry.  She felt no sense of accountability for her actions.  I certainly wouldn’t be getting an apology out of her. 

“Hey Tanya, I think Ryan needs to talk to you,” said a voice.  I looked up into the apologetic face of Parker Neely and could tell he’d heard at least a little bit of the conversation.  

Tanya threw one more glare in my direction and then removed herself from our table, heading over to the bar where she could commiserate with like-minded individuals about what a heinous bitch Cassie Gentry was for having the bad manners to tell the truth. 

“Sorry about that,” Parker said to me. 

I gave him a hard look.  “Yeah, we just keep running into each other, don’t we?”

He glanced over to his friends.  “We’ll leave, okay?  I’ll tell them we need to go somewhere else.” 

“That’s not necessary.  We’re all adults.  Some of us even act like it.” 

A vague smile crossed his face.  “Tanya will still be no better than a snotty teenager in twenty years.  What are you gonna do?” 

“Oh, I don’t know,” Debra spoke up.  “Maybe you could stop hanging out with assholes.” 

Parker blinked and it seemed he’d just noticed that she was even sitting there. “Oh, hi, um…”

“Debra,” she finished. 

“Right, Debra.  I remember you.” 

“I’m flattered.” 

“Parker, I don’t care if you stay,” I said.  “Just do me a favor and try to keep your rabid pets on a leash, okay?” 

He chuckled.  “You got it.”

The conversation could have ended there but he lingered at the table and kept looking at me. 

“Guess I’ll see you in class,” I finally said to him because our food had arrived and I was more interested in eating than in talking to him. 

“See you in class,” Parker said and he drifted back to the bar. 

The server set our food on the table and Debra waited until she left before asking, “Okay, what in the hell was that about?” 

I shook some parmesan cheese over my fettuccine.  “That was an unfortunate interruption to an otherwise pleasant evening.” 

“You know what I mean. Nobody would expect anything better from Tanya but what’s this business about you seeing Parker in class?”

“It’s not a big deal.  We’re taking the same summer session statistics class.” 

Debra was aghast. “I can’t believe you never mentioned seeing him.  What did you do?  I hoped you kicked him where it counts.” 

“Cami said basically the same thing.  I did not kick him.  Parker was surprisingly nice.  And remorseful, apologizing over and over again.” 

Debra frowned.  “I’m surprised he’s living here.  I knew he went to college in Nebraska but maybe he’s done now and moved back.” 

I thought about what Parker had told me.  “No, he moved to Nebraska but he was working on his uncle’s cattle ranch, not going to college.” 

Debra shrugged.  “Maybe I have it wrong then.  But I could have sworn I heard he was studying engineering or something at the University of Nebraska.” 

“I doubt it.  Not if he’s currently taking introductory statistics at a community college.” 

“Probably.”  She started cutting up her chicken while eyeing the people at the bar.  “I hope the rest of them don’t decide to visit us.” 

“They won’t,” I said.  “Parker will keep them away.” 

Debra raised an eyebrow but chose to fork a mouthful of food rather than argue with me.

I managed to forget about the occupants of the bar and enjoy the meal.  Debra wanted to hear all about Cami’s new adventures as a star reporter and I loved bragging about my sister.  I wished she’d been here tonight but she texted earlier that she needed to work late. 

At some point my old classmates finished their drinks and move on somewhere else.  Debra convinced me to order a giant brownie concoction with two spoons and we devoured the entire thing.  When she excused herself to use the restroom I thought about the joy of a simple evening with a real friend.  When I was younger I had a ton of friends and yet I never thought much about much friendship.  These days I had very few friends.  And yet the ones I did have I appreciated so much more. 

“Cassie?”  Parker Neely interrupted my thoughts, having crept up to the table without me noticing. 

I realized I’d been licking residual chocolate off the spoon and hastily wiped my face with a napkin.  “I thought you guys left.” 

Parker looked toward the exit.  “They did.  There’s some club up in Scottsdale they were headed to and I’m supposed to meet them there.”  He remained standing and lightly drummed his knuckles against the tabletop.  “I just wanted to tell you again that I’m sorry about that little run in with Tanya.  I hope it didn’t ruin your evening.” 

I released the napkin that I’d crumpled up in my fist.  “Ruining my evening would take more than an appearance by Tanya Rowley.  Don’t sweat it.” 

Parker still looked worried.  He had a way of knitting his eyebrows together that made him appear innocent and boyish.  “I still feel responsible.” 

“You’re the only one that does.”  I sighed and sat back, crossing my arms.  “You apologized, Parker.  I mean, I know you had more to apologize for in the first place, but I give you some credit for that.  It’s more than the rest of them will ever do.” 

Parker drummed his knuckles again.  I got the feeling he was nervous.  “To tell the truth, I’d much rather hang out with you tonight than meet those guys at some tedious club.” 

I was a little surprised, still not used to this new, slightly vulnerable version of Parker Neely.

“Sorry,” I said. “I’ve got plans to go see a movie with Debra.”

“Maybe another night?” he said with such hopeful sincerity it was almost endearing.  The truth was I felt no physical attraction to Parker.  It seemed my tastes had migrated to heavily tattooed boys with bad attitudes and there was probably no reversing that trend. 

But then it occurred to me that Parker might be looking for something else.  Friendship, a kindred spirit, someone he could be honest with.  Maybe Parker Neely had changed so much since high school that he was still figuring out where he fit in. 

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to come to my house,” I told him gently. “But text me sometime and maybe we can meet up to pig out on half price happy hour appetizers or something.” 

“Yeah?”  His smile was immediate and sincere. 

I smiled too.  “Yeah.” I held out my hand.  “Give me your phone and I’ll enter my number.” 

A minute later Parker left and Debra returned. 

“Was that Parker you were talking to?  Why did he come back?”

“To complain that we ordered the last brownie sundae.”

Debra cracked up. “Yeah, right.  To hell with him.  What movie should we see?” 

When I arrived home several hours later the only light I saw was in the kitchen.  I figured I’d find my mother in there poring over her latest manuscript but instead I discovered Curtis seated at the kitchen table and frowning over a textbook.  He looked up when I entered and uncertainty crossed his face, like he didn’t know whether I’d make a scene if he talked to me.   

“Hi,” I said, figuring that I could stand to be civil if he could. 

“Hey.” He closed the book and pushed it away a few inches.  “You have a nice night?” 

“I was just out with a friend,” I said, wondering why the hell I felt like I owed him any kind of explanation over my whereabouts.  Part of me wished I’d told him I was out with a guy on some wild date.  But lying didn’t come easily to me and anyway he probably wouldn’t have cared. 

I noticed the book on the table.  Introduction to Algebra.  “Bedtime story?” 

Curtis shook his head and crossed his arms over his chest.  His broad, well defined chest that was barely contained by the faded cotton t-shirt.  “Nah, it’s Brecken’s.  I was just trying to see if I could figure any of this out to help the kid.” 

“I thought my cousins were tutoring him?” 

“They are.”  Curtis’s expression grew troubled.  “I just wish I could be a little more use to him, you know?  Fuck, I really should have finished high school.” 

I sat down across from him and looked him in the eye.  I was still pissed off at Curtis Mulligan but I’d be a real jerk if I didn’t say something important to him right now. 

“Curtis, I’ve seen you with your brother.  You’re everything to that kid.  And in spite of the fact that there have been times when I wanted to strangle you, I admire you in a way. No matter how hard things have gotten in your life you haven’t given up.  You could have.  But I know you won’t.  You’ll keep going and doing the best you can for your brothers.  How many twenty-two year old guys would accept that kind of responsibility? Brecken and Tristan are lucky to have you.”  

He was silent.  He just stared at me.  His eyes looked more green than usual, maybe because of the color of his t-shirt.  He held my gaze for a few powerful seconds and then broke it, looking away out the dark kitchen window. 

“Thank you for saying that,” he said and there was a rough undercurrent to his voice.  I was reminded of the morning at Scratch when I didn’t yet know how complicated Curtis’s life was.  I only knew that he looked like a man who was tormented by something and was losing control.  I’d almost reached out and touched him that day.  I wanted to touch him now.  It would have spoiled the moment though.  It would have led somewhere else. 

“You should get some sleep,” I told him, rising from the table.  “Algebra will wait.” 

He nodded, still staring out the window with an expression I couldn’t see. 

“Algebra will wait,” he agreed. 

Curtis didn’t say anything else nor did he do anything to suggest that he wanted me to stay. 

Yet as I left him there and sought the sanctuary of my bedroom I felt like we’d both just missed an opportunity.