CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

 

By the time I reached the restaurant where I was meeting Parker I’d changed my mind and wished I’d turned down his invitation.

“Hey, Cassie.  It’s Parker.  I was just feeling kind of down and wondered if you wanted to meet up this evening. No pressure, just to hang out, maybe eat some nachos.”  

He sounded kind of low and maybe a little desperate so I agreed to meet him at this restaurant called Baca’s.  Parker said it was a new place two blocks away from Mill Avenue.  I figured it would be crawling with college students so close to the university but I didn’t realize until I walked in that it was no restaurant, just a dimly lit bar.

It was fairly early and not completely dark yet so the crowd wasn’t too heavy.  The theme was somewhat tropical with fake palm trees and reggae music but even at first glance I could tell the place was nothing special.  Just another small, gimmicky bar that had popped up to cater to the rowdy college crowd.  I wasn’t a huge fan of bars and usually limited myself to one drink, if that. 

“Cassie.”  A hand circled my waist and Parker was right there smiling down at me. “You made it.  Damn, you look great.” 

I was still wearing the same clothes I’d worn to work, just a plain skirt and t-shirt.  Nothing sexy about it.  I had plenty of cute dresses in my closet at home and I’d had more than enough time to stop there and change. But instead I had chosen to dawdle at a used bookstore and get some iced coffee from their cafe.  There was no reason to impress Parker.  This meant nothing, just a casual get together with a semi-friend, a way to pass a few hours out in the world rather than sitting at home and trying not to stare at Curtis. 

Parker’s hand was still on my waist.  I shrugged right out of his grip so there wouldn’t be any confusion about what was happening tonight. 

“Do they have food here?” I asked because I’d been expecting to binge on happy hour appetizers and my stomach was growling. 

“Food?” Parker said, as if he was confused about why I was asking. “Doesn’t look like it unless you count the pretzel bowls.  Let’s go find a table.  I see an empty one in the corner.” 

I resisted.  “Why don’t we just go sit at the bar?” 

Parker made a face.  “It’s loud over there and I don’t see many seats.”  He took my hand and pulled me over to the empty table. 

“Much better,” Parker said when he sat down and flashed a charming smile. 

I didn’t agree but I figured since I was already here I’d just hang out for a little while and then make my escape.  Perhaps on the way home I could stop by Pancake Buffet and grab a takeout plate.   

Parker was still smiling at me.  “You don’t know how glad I am that you came out tonight.”

“Thanks for the invite,” I said politely.  “Have you been here before?” 

“A few times,” he said and snapped his fingers at a passing waitress.  “Give me a beer, whatever the house brew is. What’ll you have, Cassie?” 

“Just a soda.” 

Parker raised an eyebrow.  “A soda?” 

“Yeah, I tend to be kind of a lightweight and I’ll need to drive home. Plus I haven’t eaten since lunch.” 

Most guys would have gotten the hint and offered to go somewhere else but the inference went right over Parker’s head. 

“I’m fine with driving you home,” he said.  “I’ll even arrange to get your car home.” 

“That’s okay,” I said in a firm voice. 

Parker’s smile faltered but he didn’t argue further. 

“So, Cassie.”  His fingers brushed across the back of my hand.  “What’ new?” 

“Since you saw me in statistics class the other day?  Nothing.”  I was reminded of something Debra had said though.  “Hey Parker, did you go to college while you were in Nebraska?” 

He seemed to find the question strange.  “I was working on my uncle’s cattle ranch.  Didn’t I mention that?” 

“You did. Never mind.  I was just curious.  So what do you want to study at school?  I don’t imagine you’re going to major in statistics.” 

Parker didn’t want to answer the question.  He wanted to touch my hand again.  “When I was staying at the ranch I got to know my Aunt Becky.  She considers herself a spiritualist, or whatever you want to call it.  Believes in astrology and palm readings.  She taught me a few things.”  Parker turned my hand over and ran a fingertip lightly across the lines on my palm.  My initial impulse was to yank my hand away but the light touch of his fingers actually felt good, slightly ticklish, not at all threatening. 

Parker studied my palm.  He ran his thumb over the flesh at the base of my thumb.  “This is your passion mound.” 

I laughed. “Beg your pardon?” 

“It represents the depth of your passionate instincts.”  He massaged the area and looked up, meeting my eye.  I saw the heat in his gaze and slowly withdrew my hand. 

“Parker, um-“ 

“You’re so damn gorgeous,” he said.  “There’s not a girl in this room who can compete with you, Cassie.  And I know there’s not a guy in here who doesn’t wish he was sitting where I’m sitting.  I keep thinking about you.  I’ve thought about you for so long, you have no idea.  All I want is a chance.  Will you give me one?” 

Luckily our drinks were delivered at that moment so I had a few seconds to breathe and compose the news that nothing romantic would ever happen between us. I didn’t hate Parker anymore and maybe he really had turned a complete one eighty since high school. Maybe he had really even become a new man worth knowing. 

I just didn’t want him.  I didn’t want him at all.   

Parker saw it in my face before I said the words. “The answer’s no,” he said flatly.

“The answer’s no,” I confirmed. “Sorry. I like you, Parker.  You seem like you’ve changed a lot and that’s something to be proud of.  But I really don’t see anything happening between us.” 

He listened and then nodded.  “My loss,” he said with a sad smile.  “One hundred percent my loss.” 

The conversation shifted to other less awkward topics. Parker wanted to hear about my job at Scratch but he was vague when I asked him what he was doing aside from taking evening classes.  

“Working for a contractor,” he said and shrugged.  “It’s not very interesting.” 

“What are you planning to get a degree in?” I asked, sipping my second soda.  Parker was still nursing his first beer. 

“Haven’t decided yet,” he said and shifted his eyes in the direction of the bar as if he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. 

“So I guess you and Alex are still close friends,” I said. “Oh, and I heard that his sister works at the college but you probably knew that.”  

His eyes snapped back to my face.  “Why do you bring that up?”  There was inexplicable tension in his voice. 

“No reason.”  And there wasn’t a reason.  I was just making conversation.  “Just something I heard.” 

Parker relaxed. “Yeah, I guess Amanda’s there.  I haven’t seen her though.” 

I checked my watch.  When I got here I told myself I’d hang in there and stay for an hour.  Forty-five minutes had already passed. My bladder was demanding some relief from the two sodas so I stood up. 

“Bathrooms back that way?” I guessed, gesturing to a hallway to the left of the bar.   

Parker looked.  “Yeah, I think so.  You want another soda?  Or a real drink? My treat.” 

“No thanks.  I’ve got to get going soon.” 

Parker’s eyes dimmed and for a second there was an alarming flash of anger there.  But then it was gone and he was smiling once more so I had to wonder if the lighting was playing tricks on me. 

“I’ll just hang out here and order another beer,” he said, which was weird because he hadn’t even finished his first beer.

Baca’s was growing more crowded and there was a little bit of a wait for the bathroom.  By the time I was washing my hands at the sink I wondered if Parker would even still be sitting at the table.  I wasn’t sorry I’d turned him down.  He’d find someone else. 

Parker was indeed still sitting in the same place where I’d left him.  He greeted me with the happiest smile and I felt slightly sorry for him. 

“Now I know you said you didn’t want a drink, but I ordered you something I know you’ll like.  Hardly has any alcohol in it, I swear.”  He nudged a glass of brown liquid in my direction.  “Trust me.” 

I hesitated.  I’d already made up my mind not to drink tonight. But I figured a couple of sips wouldn’t have much of an effect and Parker looked so eager to have me try it. 

“It’s really sweet,” he said.  “Called a rum cobbler.  You’ll like it.  And it only has trace amounts of rum. I swear I can drink ten of these and still pass a sobriety check.” 

  I took a sip.  The drink was indeed sweet.  “It’s good,” I said. 

He winked.  “I figured you’d like it.  Hey, I forgot to ask you how your sister was doing.  Cami was always so smart, I’m sure she’s taking the world by storm.” 

Since Cami was one of my favorite subjects I didn’t need much prodding to start bragging about her.  Parker was very interested in everything I had to say and asked a lot of questions.  He even wanted to hear more about Dalton after I mentioned him. 

“He used to be in the major leagues?  Seriously?” 

“Yes.  He coaches now, is very involved in community youth sports.”  I yawned. 

“No kidding.  That’s great.  And Cami’s on her way to becoming a big time reporter?” 

“It’s what she’s always wanted.”  I yawned again. 

Parker chuckled.  “I guess my company is pretty stimulating.”   

“It’s not you.  I’m just tired.  It’s been a long day I guess.” 

He pointed.  “I see you like your drink after all.” 

I looked down.  While I was talking I’d paused to drink more than a few sips but I’d still finished only a third of the glass.  I didn’t intend to finish anymore or else I wouldn’t be able to drive home even if it did hardly have any alcohol. 

“Actually,” I said, stifling another yawn, “I think I’m going to head home now.”  I hadn’t really meant to stay this long.   

“Already?” Parker was disappointed.  “It’s been great, just hanging out and talking.” 

“It has been nice,” I said, searching through my handbag for my wallet. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Parker said, smoothly withdrawing some cash and setting it on the table.  “I got this one.” 

I didn’t argue.  “Thanks again, Parker.” 

“Let me walk you to your car.  There are too many drunk idiots wandering around out there.” 

“I’m good.  I just parked around the block so I’ll be fine.”  I stood up.  I was a little tired but definitely sober.  “I’ll see you in class, okay?” 

He nodded.  “You bet, Cassie.” 

The bar was far more crowded now than it had been when I walked in so it was a little bit of a chore to squeeze out of there.  Outside there was a touch of mugginess in the air, a hint of the brief summer storm season.  But when I looked up I saw no clouds, only planets and stars and the moon.  The same sky I’d been watching the night Curtis found me in the backyard.  I inhaled sharply as a powerful thunderbolt of desire laced through me. Curtis had been right to put the brakes on that night.  We would have just been using each other.   

Buy holy shit, it would have felt good. 

I had resumed walking while lost in thoughts of Curtis.  Two girls were walking in the opposite direction and one bumped my shoulder, glaring at me as if it was my fault. 

Wait, had it been my fault?  I’d wandered over to the opposite side of the sidewalk somehow.  A wave of dizziness forced me to clutch a nearby pole.  I’d reached a corner and vehicle headlights swam in front of me.  I looked up, saw the pole was attached to a street sign and remembered my car was here, on this street.  It would be waiting for me in a small parking lot just a few yards away. 

I let go of the pole and started walking to my car. 

“You idiot,” I grumbled, really mad at myself now for drinking any of that rum and whatever concoction.  I couldn’t drive like this.  I didn’t want to call a car service and have some stranger pick me up when I was drunk.  I’d call Cami.  But first I wanted to sit down.  I wanted to sit down inside my car and then I’d call Cami. And if Cami didn’t answer I’d think of someone else.  Curtis maybe.  If only I had his phone number. 

“Cassie, are you okay?” 

An arm was around me, a concerned voice in my ear, a familiar one.  Parker.   

“Fine,” I muttered and I really was fine.  I just couldn’t quite get my legs to walk a straight path right now.

He laughed. “Damn, I guess that drink went right to your head.” 

The comment annoyed me.  He annoyed me.  I hadn’t wanted his stupid drink in the first place.  He ordered it, he kept urging me to drink it.  This seemed important but I didn’t know why. 

“Just gonna call my sister,” I said, fumbling with my phone.  The colorful icons on the screen had shrunk it seemed.  They didn’t want to do what they were supposed to do.   

Parker gently took my phone way. “Look, my car’s right here.  Let me take you home.  I can’t leave you out here like this.” He put an arm around my shoulder. “You need to go home.” 

Yes, I did need to go home.  I needed to go home and I surely couldn’t get behind the wheel, not like this.  And it was kind of cool of Parker to offer to get me home safely.

Parker was helping me into his car when I lurched away and vomited on the ground.  Not a lot, and I avoided getting any on his car.  I stared down at the puddle of brown liquid beside the front bumper.  

“Sorry,” I gasped, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.  I still felt crappy but it seemed like my head cleared, just a little. I was now crouched in front of Parker’s car.  I remembered this car from the night Parker stayed with me in the college parking lot while we waited for Uncle Conway and his tow truck to arrive.  I didn’t recall noticing then that there was a decorative license plate in the front. The logo was giant red N and across it in white lettering was the word Huskers.  My dad was a fan of college football and somewhere in the back of my mind I knew the autumn Saturday games he watched had something to do with the license plate on Parker’s car.  I just couldn’t quite connect the dots. 

“You’ll be okay, Cassie,” Parker said, helping me stand upright and guiding me to the comfortable passenger seat.  “I’ve got you.” 

I leaned into the seat and closed my eyes as I felt the car begin to move.  I inhaled the scent of the leather seats and hoped I wouldn’t puke on them. 

“Do you know where to go?” I asked Parker.  The car had stopped and I opened my eyes to see we were just at a red light.  Parker was staring straight ahead, one hand on the steering wheel tapping along to the radio music. 

I recited my street address and Parker stopped tapping.

The look he gave me was rather odd and lasted for more than a beat.  I had the impression that he was making a calculation, an assessment. 

“You know how to get there, right?” I asked. 

He nodded and turned his attention back to the road as the light turned green.  “I’ll get you there,” he said.  

I stared out the window as the familiar streets rolled by.  We weren’t far from my house.  I hated to think what my parents would say when I stumbled in smelling like vomit with the news I’d left my car parked on a side street a few blocks from ASU.  Maybe they wouldn’t be awake and I could just ask Curtis to help me retrieve my car before it got towed away in the morning.  

It was again becoming difficult to keep my eyes open.  I still felt strange.  As if I was being detached from the world one second at a time with nothing but a watercolor unreality left in its place. 

I pinched my own thigh.  I opened my eyes wide and willed my mind to turn back from the fuzzy cavern it was entering.  My eyes closed anyway. 

“We’re here,” said Parker’s voice and I knew the car had stopped but I couldn’t quite convince my limbs to move.  My eyelids fluttered and saw the friendly lights of my front porch.  Then they closed again and I felt myself sliding because it was the only thing I could do, slide against the nearest solid surface. 

“Cassie?” 

“Hmm?”  I slid down further. 

“Are you awake?” 

Parker had asked me a question but answering was too much trouble.   

Then we were moving again, slowly, and it wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, to just drift and float.  The car had stopped once more and I heard my name being spoken but I didn’t want to talk.  Nothing mattered because I was comfortable.  I was falling back and back some more, probably stretching out on my bed at home. I could sleep now. 

Except I couldn’t sleep because there were hands on me. 

Hands pushing my shirt up, snaking beneath my bra, a thick breathing in my ear, a voice whispering, “Fuck, you’re hot,” and it wasn’t okay.  None of this was okay.  A vital part of my mind snapped like a rubber band and I opened my eyes to see Parker Neely was leaning across the seat, which had somehow been moved to a reclining position.  The hands on my body belonged to him and they weren’t welcome there.  Everything crystallized in one terrible second and I knew I needed to grasp it and hold on. 

“No!” The word was meant to be a scream but was more like a hoarse whisper.  “NONONO!” 

My fingers reached out and fumbled with the door handle, clawing to get out while Parker said my name in a confused, almost hurt way.  But he’d always been a liar. He still was. I knew that now. 

“I ordered you something I know you’ll like.  Hardly has any alcohol in it, I swear.” 

The door opened and hot summer air hit me in the face.  I leaned out of the car, my purse falling to the pavement. I stuck my fingers in my throat and gagged. I had to get it all out, whatever he’d given me. His hand was on my arm, trying to pull me back into the car even as I retched and a layer of bilious liquid surged out of my stomach and onto the ground. 

“Cassie, let me help you,” Parker begged with his two-faced concern and I wanted suddenly, desperately, to kill him. I kicked blindly, in the process falling out of the car completely and to the concrete.  That was okay, that was good. My knee landed in my own vomit puddle but I was all right because I was out of the car now, crawling backwards, away from him, away from the guy who had handed me that drink.

“Trust me, trust me…”

“What did you put in it?” I tried to shout but the words were only a soft whimper. 

“Cassie.”  He’d bolted from the driver’s side now.  “Cassie, stop.  I said I’ll help you.” 

“WHAT DID YOU PUT IN MY DRINK?” I screamed. 

Things were still wavy and vague; the scrape of my skin against the concrete as I clumsily skidded away, the sight of the park swings moving gently in the hot wind.  I recognized this place. We were at a park just down the street from my house.  I’d played on those swings as a child. Then I focused on the sight of Parker Neely’s face where the expressions of guilt and anger warred with one another and yet were utterly unmistakable. 

“CASSIE!” 

That was another voice, not Parker’s voice, and there was another face, not Parker’s face, but the one I had been wishing for.  The arms lifting me now would never hurt me.  I clutched at him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and letting out a low moan of relief because it was a miracle that he was here and because I knew with absolute conviction that this man wasn’t like the other one.  None of the awful things he’d told me about himself mattered.  I knew him.  I understood him. 

This was the man I could trust. 

“Curtis,” I whispered with gratitude and sank against the safety of his body.