CHAPTER FOUR

 

“Think about it,” he said with an encouraging smile and then walked away to grab something to eat before the rest of the Gentry tribe devoured the entire spread. 

Cami appeared at my elbow.  “Think about what?” she wanted to know.

“A job offer.” 

“From Dad?”

I nodded.  “Working at Scratch for the summer.  I’d be taking Aspen’s place at the front desk.” 

“That doesn’t sound like a bad offer.” 

“It’s not.” 

Cami raised an eyebrow.  “And yet you seem less than enthusiastic.” 

My next words were cut off when one of my rambunctious cousins knocked into me from behind. 

“Sorry Cass,” said Thomas.  His mouth was full but he gave me a sheepish smile that managed to be charming. 

“No worries,” I assured him because Thomas tended to be more sensitive than his older brothers.  “Go enjoy your food.” 

“Damn,” said Cami as we watched our young cousin head for the couch while polishing off the rest of his hamburger in one bite.  “Kid’s growing like a weed.” 

“Time flies,” I agreed.  “Seems like yesterday he was a chunky toddler chewing on his plastic sandbox shovel.” 

“And now he’s six feet tall and looking down at us.” 

“He’s a Gentry all right,” I said, casting a fond glance at the collection of aunts, uncles and cousins who were clustered around the food. 

“Let’s go outside,” Cami suggested.  “The crowd’s a little thick in here.”   

Dalton looked over from the far side of the room where he was laughing about something with our Uncle Chase.  Cami blew him a kiss. 

“So what happened?” Cami asked as we sank down together on the patio swing. 

I looked at my bare legs, recalling a long ago time when I could sit here and swing them freely with no danger of touching the ground.  “I told you.  The bookstore is closing temporarily, partnering with a bakery.  They’re reorganizing the place as a cupcake bar.” 

Cami snorted.  “A what?”

“The owner’s new girlfriend wants to open a bakery and somehow they brainstormed this idea of a cupcake bar.  Customers can pay for the latest New York Times bestsellers and then hang out at the food counter, reading and smearing buttercream icing all over their brand new purchases.” 

“It sounds gimmicky.” 

“It sounds idiotic.” 

“That too.” 

I sighed.  “Well, the upshot is they are closing down for the next two months for the remodel so I’m out of an income source.” 

“Which our gracious father has offered to help you with.” 

I pushed off the ground with the ball of my left foot to make the swing move.  “Remember when we were little and we assumed we’d grow up to work at Scratch?” 

Cami tossed her long brown hair over one shoulder and shrugged.  “Sure.  It was the only plan we could think of at the time.”

I was thoughtful as I gazed out at the darkening yard.  “I don’t want to sound ungrateful.” 

“But…” Cami prodded. 

I lowered my foot and firmly stopped the swing.  “It’s occurred to me that I ought to make my own way.  Without help from my Daddy.  I’ve been too cautious, Cams.  I’ve been stuck in neutral.” 

My sister chewed on those words for a long moment.  When she spoke again her voice was low, sad.  “I thought you knew that you never deserved what you got.” 

  I closed my eyes for a second, feeling a wave of dread as long buried feelings tried to resurface.  “I do know that.”

“But it still bothers you, doesn’t it?”

I opened my eyes.  I hadn’t meant for the conversation to go in this direction.  Half of humanity probably has a shitty high school story.  Mine was likely a little shittier than most but I’d made a mistake in allowing it to define me for so long.  Someone looking in from the outside might wonder why in the hell I didn’t just get over the past and figure out how to move on, how to become part of the world again. 

I didn’t know why. 

But I did know that I had trouble remembering how it felt to be lighthearted and trusting.  And I knew that I hated recalling what it had felt like to despise myself.  Almost as much as I despised the person who had wronged me in the first place. 

An indignant voice came from the darkness.  “Are we being antisocial?”

My little sister materialized from the shadows and proceeded to wedge herself between us on the swing.

“We just stepped out for a few minutes until the feeding frenzy dies down,” I explained. 

“What were you doing lurking in the side yard?”  Cami asked. 

Cadence shifted and pushed off on the swing.  Once upon a time the three of us had fit on here so easily.  Now it was a tight squeeze. 

“I wasn’t lurking,” Cadence said.  “I was taking out the garbage.” 

I sniffed.  “Were you smoking?” 

“What? No.  Maybe.” 

Cami was incredulous.  “Shit, you’re smoking now?”

Cadence shook her head.  “Not really. I just needed to decompress.” 

“Do you know smoking causes lung cancer, throat cancer and facial wrinkles?” Cami lectured. 

“You don’t say,” Cadence said in a voice of mock horror.  “I live in fear of untimely smile lines.” 

“I’m serious.” 

Cadence yawned.  “Relax.  On average I light up twice a month.  That doesn’t exactly make me a chimney.” 

“Hey Cami,” I said, addressing my twin over Cadence’s head, “I think we’ve been neglecting our big sister duties.” 

“I think you’re right.” Cami said. 

“What should we do about it?” 

“You guys,” Cadence protested, “I no longer require handlers.  I’m eighteen, about to leave home and everything.” 

“Nonsense,” Cami said.  “Big sisters are by definition handlers for eternity.”

Cadence yelped suddenly. “Why the hell did you pinch me, Camille?” 

“I did that,” I said.  “Penalty for smoking.  You know better.” 

“Yes, I do,” Cadence grumbled, elbowing me.  “Which is why I rarely inhale.  Now find another subject.” 

“Okay, I choose hunger.”  Cami stood up.  “I was so busy unpacking and running around today that all I managed to grab for lunch was a granola bar.  Come on, girls.  Let’s see what we can salvage from the buffet table.” 

I held out my hands and let my sisters haul me up out of the chair.  I kept holding onto their hands a few seconds longer than necessary, cherishing the brief physical connection between the three of us.  Cadence would be leaving first thing in the morning and I wasn’t sure when we would be in the same place again.  I didn’t want to let them go but gradually I released my grip. 

Cami, always hypersensitive to what went on inside my head, gave me a questioning look but I smiled to let her know all was well. And it was.  This was a happy night, full of family and hope for the future. 

Aunt Truly was the first person we ran into once we were back inside the crowded house. 

“I didn’t want to disturb you girls out there,” she said in her musical southern accent as she reached out and fussed with Cadence’s hair.  “But I need to let you know that I was able to scavenge some pulled pork sandwiches from these vultures.”

“Are we the vultures?” my cousin Derek asked, looking up from his phone and grinning at us.  

“Loveable ones, but yes,” Truly said.  “Now wipe that barbecue sauce from your face, sugar.  Your girlfriend isn’t likely to be impressed with toddler-level table manners.”  

“Luckily I don’t stick with one girl,” Derek replied.  “So I don’t need to worry about it.”  However, he did discreetly use the back of his hand to take a swipe at his mouth. 

“Wait, what happened to what’s-her-name?” Cadence asked. 

He shrugged.  “I dunno.  What’s her name?” 

“Agatha,” spoke up Kellan.  He was the second of Uncle Chase’s sons, between Derek and Thomas.  Two years younger than Derek, he had the same brawny golden god looks and strong build but there was a perpetual glint in his eye that warned of trouble to come.  “Or was it Adeline?”

“Abigail maybe?” Cadence tried.

“Are we even sure the name starts with an A?” I wanted to know. 

Derek rolled his eyes.  “It doesn’t matter.” 

“It might matter to Andrea,” Kellan suggested.  “Or maybe it was Allison.” He shook his head.  “You’re such a heartless player, D.  What will the family think?”

“Shut up,” Derek said and gave his brother a light shove into the wall.  “I don’t see you clinging to any particular girl in your fan club.” 

Kellan responded with a winning grin.  “I wouldn’t want to be unfair.  They all deserve my attention.”   

“Boys,” warned Aunt Stephanie’s voice from across the room.  She raised a displeased eyebrow at her teenage sons and that was enough to quiet them down. 

My rowdy cousins were sidetracked by the sight of a tray of cupcakes that had just been set out.  They left us behind and jostled their way to the other side of the room, looking hungry enough to eat the linen tablecloth.  Sometimes I still thought of them as the little boys who would trail after me and Cami, begging to be picked up.  It was startling to realize they were nearly men.   

Cami must have read my mind.  “I feel old all of a sudden.” 

Aunt Truly was amused.  “Imagine how I feel.”  She turned her attention to Cadence.  “Jake was awful sorry that he couldn’t make it out here for your graduation last week.” 

Cadence nodded.  “Yeah, I talked to him yesterday.” 

“And how is the city of Portland treating young Jake?” Cami asked. 

“He works too hard but he seems happy.”  Truly’s lips tilted into a smile as she spoke of her beloved son, who had shocked everyone a year ago when he moved to Oregon soon after high school graduation. Adopted by Aunt Truly and Uncle Chase as a baby, he was as much a Gentry as the rest of us.  He and Cadence had been best friends since they could talk and she took his abrupt exit especially hard.  Even though my sister had dozens of friends I knew she still felt a little lost without him.   

“I’m glad,” Cami said. 

Cadence looked away.   

I cleared my throat.  “So where are those legendary sandwiches?  Suddenly I’m starving.” 

Truly reached around my waist and gave it a little squeeze.  “Your mother hid the plate in the back of the fridge but you girls should go claim them before the boys and their bottomless pit stomachs start foraging.” 

I kissed her cheek.  “Thank you Auntie.” 

Truly Gentry beamed at me and it seemed like the sun itself had just smiled.  Sometimes I forgot what a radiant beauty she was.  About six months ago she’d found a lump in her breast and there were a few days of agony while awaiting the biopsy.  There was one night in particular when I’d wandered into the living room after midnight in search of a book I’d left behind and noticed that the back patio was occupied.  My dad was sitting out there with Uncle Chase and Truly’s devoted husband, Uncle Creed.  It was startling to see Creed, a big and resolutely stoic man, slumped in one of the patio chairs with his head in his hands, his faithful brothers on either side, each with a comforting hand on his back.  I didn’t stay and stare at them long.  It was too private a moment, one meant only for the Gentry triplets, the three men who’d arrived in this world together with the odds stacked against them and survived by never wavering in their loyalty to one another. 

The next morning I never mentioned what I’d seen and wondered if it was a dream, even though my heart told me it wasn’t. Two days later we received the thankful news that the tumor was merely benign and I wept with relief like the rest of the family.  My aunt was one of the people I loved best in the world.  

My sisters and I escaped to the kitchen and found my mother sipping wine with Aunt Jenny.  Uncle Deck’s wife made a fuss over Cadence since she was leaving tomorrow, congratulated Cami for graduating from college and then turned her attention to me. 

“There’s a rumor you’re joining the Scratch payroll for the summer,” she said. 

“There’s an even better rumor that a hidden pile of pulled pork sandwiches awaits us in the fridge,” I said, taking a seat at the table. 

Of course my dad would have discussed the idea of hiring me with Uncle Deck before making the offer. They were partners after all.  And naturally Deck would have mentioned it to his wife.  As for my part, I was still giving the matter some thought. 

My mother produced a plate of sandwiches from their secret location.  “They should still be warm,” she said, setting the plate on the table. 

Cami grabbed a beer from the fridge but I shook my head when she offered me one and instead motioned to one of the Cokes while preparing to bite into a sandwich. 

Aunt Jenny left to go hunt down her husband, who I’d last seen joining the conversation between Uncle Chase and Dalton.  My dad poked his head into the kitchen and asked if there was any more food to serve the demanding masses.  My mother tossed him a box of Ritz crackers and told him to ration it.  Before she ventured out into the living room to assess the situation, she paused to touch the head of her youngest child.  

This had to be a bittersweet night for my parents.  The return of one daughter and the departure of another.  Cadence, the baby.  Sure, she’d be back at the end of the summer but then she’d turn right around and sail off to her first year of college. 

My sisters and I chewed quietly at the table for a moment once my mother was gone.  There were a million memories in this room; meals, laughter, arguments.  We’d always had a habit of gathering in the kitchen. 

“I’m going to take Dad up on his offer,” I said.  “I’ve got to work somewhere and summer options are limited on short notice.  Plus it’ll be nice to have a quiet, low key summer among family.”

Cami grinned.  “You never know.  Last year a summer job changed my life.  Maybe this year a summer job will change yours.”

I popped the last bite of shredded pork in my mouth and swallowed.   

“That’s true,” I agreed, even though I didn’t believe it.  “You never know.”