Chapter Twenty Three - Kian
I don’t know how to take Tia’s mom if I’m honest. I mean, she’s always been nice to me but I know from Tia that she hasn’t always been great. We have a stilted, slightly awkward relationship, but it’s okay for now. I’m polite because she’s let me stay in her house while I recover which is very good of her, but I know that she knew about her husband’s escapades and she did nothing about it. Stephen died because of that, which I cannot fully forgive.
Hopefully it won’t be too much longer. I’m getting ready to leave this house now, to restart my life. I’m itching to leave the confines of these four walls and to be me again.
“What are you doing?” I ask Tia while rubbing her shoulders. There’s a lot of tension there, she could use a good massage really. “You’ve been writing for hours now.”
“Hmm?” She looks up at me, bleary eyed and a little confused. “Oh I’m sorry have I been neglecting you?” She smiles thinly, blinking far too rapidly. “I’m sorry I keep getting sucked into the story line and getting lost. It makes me forget all about the rest of the world.”
“That’s good.” A bright, beaming proud smile spreads across my cheeks. I’ve never been so proud, it feels like Tia is finally flowing her dream at last and she’s really happy doing it. She’s only let me read snippets of the story at the moment, but it’s fantastic. She’s a true talent. I know she’s going to edit it to make it a mix of fact and fiction at the end to protect certain identities, but I think what he’s done is fantastic. It’s a real mood piece, a great way to remember Stephen. “I’m glad. That means it’ll be an amazing end product. You will have publishers and agents trying to snap your hand off.”
“Oh I don’t know about that.” She blushes coyly. “But I am having a very good time writing it. I forgot how much I like to write fiction. I mean, I enjoy my job at the paper and everything but this is just so much more me.”
“Good. Can I read some?” I reach forward to take a piece of paper from her but she snatches it away and shakes her head violently at me. “What? Why not?”
“I don’t want you to read it again until it’s done,” she says anxiously. “Your opinion and trying to please you is putting me off. Just let me get it done first.”
I’m not offended. I know what it’s like trying to do something creative. I don’t want anyone to hear my songs either until they are completely done. I take a step back with my hands in a surrendering gesture and give her a chuckle to show that I’m not offended.
“Alright, alright. Whatever you want. I’ll just be over here, waiting for you.”
She looks at me thoughtfully while tapping her chin. With her intense piercing gaze, I feel like she can see straight into me and she sees the things that I would much rather keep hidden. Usually I like that she can see that much of me, it makes me feel special that she knows me so well, but now I feel a little uncomfortable under it. It’s almost as if I have something to hide although I don’t know what it is.
“You are bored now, aren’t you?” Ah, that’s it. I don’t want her to know that I’m growing impatient to move on. Not when she’s in such a good creative place. “You want to leave here now.” I don’t say anything, but I guess chewing down on my bottom lip tells her everything that she needs to know. “I guess what we need to do is decide what to do next.” She cocks her head and gives me a curious look. “What are you thinking?”
I part my lips to speak, even though I don’t know what I’m going to say, but as it turned out I’m saved by the bell… or at least by the sound of my phone ringing loudly. “Oh, I better get this,” I tell her regretfully as I leave the room.
Once outside I press my back against the door and I close my eyes for a moment of relief. I know that I want to leave but I don’t know what I want to do. If I’m honest, there are other things that I’ve been keeping from Tia too and that’s musical job offers in America and New Zealand. Judging from the number that’s on my phone screen, this is going to be more of that.
“Hello?” I answer quietly. “Kian Jones speaking.”
“Hi, Kian,” comes the slick, smooth reply. “This is Bonnie from Mr. Beaumont’s office. I am just calling to chase you up, to see if you’ve had time to think about our offer.”
God the offer they’ve given me is good. Too good. It’ll catapult me to the rich and famous area of life I didn’t even know I desired until I performed that gig. I can close my eyes as I speak to Bonnie and I can see myself doing that for a living and making a whole lot of money as I do. Me and Tia would be set for life easily and it would probably be a whole lot of fun. Yes, it might be a little weird that it’s an offer piggybacking the controversial concert and it might also be strange that the Mr. Beaumont wanted to sign my brother too, but I’m trying my best not to think too hard about that one.
“I have,” I tell her sadly. “But I still don’t know what to do about it….”
“Is it more offers?” she jumps in, misinterpreting my hesitation. “Because we can go higher. Mr. Beaumont is more than willing to pay you whatever you want. You’re hot stuff right now. I’m sure we can work out a good deal for you.”
This is the thing that sickens me. I know I could be more successful in America, I know I could be rolling in all the money in the world if I took it, but the main reason they want me now is because my brother was killed and I was shot. I’m a news story. I’ve probably gone viral online, my story is surely everywhere. They want me like I’m a commodity and I don’t know if that’s what I want for my future. Life is too short to be unhappy.
Plus, it isn’t just me that my decision affects. I glance backwards towards Tia’s room and consider what she wants. Really, all I want is to be in the same country as her. What’s happened now has ensured that I definitely cannot live without her. She’s car crashed into my life, affected me deeply, and now all I want is to spend the rest of my life making her happy.
“I’m sorry, Bonnie,” I say smilingly while tugging the phone away from my ear. “I don’t know how to answer this question right now, I need more time. I know that probably doesn’t suit, but…” I hang up before I can finish my sentence, but I really don’t care anymore. I want to continue doing music, but I don’t want to sell my soul for it.
I glance at the screen of my phone and scroll to the text messages I’ve ben sharing with a music producer back in Wellington. It isn’t a big operation out there in New Zealand, it won’t make me nearly as much money, but I could be happier and freer. That’s another choice. Maybe that’s the one I really want to take, I don’t know yet.
I haven’t wanted to be truly famous for a very long time, I remind myself as I look at the screen. That hasn’t been in my plan for ages. Now I also have the woman that I love to consider. She has a life in New Zealand, and one here too.
It’s up to her, it has to be. With a loud, determined sigh, I push the door to her bedroom back open and I step inside to watch her happily squirreling away with her writing all over again. I tiptoe across the room, not wanting to disturb her, and I sit on the edge of her sheets just waiting for her to get to a stopping point. I know now not to talk to her when she’s in the middle of a sentence if I don’t want to be on the wrong end of her wrath.
I prop my elbows onto my knees and rest my head on my hands as I watch her. I’m glad that I can bend this way now. The wound has healed enough for me to move now but I’ll always have a big scar to remind me of that night… not that I think I can forget it anytime soon.
“Right.” Tia spins on her chair to look at me. I can see a fire in her gaze which makes me happy. She looks so damn beautiful when she has that spark within her. It always reminds me why I fell in love with her in the first place. She’s spunky, fun, passionate, ambitious, lovely… I just love everything about her. “Who was that on the phone?”
I guess it’s now or never. Time to just tell her everything. I haven’t wanted to hide it from her, I just haven’t wanted to pile the pressure on while she’s writing, but I know what Tia is like. She’ll be like a dog with a bone now that she suspects something. It’s time to just blurt it all out and be truthful with her.
“That was a record label,” I tell her with a blush. “In America. A pretty big one that wants to sign me up, help me to release some albums and tour.”
Initially her eyes widen with happiness, she looks pleased for me that my dreams are coming true, but before she can say anything it dawns on her the implications of this decision. She suddenly sees that this isn’t just a straight forward thing. “Oh,” she practically whispers. “Right, I see. And what do you think about that?”
“It isn’t the only offer I’ve had,” I admit. “And not all of them take place in America.” I give her a one shouldered shrug and fix my eyes on the ground while I continue. “Of course the ones that are better money are here, there’s no escaping that, but I have also been given opportunities in New Zealand. I guess with what you’ve just been saying, it’s time to decide what we want to do next.”
She pushes her chair back stands up, pacing the room with her hands clasped behind her back as if she’s really troubled by this information. “And what do you want to do? I mean, I suppose I could do my writing anywhere if you want me with you…”
“Of course I want you with me,” I insist with a chuckle. “I want to do whatever you want.”
She turns to give me an imploring look under her eyelashes, making my heart melt. “And what do you think would be best for you? What do you think your best option is?”
“Honestly?” I reply while grasping her hands. “I think I will be richer in America, but happier in New Zealand. Where do you think you could find the most happiness?”
She slumps against my chest and warps her arms around my waist. I envelop her in a hug while I wait for her answer. This is a big life decision that lays ahead of us. I don’t want her to make a snap decision while under pressure.
“I want to be in New Zealand,” she finally admits. “I don’t feel like I have anything but bad memories in America. I was lonely here, miserable, my father lives here. Even if he’s in prison, he’s still everywhere in this house. Plus Stephen died here, and you got shot. I just want to be in Wellington with my friends and my job… plus your parents. They don’t deserve to lose another son.”
I pull back to look at her seriously. “But what about your mother? Doesn’t she need you?”
Her face tightens, I can see anger flashing in her eyes. Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. “I love my mother, but I’m sure she will be just fine without me. She’s had me for some time, but she’s an adult and she needs to live with the choices that she’s made. I’m sure she’ll be fine anyway, she isn’t alone. She has friends. I need to do what’s right for me, and I think that’s being in New Zealand.”
I dip my head down gently kiss the top of her head in a loving way. “If that’s what you want then that’s what I want too.” My whole chest expands with happiness and relief, this is what I’ve wanted, I just needed Tia to agree with me before I could settle on it. “We’re going to be very happy me and you, I just know it.”