Talk. He wants to talk. Of course he does. As usual, he seems to have all the answers. Unicorn. I can’t be his unicorn. That is far too much pressure for this girl.
Let us not forget the fact that I just acted like a complete whore. A cheaply dressed, panting, spread your legs at the first compliment kind of whore.
This has been a ridiculous night from moment one. I should never have trusted Ashton to make my costume. When I said princess I meant Cinderella-level princess, not stripper.
Fine, I’m Princess Leia. Whatever. Ashton took advantage of my distracted state the last few weeks and my options for tonight were to accept her costume or stay home. Staying home is all I’ve done lately and, quite frankly, I was getting sick of myself. I’ve read every ugly cry book I could get my hands on, watched The Notebook no less than twenty times, and had enough quality time with Ben & Jerry to declare my own intervention.
I’ve relived that moonlit conversation with Ben at the lake over in my head so many times. He laid it all out for me and I still ran scared. The reality is, we could pursue this thing we have between us. We could tell Ashton and yeah, she’d probably freak at first but in the end she loves us both. I’m sure there would be some sort of ceremonial vow or declaration from both of us that we wouldn’t blame her if (when) we broke up, but she’d be okay with it.
I wouldn’t. I know myself enough to admit I would likely screw something up and our, whatever this is, would end and I’d be outcast. Regardless of how close Ash and I are, Ben is her brother. Family trumps friend every single time.
Other than a few encounters at school and the occasional dinner at his parents, Ben has been pretty scarce since the last weekend at the lake. Sure, his disappearance has ensured the awkwardness we seem to ooze every time we are together be non-existent. Only, it’s made me a little too emo for my liking.
Tonight when we talked at the school festival I felt more relaxed than I have in weeks. I knew then that it was stupid to deny that I missed him. After he stepped up and handled Felicity I knew I needed to pull him back into our group. He’s my friend regardless of any attraction we have and I’ve missed him. Plus, he seems to bring a calm to the group, and if I have to listen to Ashton and Jameson insult each other one more time I may start looking for a new place to call home.
That was how I found myself in this barely legal costume at Country Road. I knew Ben wouldn’t disappoint Ashton and blow off the night. It was my one chance to talk to him and clear the air. Only, the moment I saw him I wasn’t thinking about my friend and how he could run interference between Ashton and Jameson. No, I was thinking how I really have a thing for cowboys and how I was almost willing to beg Ashton for her blessing to jump her brother’s bones.
I wasn’t even really drinking. I had one shot and had been nursing an actual soda I played off as a cocktail. Taylor was sympathetic to my plea for help passing off my drinks as alcoholic so that Ashton wouldn’t worry I wasn’t having fun. As the night went on and on I began to think Ben wasn’t going to show. Then he was there.
Perhaps it was all of the romance I had been reading and watching, but I swear the room faded away and he was the only other person in the room. I was overcome with relief and happiness. Genuine unbridled happiness. Of course, the fact that he looked like a fantasy come to life didn’t hurt either.
Then Jameson had to remind Ben that he missed out on hooking up with hot girls and that happiness morphed into hurt. The reality of only being friends with Ben became very clear. Friends are happy for their friends when they date and meet new people. If we’re friends, I will have to watch him with other women. Looking for a new home may still be in the cards.
Of course Ben would be the good guy and offer me a ride home. And, because I’m a masochist, I had to let him hold my hand. Multiple times. I had to curl up next to him. I had to almost kiss him. I’m my own worst enemy and obviously I hate myself.
Then I lost my damn mind and begged him to kiss me. Not just kiss me, but I practically asked him to ravish me right here on the dirty-ass floor of his home. Whore. It’s a wonder I haven’t gone up in flames. That may only be because this isn’t a church. I have no idea. Maybe I should go to church and ask for some sort of forgiveness.
“Hey, you need to stop that.” I’m pulled from my self-loathing by Ben’s voice and his hand on my leg. Looking down at his hand, I can only think of where those fingers have just been and, I won’t lie, I’m about to ask him for a second go-round.
Whore. Oh my God, I’m awful.
Burying my face in my hands, I can only shake my head.
“Come here,” he says, grabbing me and pulling me so that I’m nestled between his legs, my back leaning against his chest. His really hard and muscular chest. I let him wrap his arms around me and, without a second thought, I relax into him and release a sigh. And start crying.
“Whoa, whoa there. What’s wrong?” He pulls me closer, if that’s even possible, and delivers a soft and gentle kiss to the side of my head near my temple.
“Sorry, I just … it’s.” I have no words, just snot and tears.
“Tell me. Piper, you can trust me, what’s wrong?”
Why not? I’ve just thrown myself at him, had the most mind-blowing orgasm of my life, and am dressed like a trollop. What do I have to lose? Nothing. My pride is somewhere over there by the nail gun.
“You must think I’m pathetic. I have been sending signals as mixed as a batch of cookie dough full of nuts and not only begged you to bring me here but then I threw myself at you. I’m so embarrassed.” I begin to pull away from him, but instead of letting me go, he turns me to face him.
“Up here,” he says, patting his leg for me to climb on his lap. Hell to the no. I shake my head vigorously so he knows I really mean no.
“Yes, Piper. Up.”
I don’t even attempt to argue more and climb up on his lap so I’m facing him. Straddling him. This is so many different kinds of bad. But I’ll be damned if this doesn’t feel perfect.
“First, I swear you are going to be the death of me with your constant need to put yourself down. I would like to know who is responsible for making you think that you are less than worth every single amazing thing this world has to offer you. I think that person and I need to have a serious conversation.”
I don’t respond to his comments, I just listen and enjoy his arms around me. This is all going to end and I want to always remember this night and what we’ve shared.
“Now that we have that out of the way, can we talk about how we tell Ashton about us? I think we need to have a plan since she can be a little unpredictable.”
That has my attention. My eyes are wide and his smile is sweet and gentle.
“What? Us? What us?”
Chuckling, he reaches for my hair and I know he’s going to push it away from my face. I do it before he can and his hand stops mid-air. He seems a little bummed that I took the task from him.
“Us. You and me. We should probably have the conversation sooner than later.”
“There is no us, Ben.” I drop my chin to my chest and begin to pull my leg away so I’m no longer on his lap, but he stops me. Placing his hands, his very lovely hands, on my thighs, he begins lightly forming circles with his thumbs.
“Yes there is, Piper. The only thing that kept me from making you mine completely was the fact that you are too good for that to happen here in my freezing-cold house on the damn floor.”
No words. I have no words. I lift my chin to look at him. Staring at him speechlessly, he scoots a bit so I am able to remove myself from his lap. This gives Ben time to stand and offer his hand. I put my smaller hand in his and he tugs me up. Still at a loss for words, I look up at him and don’t argue when he kisses me. Gentle at first, he begins to deepen it as I lean in to him. Just as I’m about moan in delight he pulls back and rests is forehead to mine.
“Us, Piper. I can’t go back. I told you that. I like you and want to see where this goes.”
“I … I.” Stuttering, I am unable to complete a thought before he’s kissing me again. His kisses are gentle and full of promise. Not only does he render me unable to argue, but I want nothing more than to live off these kisses. A few more sweeps of his lips across mine, he pulls back to straighten the coat I’m still wearing.
“Let’s get out of here. It’s fucking freezing.”
I laugh and realize that with every word he speaks little puffs of air are visible. I nod and he leads me out of the house, turning off lights as he goes. Not releasing my hand until we reach his truck, I hop up into my seat and he pinches my rear, causing me to yelp and giggle.
“Sorry, I couldn’t resist.”
I only smile and shake my head in response before he closes the door and is taking his place behind the wheel.
“I preferred you over here against me.”
“I think it’s best if I stay over here.”
“Piper.” He says my name so that it draws out enough to sound like a plea.
“Fine, but eyes on the road,” I relent as I slide over to lean against him. I’ll just enjoy these moments until he drops me off at my place. It can’t hurt.
The drive to my apartment is quiet but comfortable. I used to imagine moments just like this with Ben when we were younger. Of course, I was a stealthy crusher. I don’t think anyone ever knew how in love with Bentley Sullivan I was. I went through more notebooks in high school because I doodled hearts, flowers, and “Mrs. Piper Sullivan” all over them instead of using them for their purpose. The one thing I never imagined was a sexual experience with Ben. As a teen my fantasies consisted of nothing more than kissing and maybe a boob grab. Tonight was even more than my adult dreams. We didn’t even have sex and I can’t imagine ever imagine having an orgasm to top the one I just had.
Bentley Sullivan has both fulfilled my greatest teenage fantasy and single handedly ruined me for future men. Fabulous.
Just as I realize that I am destined for mediocre orgasms from this point forward, Ben pulls up to my building and puts his truck into park. I’m about to ask why he’s parked, when he opens his door and, before I can protest, he’s opening my door and smiling at me. Processing, I slide across the seat to the door and accept his hand to step down.
“Do you have a key somewhere I didn’t see on this costume?”
I laugh at that.
“If I did, I’m sure you would have found it. No, I have a spare under my mat.”
Not waiting for the lecture I’m sure to get on safety, I start walking toward my apartment. While I want to say goodnight and thanks for the ride, I know it will be pointless and he’ll follow me to the door. Bentley Sullivan is a gentleman, well unless he has me flat on my back doing wicked things to my body, and will walk me to my door. At the thought of the wicked things he’s done I feel a tug in my lower belly. Damn orgasm ruiner.
I pull my key out from under the mat, but before I can open the door his hand is on mine. “Let me look around first. You never know if someone is lurking inside.”
“So you think a lurker came here knowing I wasn’t home, found my key, let himself in, came back out and placed the key back under the mat and locked the door before hiding in my apartment?”
“Don’t make light, Piper. It could happen.”
He’s completely serious. And adorable. It’s my turn to place my hand to his cheek.
“Don’t worry, Cowboy. I had my neighbor put the key under the mat at midnight. I knew I wouldn’t be home before then. So, it’s only been there about an hour. I think I’m safe.”
“You brat. You let me think it had been there all night.”
Shrugging, I turn the key to open my door. As soon as I step inside I turn to face him as I strip off his jacket. Just as I hold it out to him he walks past me inside. Not less than ten steps in he removes his boots and sets them to the side and walks to the kitchen.
Closing my eyes, I ask for someone to give me strength. Not only does this man cause every emotion to flow through my body, but he can draw more sighs from me than should be allowed. Resigning that he’s not leaving anytime soon, I hang his coat on the hook next to the door and, instead of walking toward the kitchen to join him, I make my way down the short hallway to my bedroom. Quickly stripping off these gold pieces of fabric, I throw on my favorite sweats, T-shirt, and slippers.
As I walk down the hall I am greeted by smell of something cooking and suddenly my stomach is very happy Ben stayed.
“Sorry I made myself at home but I realized I was starving and a grilled cheese sounded good. Do you want one?”
I sit down at my small bistro table, pulling my knees to my chest. “Yes, please. You seem to have made yourself right at home.”
With nothing more than a wink he simply turns back to making our sandwiches. Is this what life would be like with Ben? Easy. Life with Ben would be easy. Enjoying being together, laughing, making dinner, watching a movie, and yes, mind-blowing orgasms would be a bonus. Simple, uncomplicated, and perfect.
Just as I have this thought my phone pings that I have a text message. Since I didn’t exactly have the means to carry it tonight the phone has been on the counter all night. I pick it up and the reality of everything comes to a screeching halt.
Ashton: Just closing up for the night and wanted to make sure you got home ok.
Me: Yep. Just hanging out in my sweats getting ready for bed.
Ashton: Good deal. Sorry I was so busy tonight.
Me: You were working, silly.
Ashton: Don’t remind me. Did you meet any guys? You looked smokin’.
Me: *eye roll* No I didn’t meet anyone. I felt like an idiot. Payback is a bitch you know.
Ashton: Lol. Yeah I know but thankfully you aren’t a bitch. I’ve gotta go. TTYL
Me: Okay. Night.
Just as I’m about to put my phone down it pings again.
Ashton: Did Ben leave with anyone?
Me: What?
Crap.
Ashton: I was hoping he’d hook up with someone. He’s been a grumpy slug for weeks and figured he needs to get laid.
Choking on her last statement, I accept the glass of water that appears in front of me.
“Are you okay?” Ben asks, concerned.
“Yeah, sorry. Wrong pipe.”
Me: I wouldn’t know.
Ashton: Whatever, he’s probably off being boring. I really have to go now. TTYL
I don’t bother replying and set my phone down as Ben turns toward me with a plate of sandwiches and a few napkins.
“Do you mind if we sit in the living room?”
“Of course not. Do you want anything to drink?”
“Sure, surprise me,” he replies as he makes his way to the living room.
Ashton’s text is still on my mind when I join him on the couch. Ben should be hooking up with someone. He should be going out and meeting women like his friends. This is so messed up. The thought of him even talking to a strange woman at a bar has me losing my appetite. I just nibble at one-half of my sandwich but note that Ben has already consumed two full sandwiches.
“Hungry?”
He smiles and nods but, ever the gentleman, doesn’t respond until he has swallowed the last bite.
“Yeah, I tend to forget dinner when I’m working at the house.”
Nodding, I set my sandwich back on the plate and nestle into the corner of the couch as far from Ben as I can get. This movement doesn’t go unnoticed.
“Why are you all the way over there? Scooch here,” he says, patting the spot next to him.
“Nope. We need to talk and I don’t trust you to use words if I’m over there.”
“Good point. Okay, so let’s talk.”
After finish finishing the glass of water I brought him in a single drink, he mimics my position on the other end of the couch.
“First, thank you for taking me to your house tonight. It’s really going to be magnificent and I am so excited for you.” He doesn’t reply, only smiles. Okay, I guess I’ll keep going. “And, I uh, thanks for everything else, too?” The last part of my statement more of a question laced with nerves.
“Did you just thank me for an orgasm?”
“Oh my God, please don’t talk about it!” Mortified, I bury my face in my hands. I feel his hands tugging mine from where they are hiding the horror of this moment from him.
“Princess, look at me.”
I do. Through my fingers. Expecting to see him laughing at me, I am instead faced with a solemn expression and kind eyes.
“Why wouldn’t I talk about it? It was probably one of the single most spectacular things I’ve ever seen and I, for one, cannot wait to see it again.”
“Oh, God!” I declare, not only using my hands to cover my face but the tops of my knees to really send home how mortified I am. This time, he responds like I expected a few minutes ago.
“Yep, just like that but with more passion.”
Grabbing the pillow from behind me, I throw it at him, making him laugh even more. I join him this time.
“Seriously though, Piper, please don’t be embarrassed. I think we should table the orgasm talk for now and focus on the bigger issue.”
“Ben, I told you it can’t happen again. It was a lapse in judgment. I’ve just…”
“You what?” he asks me as he inches closer to me and I remain still.
“I just … This is so stupid. I missed you, okay? I did. I missed hanging out and talking. I thought we decided to be friends when we talked before and then you just went away. You stopped coming to family dinner and you have barely even talked to me at school. I thought that tonight we would hang out and it would be fun. I mean, it was fun but I wasn’t expecting that kind of fun.”
Now invading my personal space, he’s pulled my feet so I’m forced to climb onto his lap, straddling him. This position makes it almost impossible to not look at him. He never stops looking me in the eye and never once do I break the eye contact. Normally this much eye contact makes me uncomfortable. Ben doesn’t make me uncomfortable in the usual sense; I feel connected and natural with him. That makes me uncomfortable.
“My turn?” I confirm it is in fact his turn to respond with a simple lift of my chin.
“I’ve stayed away because I needed space. Piper, I was honest with you at the lake. I know that we have something I want to pursue but I also know that Ashton is likely to lose her shit if we choose to take this step. But that’s the thing, I believe it’s worth it. Don’t you?”
I open my mouth to reply but he cuts me off. “Don’t answer that, let me finish.” I nod ever so slightly.
“I love my sister and you love my sister. Do you know who she loves?”
I shake my head.
“Us. She loves us. I know she’s kind of bitter and anti-love or whatever but I think once she gets over her initial shock and selfishness she’ll see that you and I make sense. We make sense, Piper.”
Oh great, now he’s got me all swoony and girly.
“If you want, we can take it slow and keep this between us for a while. Just spend time together as friends. Friends that are getting to know each other and see where it goes from there. What do you say?”
He makes it sound so simple. And I think he has a point. I know there’s something between us but I also know that I will never do anything to hurt Ashton. Maybe if we’re just friends hanging out we’ll discover there’s nothing really there and I’ll have worried for nothing. But those kisses. Friends don’t kiss. I slowly run my tongue over my bottom lip at the thought of Ben’s kisses.
“Oh and I have a few rules before you decide.”
That has my attention and I raise a brow at him while I tug my lower lip between my teeth.
“Rule number one is that we put an end date to this secret friendship. It’s Halloween now so I say Christmas break. If, by the time we let out for Christmas break, we haven’t gotten sick of each other and are ready to take this to the next level, we come clean with everyone.”
I start to tell him that’s two months of secrets but before I can utter a word, he places a finger to my lips to stop me.
“Rule number two, benefits are totally fine in the whole getting to know each other. What do you say?”
“Benefits?” I sputter out in response. Surely he can’t mean for us to be friends with benefits.
With a sly smile and a hand on my hip, with the other making its way up my back slowly, he leans forward. “Oh yeah. Lots of benefits.”
This time, it’s me who stops with a finger to the lips. “Kissing. Only kissing.”
“I promise to only use my mouth.”
Before I can respond he’s kissing me again, and while I’m quite certain I’ve just made a deal with the devil, I’m also quite certain I don’t care.