CHAPTER 48
LET THAT ONE SIT on the air for a bit. “Excuse me?” I asked finally.
“Humanoid slugs with limbs,” Wruck confirmed.
Couldn’t stop myself, I had to ask. “Squishy limbs?”
“Slimy, too,” Muddy said. “They are a very peaceful race dedicated to the arts.”
“Oh. Good.” Risked a look around the room. Sure enough, every human and Earth A-C now looked shocked-to-horrified. We were really batting a thousand on the shockeroonies tonight. “Um, yeah, John. I get why you were hoping they wouldn’t be the first to arrive.”
“The Faradawn resemble willow trees and similar and are quite a lovely race, but the Themnir are very decent people,” Wruck said, sounding like he was about to try to start selling us on why our cousins should consider the Themnirs’ great personalities and overlook that they weren’t pretty on the blind date he was setting them up on.
“I’m sure that we’ll manage to treat them as we treat all races we’ve met,” Jeff said, clearly in agreement that our cousins should marry the nice Themnirs instead of pinning their hopes on the pretty but flighty tree people.
“Well, the giant walking honeybees are coming, too, right? That’s what the Lyssara are, correct?” Risked another look. Apparently honeybees were right up there with slugs in terms of what our assembled folks wanted to get up close and personal with.
“Yes,” Wruck admitted.
“I’m sure they’re great, too,” I said quickly, before he could try to fix up those dead set against dating a giant slug with a giant bee person as their alternative. “The Planetary Council has been met with what I’d be willing to call casual acceptance. I’m sure these others will be, as well.”
“I wouldn’t say that, necessarily,” Alexander said carefully.
“It’s easier for us, we look like giant cats,” Felicia the Feliniad said.
“And giant dogs,” Wahoa the Canus Majorian added.
“And we Iguanadons are like your lizards,” Jareen the Reptilian said. “The Shantanu are penguins and King Benny is an otter, two animals I’ve come to understand humans find completely adorable. Lakin is a Hawkman and so might be considered attractive by humanity. However, not everyone on this planet thinks lizards are great. Trust me when I say that I’ve had my share of people looking at me and then running away.”
“Okay! So sometimes it takes humanity a while to warm up to people who look different from us. But overall, we’ve managed it.”
“With limited exposure and success,” Queen Renata of the Less Pissed Off Daily Amazons said. “I am quite happy that my daughters and I are able to shapeshift into what humans find acceptable.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Mom said. She said it in a way I was used to—her “I’m done listening to you whine, you will do what I said and you will do it now” voice. I’d heard this voice a lot growing up, and it was a voice you did not argue with.
Showing their intelligence, the Planetary Council subsided.
Mom glared at the room. “In a few hours humanity is going to be reminded, once again, that we’re not alone in the galaxy. Despite having been attacked by hostile aliens and subsequently saved by other aliens, having a contingent of visiting aliens on the planet for the past several weeks, and learning that we’ve had aliens living here for decades, most of humanity has chosen to do what they always do when faced with something difficult to comprehend or accept—ignore it.”
Chuckie snorted a laugh. “That’s so damn true.”
Mom shot him a fond smile, then turned back to the rest of the room. “The issue isn’t that we have aliens that look like giant garden pests coming. The issue is that only the people in this room are aware of what’s coming. So, we solve that issue by doing exactly what Kitty said to do—get Congress and the rest of the Washington Political Machine to do some damn work for a change, no offense meant to present company.”
“Oh, none taken,” McMillan said with a laugh that was shared by the rest of Jeff’s Cabinet.
“We’ll have Jeff here,” Mom went on, “looking amazingly Presidential, standing guard against the invading hordes, and have Kitty go around the world to share why cohesion is in everyone’s best interests. Anyone not excited by those plans need not worry. By my guess, within a few hours things will have changed again and we’ll have to adapt again. And, the mere fact that we’re all sitting here—alive and well, despite what seems like constant invasion and world domination attempts made by aliens and our own homegrown lunatics—is proof enough for me that the people who need to handle this are the exact ones who are doing so.”
“In other words, I’m here to look good while Kitty does the actual work,” Jeff said, easily at nine on the sarcasm meter.
Mom shrugged. “Your words. We each play to our strengths, Jeff.” Mom looked at Antoinette. “You have a choice. You can work with the First Lady to get her very complex and fast-moving tour arranged, and accept that most of your plans will be shattered immediately if not sooner, or you can stay with the President, assisting him with the various protocol intricacies that are going to hit him from all sides.”
“Ah . . .” Antoinette seemed at a loss.
“I won’t be offended if you choose to help the President,” I told her. “At all. Nor will I be pissed off if you decide you’re helping me. If you want my vote, though, I say you stay here with Jeff, because what will be coming at me I’m used to, but what’s heading for him is new territory for all.”
Jeff and Chuckie both shot me suspicious looks. Might have sounded far too confident about what was supposed to be a diplomatic mission.
Antoinette saved me, though. “Honestly, I think I should be going with you.”
Saw a couple of jaws drop in the room. “Why so?”
“What’s coming for the President is indeed something none of us have experience with. However, I have a great deal of experience with what you’re going to be doing. I believe I’ll be more of an asset with you than with the President. In this instance.”
“Huh. Well, welcome to Team Diplomacy, Antoinette. We’re probably leaving at dawn, based on how things are looking.”
“My first suggestion would be that some of the Planetary Council members who don’t look like humans should go with us. As well as one of the Turleens. And, if they land before we leave, one of the Themnir, as well.” The entire room stared at her. Had to give it to Antoinette—she had the moxie when it mattered.
“Again, why so?”
She smiled at me. “I believe that the representative from Beta Thirteen is correct—humans are afraid of many things that don’t look like us or versions of animals we find cuddly. So, let’s allow these leaders to meet the aliens we already know are our friends, cuddly or not.” She shrugged. “It’s what we would have done if President Armstrong hadn’t been murdered. The turmoil caused by the attack that killed him and so many others hasn’t allowed us time to do this before now.”
I was all for this, and not just because I hadn’t gotten to spend any real time with Jareen or the others, half of whom had been in my wedding. Basically, Antoinette was asking for us to bring some major butt-kickers along. Butt-kickers I knew would be all for helping me enact Mission: Stop The Mastermind Permanently.
“Awesome spin, you’re definitely hired.” Looked at Mom. “You okay with that?”
She nodded. “I am, and I agree with the Chief Usher’s assessments as well.”
“Then let’s get the world party started. We’re burning moonlight and have no time to waste.”
“You just want to be gone before the Themnir get here,” Jeff said to me as the rest of the room leaped into action.
“You don’t know me.”
“Hah. I know you too well.” He took my hand. “Just promise me that, when things get bad, you’ll call me or send me an emotional signal. I don’t like you going into action without me, baby, you know that.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Jeff laughed. “And you say that I’m the one who can’t lie.”