CHAPTER 31
TIME TO ONCE AGAIN follow my father’s advice of avoiding answering a question with a question of your own. “Amos, if I may ask, where are you located right now?”
“Me? I’m in D.C.”
“In which case, I’d like to know your thoughts on the fact that a D.C.P.D. precinct was blown up earlier today.”
Silence. Possibly Tobin was hitting mute to ask his cronies or advisors what to say.
Hit mute myself. “I need Chuckie here, faster than fast.”
Claudia zipped off at hyperspeed while Lorraine sent a text. Claudia was back with Chuckie, Reader, and Tim in three seconds. Christopher arrived immediately after, asking Lorraine what was going on and why she’d asked him to get here ASAP. Sadly, Tobin came back to our call as they arrived, so I had no time to share. Indicated that the others should share what they knew amongst each other. Jeff and Muddy did most of the talking, albeit quietly.
“Are you saying that the bombing was done by aliens?” Tobin asked.
“Hardly, Amos. The bombing, like the attack, was done by Club Fifty-One True Believers.”
“He’s friendly with Gutermuth,” Chuckie said quietly.
Nodded and spoke again before Tobin had a chance to reply. “Harvey Gutermuth and Farley Pecker are friends of yours, aren’t they, Amos?”
“Well, I’m friendly with a lot of people,” Tobin said in that backpedaling way so near and dear to most politicians’ hearts. Wasn’t sure who’d learned it first, captains of industry or captains of countries, but the effect was the same. Prepped myself to start hearing a lot of BS.
“True enough. But I’d like to know where you stand in terms of your relationship with Gutermuth, Pecker, Pecker’s church, and Gutermuth’s anti-alien organization. And I’d like to know now, and in exact detail.”
Hit mute because I’d managed to salvage my chess match with a pawn and now was the time to put all my sales training into effect. Once the offer was made, the question asked, or the definitive statement stated, whoever talked next lost. I was not about to talk next.
To Tobin. To the others, hell yeah, I was going to talk.
Everyone was caught up with what was going on with the Turleens and all the other alien races coming to hide, help, or eat, so it was time to get caught up on everything else. Double-checked that the phone was on mute. It was. And presumably Tobin was, unlike most of his cronies, trained in the same sales technique I was and was no more willing to lose than I was.
“All prisoners are at Guantanamo now,” Reader said. “We used a floater to get them there, and the flyboys did the escort. Your Uncle Mort is there, too. The flyboys will join us here once the handoff is officially complete.”
“Good, that should mean our homegrown terrorists will be having the Worst Day Ever. Is Serene alone at the scene, though?”
“No,” Claudia said. “She called in troubadours and they’re assisting Field agents along with all the CIA and FBI agents and local law. She’s got it under control.”
“Caliente Base is completely cleared,” Christopher shared. “Looks like minimal damage, though there is some. It’ll take the Operations Team to fully determine what needs fixing and what doesn’t.”
“Tobin is still not responding?” Chuckie asked. “It’s been at least two minutes since you stopped talking.”
“Nope. And the call is still live.” Triple-checked. “And still on mute.”
Chuckie rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m not used to anyone outlasting you, Kitty. Are we sure he’s not dead?”
“No, but I’m sure I don’t care.”
“He said he was in D.C.?” Christopher asked slowly.
“Yeah, why?”
“Media centers are New York and L.A. If he just took over Oliver’s paper, they’re L.A. based. Jenkins is syndicated out of New York, but they have a satellite office in L.A., too.” Christopher looked thoughtful. “And they’re not the only ones.”
“Meaning Tobin was lying and is in California. What does that mean or matter?”
“Means I’ll be right back.” Christopher zoomed off.
“What is he doing?” I asked in general.
Jeff sighed. “Give him his moment in the sun.”
“Not trying to deny him sun moments, Jeff. Just have no idea what he’s thinking.”
“I’m sure it’s relevant,” Reader said. “I’m also sure he’s gone to California.”
“Guess we have time to wait,” Tim said.
“He can run around the world without any issues these days,” I pointed out.
“Your people are most amazing,” Muddy said politely. “So many things you can do that others cannot.” Pondered why he was saying this at this precise time. Muddy might look cute and goofy but that was an act, his race’s protective coloration. Muddy was quite sharp, and he reminded me a lot of White, meaning he wasn’t saying anything without a reason.
“Thanks,” Jeff said. “We try.”
“You succeed,” Phoebe said. “And since we’re waiting for whatever we’re waiting for, I have to mention that once again being saved by the people we’re supposed to be protecting is, at best, humiliating.”
“Yeah, I’ve given up feeling that I can ever be good at my job again,” Joseph agreed. Evalyne and Rob both nodded emphatically.
“Apparently any alien can do more than a human,” Evalyne added.
Rob looked at me. “Well, a normal human.”
Felt bad that, once again, we were making these people feel inferior. “Inferiority.” Looked at Muddy. “That’s going to be the issue we have to deal with.”
“I don’t follow you,” Muddy said.
Wasn’t sure that this was true—in fact was willing to bet he’d started this particular conversation to lead us right to this conclusion—but chose not to argue. “Humans feel inferior to most aliens. That’s the underlying emotion behind all the anti-alien groups—they fear that the aliens are better than them.”
“They’re better looking,” Tim said dryly. “Some of us learn to live with it.”
“And some adapt,” Lorraine said, pointedly looking at me.
“Didn’t really have much of a choice in that.”
“Why hasn’t Amy mutated?” Claudia asked. Everyone looked at her. “What? I figured we were just hanging out, waiting to see who blinks first between Kitty and Tobin, discussing inferiority issues and adaptation. I can’t be the only one wondering.”
“You’re not,” Chuckie said. “I have a theory but I haven’t been able to speak to the people who would be able to confirm it.”
“Who can’t you reach?” I asked.
Chuckie shook his head and sighed. “You were there, with me and Christopher, and you’re asking?”
Considered this. “Oh. You mean you want to talk to one of the katyhoppers on Beta Eight.”
“Yes. But I think my theory is sound, even if we don’t get to confirm it with Boz or the others.”
“And that theory is?” Jeff asked, Commander in Chief Voice on Full.
Chuckie rolled his eyes, but before he could answer his phone rang. “It’s Christopher,” he told us as he answered. “What’s up? Oh? Really?” Chuckie’s eyes narrowed. He reached out, took my phone from me, and hung up the call. “Yes, you’re authorized. Consider yourself an official CIA consultant and an official agent should anyone ask. See you shortly.” He hung up, eyes flashing.
“Do we want to know?” I asked.
“Well, Christopher’s hunch paid off. Tobin wasn’t in D.C. but in Los Angeles. Not at the headquarters for where Oliver works but at the YatesCorp offices that are right next door.”
“Why did I hang up on him?”
“Because he was tracking the call. That’s why he was willing to play the ‘don’t speak’ game—the longer you were on the phone, the more accurately he could pinpoint our location. And, as we already knew, he was also blocking his location, via some very sophisticated equipment.”
“I should have thought of that.”
“No,” Reader said. “That’s not your job. It’s mine.”
“Frankly,” Evalyne said, “it’s also ours.”
Chuckie rolled his eyes again. “Stop it with the blame game. I’m the Director of the CIA now. Seriously, if we want Jeff to be angry with someone, choose me.”
“I’m angry with Tobin, not anyone here,” Jeff said. “What did you authorize Christopher to do?”
“Arrest Tobin on charges of wiretapping the First Lady. And to confiscate all of his surveillance and scrambling equipment.”
“That’s a serious charge,” Joseph said.
“As I recall, it’s along the lines of treason. And that should carry a penalty with it.” I sincerely hoped, at any rate.
“Not that we’re saying he doesn’t deserve to be brought up on that charge,” Rob added.
“Glad we’re all in agreement. Was Tobin alone, do you know?”
“Christopher didn’t say,” Chuckie said, “but he’d called in Field agents. We have every Centaurion base in the world on high alert right now. He didn’t have to wait long.”
“Where did Christopher take Tobin?” I asked Chuckie.
“Why?” Jeff countered.
“Because he wasn’t in on the Blow Up Caliente Base Plan, which is probably more of a Blow Up Kitty Wherever She May Be Plan, so I’m curious as to what his game is. As in, is there more to it than just whipping up the ol’ anti-alien frenzy or trying to accuse Lizzie of being a teenaged terrorist?”
“Oh, good point,” Chuckie said.
“I’m not following it.” Jeff heaved a sigh. “Explain what you mean. And someone find out where Christopher’s taken Tobin. And anything else we actually might need to know.” Claudia, Lorraine, Reader, and Tim nodded and all started texting. Apparently not to be outdone, the Secret Service agents started texting, too.
“Tobin was tracing my phone to find out where I was. If he was part of the Club Fifty-One True Believers plan, then he’d know already. There’s no logical reason for him to try to track me if he’s a part of it, because even if they were trying to send a specific bomb to blow us all up, they already freaking know where we are.”
“You should be back in the White House,” Joseph pointed out, still texting.
“Yeah, but let’s be real. If Tobin has been doing what the rest of our enemies have—you know, memorizing our playbook—then there’s no way he’d expect me to be back in the White House. Any of us, really.”
“So he wasn’t a part of this attack, he’s just taking advantage of the situation,” Jeff said. “Which sounds like the usual multiple plans going against us at the same time.”
“Alien invasion, Club Fifty-One True Believer attack, and one of the Land Sharks making a move. Sounds like Wednesday.”
Claudia snorted. “True enough. I win the Christopher lottery. He hasn’t taken Tobin anywhere—he’s concerned that Tobin’s got hidden tracking on his person or equipment and Christopher doesn’t want our locations given away.”
“I wasn’t trying to win,” Reader said. “I was anticipating where to tell Christopher to either take or move Tobin to. Have him brought here, to Caliente Base. It’s already been breached, Christopher confirmed it as deserted, and the damage was minimal.”
“And I was telling my team to not come here but to go help Christopher,” Tim added. “The flyboys are already with him. Floater gates are great.”
“And I told Malcolm what’s going on so he’s not flying blind,” Lorraine said. “He’s back on-site here at Caliente Base, with Manfred and Siler, since your Uncle Mort’s cut them loose.”
“I’ve confirmed that the children are all safe, including Lizzie,” Phoebe said. “I’m keeping day shift with them and have pulled in night teams as well. Your father is with them, too, Kitty.”
“White House and Embassy are secured and have shielding up,” Joseph said.
“Have advised the head of the P.T.C.U. of what the current situations are, including that we’re taking Amos Tobin in for questioning in regard to espionage,” Evalyne shared.
“I’ve also advised Kevin Lewis of our situation,” Rob added. “He’s running point at Dulce.”
“See? Everyone has a part to play.” Eyed Muddy. “That’s what we’re going to need to do, isn’t it? Convince almost two hundred countries that each of them has an important role in our brave new world.”
“Possibly,” he said. “Many of you move fast, but you may not have time.”
“Do we have time to question Amos Tobin?”
“Probably not,” Chuckie said looking at his phone. “Because I think it’s time for the two of you to be seen here.”
“Why so?” Jeff asked.
“Because Serene just told me to get the two of you and your very obvious Secret Service details to her.” He gave us a weak grin. “It’s time for your close-ups.”
“Should I change clothes?”
“No,” Claudia said. “Raj just told me that the production company that wants to make Code Name: First Lady has asked for a meet and greet with you and the, ah, steampunk turtles.”
“I’d suggest brushing your hair, though,” Muddy offered. “Unless the windblown look is one you’re happy with.”
Heaved a sigh while I dug my brush out of my purse. “Christopher, tell your dad we need him here, pronto.”
“Why?” Christopher asked, as he dialed. “For his diplomatic skills? Or because Paul is still at the religious summit?”
“Oh, all those things and more besides, I’m sure. But mainly because I really want him to meet Muddy. I think I’ve just found Richard’s new best friend.”