CHAPTER 58
WRUCK AND MUDDY had not exaggerated the Themnir’s appearance. The Themnir really looked like slugs, giant slugs, only they had faces of a sort, arms, and legs. Four stout legs, which they needed in order to drag the latter half of their body along.
They walked or slid or whatever they called it in a sort of bobbing serpentine gait. The kind of gait that said, if they were in a Disney movie, they’d be the characters that were happy with their lowly lot in life because they had the sunshine and flowers and such, and their particular song would win the Oscar.
The gasps from the room had been because, no matter how many times someone told you the people coming were giant slugs, the sight of a slug that was taller than Jeff really gave humans and A-Cs and, from the sounds, everyone from the Alpha Centauri system, pause. Was certain I heard a little gagging, but it was contained.
The people on the cutter were having no less fun. Either the cameraman had jumped or was really trying out for a job on the camera crew of the next Jason Bourne movie. Even Oliver looked thrown when the camera finally, shakily, focused on him. “And,” he said haltingly, “the first emissary of the Themnir has shown himself. Herself. Itself.” Oliver managed a weak chuckle. “We’ll be finding out shortly, I’m sure.”
“Ah,” Raheem asked slowly, “these are the people we’ve been expecting?”
“Um, yes. I left out the little details about them, but yes, these are the Themnir, as accurately described.”
“They’re leaving a trail,” Vance said quietly, clearly trying his hardest to channel his years of time spent hanging out in the Washington Wife class and not sound totally icked out. With limited success.
“They probably don’t do it on purpose.”
“They do,” Mossy corrected. “The trail, as you call it, nourishes the ground as they walk over it. The Themnir are one with their planet. The Roving Planet has an interior that is appropriate to the Themnir’s ways of life, so they nourish it as well.”
“Will that work on Earth like it does on their home planet?” Reader asked from the cheap seats. The no shouting rule was totally out the window, it was clear, because Raheem was obviously trying hard not to act totally repulsed and had thrown any kingly propriety out the window.
“We’ll be finding out,” Mossy said. Clearly the Turleens liked the Themnir, because I could tell Mossy wasn’t happy with our reactions. Time to cowgirl up and take one for the team.
“I’m sure they’re lovely people. And, frankly, they’re not firing at us. I don’t even see where weapons would be on their ship. They look kind of . . . fragile, really. It’s clear why they were coming for protection.” And, frankly, if the Aicirtap were giant beetles of some kind, then the Themnir would look like a delicious delicacy to them. All soft squishy bits, not even a shell to have to crack.
The cutter was moving carefully into position so that the ramp from the Roving Planet would be able to sit on the bow. It would be bumpy, but the Themnir would be able to exit their ship and come onto the Hamilton.
Eventually, at any rate. The Hamilton got into place with the ramp tied to it, and the line of Themnir were still making their way down said ramp. Couldn’t tell if they were that slow naturally, if they were being really hella careful so as not to fall into the ocean, or if this was some weird kind of official greeting that took forever, but was really hoping it was one of the latter two options.
“We’re not sure if the Themnir fear our reactions,” Oliver, echoing my thoughts, said in a hushed voice, “or are merely being cautious so as to not fall into the salt water. Ah, ocean.”
Yeah, slugs were harmed badly by salt. Had a feeling this race wasn’t going to be settled in Utah. Unless, you know, we were going to treat them like we’d treated the Native Americans. Made a firm decision that we would not. Made a mental note that, when Jeff had a spare second, he needed to focus on fixing what we could of what humanity’s forebears had done to said Native Americans. Perhaps we’d try that next week, once our little alien immigration and invasion problem was solved.
Jeff and Muddy were having a conversation that wasn’t being broadcast. Muddy nodded, then he altered into his dirigible form, flew to the first of the exiting Themnir, all of whom were still slowly moving down the ramp, changed back, and spoke to the Lead Themnir. Said Themnir nodded its head, or the top part of its body, or however they chose to describe where they had two antennae sticking up.
“The Lieutenant General of the Turleen Air Force has just consulted with the President and is now acting as emissary to the Themnir,” Oliver shared.
“Really, that’s Muddy’s title?” I asked Mossy.
“As you would understand it, yes.”
“You and Dew have equally impressive titles, don’t you?”
Mossy managed a tight smile. “Every Turleen here has what, to a human, would be an impressive title. We do understand how you work—probably more than you think we do.”
“Oh, no. I’m getting the really clear idea that the Turleens know a lot about everyone. You have one of the most impressive spy networks I’ve ever encountered, and I totally mean that as a compliment.” Clearly Chuckie and Serene were going to want to have a private sit-down with our Turleen Contingent and get some awesome tips and training ideas.
“Thank you. I think.”
Would have said something, but we had action on the screen again. Muddy turned and nodded to Jeff. Who leaped up onto the ramp and strode up the walkway.
“What is he doing?” Vance asked, for the room, presumably. I certainly wanted to know.
Jeff joined Muddy and the Lead Themnir. There was a conversation. The Themnir bowed to Jeff. Jeff bowed back. More conversation. Then Jeff shook the Themnir’s hands in a sort of joint double handclasp. More conversation. Then Jeff did something no one saw coming.
He put his arms around the Themnir and did the French version greeting, where you kiss each other on each cheek. And they both did the cheek-kissing thing.
My first reaction was a form of revulsion and the desire to say that lips that had touched slug slime would never touch mine. Shoved that one away fast, because not only was there no way in the world I wasn’t going to kiss Jeff again, but it was a xenophobic reaction and I wasn’t proud of it and I didn’t want to keep it around.
My second reaction, though, was pride. My husband had just greeted an alien that was, at first blush, repulsive to his entire world, and he’d greeted that alien as a beloved and honored friend.
“I see why your Emperor chose your husband as King Regent,” Raheem said quietly. “He is an impressive man.”
“Yes, he is, isn’t he?”
Jeff turned, smiled, and waved to the camera. He didn’t look slimy, which was a relief on any number of levels. No, what he looked was, for want of a better term, Kennedy-esque. As if, finally, the President was someone you could once again not only respect and admire, but who was going to give you hope, hope that he’d lead you toward being the best you could be.
“President Martini has greeted the Themnir as welcomed guests,” Oliver shared. “And our new lives as a planet joining the Greater Galactic Community begin.”
Jeff had Muddy and the Themnir wave, too. Muddy waved normally. The Themnir waved with their arms and their antennae. Focused on the way Disney would draw them. In other words, I looked for the cute and cuddly. It was hard to find, but it was there.
Muddy flew back to the ship and had a conversation with someone I realized with relief was Alexander. Alexander nodded and then did what Jeff had—leaped up onto the ramp and went to join Jeff and the others. Muddy stayed on the cutter but moved out of the camera’s view.
More talk, more obvious greetings. Once again the bow, the handclasp, and, to Alexander’s great credit, the kissing on both cheeks. This time, the room seemed to handle it better. Did not look forward to when I had to do that for the first time. Knew it was coming and would be soon, too. Also knew, without asking, that Raheem was looking as forward to that as I was.
“Emperor Alexander, representing all of the Alpha Centauri System, also greets the Themnir as welcomed friends,” Oliver shared. He walked to the ramp. Whether because he’d been told to stay on the boat or if he just wanted to delay the greeting by however many seconds, Oliver stayed on the cutter at the end of the ramp.
Muddy was back on camera. He put his fingers to his mouth and gave an impressive wolf whistle. Other Turleens appeared in dirigible form. They flew over onto the Themnir’s ramp and lined it, Space Turtle next to Space Turtle all the way on both sides. Then Muddy moved out of camera range again. The Themnir sped up.
“So, they fear the ocean,” Raheem said.
“Makes sense. Even if salt isn’t a problem for them, who wants to fall in? They might be buoyant and able to swim, but right now isn’t the time to find out.”
“I’m talking to the Major General of the Turleen Air Force, Dew Lakes,” Oliver shared. “Major General Lakes, why are the Themnir visiting Earth?”
“The Themnir are, as you can see, non-aggressive people,” Dew replied. “They are fleeing our home system of Sirius for the same reason that we Turleens have come to request Earth’s aid and allegiance. A common enemy is approaching.”
“Uh, Kitty?” Tim called from the back. “Was mass panic the plan?”
“I’ve been with you guys, remember? I have no idea if this was rehearsed or if Dew is off-script.”
“She is not,” Mossy said. “At least, she is not off our script. You all seem to think there is the luxury of time. There is not. Your planet needs to be ready as fast as possible.”
“Well,” Raheem said with a little chuckle, “all of this should make all the meetings we’re going to be having go a bit more smoothly.”
Looked at him. “How long before one of your counterparts starts accusing Israel of coordinating this?”
“I give it less than five minutes, honestly. However, we do have some sway with that.” Raheem raised a hand and one of his guards came trotting down. “Please tell our religious guests that Queen Katherine and I will want to address them immediately after this televised event is over. Ensure that none of them leave the room, even if that room must be locked from the outside.”
The guard nodded to Raheem and raced off. We were all quiet for a moment. “Wow, you’re going to lock them in?”
“If necessary.” Raheem shrugged. “I will blame faulty door locks. We cannot have a lack of unity, just because these visitors are . . . unappealing to us, at least at first glance. If what the military man with us just said is correct, we have little time.” He nodded to Mossy.
“I’m a Brigadier General,” Mossy said. “And yes, there is almost no time. Certainly none for needless, petty delays.”
“You’ve been here a lot, and yet I still don’t think you ‘get’ humanity. We’re totally freaking into needless and petty. It’s one of our ‘things.’”
Mossy shrugged. “And yet, your husband is not. And he leads the world.”
“Not really and not yet.”
“America is still the world leader,” Mossy said. “Act like it.”
“Wow, I totally prefer hanging out with Muddy. He’s folksy.”
Mossy shot me a snide look worthy of any Vance could do. “He is. He’s far more diplomatic. I’m far more focused on saving the galaxy.”
“In other words, Mossy’s just like you,” Vance said. “It happens,” he said to Mossy. “You get two of the exact same personalities in the room and at first they fight. She’ll warm up to you, I’m sure.”
Mossy shrugged. “I don’t care, in a personal sense. In a general sense, Earth is at the center of what will be the biggest battle this side of the galaxy has seen in at least a thousand years. I don’t care if the Queen Regent and I spend the entire time snarling at each other as long as, when it’s over, we’ve won and our planets and people are not destroyed.”
“What Bossy Mossy said, and that’s me giving you a nickname, meaning I like you. Sort of. At any rate, we need to know what in the world Jeff’s plan is for what to do not only with the Themnir but their ship.”
“I already know,” Reader said, having removed himself from the servants’ section and come forward. “Chuck just gave me an update. Per Muddy, the five who are on the gangplank are going to be escorted to the White House. The rest of the Themnir are staying on their ship. Until they know we’re going to be able to beat the Aicirtap back, they want to keep the majority of their population inside their escape mechanism.”
“Can’t blame them. How many Themnir are here?”
Reader took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Their entire population. Every last one of them.”