Chapter Eighteen
There were a few things in life Cam had once thought he’d never, ever do. Own a pet. Get stationed on a ship. Have sex with a fellow soldier on a clandestine mission.
Except, what’d just happened between Bren and him hadn’t simply been an empty physical connection to blow off steam. Not that he had a way of explaining what had just happened between them. All he knew was something had taken hold of him, surging from deep inside, from a place he didn’t go to very often, because it opened up vulnerabilities. And in war, as a leader of men, there was no room for weakness.
Strangely enough, even though he’d been exposed in a way that happened very rarely—and not the first time in front of Bren—he hadn’t felt inferior. Instead, he’d been solid, sure. More certain about her than anything else in years. Probably since that disaster of a mission with Jordie.
Though he made decisions daily that concerned not only himself but also the lives of others, he’d never realized how there’d been this undercurrent of doubt coloring every move he made. Ironic that Jordie’s sister had been the one to make him see it, like coming full circle.
Neither of them said much to each other as they dressed in the silvery light from two of Ilari’s moons. But the silence wasn’t awkward.
Instead, it was easy. Peaceful, almost. Who would have ever thought he’d find such tranquility deep behind the battle lines on this war-torn planet?
“Hungry?” Bren asked as they climbed over the low stone fence, back into Halden’s yard.
He hadn’t thought about his stomach once all day. Barely eaten anything, too consumed with the task they’d faced in that destroyed village. But now that she’d asked him, his stomach made its uncomfortable emptiness known.
“Yeah, I am.”
She sent him a half smile, which definitely made some of the dark places within him light up. How could he be happy on one of the worst days he’d ever experienced as a commander? Maybe happy wasn’t the right word. The remorse and sadness at the fate of his men and Seb had lodged deep within him, but right next to that was the relief and contentment that he’d found something, someone to hold on to. Though he’d never thought he needed anyone, having Bren in that intimate way—both physically and emotionally—made it all more bearable.
As they stepped up to the porch, voices reached them from inside. Not only Halden but also another two male voices.
Cam gestured for Bren to wait, then stepped into the shadows beside the back door to peek in the window.
Halden’s CSS pilot friend and another man were seated at the table. Whatever they were discussing looked serious.
Sending Bren a nod to confirm it was safe, he stepped inside first, and unsurprisingly, the conversation came to a halt.
Halden waved them over. “Cameron, Bren, you remember my friend from earlier today, Neiman. And this is Crispin. He’s with the rebels entrenched in the Holy City.”
They exchanged greetings as Bren and he sat down at the table. Halden poured them a drink each of local spiced wine, but before Cam could come up with a tactful way of asking what was going on, excited voices came from the direction of the hallway a moment before the two little girls came bounding in.
Cam lost his breath for a second when he spied Neve. Now that she was clean, he barely recognized her. The mop of dirty, tangled hair that’d been hiding under her cap was brushed out straight and gleaming. There wasn’t a speck of dirt on her skin, and she wore a clean set of purple pajamas with little white stars on them. Even her cat doll, Winky, had been cleaned and looked almost new.
The runaway orphan was gone, replaced by a normal girl, happy and laughing as Talia chased her into the kitchen.
“The girls came to say good night,” Merrie said, trailing after them at a more sedate pace. “I assume you won’t mind if Neve sleeps with Talia tonight?”
Asked like it was Bren’s and his choice, like they were her parents or something. His heart kicked in his chest, because suddenly, more than anything, he wanted to be one half of Neve’s parents, and he wanted Bren to be the other half.
It was an absurd fantasy to have in the middle of a war. Where would they live? Bren’s home was on the Valiant Knox, and he couldn’t exactly have Neve live in the bunkroom he shared with three other men on base.
He shook his head at himself, making the untenable fantasy disappear.
Neve climbed up into Bren’s lap, waving her stuffed cat around. “Look what Talia gave me. A new collar for Winky to wear.”
The cat had a dark pink ribbon around its neck that even had a little bell attached.
“Then I guess you won’t lose him now.” Bren gave the toy a little jiggle, making the bell chime.
Neve hugged her and said good night, then climbed down and came over to him. She scrambled onto his lap without hesitation, looping her arms around his neck and squeezing him tight enough to almost cut off his air. But he didn’t mind one little bit. He hugged her back just as tightly, making her giggle about getting squashed.
“Come on, I’ll tuck you both in.” Merrie took a girl in each hand and led them toward the bedrooms, Neve skipping as she asked about Merrie singing them a song.
After everything Neve had been through, the little girl didn’t seem completely traumatized as he’d feared. He’d heard that kids were resilient, but seeing it firsthand amazed him.
“Neve is one tough little nugget,” Halden said as though reading his thoughts.
He turned on the stool to see the man regarding him thoughtfully.
“Tougher than half the soldiers under my command,” he replied with a quick smile.
“What are you going to do about her?”
“We’re taking her with us,” Bren answered.
Halden nodded, like maybe he’d already guessed as much. “I wish I could offer to help, take her myself. But we can hardly keep enough food on the table for Talia. Besides that, Neve will probably be safer on your side of the conflict. Things are coming to a head, and if what happened in the next village is anything to go by, it’s going to get far uglier before it ends.”
Cam glanced at Crispin. “You have news?”
Crispin cast Halden a questioning look, obviously not sure if he should be sharing. But their host simply gave a single confident nod.
“The rebels are about to make several key assaults on CSS strongholds tonight. We’ll be moving quickly, as we’ve had word the Pontifex only has hours, maybe half a day left.”
Hell, this could be it. Happening faster than they could have anticipated, the end of the Pontifex’s reign and the chance for the UEF to reinstate power to this planet and the wider system. The implications were mammoth. Tonight could see the culmination of two decades worth of fighting. And the UEF military had absolutely no idea what was happening.
“We’re acting fast, consolidating our forces,” Crispin continued. “Because there’s another group poised to take power.”
“We heard rumors about that,” Cam put in. “They want Ilari to be the birthplace of a movement they’ll spread to the wider galaxy to rise up against the UEF.”
“No offense to you and the rest of the universe,” Halden said with a cynical smile. “But we don’t care about what’s happening beyond our system. We just want to take our planet back, be able to make our own choices, trade with other planets, create new opportunities and a better future for our kids.”
Completely understandable. He’d made a choice to join the UEF and fight this war, had been an adult and come from a peaceful, prosperous planet. He couldn’t imagine growing up in warzone. Living in fear and not having a choice in the future, only knowing conflict and hardships.
“Your family is your responsibility, not the rest of the universe. That’s on us,” he replied, with a glance at Bren. “So, we need to get word to our people sooner rather than later.”
“There’s more,” Crispin said before he could start making plans with Bren on how they were going to contact the base and the Valiant Knox as soon as possible to let them know what was happening. Now was the time to act if they wanted to topple the CSS once and for all.
“We have intel that suggests the CSS forces didn’t kill everyone in that village yesterday. There are rumors that they took a group of rebel soldiers to the reeducation camp outside of the Holy City so they could get what information they could about our plans.”
“How many?” Halden asked.
But Cam hardly heard the question, because hope was making the blood rush through his body. They’d seen that UEF issued pack and it couldn’t have been a coincidence that four bodies had been found in the ruins of the same building. Yet, optimism that somehow his men had escaped that fate had already taken off like a rocket on autopilot.
“They took around twenty people,” Crispin answered. “Any rebels they capture always go to the reeducation camp outside the Holy City. Which is why it’s one of the first CSS holdings we’re going to hit. There are a few hundred of our men sitting in cells, ready and willing to fight if we can get them free.”
“What are the chances my men were among those taken?” he asked.
“Can’t say.” Crispin shrugged apologetically. “We didn’t get specifics. Only that the group who were due to meet in that village were all captured, the homes burned as punishment, the villagers killed to quell any other ideas of rebellion stirring. Unfortunately for the CSS forces, it had the opposite effect. People are angry, and they’re ready to fight.”
He looked over at Bren. Her features were tense, but a spark lit her gaze that hadn’t been there earlier. “What do you think?”
“I think if there’s even a chance our people are there, then that’s where we need to be,” she answered.
“But we need to let the base know what’s happening. Plus, a little air support from your corner might come in handy when the rebels attack that CSS reeducation camp.”
“You mean like fighter jets?” Crispin asked, excitement in his voice.
“Bren is the captain of the Fighter Force onboard the Valiant Knox, one of the UEF battleships sitting in orbit. She’s probably the one person you could really use on your side going into this fight.”
Interestingly, a slight flush of color bloomed on Bren’s cheeks as the men turned to look at her in surprise.
“You can call in an air strike?” Halden sounded a little awestruck.
“If I can get to a radio that’ll put me in contact with the Knox, yes.”
Halden slapped the top of the table with a whooping noise. “Why the hell didn’t you say so sooner!”
“You didn’t ask.” Bren’s words came out sounding more like a question, as Crispin reached over and shook her hand enthusiastically.
“That’s going to make all the difference,” Crispin said, no small amount of excitement in his tone. “Now, we can go in knowing we might actually succeed.”
“And you didn’t think that before?” Bren returned.
“We were calling it about fifty-fifty,” Halden said. “But never mind that. Back us with a few of your fighter jets, and if your people are in that camp, we’ll make sure they’re our top priority.”
“I trust you would,” Cam replied, picking some diplomatic words before continuing. “But they’re my men. I need to see this through myself. So, I’m sure you’ll understand if I tag along.”
Crispin held out a hand. “For those fighter jets, you can do whatever the hell you want. I’ll even put you in charge if you want.”
Though he wasn’t sure whether Crispin had the power to do that or was joking, Cam shook his head. “I’ll be content if you can get us to the border where we left our rover so we can contact our base, and then give me a small team to operate with once we’re ready to take the prison.”
“Nieman can fly you to the border now.” Halden nodded to his CSS pilot friend, who had remained quiet.
“The rebels are planning to hit the reeducation camp in the early hours of the morning. You’ve got about six hours to work with,” Crispin said.
“That should give us plenty of time,” he confirmed.
It’d taken them over a day to walk here, but with Neiman flying them in his shuttle, it’d take less than an hour to get to the border, and maybe two at tops to hike to the rover and back again, leaving them a buffer of at least another two hours to join the rebels at the reeducation camp outside the Holy City.
“What about Neve?” Bren asked quietly, halting the rush of planning his brain had started.
Damn. He’d completely forgotten about Neve and their decision to take her out of the warzone. But with the fight imminent, with the fact they weren’t going back to base yet, and considering they’d just agreed to join the rebels on the ground, what were they going to do with her?
“She can stay here,” Halden offered. “I know I said we can’t take her, and that’s true long-term. But for a day or so, until this is over, this is probably the best place for her.”
“Thank you,” Bren replied, a heartfelt note to her tone. “We’ll collect her before we head home.”
As Cam stared at Bren, his heart skipped a beat. What if neither of them survived this? Then what would happen to Neve? Except, his mind snagged on the thought of Bren getting killed, leaving his guts aching. She’d proven she could handle herself, but she was a fighter pilot. Her skills were strongest behind the controls of her jet. And if she was determined to join this fight like he was, a fighter jet was the safest place for her.
“We’ve got a few other things to go over before Neiman can take you,” Halden said, interrupting his thoughts.
“Sure. We have our own strategy to hash out.” He pushed up from the table as Bren sent him a questioning look. But she followed him as he walked into the sitting room, while Halden and the other men started discussing some kind of weapon distribution.
“What’s wrong?” Bren asked as she joined him on the far side of the room.
“When we cross the lines to contact the base, instead of just calling in an air strike, I think you should go back. Head home to the Knox. If you want to fight, lead the squadron yourself. That way we can take Neve now.”
Bren studied him, clearly trying to figure out his motivations. “Neve will be fine here for a day or so. I might not be as extensively trained in ground combat, but I’m an experienced soldier. I can just as easily direct the air strike from down here. That’s the point of being the CAFF. I don’t take point on every single mission my pilots fly. What’s this really about?”
He blew out a long breath, running a hand over his hair, not really sure what was going on with himself. Going with logic seemed to be the safest option.
“You’re a fighter pilot. You should be in the air.”
“True, but I came to Ilari to recover one of my own. Now, I’ve got two pilots who need to be rescued. The squad can coordinate an air strike without me. They’ve done it a hundred times before.”
She was right. About everything. So why did it feel so wrong to let her follow him into this battle when they’d already faced plenty of dangerous situations since they’d been in enemy territory?
Probably because he was being a moron and letting his dick get in the way of his logic. Being with her had shifted things inside him, and though he could still look at her and see her for the capable soldier she was, know she could do the job just as well as anyone, now his own well-being was tied to hers.
Because if anything happened to her, it would destroy him.
He would never come back from that.
With an unsteady inhale, he looked away from her before he said anything stupid they’d both regret. Did something humiliating like get down on his knees and beg her to go back up to the Knox where it was safer.
But Bren wouldn’t let him get away that easily. Typical of her, making them both face the hard stuff, getting to the root of the real issue.
She came up close to him, hand resting in the middle of her chest.
“Don’t think you’re the only one feeling exposed right now.”
He couldn’t help locking on to her gaze, because he hadn’t expected to hear that from her.
“This was the last thing I ever expected to happen,” she continued, and he could see every confused feeling in her gaze that he was grappling with himself. “And I definitely never expected it to happen with you, but it did. No matter what happens tonight or tomorrow, I will never regret it.”
“Neither will I.” His voice came out low and rough, with more emotion than he’d intended.
“So I get it, Cam. Why you want me back on the Knox, where you think I’ll be safer. Just like I want to tell you to head back to base for reinforcements. But we both know neither of us are the type to back down from a fight. For better or worse, we’re going in together, and with any luck, get our people back.”
He cupped a hand at the base of her skull, under that mop of damned sexy curly hair she’d left loose after her shower. “I hate it when you talk sense.”
“No, you love it.” She leaned into him, a smile playing over her lips as she got closer to him. “It totally turns you on.”
He tightened his hold on her, blood pounding hard, heating him up all over.
“Pretty much everything you do turns me on,” he murmured.
Goddamn, he wanted to kiss her. Wished they were someplace where they had all the leisure in the world to get naked and relish the intoxicating pleasure of each other. Which wasn’t here or now. And pretty much summed up their entire relationship. Talk about bad timing. He couldn’t have come up with a worse way for his heart to be compromised.