Chapter Twenty-Three
The pain from losing Jordie ripped through Bren all over again, but this time it was worse, because she’d also lost Cam. Though considering all he’d said, it was clear she hadn’t really had him in the first place.
How could he have cared for her, slept with her, when all that time he’d thought such terrible things about Jordie, had obviously been waiting for her to slip up and confirm what he already assumed about her?
And Jordie. God. How could he have done those things? She didn’t want to believe them, but she’d known her brother too well. He could be impulsive, selfish, and reckless. They were qualities their father had been hoping to fix by enrolling him in a pre-military college and then pressuring him to join the war. Though she’d been a year younger than Jordie, she’d seen that he hadn’t been cut out for war and followed him in. Trying to keep an eye on him hadn’t worked, and it had all ended in disaster. But suicide? She’d never guessed for a second that he’d ended his life on purpose.
The stories he’d told her about that fateful assignment had never quite rung true—he’d been hiding something and over time, minor details had changed. Now it all made sense. He’d worked hard to ensure she never found out it had been his fault, because he’d defied orders from his CO.
No wonder Cam had been so cold to her all these years. He’d assumed she was cut from the same cloth. Judged her before he’d even known her. Why the hell he’d let things get so intimate between them, she had no idea. But it was clear that even though she thought she’d proven herself trustworthy, capable, and she believed they’d come to know each other well, the truth was, Cam didn’t know a damned thing about her.
Maybe she should have let Seb tell Cam what had really happened, since she’d filled him in just after they’d reunited in this cell. With Nieman captured, there hadn’t been any shuttle coming. And considering the number of soldiers in the woods, their chances of escaping had been slim at best.
If Cam could so easily fall back on his preconceived ideas about her and immediately jump to the conclusion their capture had been her fault, then he wasn’t worth the feelings she’d developed for him. He wasn’t worth getting upset over, even though it felt like someone had punched a fist into her chest and yanked out her heart. Or maybe it felt like that because she now had the inescapable truth about her brother. She grasped onto the reason, even though she was fooling herself.
Cam had touched deep inside her. She’d allowed him in to a place she’d never let anyone else, and there was no way to repair the gouging hole left in the wake of his faithlessness.
“I’m sorry about your brother,” Seb said quietly so his voice wouldn’t go beyond the two of them. “Why didn’t you tell Cam what really happened when the CSS grabbed you both?”
“What’s the point?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because he’s blaming you for something that wasn’t your fault.” Seb shot a heated glare toward Cam, who had his eyes closed. Lines were etched into his face—fatigue, strain, and stress that hadn’t been there a few days ago. Her heart ached for him. How long would it take before she could look at him without those feelings leaping forward?
“If that’s what he really thinks of me, if he’s going to judge me by something my brother did, then he’s not worth my time. He can think whatever he wants about me, I don’t care, because I know the truth, and the people who matter know the truth.”
“Then you’re a bigger person than me,” Seb muttered. “Can I at least punch him in the balls for you?”
Any other time, she might have laughed at his suggestion. “Maybe later, when we get out of this camp.”
A shadow of worry passed through his expression. “Which isn’t likely to be any time soon.”
“Don’t give up hope yet.” She reached down and took his hand.
“Bren, if we don’t make it—”
She brought a finger up to her lips to shush him before he said anything.
“No speeches. We’re going to make it.” They had to. For so many reasons.
Seb pulled her in and kissed her forehead. “I love you. In a totally platonic, nonsexual way that won’t end with Jenna killing either of us.”
She released his hand but relaxed back into the arm he had around her, believing for the first time that things really would turn out okay. Glancing around the room, she caught Cam staring at them, a stormy expression on his face. Now what? Did he have something else he wanted to blame her for?
She refused to care.
No matter how it made her chest ache.
…
A few long hours went by. Bren only half concentrated on the small talk Seb was making, obviously trying to keep her mind off things. Most of her attention was taken up with trying to guess the time and gauge how long they had until the rebels attacked—a feat which now might be easier, since Cam had diverted the attention of the CSS by giving them false intel.
Cam sat brooding on the other side of the room while her righteous anger built. Her resolve remained the same, which was pretty much along the lines of screw him. But she’d gone and fallen hard for him and didn’t know how to pull herself up, even though he’d hurt her. If that didn’t make her completely stupid, she didn’t know what would.
The door to the room slammed open, and the CS soldier from earlier, the one who’d given the order to strip her in the holding room, stalked in, only one other soldier accompanying him. Whatever was going on, he was clearly incensed.
He crossed the room, heading for Cam, who started to get to his feet.
The soldier reached him and grabbed the collar of his shirt, slamming him into the concrete wall behind him.
She scrambled to her feet, and when she would have gone over, Seb looped an arm around her waist and held her back.
“I sent scouts in every direction outside the Holy City and none of them found the rebel forces,” the CS soldier said, anger pushing out every word.
“Maybe they weren’t looking hard enough.”
The soldier cursed, tightening his grip on the collar of Cam’s shirt to the point of choking.
“If you gave me false information just to save your bitch, I’m going to make both of you very sorry.”
“It wasn’t false info. I don’t know the details. Only that they’re going to attack a target in the Holy City.” Cam’s voice came out tight, though whether from the anger or the hold the CS soldier had on him, she couldn’t tell.
Technically, Cam wasn’t lying. And hopefully, this soldier wouldn’t guess the reeducation camp was the mark until it was too late.
The CS soldier yanked out his gun and shoved it under Cam’s chin. “I’m starting to think you don’t understand the gravity of your situation.”
“I understand more than you think,” Cam returned through clenched teeth.
The soldier lashed out, smashing Cam in the face with the butt of his gun. While he was still reeling, the man propelled Cam away from the wall into the middle of the room. He slammed a foot into the back of his legs, sending him to his knees.
Blood dripped down his face from a cut on his cheekbone as he looked up, catching her gaze. She couldn’t read his expression, partly because he was keeping his face in a detached mask, but mostly because her heart was rushing, pulse thrashing through her body, making her thoughts spin out of control.
She pressed forward against Seb’s hold, wanting to go to Cam, wanting to do something to stop this more than she’d ever wanted anything in her life. It wasn’t even a conscious choice, just a burning instinct telling her that even if she got herself killed, she couldn’t stand by and watch Cam die.
“If you try to intervene, he’ll turn on you, and Cam wouldn’t want that,” Seb muttered into her ear, his solid chest against her the only thing holding her together.
The soldier stepped closer, pointing the gun at the back of Cam’s head.
“One of you knows something. Talk, or you’ll be laying your commanding officer in the corner with your other dead friend.”
“No one is saying anything,” Cam said. It was as much an order for all of them as it was for the soldier’s benefit.
The CS soldier shifted his aim down and squeezed the trigger, shooting Cam in the arm.
He half collapsed forward, though when he cried out, the sound gave hint to more anger than pain.
“Cam!” She wrenched out of Seb’s hold, not caring about keeping out of the soldier’s sights any longer. If he was going to kill Cam, then he’d have to kill her as well.
She landed in front of Cam as he straightened on his knees. The bullet wound appeared to be a through-and-through, but she needed a closer look to be sure. Before she could check, the soldier closed in on them, grabbing a handful of Cam’s short hair and wrenching his head back as he pressed the gun to his temple.
“Please, don’t kill him.” Her words came out ragged, giving away every emotion. Yes, he’d hurt her, and once they were out of these walls they’d go their separate ways. She could handle that. But if he died, it would destroy her in a way even Jordie’s death hadn’t accomplished.
“Tell me what you know about the rebel’s plans, or the next one goes straight through his head.” The CS soldier was clearly out of patience, his resolute look telling her he’d have no hesitation going through with his threat.
She glanced at Cam, his expression set with pain, features pale. Yet, his jaw was still clenched in stubborn determination, a fierce light burning in his gaze. He shook his head in the slightest movement, almost imperceptibly, but she got the message loud and clear. He didn’t want her saying anything.
Did he really expect her to sit here and watch him die?
God, he was never going to forgive her. Because she was about to do exactly what he’d accused her of earlier. Defy his orders for nothing but selfish reasons.