Later that night, I lie alone in my bed, unable to sleep. Though Violet’s doctor tried to put us at ease, he had to be worried enough he felt it necessary to send her to a specialist. I rest my forearm over my eyes, as tears spill onto my pillow.

I’m so engrossed in my thoughts, I don’t hear Chase enter.

He pulls my arm free and his beautiful face turns to concern.

“What’s wrong?”

All the hurt and anger I feel toward myself pours out in a sobbing mess.

“I’ve screwed everything up.”

I try to turn away, ashamed of my many mistakes. He doesn’t let me.

“What have you screwed up?”

I almost glare at him, because he knows. That’s why up until recently he could barely stand to look at me. Still, I have no right to be mad at him.

“You, for one.” I don’t state the obvious that I’ve ruined any sort of relationship between us. I make no allusions to our nights together. That was born out of need and grief. “What if? I mean, I took time with Violet away from you that you’ll never get back.”

He stares at me. “You’re already assuming the worst. What do you know that I don’t?”

It’s true that I’ve held back my fears. After Violet had gone down for the night, I’d researched until my eyes crossed.

I shake my head. “It could be nothing, like the doctor said.”

“But…?” he prods.

“But, the anemia coupled with unexplained fevers can be bad.”

I hate the worry I’ve created in him.

“What are you saying?” His eyes hold mine. “Lay it out, Andi. I want … know I need to be prepared.”

I lift my shoulders before letting them sag like a deflated balloon. I’d searched and found things that really scared me.

“It could be that blood disease I told you about before. Aplastic anemia.”

His hand comes up and wipes the tears I hadn’t known were still falling.

“We’re not going to think that way. This is our daughter. She’s a fighter like us.”

Unable to bear looking into his hopeful eyes, I bury my face in his chest and admit everything.

“I’ve already lost you. I can’t bear to lose her too. She’s the best of me.”

He strokes a hand over my hair before settling his hand on my back.

“We’re not going to lose her. I refuse to let that happen.”

My sob comes out choked, and it’s selfish. He hadn’t mentioned us. I suck in air and push the tears back. I wipe the back of my hand over my face and pull away from him.

“We’re not. And thank you. I’ll be fine. You can go back to your room. I need to check on Violet.”

He snags my hand, and that simple touch has a way of undoing me. Another cry escapes my throat.

“Violet’s fine. I checked on her before …” Had he heard me cry and come in? “She’s good. No fever. You need to get some sleep, Andi. You’re no good to her if you’re tired.”

Though I silently agree with a bob of my head, I know there is no way I’m sleeping anytime soon.

“You’re not going to sleep.”

I shake my head. “How can you be so calm?”

“I’m not calm. Inside, I’m fighting a battle with an invisible enemy. I’m armored up, ready to do whatever Violet needs me to do so she’ll be okay. But that’s the point. Right now, there’s nothing I can do but be there for her. Me being pissed off isn’t going to solve anything.”

I want to be brave like him, but everything I read continues to swirl in my brain.

“I can’t seem to shut off my brain.”

He leans in and murmurs, “Let me help you,” before he dives in for a kiss.

His fingers skim under my nightshirt before he palms my breast. His touch sends butterflies into flight beneath my skin. I arch into his hand, enjoying the flick of his thumb over the peaks of my nipples.

“Can I have you?”

His question could mean for the night or forever. It doesn’t matter, because my answer would be the same.

“Yes, it’s only ever been you.”

He’d lowered himself as I’d answered and now hovers over my breast.

“What are you saying?”

“You’ve always had me, no one else.”

His eyes widen. I bite my lower lip. “It was you in high school. Then when we got together that Christmas, I got pregnant, and I’ve dated no one else.”

While I talked, he’d been positioning his other hand. I gasp as he slips two fingers inside me. Once again, my back leaves the bed. He sucks in a bud to take things higher.

“You’ll always be mine, Andi.”

I can’t ask him if I heard him right, as his mouth is back on mine while he moves to lie on top of me, wedging himself between my legs. I spread them, giving him room. I want him there. No, I need him inside me. For just these moments, I want to lose myself in sensations.

He trails his fingers down until he finds the fabric that covers my entrance. My heartbeat kicks up several notches as his head follows. Slowly, he uncovers me until the fabric is only a memory. Then his mouth is on me. I bite a finger to hold back from crying out. Masterfully, he switches between tongue and fingers, moving in and out of me to take me to a place only he can.

“Please,” I beg.

“Hold on, baby.”

I do as he asks and fist my hands in his hair, needing just a bit more before I go tumbling over the edge. I ride out my pleasure, grinding against his face as it takes me higher and higher.

Coming down, a part of me is so limp I can’t move. But the idea of tasting him rejuvenates me. As he gets up, takes off his pants and briefs, poised to crawl back over me, I slide down, hooking an arm around to grab on his ass and taking hold of his straining cock with the other.

I swallow him whole as best I can, my eyes tearing with the effort.

His curses of pleasure spur me on. I work him in and out, deeper and deeper.

“Stop,” he says. “I need to be inside you.”

He crawls off the bed and lifts my legs from where they hang off the side. Then he maneuvers a hand to aim himself at my opening before driving in. My world narrows down to just him. I claw at his chest, needing him to be closer. Our skin becomes slick with the effort as we are both greedy for one another. He pushes himself a little farther each time, thrusting with the force of the desperation we both feel.

I give as good as he gets, rolling my hips, enjoying the brush of his cock against that magic button, sending me to the moon and back.

“Dammit, Andi, if you don’t stop, I’m not going to last.”

“I want you to come, because I need to come too.”

That spurs him on. The slaps of our flesh become erratic until I arch as my core squeezes the ever-living life out of his cock. He jerks once, twice, pumping into me like a man possessed until I feel him pulsing inside me.

His fingers dig into my hips as he pours every drop of his seed inside me. Then his weight is there, crushing me. I find I don’t mind that at all. There’s comfort in his body covering mine. I wrap my arms around him and pretend he’s mine forever.

This man, who’d been my first in every way, will be my last no matter what happens between us. And that thought forces moisture from my eyes.

Not too long after, he pulls back and then he crawls back on the bed and pulls me to cradle against his chest.

“I love you,” he whispers.

“What?” Because I’m so not sure I’ve heard him right.

“I’m still a little mad at you. But I’ve had enough time to see that you didn’t do what you did to hurt either of us. I just wish you trusted me enough to tell me the truth.”

I rush to put the record straight. “The problem was, I did trust you. I knew you’d give up your dreams to take care of me.”

“I would have with no regrets.”

“But I would have regretted it.”

“You could have come to Italy with me.”

I shift my head to peer up into his eyes. “And what? Lived with you as your pregnant girlfriend?”

“As my wife.”

I pull away and rest my head on my hand. “And that’s why. My parents, my brother, you, have been taking care of me my whole life. I needed to stand on my own and go to school too. Though I regret not telling you. It wasn’t fair, but I couldn’t go to school in Italy and you couldn’t have played soccer here.”

“Football, but let’s not talk about that. Get some sleep, Andi. Our daughter is our priority. And she needs us at our best.”

I lie back down and listen to his heartbeat as he plays with my hair. At some point I drift off. Still, I’m not sure where we stand. If he says he loves me, I believe him. But he hasn’t said where we would go from here.