“Cayden, wait!" I yell after her as the front door slams shut. A hand grabs my arm, and I snap my head to the side to see who it is.
"Let her go," Cydney tells me with a disappointed tone, her brow furrowed into a frown.
"What the hell, man?" Mav questions.
"You guys don't understand! I have to go after her," I try to reason with them, but the way they are staring at me, makes me want to run away from everyone. The last girl I loved didn’t come back. I need Cayden to come back. I need her to understand what happened in the past. I need to be honest with her for once. It’s time to stop running. She gave me an ultimatum: I either open up or I lose her, and I can’t bear the thought of letting her go any longer. I love Cayden, and she belongs to me, but I have to face my past if I plan to have a future with her. It’s time to let it out, to release it, and to face the outcome, no matter how my friends see me going forward.
Callie speaks up, matching Cydney's tone, "Didn't you learn anything from the secrets Dex kept from me?" She shakes her head sadly.
"Why don't you explain it to us? Why would you lie to us, man? Mav and I, we're your best friends. We’re brothers. Why would you keep shit from us?"
I take in a deep breath and release it. "Because it's my shit to deal with, it's my burden to bear, and..." I shrug my shoulders. "I was afraid of what you’d think of me."
"So, explain it," Cydney demands.
Shaking my head, I respond, "I need to explain it to Cayden first. Where is she?" I demand, my eyes pleading with them to tell me where she went. I’m certain they know.
Callie shares, "Try the water tower. When she couldn't be here at the house, that was her spot anytime she was upset." The side of her mouth tips upward a little.
"Thanks. Give me some keys." I hold my hand out, and Mav is the first to drop his car keys into my palm. Racing out of the house, I quickly get into his car and speed away, throwing loose gravel and stirring up dust. He can bitch about my driving later.
I stand at the bottom of the ladder that will lead me to where Cayden is sitting. Christ, it's so high that I can't even see her, but I know she's up there because the Jeep is here.
With each rung, I climb higher and higher, and I have to remind myself, “Don’t look down,” more than once. This shit is scary as hell! I reach the ledge she is sitting on and slowly, like Spiderman, I cling to the railing as I approach her.
Carefully, I move one step at a time. Her head snaps up in my direction, and she angrily wipes a tear away from her cheek. My chest tightens knowing that I'm the reason she's crying. Back at the house, watching her eyes pool with tears had been bad, but right now, it’s damn near killing me to see those tears being shed.
"What're you doing here?" She turns away, shaking her head. "I'm going to kill my sisters."
I sit next to her. "Can you please let me explain?" She peers out over the town without saying a word, so I assume she’ll listen. My hands shake, and my palms are sweaty from simply thinking about telling her. My pulse races as I begin. "Maddie…” My voice cracks with anxiety and heartbreak mentioning her name, but I push forward, “was an angel. She was perfect in every way: quiet, beautiful, always smiling, and lived every day as if it was her last. Nothing could stop her."
Cayden scoffs with a small snort. "And I'm not perfect. I'm nothing like her, and that's why you don't want to be with me. I get it," she says derisively.
I chuckle at her assumptions. "No, you don't."
Her head snaps in my direction, her glistening eyes narrowing. "Yes, I do. Brody loves me, I love you, and you love Maddie." She sighs heavily and groans, "Can we get any more fucked up?"
I give her a small grin. "I love you, Cayden. I love you for being you." I fully smile. "You're sassy, you love to argue, you're persistent, you don't give up, and you aren't afraid to go after what you want. You aren't perfect, and that's what made me fall so deeply in love with you. I could sit here and give you a million and one reasons why I love you…" I reach over, taking her hand in mine and bringing it to my lips. With our gazes connected, I tell her, "You aren't an angel, Cayden. You're a fucking goddess."
Her mouth drops open and her eyes widen. "Say what?"
Chuckling, I repeat the words she wants to hear, "I love you."
"But—"
I cut her off, "There are no buts. I've been running for almost four years, and I'm done. I tried to stay away from you, but I can’t any longer, and it has always been a matter of time until my past caught up with me. Cayden, I've loved you all along, but I couldn't be with you because of the guilt I’ve been holding onto all this time. I couldn't confess my truth to you, and I refuse to be with you unless you know everything. I just need to tell you to hear my side of everything that happened back then. After that, you can decide what you want to do with it. It wasn't fair of me to demand that you have to choose between me and Brody when I refused to tell you the truth. If you decide to be with him afterward, I’ll understand and let you go." I blow out a deep breath. “As hard as that is to admit.”
"Zac—"
Interrupting her once more, I begin my story, "I’ve known Maddie all my life. She was my best friend, much like you and Brody. Once we got to middle school, shit changed. We started looking at each other as more than just friends, and we had the whole puppy love thing going on. She was my soulmate, so I knew it was more than just the normal two-week girlfriend/boyfriend shit the other kids in school experienced. Sure enough, we dated all the way up until high school graduation. We had our whole lives planned out: college, marriage, kids, the white picket fence, and a fucking dog."
I suck in a deep breath and continue, "We walked up on that stage, got our diplomas, and we were so fucking happy. There was a party that night, and Maddie insisted we go because it was the last time we would hang out with our friends. Besides, everyone expected the head cheerleader and the number one baseball player to be there. Some friends picked us up. I wound up drinking too much at the party, but Maddie told me she was fine, said one of her friends needed a ride and that she would be back. She was going to drive her friend's car. I was too fucked up to realize she wasn't okay. I should have made her stay, but I just let her go."
Tears begin to fall down my cheeks. The pain in my chest is almost unbearable, but I keep going, "I waited at the party for a while, but she never came back. I started to get worried and went searching until I found someone that could take me to find her. When we came to the outskirts of town, I saw the red and blue flashing lights. I prayed so fucking hard that it wasn't her, but somehow, I knew it was. When the car I was in came to a stop, I jumped out and ran as fast as I could over to the scene. A cop held me back, preventing me from getting too close. I saw an overturned car in the ditch; I saw bodies lying on the ground, glass covering the asphalt, and I broke. When the ambulances left, I followed them to the hospital, but no one would tell me anything. Parents started showing up, crying and screaming, and then I saw Maddie's parents. I begged and pleaded for them to tell me something, anything, but they blamed me. She was my responsibility, Cayden. They trusted me with their daughter, and I didn't protect her."
Cayden sobs next to me, wrapping her arms around me, pulling me into her in order to hug me tightly. I welcome the comfort she’s offering and snake my own around her waist.
"I'm so sorry." She cries with me. "It wasn't your fault, Zac. You have to know that, and they shouldn't have blamed you."
"That was the night I ran away, and I haven't looked back…until now."
She pulls away. "You haven't seen or talked to your parents? You didn’t read about the accident? Didn’t try to talk to anyone afterward?"
My watery gaze meets hers, and I shake my head. "No."
Her shoulders sag. "I think you need to go home to Colorado to truly release this burden."
"Will you go with me?"
"If you want me to. I’m in love you too, Zac."
Sniffling, I ask, “You are?” I know she said she loved me earlier, but there is a difference in loving someone and being in love with them. Right now, I need the reassurance after everything I’ve dumped onto her.
“I am,” She confirms.
"Does that mean you're choosing me? Even after everything I just told you?" I ask, hopeful.
Her palm touches my cheek. "Even after all you told me,” She confirms, her lips lift slightly. “There was never a choice to be made. It was always you."
"Then why did you want to have the threesome?" I question, dumbfounded.
She shrugs and looks out over the town. "Because Brody said that he loved me, and when you kept pushing me away, I thought maybe I could develop some sort of feelings for him other than friendship. I wanted one more time with him to know for sure. You and I already had sex, and the thought of being with just Brody, felt like I would have been cheating on you. So, I thought that if all three of us were together, I’d know for sure…” Her gaze drifts back to mine. “And I did."
My brow arches. "For the time that he was involved, you didn’t feel anything beyond friendship for him?"
Without hesitation, she settles my worry, "None."
"Thank fuck!" Reaching up, I run my fingers through her hair and bring her closer, planting my lips against hers. I take control, pushing my tongue into her mouth, deepening the kiss as we both slowly let the other feel every emotion we possess.
Stopping too soon, I pull back breathlessly. "I think it's time we go back to the house and I confide in our family.” I grin because that's exactly what the six of us have become.
"Our family. I like the sound of that." She smiles brightly.
"Me too. But I have one question."
Her brows knit. "Okay?"
I look downward at the ground…big fucking mistake. "How the hell do we get down from here?"
Cayden bursts out laughing. "We climb down."
"Goal number one as your boyfriend is to never make you climb this death trap again." I stand first and hold my hand out to help her up.
"Aww. Is my now boyfriend scared of heights?" She teases.
"Well, considering this is the first time my cock hasn't been rock hard around you–like it has since the day I met you–I'd say yeah, just a little fucking bit."
She playfully slaps my arm. "You said it would have been weird having sex with me because of me looking like my sisters."
"I had to have some excuse to keep you away." I can’t believe she brought that up now.
"It didn't work." She smirks.
"I'm glad it didn't." I pull her in close. "And I'm glad you never gave up on me."
"I'm no quitter, Zac Benson." Her lips press against mine once more.