Leaning against the doorframe, I cross my arms over my chest and watch Cayden move side to side, dancing with Raine in her arms while trying to put her to sleep. I begin to get lost in the tune she's humming. I recognize the song, but when the words begin to flow from her lips, I'm drawn to her melodic voice, and the song has me falling. Falling into a darkness with Maddie and the future we were supposed to have.
My feet begin to move. I step closer and closer until my hands rest on Cayden’s hips and I'm moving side to side with her. My lids close and my forehead lightly touches hers.
Let's hold hands on the porch swing, under the moon.
While the wind through the willows plays us a tune.
We can lie on a blanket, out back in the yard,
And wish for our future on a faraway star.
You'll feel the passion as time after time,
I press your sweet lips to mine.
Then we'll dance to the radio, right up 'til dawn,
'Til you drift off to dream in my arms.
We quietly sing in unison until the very last word falls from our lips. And then I lean in, barely touching her lips, but enough to feel the soft wet tenderness.
"Zac," She whispers, but it's wrong. It's not the voice I'm supposed to be hearing.
My eyes slowly open. It's the wrong face. It's not Maddie’s angelic face. "Cayden?" I fall back, tripping over my own feet, trying to get away. It's not fast enough. "Fuck, I'm sorry!"
"Zac, wait!" She whisper-yells after me, but I'm already running for the door. Running away, just like I always do. I run. I run into the woods until I’m breathless and panting for oxygen to fill my lungs. Why did she sing that song? Out of all the songs in the world, why that one? My worlds are colliding, and everything around me is spinning. I’m fucking losing it!
I stand out here pacing in the dark, trying to make sense of what happened back at the house. How could I forget where I was? Who I was with? How could I let myself lose control like that? I begin thinking about the past, the present, and a future that I no longer deserve. The sun set a while ago, and I've been using the flashlight on my phone to see my surroundings, but it's time I head back before my phone dies, and I'm screwed on seeing the path that will lead me back to the house.
All I can hope for now is that Cayden's in bed so I can avoid the questions I know she will want to ask. I don't have the strength in me to answer or dredge up the past–even if it’s beginning to surface. I’ve tried to keep it buried so deep inside of me that not even my two best friends know anything. Cayden was right, she doesn't know shit about me–no one does– and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm the only one out of our group that isn't originally from Georgia. I may have told them I was, but I'm not. It's just another secret, another lie, that I’ve put to bed with all the others.
I walk up the steps of the house and through the front door. All is quiet. So far so good. I’m avoiding her, avoiding the issue, but it’s what I do and what I know best.
I'm successful at getting to my bedroom door. After quietly shutting it, I begin my nightly routine before lying in bed and falling into the realm of dreams with Maddie as the star of the show.
The bed dips down beside me. Her hand reaches out, fingering strands of my hair. "What happened to you?" A feminine voice questions, her tone soft.
"Hmm," I mumble. Tender lips press against mine. "Maddie," I groan and my cock hardens.
"What the fuck, Zac?"
My eyes fly open, and I scramble up the bed, away from the body hovering over me. "Cayden? What the fuck are you doing in here?"
"I came to talk to you about what happened earlier. You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you, but then you were pulling me closer and we kissed. Then you called out some girl's name. Who's Maddie, Zac? Have you had a girlfriend all this time?" In a way, she is spot on, but fuck, why did she have to sneak in here?
"Don't mention her again." My tone is ice cold, holding an edge of warning. "You need to get out of here and leave me the hell alone."
"Jesus, Zac! Fine." She stands up from the edge of my bed. "I'll leave you alone. You know, maybe if you would open up to somebody," she waves her hand over me, "you wouldn't be so tormented. That playful act you show everyone isn't fooling me. I know there's a lot more to you than that, and I'll find out what it is." She spins on her heels and storms out of my room.
Christ! That woman never gives up, but persistence is one of her sexiest qualities and one of the things I love most about her.
Running my hands down my face, I know I need to apologize to Cayden. I shouldn’t have spoken to her like that, but fuck she caught me when my guard was down. Releasing a deep breath of air, I get up from the bed and walk through the Jack and Jill bathroom. I knock on the door to her room and wait for her to answer.
When she does, I slowly push the door open even more to brush past her. “Cayden, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that shit to you.”
She sits up in her bed, her arms crossed over her chest. Her ample tits are lifted higher than normal, almost popping out of her tank top. My eyes aren’t the only part of me that is bulging.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
I point to her then rub the back of my neck with my hand. “Umm…your tits.” I clear my throat. “They’re big.” Shit! Why would I say that?
“Gee, thanks.” She rolls her eyes. “Like you haven’t seen tits before.”
“I haven’t seen yours.” Christ! I need to get the hell out of here before I insert my foot into my mouth any further.
Her brow arches. “Do you want to see mine?” She begins pushing her tank top up the smooth skin of her stomach.
“Fuck, Cayden, why do you do this to me? I just came in here to apologize.” I spin around and rush back to my room.
When the door shuts behind me, I hear her laugh as she yells, “I accept your apology.”
Three more reasons I love Cayden Fisher: she’s not scared of anything, she’s confident, and she makes me fucking crazy.
I go back into my room and lie in bed, trying not to think of the million other reasons that I could mention until I fall back to sleep.