Levi
“Alicia?” We entered my apartment on Saturday afternoon to find my ex-lover sitting on my couch. Katie had been following me and she walked into me, literally, as I paused to stare at the mother of my child. Rubbing her hands down her skinny jeans, Alicia stood and froze in place at the sight of Katie. No two women could be more opposite. Alicia was sleek and shiny like a sports car with her raven hair pulled tight in a high ponytail. Katie was all-American, like a doll, with her freckles and blonde waves under a winter cap. No one spoke for too long.
“Alicia.”
“Levi.” We spoke at the same time, and her face pinked, a shade I’d seen before but didn’t compare to the color of the girl behind me. Turning slowly, I stared at Katie, unprepared to introduce her to Alicia.
“I’m Alicia,” my former lover offered, stepping forward without extending a hand. I still hadn’t spoken, too tongue-tied to find the woman who had left me and the woman I wanted standing in the same place. My eyes closed briefly. I’d so fucked up. The universe had returned to destroy me. This would be worse than falling into a frozen pond.
“I’m Katie,” she introduced herself, her voice quiet as she remained partially behind me. Without a second glance at Katie, Alicia began talking.
“What happened to you?” Alicia stared at my crutches and the pinned jeans at my knee.
“I fell into a frozen lake.” I wasn’t about to go into details with Alicia, still reveling in the shock of seeing her in my apartment. A new prosthetic had to be fitted, and I preferred to work with my local specialist. None of that was her concern.
“So I wanted to talk to you about your proposal regarding the new job, and…”
“I think I’ll be going,” Katie interjected, stepping past me to set AJ on the floor. I couldn’t manage him with the crutches up the staircase. She slipped behind me almost as quickly while the tension in the room built heavier than the ice water that had nearly drowned me. I spun to face her, knowing I couldn’t explain everything with Alicia standing there, but also knowing I had too much to explain at once. Katie hitched a thumb up toward her shoulder. “I’ll just…see you…” She stepped backward, bumping into the door before spinning for the staircase. She disappeared and so did my heart.
Turning for the stairwell, I shouted, “Katie, wait!” but she continued down the stairs without turning back.
“Damn it,” I groaned, releasing the crutches and gripping the handrail to spring myself down the steps at a faster pace. “Katie,” I groaned with the effort of hobbling behind her. She’d reached the main door, but I was only halfway down the steps. “Please,” I hissed, and the sound stopped her. With her hands braced on the handle, she paused with her back to me.
“Just give me a minute with her,” I pleaded. The instant the words left my lips, Katie turned on me. The liquid trailing down her face undid me.
“You lied to me.” Her words strained in combination with a choking sound as if she were physically in pain.
“Let me explain.”
“What is there to explain, Levi? We’ve never defined us.” She paused and raised her hand to prevent me from speaking. “This is the way it’s supposed to be.” She waved dismissively up the stairs. “Mothers should come back. This is what we both wanted as children—our mothers to return. I won’t deny AJ and you won’t either. She’s what he needs.”
“You know nothing about her,” I snapped, coughing quickly to lower my voice for fear Mrs. Hubbard, my landlord could hear us.
“I know she’s AJ’s mother.” Katie lowered her eyes as she spoke. “And she’s beautiful.”
But so are you, I thought, but Katie continued before my mouth even cracked open.
“She mentioned a proposal,” Katie choked. “You wanted her to accept you and I guess now she’s back.” A sob escaped and my heart cracked like the ice over that blasted pond. I was falling into a new hole of can’t-catch-my-breath as the blood within my veins froze at what Katie was implying.
“She’s not going to…”
“And what does she mean about the new job?”
The final air swooshed out of my lungs. I swallowed before I could answer that question. My eyes closed briefly.
“I got the job.”
The words hung in the stairwell, echoing slightly in the steep hallway.
“What?” Katie whispered.
“Geographic Digest. They offered me the job as a photographer a few hours before we left.” When Phil Jakobach called me, I was packing clothes and counting baby bottles and struggling with mundane things, mentally trying to prepare myself for a return trip home that I had begun second-guessing. The call threw me off guard. I didn’t have to clarify what this would mean. I’d get to see the world again. I’d travel the globe and have adventures. I wouldn’t be tied to anything, but AJ…and that’s why Alicia was present. But the more I stared at Katie—and the fear she’d walk out the door—the more my heart raced.
“I called Alicia to make some arrangements for joint custody. I can’t take AJ with me when I travel and I thought…” As the words crashed around me, I began to suffocate. I thought I could walk away and leave AJ with Alicia while I followed my dream. But what did that mean for Katie? For Katie and me?
“I see,” she said softly, so calm it frightened me. She nodded leisurely as if her head was tugged by an invisible string. “I see.” Her back pressed the door and she pushed outward. Without looking up at me, she walked out. The soft click of the handle was the end of me. I’d waited all my life for Katie, yet I stood there watching her leave.