The heavy thing on my shoulder shook me again. I tried to ignore it, but it wouldn’t go away.
‘Kitty.’
‘Hmm?’ I mumbled.
‘Come on, wake up.’
It was that voice again. I blinked my eyes open to focus on Jack, silhouetted in the moonlight that was streaming through the chink in my curtains.
I yawned. ‘Okay, why’re you sneaking into my room this time? Because much as I love a sunrise, I really wouldn’t mind a full night’s sleep every once in a while.’
‘I’m courting,’ he said in a formal tone. ‘Come to claim a date off you.’
I blinked. ‘A date?’
‘It felt like the right time.’
I glanced at the glowing alarm clock on my bedside table. ‘But it’s midnight.’
‘Yep.’ He grabbed my hand and pulled me up. ‘Get dressed, Kit. We’re taking the van for a drive.’
***
‘How long will it take to get to this place?’ I asked. We’d been driving for half an hour, the landscape becoming increasingly rugged. I wasn’t sure what sort of date Jack could have planned out in the middle of nowhere at nearly one in the morning, but I was intrigued.
‘Nearly there.’ He swung the camper down a bumpy track and parked up on a patch of gravel at the bottom.
I opened the door and got out, feeling equal parts curious and bewildered. Jack joined me a second later carrying a large holdall.
‘What’s in there?’ I asked.
‘You’ll see.’
I laughed. ‘Mysterious bugger tonight, aren’t you?’
‘Yep. Mysterious and sexy.’
‘And modest.’
‘That too.’ He reached into his holdall for a little LED lantern and flicked it on. ‘Come on.’
He led me towards the reflected gleam of what looked to be a pond in the distance. But as we cleared the last of a group of trees, I discovered it was actually a largish pool, midnight black, well illuminated by the full moon. It was sheltered by a high granite crag, curling round it in a semicircle.
‘It’s so… sparkly,’ I said in an awed whisper.
‘Here, let’s sit.’
‘Okay.’
‘Wait,’ he said as I was about to lower myself onto the stubbly grass. He yanked a blanket from his bag and spread it on the bank. ‘You’ll be more comfortable on that.’
We sat down together on the blanket. Jack pulled me against him and I nestled into the crook of his arm, looking out across the still water.
‘Pretty,’ I said, quietly so as not to disturb the night-time hush. ‘Like liquid moonshine.’
He laughed. ‘Very poetic. Only I’m forced to remind you liquid moonshine’s that redneck homebrew they have in America.’
‘Oh yeah.’
He drew a gentle finger down my cheek. ‘Kit, about today… we’ve not really had a chance to talk, have we?’
I flushed. ‘No.’
‘But I’ve been thinking. And I thought, how about we just don’t talk about it? How about we just go to some beautiful place and be together and don’t talk?’
‘Fine. I hate talking.’
‘Me too.’
I snuggled against him. ‘It’s a lovely idea for a first date. Thanks for bringing me.’
‘Ah, but this is only the first bit of the date,’ he said, shuffling round to look at me.
‘Are we having a picnic?’
He shook his head. ‘Guess again.’
‘Wine?’
‘Maybe afterwards.’
‘After what?’
He grinned. ‘If I asked you to get your kit off now, what would you say?’
‘I’d say “bloody hell, you don’t waste any time, do you, you cheeky git?”’
Jack reached into his bag of tricks and pulled out a couple of large towels. ‘In that case, get your kit off, Kit. We’re having a swim.’
My eyes widened. ‘Seriously?’
‘Yep. Might be a bit chilly but trust me, it’s worth it.’
‘Are you having me on?’ I nodded to the pool. ‘You don’t expect me to swim in there?’
‘Why not? I promise there aren’t any sharks. A few feral sticklebacks, maybe.’
‘I might get cholera or something.’
‘No you’ll not. That’s good clean water.’ He nudged me. ‘Come on, did you not tell me when we first met you dreamt about swimming in Icelandic pools?’
‘Well I did, but…’
‘So dark they were almost black. See, I remembered.’ He gestured to the water. ‘Not everything worth experiencing is across an ocean, Kitty.’
‘I didn’t bring a swimsuit.’
He grinned. ‘Me neither.’
‘But it’s… I’ve never…’
‘Ah go on. I double treble dare you.’
‘Someone might come.’
‘It’s one in the morning. Who do you think’s going to come, the Sandman?’
I rubbed the towel’s soft cotton between my fingers. Skinny dipping by moonlight. It was a romantic idea for our first date, I had to give him that. And sweet that he remembered what I’d told him about my dreams all those months ago.
I mean, I wanted to. Naked in the cold, clean water, the freedom of it, just like I’d dreamed. It sounded incredible.
The question was, did I dare? Dream Kitty had more of a nerve than Real Life Kitty when it came to public nudity. In fact, I could count the number of men who’d seen me full-frontal naked on one hand: just Ethan, my dad when I was a kid and my uni friend Carl, who’d never been particularly interested in seeing girls in the buff whether they chose to take their clothes off or not.
Even with Ethan I’d always exercised damage limitation on those early-to-bed Saturday nights: made sure the lights were off and I was first under the covers. And now there was the lantern and the full moon, ready to show up every bump and flaw on my scrawny little body.
‘Well?’ Jack said. ‘Will we risk a public indecency charge?’
‘Can you look the other way till I’m in the water?’
‘Nope. If you take your clothes off, I’ll be looking at you.’ He tapped the side of his head. ‘Not stupid, lass.’
‘You’re a one, aren’t you?’ I said, shaking my head. ‘Has there ever been a time you haven’t done exactly what you wanted?’
‘I do what feels right. That doesn’t always mean what I want.’ He leaned over and planted a quick kiss on my cheek. ‘And this feels right. I want to see you as nature made you and I want to tell you you’re beautiful, Kitty Clayton. Go on, be a rebel.’
‘We’ll get in trouble if anyone sees though.’
‘Is that you or your mam talking?’
I smiled. ‘Skinny dipping is pretty unladylike, isn’t it?’
‘Yep. Common as muck.’ He nudged me. ‘Come on, I dare you. Do something shocking.’
‘I want to. I’m shy, that’s all.’ I ran my gaze over his broad frame. Oh yes, it was all very well for him.
He shrugged. ‘Well, I’m going in. You can come join me if you change your mind.’
With an air of complete unconcern, he took off trainers and socks and started struggling out of his t-shirt.
I put a hand on his arm. ‘What, you’re going to strip off? Just like that?’
‘Er, yeah. Why?’
‘Aren’t you even a bit self-conscious?’
‘Why should I be? There’s nothing wrong with being naked, is there?’
‘Well, no, but… look, couldn’t we keep our pants on?’
‘You can if you want. I prefer skinny dipping the old-fashioned way.’ He finished wriggling the t-shirt over his broad shoulders and stood to unfasten his jeans, sliding them off along with his underwear.
‘Sure you won’t join me?’ he asked, kicking away the discarded denim and standing in front of me in the full, bare glory of his naked body.
I didn’t say anything. I just stared.
‘You know, for someone embarrassed about nudity you’re not above getting an eyeful of it, are you?’ he said with a grin.
‘Huh…’
‘I’m going to interpret that noise as “wow, what a man”.’ He took my hand and pulled me to my feet.
‘So will you?’ he said when I was standing.
I don’t know what colour my face was by this point but from the temperature in my cheeks I suspected it was at least fuschia, possibly verging on magenta. Maybe even puce. I felt like a Dulux catalogue in Barbie’s Dreamhouse.
‘Okay,’ I whispered.
‘You sure?’
‘I’m sure. Try not to laugh, that’s all.’
He smiled. ‘Here, come to me.’
Jack drew me gently into his arms. His big, bare arms, my cheek resting against his equally bare and attractively rippling chest. I fought against a sudden urge to touch him, to feel every inch of that sleek flesh under my fingers.
Fought… and lost. There was something about Jack, the way he just did whatever felt natural, that I couldn’t help finding infectious. I let my hands glide up his back, caressing the ridges of his spine and the strong contours of his shoulder blades; savouring the way his body felt against my palms. Smooth, firm…
I suddenly found myself wondering how he’d taste.
‘How do I feel then, Kit?’ he asked softly.
I trailed my fingers down, letting them come to rest in the small of his back. My heart thudded against my ribs like some frantic caged thing, and I didn’t know any more if this was the prelude to a swim or something else.
‘You feel… good. God, Jack…’ I moved my hands over the firm buttocks and sucked my breath in sharply.
‘So?’ he whispered.
‘You do it for me.’
I felt his large hands slip under my clothing. He unhooked my bra, and I lifted my arms so he could peel off my top. Down went top and bra onto the blanket.
He held me away from him so he could scan my now naked upper body. I crushed my eyes closed while he drank me in.
‘Open your eyes, Kit.’
‘I can’t. You might have a look on your face.’
‘What look might I have on my face?’
‘Oh, I don’t know. Horror. Disgust. Barely suppressed laughter.’
‘Open your eyes.’
I forced the lids up again. Jack was examining me, his gaze darting over my exposed breasts with nipples puckering to the light summer breeze.
‘Now tell me what look I’ve got on my face,’ he said.
‘Is it… wait, are you drunk?’
He laughed. ‘Nope.’
‘Shock? Revulsion?’
‘This is my impressed face.’ He pointed to the curve at the corner of his mouth. ‘See? You’re beautiful, Kitty.’ He reached out to draw one feather-soft fingertip over the swell of my breast, and I shivered with pleasure. ‘My God… and you are that.’
‘Hold me some more,’ I whispered. ‘I like feeling you there.’
He pulled me back into his arms, and I shuddered when I felt us flesh to flesh, the bare skin of his chest pressing against my breasts. His breathing quickened as he rubbed his hands down my back.
‘You going to finish undressing me or what?’ I whispered into his chest.
‘You’re the boss.’ He put his hands on my hips and moved them back so he could unzip the front of my jeans. Hooking his thumbs under the waistband of my knickers, he slid down jeans and pants together, his palms caressing my buttocks and the backs of my thighs while he guided them down my body. I wriggled the jeans off and kicked them away, along with my shoes.
The breeze tickled against my bare skin; that odd sensation of having all the bits we know everyone’s got but are usually tucked modestly away, exposed to the elements. It felt incredibly liberating; naughty, because that’s what we’re taught to think, yet at the same time so simple, so pure.
I flicked away the whispered voice in my head – the one that sounded like my mum – telling me this was wrong. Banishing it to the air, I pushed Jack closer against me and savoured the sweet, uncomplicated press of flesh on flesh.
‘There’s a naked girl in my arms,’ Jack whispered.
‘And there’s a naked man in mine.’
‘Can I see you?’
‘Yes, love. Try not to laugh though, eh?’
He held me at arm’s length so he could look at me again. He inhaled sharply, and this time the physical evidence of his appreciation was unmistakable. A group of muscles I was barely aware I had lurched towards my stomach in response.
‘You gorgeous thing,’ he murmured. ‘Why would I ever laugh at you?’
‘I don’t look like you, do I?’
‘Well, no. Good thing too.’
‘You know what I mean.’ I dragged my gaze over his toned legs and torso, well-defined muscles bursting out in all the right places. ‘Honestly, look at you. Disgraceful.’
He laughed. ‘Who’s disgraceful?’
‘You are. It should be illegal to be that pretty. Makes me sick.’
‘Look, I didn’t come here to be insulted in the most flattering way possible.’ He gentled his voice. ‘I mean it though, Kitty. You’re gorgeous and you’re sexy and you’re… well, I can’t think of another word but if I could you’d be that too.’ His eyes lingered on my breasts. ‘I could touch you forever.’
And his body told me he meant it. I flushed again, with pleasure rather than embarrassment. Little by little, his words and his arousal had eased my inhibitions away. For perhaps the first time ever I felt completely in control of my life, my body, myself, because I knew I was with someone who wanted me to feel that way.
‘Here,’ I whispered. ‘Like this.’
Banishing the last shred of bashfulness, I took Jack’s hand and guided it to my breasts, trailing his fingers over one erect nipple then along my tummy and around the little strawberry birthmark just above my belly button – the birthmark that had got me teased through five years of changing for PE and that until a little while ago I’d hated anyone to look at, let alone touch.
He followed the progress of his fingers with his eyes. ‘What’re you doing?’ he asked huskily.
‘Taking control. How do I feel?’
‘Silky. Warm.’ He shivered as I guided his hand over the bone of my hip. ‘Unbelievably sexy. Mainly the last one.’ He squeezed my hand. ‘Come in the water with me. I want you to feel something before we take this any further.’
‘Feel what?’
‘You’ll know when it hits you. Best sensation in the world, I promise.’ His eyes skimmed my body again. ‘Well, in the top three anyway.’
He led me to the water’s edge and nodded to the satin-smooth blackness spread in front of us.
‘Ladies first. Off you go.’
‘But you’ll see my bum.’
‘I know. Lucky old me.’ He patted one cheek with the flat of his hand.
‘Stop it,’ I said, giggling. ‘The wobbles might cause a tidal wave.’
‘Feels pretty wobble-free to me. Go on, let me have a look. Then if I drown I can die a happy man.’
‘All right. But you promised not to laugh, remember.’
‘Scout’s honour,’ he said with a solemn three-finger salute.
‘Were you a Scout?’
‘Yeah, I was a Sea Scout.’
I quirked an eyebrow. ‘Not really?’
‘Honest to God, back in Wicklow. Probably explains the abiding attraction to water.’
I smiled as I tried to picture a young Jack in a sailor suit and cap.
‘Aww. Bet you were cute as a button.’
‘I’m still cute as a button.’ He gave my bum another encouraging pat. ‘Off you trot then, my treasure.’
Screwing up my courage, I tiptoed to the lake. From the corner of my eye, I could see Jack tilting his head to get a better view of my backside.
What the hell. I gave it a little wiggle for him.
‘Nice,’ he said, shooting me a thumbs-up.
‘You’re a privileged lad.’ I chucked him a grin over my shoulder. ‘This girl doesn’t shimmy for just anyone. In fact, you may be the first.’
‘So proud.’ He thumped his fist against his chest. ‘Gets you right here.’
At the water’s edge, I poked one toe in and shivered.
‘Ugh. It’s cold, Jack.’
‘I’d rush it if I were you. Easiest way.’
‘Rush it. Right.’ I pressed my eyes closed and did that shoulder-throwing, huffy-breathing thing I’d seen Olympic divers do on telly. It didn’t seem to help. ‘Easiest way, you reckon?’
‘Trust me, I’ve done this a million times.’
‘Okay, here goes…’ Throwing caution to the summer breeze, I ran forward and human-canonballed myself into the deepest part of the water.
‘Arghhhhhhh!’
Jack grinned at me from the bank. ‘Nothing like it, right?’
I spluttered water out of my mouth.
‘You bastard!’
He laughed and waded out to join me.
‘Well?’ he said when he’d swum over to where I was treading water. ‘How’s it feel?’
‘Cold as fuck.’
‘And?’
‘And cold as fuck. I hate you, Duffy.’
‘Ah, you don’t.’ He sliced through the water and gathered me up in his arms. ‘Come on, tell me you don’t feel more alive right now than you’ve felt in your entire existence.’
‘I feel like I might not be alive for long, what with the hypothermia.’
‘Your body’ll acclimatise. Wild swimming’s something you should try at least once in your life.’
‘It bloody well will be once, since I’m about to freeze to death,’ I said through chattering teeth. ‘What colour am I? Blue?’
‘Whisht, Smurfette. You’re a nice, healthy pink.’ He smiled, reading my expression. ‘Getting it now, aren’t you?’
Grudgingly, I had to admit he was right. Now the shock of entering the water had worn off, my body had started to adjust to the chill. And with the inky pool embracing our naked selves on every side, the star-stubbled sky above and no sound except a wood pigeon calling to its mate in the distance, I did feel what he said – alive.
There was something else though. Freedom. The existence-affirming joy of a life like Jack’s, a life without fences. Once you’d tasted it, it was like a drug.
Or an aphrodisiac.
Jack was still holding me, scanning my face for my reaction.
‘Good?’
I nodded. ‘Good.’
‘In that case, how about another kiss?’ he said softly. ‘I’ve been thinking about the last one all night.’
I reached up to brush the wet hair away from his face. With his black curls dripping, his breath coming through in rough pants from the rush of entering the water and a moonlight glow shining from his eyes, he looked just about as sexy as I’d ever seen him.
Surrendering, I covered his mouth with mine.
In the few months I’d known him, I’d quickly learnt that Jack Duffy, impulsive as he could sometimes be, never did anything in a hurry. He didn’t woo in a hurry, he didn’t live in a hurry and, I was now discovering, he didn’t kiss in a hurry. Instead he kissed with a passion and skill that just refused to be rushed.
He twined his fingers into my hair while he pressed warmth through his lips into mine.
Already tingling from the heady thrill of entering the water, my body sparked to life as Jack’s languorous tongue opened my lips. He was taking his time with me, and my body responded in kind: with touchpaper desire, loitering and intense, kindling in each nerve and muscle. I put my arms around his neck, pushing our bodies closer below the waterline.
‘Here,’ he panted, pulling back. ‘Wrap your legs around my waist. I’m strong enough to tread water for both of us.’
I did as he said – just then there wasn’t much I wouldn’t have done for him – and he brought his mouth back to mine, bobbing me up and down as he kicked like a demon to keep us afloat.
I’d been thirteen when I’d had my first kiss. Sixteen when I’d lost my virginity. But I didn’t feel like I’d really had my sexual awakening until that moment, with the life-giving water and Jack’s tender fingertips teaming up to caress every bit of my naked body. Pressing myself against him, I felt a heat surging up from between my thighs that no amount of freezing lake could fight back.
‘Ah!’ was all I could manage when we eventually broke apart, breathless with cold and lust. Jack was panting too, and for a minute we didn’t say a word.
‘So will I make love to you tonight, Kitty?’ he asked when we’d got our breath back.
‘What, in here?’
He laughed. ‘Not sure my treading water skills are that good.’ He pushed damp hair away from my face. ‘You’ll stay with me, won’t you, dear? In the camper?’
‘Yes.’
‘Nothing needs to happen if you’re not ready. A kiss and a cuddle’s good for me.’ He looked down at the water jealously covering my nudity. ‘Although if you want to keep your clothes off, I won’t complain.’
‘No, Jack, I’m ready. I want to spend the night with you. I mean, really spend the night with you.’ I shot him a provocative smile. ‘With my clothes off.’
His fingers carried on caressing my cheek and neck. ‘I’ll make you happy, Kit.’
I found myself blushing again, in spite of the cold. Unwrapping myself from his waist, I wriggled out of his arms before the effort of supporting us both became too much for him.
‘Come swim,’ I whispered. ‘Then you’re taking me to bed.’