They went to a barbecue joint on Charlton Place. Jav wasn’t sure if Stef phoned ahead to friends, asking them to meet up, or if this was one of his regular hangouts and he had the kind of friends who randomly showed up. Either scenario only made him like Stef more.
I like him, he thought. God, I really fucking like him.
He met Aedith and Katie, two art therapists Stef worked with. Another co-worker, Beau, a giant man with a giant beard and a diminutive girlfriend. Assorted friends from grad school, other jobs, a lifetime.
They were all cool. Some pulled up stools and grabbed menus, others only hung at the tall table for a drink and a chat, then moved on.
“Good to meet you,” they said, shaking Jav’s hand when they arrived.
Or, “Take care, see you again soon, okay?” with a handshake as they left.
They headed to another Chelsea bar. Dark oak, hip atmosphere, couches and candlelight and cognac. More people Stef knew. Names and stories.
“Jav, this is Kim Bonner.”
“Everyone calls me Bunny,” she said, shaking Jav’s hand.
“We met in the mental hospital,” Stef said.
“Literally,” Bunny said. “We interned together at Creedmoor Psychiatric.” She clinked her lowball glass against Stef’s. “Good times, my friend.”
I can’t think when I had a better time, Jav thought. It was a line he used on clients. It felt good to use it on himself for once. He was wearing one of Stef’s button-down shirts, which fit him perfectly. Everything about tonight fit perfectly.
“What do you do?” a woman asked him. “Wait, don’t tell me. You’re a model.”
Jav shook his head, laughing. “I’m a writer.”
“Oh?” Her glance over her snifter was skeptical. “Would I know any of your work?”
Her date gave an apologetic eye roll to Jav then looked away.
“Well,” Jav said, playing his best card. “The movie Bald? With Kristin Scott Thomas?”
The woman’s eyebrows slowly raised. “You wrote that?”
“I wrote the short story it was based on.”
Now her date was staring at Jav hard. “You’re Gil Rafael?”
“It’s my pen name, yes.”
The man’s eyes flicked to the woman, then back to Jav. They held Jav’s gaze a confused moment, then returned to his date. “Honey, would you give us a minute?”
The woman’s expression trembled and, with a tight smile, she retreated.
“What’s your name again?” Jav asked.
“Bryce. Look… This is a little personal, but The Trade changed my life.”
“How so?”
“My brother died on Nine-Eleven and—”
“I’m sorry.”
“No, no. I mean, thank you. But I was angry after. Pathologically, irrationally angry. I severed nearly every connection in my life. I broke my parents’ hearts. Sabotaged a half-dozen other relationships. I was fucked up.”
Jav nodded slowly. As he took a step closer to the moment, the rest of the bar receded into a blurred, buzzing mist.
“It’s a miracle anyone is even speaking to me right now,” Bryce said. “But a lot of my coming back around has to do with your book. And here’s the really fucked-up thing. I didn’t buy it. Nobody gave it to me. I found it stuffed in the seat flap on an Acela train to Boston. Just left there with a dry cleaning receipt as a bookmark. Left behind for me. You know?”
“I know.”
“I’m not even much of a reader. But I started it and it was like a spell, dude. I was sucked in and…” Bryce blinked a few times, cleared his throat. “Shit, this is emotional.”
“It’s okay.”
“It was like you were talking to me.” Bryce’s voice was a thick bubble. “It broke through, you know? It… I don’t know how else to say it, but it helped me stop being angry and let me be sad. I finally had that moment like Glenn Close in The Big Chill, curled on the shower floor crying my face off. When I mopped up and toweled off, I felt like I had some kind of hope.”
“I know,” Jav said. “I wrote it to heal myself, too. I had a buddy on Flight Ninety-Three and—”
“No fucking shit.”
“Yeah. I lost him and I shut down too. Big time.”
The two men regarded each other, an island of connection in the swirling nighttime crowd.
“If you get the chance, I’d love it if you could sign my copy,” Bryce said.
“Done. Absolutely.” Jav tucked his beer in his elbow and took out a card. “Call me. All right? We’ll get together and I’ll sign it.”
“Thanks.” A hesitating beat, then Bryce hugged him, his fists tapping Jav’s shoulder blades. “Man, I can’t believe I met you.”
“Nothing’s an accident.”
“Thank you.”
“No, thank you.”
A slap on Jav’s bicep then Bryce walked off, rubbing the hair at the back of his neck.
Stef brought over two shots of rum. “Appleton Estate, right?”
“Right.” Jav took one and raised it. “Con mucho abrazos, amor y besos.”
Stef tilted his chin. “Cheers?”
“You say, ‘pero no pesos.’”
“Pero no pesos,” Stef said.
They clinked glasses and threw their heads back.
“What’s it mean?” Stef asked.
“Hugs, love and kisses, but no money. It rhymes in Spanish so it’s cute, but it doesn’t translate.”
“Gotcha.”
“That guy read my book. Said it changed him.”
“Bryce? He was fucked up after Nine-Eleven.”
“Weren’t we all.”
Stef smiled at him and his dimple flickered. “I wouldn’t be surprised if your books changed a lot of people’s lives.”
“That was really cool,” Jav said slowly, taking a long, panoramic look around the new little life he was building. His gaze came back to Stef, who was staring at him.
“What?” Jav said.
“Nothing. Just… What I feel right now is usually what I feel with women.”
Jav smiled. “What I feel is nothing I’ve ever felt with women.”
Their eyes held.
“Want to split?” Stef asked.
“And go where?”
Stef regarded his shot glass as if he wished more were in it. “Home? My place, I mean?”
Jav’s belly was warm with rum, yet he could’ve used another shot himself. “All right.”
They were making out as soon as the door closed. Yanking off shirts, ripping open belts and dropping jeans, jerking and rubbing up against each other until they came, slumped against a wall, moaning in each other’s mouths.
“Jesus,” Stef said, his body giving a last twitch.
“Okay then,” Jav said, gasping. “I’ll just catch a cab. Goodnight.”
“Get the fuck in my bed, Landes.”
But they were both hungry and wide-awake now. They put their clothes back on, made sandwiches and watched some late night TV.
This doesn’t suck, Jav thought, settling back on the couch. He and Stef sat side-by-side, slouched down, socked feet on the coffee table.
“Wait, where’s Roman?” Stef said suddenly.
“He’s still up in Guelisten.”
“Oh yeah.”
“Which means I’m your prisoner.”
“That’s right.” Stef slumped lower, his head by Jav’s shoulder and all his warm, solid weight up against Jav’s side. He undid the strap of his watch and tossed it on the coffee table. A few minutes later, he took each of his rings off and set them in a little pile. Jav watched, mouth watering and groin tightening into a fist with each clink of metal on wood.
Trueblood regarded the silver rings, he thought. Piling up in the moonlight coming through the ship’s round window. For the Finch to come to him bare-handed was an honor most men wouldn’t realize, let alone experience.
Trueblood wasn’t most men.
Stef’s bare hand slid along his thigh, kneaded the muscle a little, then held still.
The Finch’s palms filled up with light. The flesh normally hidden by his rings shone brighter than silver.
Keeping his arms crossed, Jav reached fingertips and lightly drew his nails along Stef’s elbow. His chest was relaxed. His stomach calm. His expectations gone for the night. He turned his head and ran his mouth along Stef’s temple. Stef lifted his chin and his hand slid along Jav’s jaw. Slow kisses grew harder and needier until the couch couldn’t contain them anymore. Their bodies toppled, twisted and shifted around trying to get purchase. Finally Stef got up, shirtless and tousled, and led Jav by the wrist to his bedroom.
“Now get the fuck in my bed, Landes.”
“Which side?”
“All of it.”
Jav was thrown down on the mattress hard enough to bounce. Stef came crawling after, stopping with a knee on each side of Jav’s hips.
“You sure you’re not getting on a plane in the next seventy-two hours?” Jav said.
“No,” Stef said, holding Jav’s eyes as he unbuckled his belt. “And I’m not married.”
A desire Jav had never known took over his body. A hard, itching, all-consuming horniness that strangled him. His fingers wanted to grab, his teeth wanted to bite. The idea he would die if he didn’t get this human being in his hands and his mouth.
Right now.
Jav reached to curl his fingers around Stef’s jeans and give them a tug down his hips. Stef fell on his hands, pulling his legs free, then slid backward down the bed, dragging Jav’s pants with him.
“I’ve been thinking about this for a month,” he said. “Getting you naked in my bed.” He glided back up Jav’s body. Wings spread and mouth open. Hard against Jav’s stomach. One hand tight in Jav’s hair and the other reaching for the bedside table drawer.
Jesus Christ, what is happening?
It was the third time they…
Made love? Jav thought. Is this it? Are we having sex? Does this count?
Then his cock was in Stef’s lube-slick hand and all the blood in his head, plus all his uncertainty, headed south to get a piece of the action.
His body howled like a wolf in heat. His knees fell open easily and his hands took greedy hold of Stef, yanking him in tight. He couldn’t get enough of this kiss, rough on his face and lips but soft and hot in his mouth.
“Lean on me,” Stef said. “Give me all you got. Let me see.”
Their bodies rolled and grabbed, arms pushing and legs pulling. Gasping and laughing in the dark, they ground and slipped and rubbed together, rutting until each came in the other’s hand.
“I cannot deal with how good this feels,” Stef said after, sprawled in the sheets with a forearm thrown across his forehead. Jav’s eyes wandered over Stef’s skin, happily stuffing themselves with muscle and ink, taking inventory of scars and freckles and moles.
“This must’ve hurt,” he said, touching the tattooed horse head and the ring in Stef’s nipple.
“I wouldn’t pierce the other one for a million dollars.”
“Anyone ever hitch you up?”
Stef laughed softly. “Nah. Chains aren’t my thing.”
Jav was almost sorry when they crawled under the covers, pounding pillows around and getting themselves situated.
“Never literally slept with a guy,” Stef said.
“Me neither. I may suck at it.”
“I’ll never tell.”
They lay on their stomachs, looking at each other, their breathing gently falling in sync.
“I have the fucking best time with you,” Stef said.
“Same.”
Stef rolled his hand palm up between them. Jav slid his on it.
So this is what it’s like, he thought.