“Guess who has a signing at the Union Square Barnes & Noble?” Jav said.
“Dude,” Stef said. “Now you’ve fucking arrived.”
At last, Jav didn’t have to imagine Stef on the perimeter of one of these events. Tonight, Stef was either right next to him or within earshot. The perfect wingman, always nearby but not hovering. Making small talk and being charming.
He could’ve been a great escort, Jav thought.
As well as a healthy reader turnout, Jav had his hometown crowd. His agent and publicist, naturally. His editor, Michael. Gloria came. Rory and Lilia. Stav couldn’t make it, but Aedith, Katie and Beau were there. Stef’s three co-workers. Now Jav’s friends.
The Lark clan arrived en masse. A wave of adrenaline went up the back of Jav’s neck as his eyes took roll call. Alex and Val. Roger. Trelawney. And bringing up the rear…
“Sobrino,” Jav said, coming around the table to fold Ari in his arms, noting with alarm he was a hair shorter than his nephew now. “Stop growing.”
“I’m trying.”
“Try harder.”
“Fame makes your ass look fabulous,” Ari said.
“My ass is always fabulous.”
“Tell me about it,” Alex said from behind Jav.
Jav turned around and Alex hugged him.
He thought he’d put some distance between him and the affair. But one squeeze of Alex’s strong arms, one scrape of his goatee against Jav’s face, one good inhale of Alex’s skin, and…
Holy fuck, I remember.
Everything.
“Let go now,” Alex said, slapping Jav’s back, then his ass. “Or I won’t.”
It took less than a minute. English gave way to Spanish and then the two of them were laughing in a little depressurized compartment. Flinging open a toy chest of old jokes and lines and holding them up. Punching and shoving at each other. Flirting.
Jav got lost in it until Alex’s eyes flicked once, twice over Jav’s shoulder and his expression turned genial and expectant. Jav turned around.
“Oh, shit. This is Stef.” Quickly Jav slammed the toy chest shut, snapped back to English and the present. “This is Alex. Trelawney’s brother-in-law. And mine. Sort of.”
“Wait, I think we’ve met,” Alex said. “At the Lark Gallery couple months ago, right?”
“We did,” Stef said.
As the men shook hands, Ari sidled under Jav’s arm.
“This troublemaker,” Jav said, getting the boy in a headlock, “Is my nephew.”
“And mine,” Alex said.
“It’s complicated,” Jav said.
“It’s your average American family,” Ari said, shaking Stef’s hand and giving him a frank once-over. On Jav’s other side, Stef was more subtlely considering Alex.
Oh boy, it got weird in here, Jav thought.
His nerves were jumpy as fuck. Having this cadre of friends (and my boyfriend) and relations (and my ex-boyfriend?) present made him wish he’d done a practice run with his material, instead of relying on cold memory and a couple of index cards. He kept gulping water but couldn’t get a dry tickle out of his throat. Finally Stef cut him off.
“Famous authors don’t take pee breaks.”
“I’m not famous.”
“Yet. Your fly’s open.” Jav looked down and Stef clipped his nose. “Gotcha.”
“Fuck you,” Jav said.
Stef brushed a bit of something off Jav’s shirt and smiled. “Maybe tonight.”
“If I don’t drop dead first. Wait, what?”
“Knock ‘em dead.” Stef leaned and kissed Jav’s mouth then walked away. Trelawney met up with him, graceful as a choreographed passage, and slid her hand around Stef’s elbow as they found seats.
I’m having the weirdest night, Jav thought. Then the store manager was introducing him and it was time to go on.
He didn’t bumble any of the material, but it felt like an out-of-body experience. After all those events on the road when he longed for Stef’s eyes to connect with, Jav found he couldn’t look at him, nor focus on any one face in the audience. All the heads blurred together until he got to his story about Roger Lark.
Rog had kept a low profile so far. “It’s your night, man,” he said quietly when he first hugged Jav. “I’m here but I’ll be invisible.” He skulked in the stacks, incognito in a full beard and ball cap, then took a seat in the last row of chairs, slouched low and unobtrusive. He laughed loud at the passage about The Compass, raising a fist above his shoulder a moment, then flicking his index finger toward Jav.
Jav didn’t point back, but he held onto Roger’s eyes and laughed along. His stomach unwound. The itch went out of his throat and he relaxed for the rest of the talk.
The signing went long. Finally Jav found himself alone, standing on the edge of things and taking a breath. He wandered into the stacks, letting his fingers slide along the spines of books. Inhaling paper and ink and stories. Skimming the Rs in General Fiction to find his babies and ascertain none of this was a dream.
Client Privilege. Gloria in the Highest. The Trade.
“Jodidamente orgulloso de tí, carajo,” Alex said, sneaking up from behind again.
So fucking proud of you.
“Thanks.”
“I mean it. This is amazing.”
“Yeah. It’ll be an adventure.”
“I’ll be watching.”
“Mm.” Jav’s eyes found Stef in the graphic novel section with Ari, their heads bent over a book. Even from afar, Jav could see they were engaged on a creative level. Their talk animated, hands drawing pictures in the air.
“Te estás sonrojando,” Alex said.
You’re blushing.
Jav glanced at him, heat sweeping his face, mouth open. Then he laughed at his shoes. “Well…”
Alex laughed too, giving Jav a little shove. “I’m happy for you. And jealous. But mostly happy.”
“I’m happy and idiotic. Mostly idiotic. But he’s extremely patient.”
“And it doesn’t suck looking at you being idiotic.”
Jav smiled. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too. But we’re where we’re supposed to be.”
They were quiet a minute as their eyes held and all the teasing drained out of Alex’s gaze.
“You and Val all right?” Jav asked.
“We’re good.” Now Alex looked down at his feet. “I might even say we’re a little better than before.”
“Something something, sword through the fire?”
“That which does not make your wife kill you makes you get your shit together?”
Jav laughed and looked off at Stef, who was in the reference section now, browsing encyclopedias and dictionaries. Making Jav remember younger days of elementary school, when he’d spend hours reading the dictionary. The hefty one his father had given him for his twelfth birthday, left behind when Jav left home. Whatever became of it?
“I hope this is good,” Alex said slowly. “I really want this to be something good for you.”
Jav took a deep breath. “Me too. At least not a disaster.”
Alex’s smile unfolded, showing his dimples. “After me, you’re pre-disastered.”
“Right?”
“Excuse me,” Val said, appearing in the aisle. “You two aren’t allowed to be alone in the erotica section.”
“I was just heading over into fantasy,” Jav said.
“Sure you were.”
Jav hugged them both. “Thanks for coming.”
“Wouldn’t miss it,” Alex said.
“We’re your family, dumbass,” Val said. “We’d do anything.”
“I dig your in-laws,” Stef said on the subway uptown that night. “Is that the right term?”
“Close enough. They’re easy to dig.”
The doors slid open, a shuffle of humanity, an exchange of passengers. The doors slammed closed, the subway chimed and lurched forward.
“I spent some time talking to Alex about animal-assisted therapy,” Stef said.
“He’s got personal experience.”
“So he said. It’s kind of hard to have a conversation with him.”
A flutter of indignation across Jav’s mind. “How so?”
“Because he can’t take his eyes off you.”
“You think?”
“Yeah. Quite the interesting dynamic. He watches you, and Val watches him watching you.”
Jav opened his mouth and closed it, then dropped his hand on Stef’s knee, working a corduroy fold between his fingers. He looked around the subway car. No one looked at them. No one’s eyes slid away guiltily.
Your average American family.
“I don’t know if I’d have that kind of grace in the situation,” Stef said. “I mean, Val just chatting away as if you didn’t sleep with her husband.”
“We didn’t sleep together.”
Stef snorted. “You weren’t bowling.”
Jav chuckled through the lower lip he was gnawing on. “Thanks for coming tonight.”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
“I’ve been wanting you to meet Ari.”
“He’s a great kid. I’m not just saying that. I’ve met a lot of kids and believe me, he’s a great one.”
“Weird that I might’ve gone my whole life not knowing he was in the world. One bad step on a flight of stairs…”
“You were meant to be in his life. And he’s lucky to have you.”
“I am lucky, that’s for sure.”
Stef extended his legs, ankles crossed. “How do you say finch in Spanish?”
“Pinzón.”
“You know what a group of finches is called?”
“Un encanto de pinzónes.”
“All answers must be in English.”
“A charm.”
Stef’s smile lit up like a surprise party. “Holy shit, I never met anyone who knew that.”
“Want to hear a story about it?”
“Sure.”
“Alex knows all the group terms for animals. He—”
“In snootier circles they’re called terms of venery,” Stef said. “Pardon my font of useless trivia. Go on.”
Jav leaned in until his head rested on Stef’s. Their mouths touched once. Then again.
“Alex and group terms?” Stef said. “Don’t try to distract me, Landes.”
“We were talking once. This was last fall. After…everything. I told him I’d quit escorting and was giving love a chance. After losing Flip nearly destroyed me and loving Alex nearly destroyed him, I said, ‘Third time’s the charm, right?’ And he said, ‘A group of finches is called a charm.’”
Stef looked him, patient and listening.
“It was September eleventh, actually,” Jav said. “Not ten minutes after that conversation, I met you upstairs in Trelawney’s gallery. Not ten minutes after that, you took Client Privilege out of your bag and handed me your card. Steffen Finch.”
“Jesus,” Stef said. “For real?”
Jav nodded. “In a funny way, you gave Nine-Eleven back to me. Now it’s the day I found someone instead of the day I lost someone.”
Stef touched Jav’s chin with a knuckle. “No wonder you came running after me.”
“Well. I sat staring for a few seconds. Until Trelawney smacked me upside the head and said, ‘Fetch.’ Then I went running.”
Stef chuckled. “For the record, I love this story.”
Jav slouched so he could put his head on Stef’s shoulder. “Me too.”