I don’t know what to think right now.

I don’t know what to feel, what to do.

I’m just numb. Scared. There’s a lump in my throat that won’t go anywhere.

“Baby?”

I close my eyes, hearing his voice, but I can’t look at him. I look through the glass, at Jasmine, so small in that hospital bed.

I feel useless.

I feel his hands land softly on my shoulders and I tremble, trying to hold it all inside, keep it together. He turns me to his chest and I stand there, shaking in his arms and biting my lip.

Keep it together.

Keep it together.

“I wasn’t there. I was supposed to be there.” I confess to his chest, whispering because my voice feels too loud, too…much.

“You were supposed to be where?” He rumbles, stroking my back, always comforting.

Always able to be relied on.

“Jasmine was meeting me at the bar, I was going to take her out to eat for getting her first job, have a girls night.” My voice doesn’t even sound like my voice to my ears. It’s empty. I feel so much but I can’t feel anything. “But I was late. Bahi told me one of our indie suppliers wanted a last minute meeting, and I took that and told Jazz I’d be a little late but she could hang out in my office.”

“Keyra told me a man heard her yell and stepped in.”

“We don’t know all the details because she was hysterical, and they sedated her before the police could get everything. But yeah, that man stopped whatever was happening and now he’s in surgery fighting for his life because I thought something else was more important than being there.”

“You can’t take that on yourself, Kai. There’s no way anyone would’ve known anything could happen.”

“You know she smokes? I didn’t know she smoked. She was in the alley because she wanted to smoke and knew I don’t like that stuff inside. If I was there when I was supposed to be, she wouldn’t have had time to.”

“You can go through what ifs forever, but all you can do now is be here for her. And I’m here for you.” He anchors his hand on my neck and plays in the hair at my nape, his voice so tender. Dammit, he’s going to make me too comfortable and I’m going to cry.

I don’t want to cry. I don’t deserve to cry. What the fuck do I have to cry about? I’m not the one laying in that hospital bed unconscious. I’m not the one who’s going to have those memories, not the one who’s going to have to figure out how to get past it and function normally again.

I thought being in Jazz’s life would prevent her form having to go through that, and here she is….there because of me.

If she didn’t know me, she wouldn’t be where she is right now.

I shake my head, pulling away. He’s too much right now.

“I don’t…let’s talk about something else. I can’t…I can’t do anything. I need to…think about something else.” I pace away from the window, heading back towards the waiting room. I stop short when I see everyone there.

I grit my teeth, trying not to tear up.

My whole family is here. Mickey, Keyra, my dad, Sina. And then there’s Brandon, Leo, Hanson, and Dane. Even Nico and Michelle are waiting, and I’m so confused.

“Why…what is everybody doing here?”

“That’s one intelligent and strong young lady in there.” My dad stands, coming forward and kissing me on the forehead. “You brought her into our lives and she’s one of us now. Anything she needs.”

“Was someone able to get her parents?” I cross my arms and hug myself, stepping back from my dad and making sure I’m not within Harlan’s reach. I just…I have to contain it.

“I went by.” Keyra stands. One of my waitresses went out for a smoke break and found Jazz and the man. Her first call was 911, her second was to me. She holds up a form. “They…after a less than pleseant conversation, well, you now have medical power of attorney.”

What pieces of shit.

I know what Keyra’s not saying. They didn’t want to deal with it. The easier option was putting any decisions into my hands.

“Miss Banks?” Jazz’s doctor walks up and I go to her, stopping myself from wringing my hands. “We’ve decided to keep her sedated, let her mind and body rest. From what we can tell so far and what the EMTs shared, she’s mostly bruised. No signs of concussion, rib damage or any internal injuries as far as we know. You should go home, we’ll keep you updated since you have POA.”

“Thank you.” She nods at everyone and leaves, and I stand where she left me, running her words through my mind.

This shouldn’t have happened.

“It’s late. I’m going to stick around, but you all should go home.”

“You can’t do anything else here tonight, Kai.” Sina comes up to me and grabs my hands, and I fight the immediate urge to snatch them away. I don’t want to be touched. “We’ll all go home and we’ll be here bright and early tomorrow.”

“You’ll stay with me tonight.” Harlan comes up behind me, settling a hand on my back and my knees almost buckle.

Him. I definitely can’t be touched by him right now. I just need to hold it together. Keep it together.

“I’ll go home. I just…I want to sleep in my bed tonight.” I only agree to be able to step away. Everyone gets up, coming over to say goodbye and say good wishes for Jazz and I take myself to that place in my mind where reality is just a pale mirror of itself. Where I can function, without being too involved.

Where I can freeze myself to the extra feelings. Auto-pilot, just making it through.

“I need to talk to you for a second.” Keyra grabs my hand and walks me down a side corridor, out of earshot of anyone. “I talked to the vendor you met with, told her I was just following up for your files. She didn’t request a meeting, Bahi told her you did.”

“Why would she do that? You’ve had that tail on her, it looked like a coincidence.”

“I pulled the detectives from your case in on this. Jazz didn’t just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time tonight. They targeted her, and if not for that man, the goal was probably to take her too.”

The floor shifts under my feet and I can feel myself swaying a bit, out of focus.

“Bahi helped? Bahi did that?” My voice is far away and I can’t focus in on Keyra’s face.

I’m one of her kid’s godmothers. I sat with her when she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her. I invited her into my home, into my family, around the people I cherish most.

I did this. I did all of this.

“I think it’s revenge, Kai. About you helping to take that sector of the ring down years ago. They had to have been watching you for awhile, know your connections and Bahi must’ve filled in the missing stuff.”

“Get me Detective Kinsey.”

“Why?” She’s questioning me, but she’s pulling her phone from her jeans pocket. I let a small smile come through. Keyra in jeans. Another thing that never happens.

“I want to see Wesley. Now.”