I stare at the disk on my table.

Keyra and Mickey are next to me, and Jazz is sleeping.

“You gonna stare at it all night?”

“I don’t know.” I rest my elbows on my knees. Maybe if I stare at it long enough, I’ll get some mental image of what’s on it without looking at it.

“Have I told you how fucked up it is that you made him share this with you, but you’re hiding everything that’s gone down?”

“I didn’t make him. I gave him an ultimatum thinking he just didn’t want to so much that it’d be easy to end it, and he sent it over anyway.”

“Semantics. I’m honestly ashamed to call you my sister right now for how callous you’re being.”

“Mickey, leave some admonishment for Keyra.” I huff, taking a drunk from the wine bottle on the table.

“Oh don’t worry, you’ve fucked up enough that there’s plenty to go around.” Keyra adds, typing away at her phone.

“What kind of supportive sisters are you two?”

“The kind that are really pissed you’re throwing away a good guy because you’re being a pussy.” Mickey snatches the bottle, drinking from it. “No more wine for you, you don’t deserve it.”

I could get mad, but I know they’re right. I know they’re right, but I can’t do anything about it. I don’t know how to do this.

“My first real boyfriend sold me to a trafficking ring, and just tried to kidnap someone I love. You think I want to bring anyone on this baggage train?”

“You’re looking at Harlan’s baggage right now. So, why not? Don’t give us your excuses, girl. We both know you’re just being thick-headed and guarded.”

“Should I not be!” I yell, standing, pacing away. “I…if I hadn’t fallen for Wesley, none of it would’ve happened. Letting someone in your life, falling for someone…you can’t just do that lightly. It can change everything.”

“It can. It might change it for better, it might change it for worse. But I’m pretty sure Harlan is not Wesley, and you can’t punish him or yourself for those sins.” Keyra grabs my arm as I pass, pulling me back down the couch. She takes my hands, holding my gaze. “You were a child. He preyed on you. You are past that now, you worked through all of that and made yourself who you are today. Don’t let him take anything else away from you by sliding back into the past because it’s convenient.”

I feel myself tearing up and I blink, shaking my head. “I’m scared.”

“You think everyone else isn’t?”

“Mickey isn’t scared of anything.” I glance over, and she stops mid sip, putting the wine bottle down. Keyra clears her throat meaningfully.

“What?” I look back at Keyra and she’s giving Mickey raised eyebrows, like she’s expecting her to say something.

“No, Keyra.”

“Yes, Mickey.”

The two glare at each other for a hot second and I’m left completely out of the loop.

“Allllllllright, well, since we’re spilling too much personal information tonight and Keyra’s giving me the mom stare…I didn’t break up with Brandon because he wouldn’t have sex with me. I broke up with him because he asked me to marry him and I was scared. Okay? Okay. Glad we got that out of the way.”

I swat her on the thigh, shocked.

“Oh my god!”

“I can’t be tied down that way. I like to…be free. Date a lot of people. Have fun.” She looks away, fidgeting. “And he did want to wait until marriage for sex…I couldn’t just tie myself to someone without knowing how they were in bed, psh.”

“You literally couldn’t keep your hands off each other. You think that chemistry would’ve been any different adding in sex?” Keyra throws a pillow at her, and she throws it back, harder.

“Doesn’t change the fact that I just wasn’t ready. I had…living to do. And I was scared I wouldn’t be able to do that with a husband in tow. And he was going into the draft!”

“You came back because you got lonely.” It dawns on me, and I lean my head against her shoulder.

“And I missed you. And even queen bitch over there.” She teases, then sobers, taking a breath. “But I did…feel like something was missing and I wasn’t getting it from Richie and Luke.”

“Do you wish you hadn’t left?” Keyra asks.

“Yes, and no. I think it was important because I got to explore and have fun without any real responsibilities…but Brandon is different now. And I think I was part of that.” Her voice is sad, and Keyra gets up and sits on the other side of her, hugging her to her side too.

“Listen, love ain’t easy. But you’re not gonna get anywhere running from the possibilities.” Mickey and I turn our heads to Keyra.

“And what about you? What’s your excuse?”

“My career is the most important thing to me right now, and I’m oaky with that.” She shrugs, then her phone dings.

“And who the hell have you been talking to so much lately?”

Keyra rolls her eyes, sliding her phone to the table. “Always work stuff. Anyways, we’re all going to the first game of the season and that’ll be the perfect time for you to grovel. You can make a sign and everything.”

“I am not.” I scoff, and they both turn to look at me this time. “Seriously?”

“What are you going to do about the tape?” Mickey asks, pushing at it with her toe.

“It feels a little bit like a violation. I don’t know. I’ll…leave it for now.”

“What she should do is just go over there, pull the whole naked under a trench coat move, and everything will be fine.”

“Sex is not going to solve anything.”

“It’ll help.” Mickey drinks from the bottle again and passes it to me. “But for now, let’s drink and let Keyra keep lying about who she’s talking to.”

If you’d told me I’d be cozied up on the couch with Keyra and Mickey anytime soon, I would’ve said you’re fucking insane.

But I’m glad to have my sisters.

Now I just…need to decide if I want more.