I stormed into the hotel room and started packing. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I couldn’t help it. I hated crying, but that fucking lawyer had pushed all the right buttons and I was done. I couldn’t hold back anymore. I threw my clothes in without folding them. I had to get out of here as soon as possible. This whole thing had been a mistake. I couldn’t believe I had suggested doing this. First the engagement and then the marriage. It had all been one colossal mistake.

The door opened and Caden walked into the room. I just wished he would go away. I didn’t want to talk to him right now. Not while I was crying.

“Harper,” he said, in a gentle voice but I shook my head, not turning around to face him.

“Don’t, Caden,” I said.

“Let’s talk about this.”

I shook my head, still packing. He came closer and tried to put his arms around me, but I backed away from him until he stopped trying.

“Can you stop for just a second?” Caden asked, dropping his arms to his sides.

“No,” I said. “I called a cab. It will be here any minute. I have to finish up, I’m going to the airport.”

I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t bear to see his expression to look him in the eye. I was scared I would change my mind. Or that I would feel even guiltier than I already did.

“You don’t have to do this,” Caden said.

I shook my head. “It was a slaughter in there.” I felt like crying again. “They were on me and no one stopped it. Not you, not Danbury. I didn’t know this was going to be a formal sit-down with a lawyer. I would have prepared for that.”

“I didn’t know, either,” Caden said.

“But you didn’t do anything.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks again and I felt pathetic. “I can’t do this.”

“Please,” Caden said. “Don’t go.”

I shook my head. “Don’t try to stop me, Caden. I’m going home.”

Caden watched me in silence as I finished packing. I walked into the bathroom to collect my toiletries. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I looked terrible. My mascara was smudged from crying, making dark circles under my eyes. My hair was messy because I had pushed my hands into it. I ran a finger beneath my eyes, trying to fix the mascara. It didn’t work very well.

When I returned to the room with my things and packed it all into my bag, Caden took my hands. I let him.

“Please, Harper,” he said. “Don’t go.”

I shook my head. “I can’t stay. The lawyer was right. I don’t commit to anything.”

“He was trying to get to you,” Caden said. “It’s his job. Camden is a dick and it would make sense that he got a dick of a lawyer as well. It’s about the money, nothing he said was real.”

“That’s just it, Caden. It was real. All of it. I don’t commit to anything. It’s safer for me to stick to what I know, to keep to myself and it shows. Why would I suddenly get married when I haven’t even dated? They saw right through me and they were right.”

“Why don’t you date?” Caden asked.

“That’s not the point.”

“No, tell me. If you want to run away from this, tell me why you don’t commit. Give me that, at least.”

“Because I fuck everything up,” I cried out. “I don’t date because if you don’t get involved you can’t break it. That counts for everything.”

Caden wanted to say something but had forced this until I had admitted it, so he had to shut up and bear it, now.

“I don’t commit because I’m not good at it. Look at what’s happened now. I’m leaving. Again. And it’s better that way. If I stay, I’m only going to hurt you.”

“That’s not for you to decide,” Caden said, and he looked like he was becoming angry. I didn’t care. I was doing what was best for me. I had to look out for myself. In the long run, Caden would thank me. It was awful now, but we were both better off.

“Goodbye, Caden,” I said, when my bag was zipped up. I turned and left the hotel room. Caden called me back. He wanted me to stay. I started crying again because I had never wanted something as much as I wanted this. I wanted to stay, too. But the lawyer had hit the nail on the head. Commitment wasn’t my strong suit. The moment I became comfortable, I wanted out. I would do the same to Caden. So, I was leaving before it came to that. I would walk away now because it was another thing I quit on.

The cab pulled up as I walked through the doors and I was relieved. I could make a quick escape.

The flight to Seattle was horrible. We had a lot of turbulence and I thought it was perfectly symbolic of the storm that followed me around and left destruction in my wake. I tried not to think about what I had done.

When I landed in Seattle, Tina was waiting for me. She stretched out her arms and hugged me when I walked up to her.

“Are you okay?” she asked, even though we both knew I wasn’t.

We walked to her car in silence and we loaded my bag in the back. When she pulled out of the airport, she glanced at me.

“What happened?” she asked.

I sighed. “I messed up. Again.”

“I don’t know why you keep saying you messed up. I don’t agree with that.”

“You’re my friend,” I said, looking at the buildings slide by as we drove toward my place. “You’re supposed to be nice about it.”

“I wasn’t being nice. I was being honest. Who said what? It’s usually why you get upset.”

She was right. I could handle a lot but when people said the right things, it got to me.

I explained what happened, that Camden had brought a lawyer that had done research on who I was.

“He said I never commit. That I have no history of committing to anything so it had to be fake. He said it looked to him like I was too scared to commit and when someone is scared of committing the way I am, they don’t decide to get married out of the blue.”

Tina looked straight ahead at the road, listening. “Why did that bother you?” she asked, without glancing at me.

“Because he’s right. I don’t commit because I’m too scared. He looked me up. I wouldn’t have been surprised if he’s spoken to every guy I didn’t want to commit to.”

“It’s not sure proof, though,” Tina said. “He can’t make a call like that, saying you won’t commit because you haven’t before. That’s speculation.”

“Maybe,” I said, my stomach sinking. “But he was right. That’s all that matters, isn’t it? He’s right and I will mess this up the way I mess everything up.”

Tina stopped at a red light and looked at me.

“He can’t make a statement like that. He was trying to get under your skin. Lawyer’s play mind games to get around the law. That’s all that happened. You don’t have to give up on this.”

I shook my head. I knew he had gotten to me by messing with my mind. He had said the right things and whether it was true or not, legal or not, I had left. I had walked out and climbed on a plane back home. Even if they hadn’t been able to prove it, I knew they were right and I wasn’t going to hurt Caden.

We drove in silence for a while and I was tangled in my thoughts. Regret, guilt, and anger were all twisted together to make me feel rotten. I had walked away from Caden after he had only treated me right. I had offered to do something for him, I had said I would follow through when I had realized how serious it was, and I had flaked in the end. It was exactly what I always did. I threw in the towel before anything could get serious.

Except, this time it had been serious. I hadn’t stopped in time. And now I was hurting and Caden was in a bad situation and it was all my fault.

“Can I be honest with you?” Tina asked after a while.

“Please,” I said, looking at her. Tina was bluntly honest sometimes and I didn’t always like what she had to say, but she cared about me and she was looking out for me. So, whatever came of what she said, I wanted to hear it.

“You don’t have to be the same person you always are.”

I frowned. “What do you mean?”

“It’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes. I know it’s a risk putting yourself out there, but sometimes you have to take a risk to get the good stuff. And from what I can tell, Caden is a great guy.”

“He is,” I admitted. Too good. Someone like Caden didn’t deserve someone like me.

“It seems to me like when you were with him, you liked who you were.”

She was right again. Of course, she was. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t let it all go, let down my guard and trust that everything was going to be alright. What if it wasn’t? What if I got hurt? What if I hurt Caden more than I had probably already had?

“I can’t change,” I said.

“Of course, you can. Everyone can change. Sometimes it takes someone else to do the trick. But Caden seems like the type of guy that can help you change. He can help you be better. It doesn’t have to be over.”

I shook my head. It was over. There was nothing I could do about what had happened.

“I walked out on him,” I said to Tina. “I left him behind in the hotel room and I ran. I’m not going back there. There’s no going back, now.”

“It’s not too late,” Tina said.

“It is,” I said. “Even if I go back to him now, he lost his fortune because of me. And no matter what we become, no matter where we go from here, that’s not going to change. Let’s face it, we were only together for the money, anyway. Now that it’s not going to happen, I doubt he’ll want anything to do with me. And he’s better off.”

I had said the last part with so much conviction, I had always believed it. But deep down, I wished it wasn’t true. I wished I could be someone else, that for once I could feel like someone would be better off with me than without me.