BLACKOUT
Luke explained more about what blackout mode was. No more people just showing up via the front door. No more parking cars here. Everyone parks at the diner and walks in the back. No one sits in the kitchen. Go get what you need and bring it into the safe room.
“It seems a little extreme,” I said. “He may not come back.”
“It’s the chance he comes back, or is now going to be stopping by randomly,” Luke said. “It’ll make it easier if we don’t have to remember if we left things out in the main rooms, where he might be able to see them. Or if he’s paying attention at all to who’s parking where.”
The master bedroom was designated as the best choice for a safe room in Nathan’s house. Equipment could be set up and the door secured. If Jimmy was invited over, even if he got a little nosy, he couldn’t get through the locked door without someone noticing.
It was easy enough to explain, That’s my parents’ bedroom. Don’t go in there.
Luke and I walked as silently as we could through Nathan’s house to allow North to get back to sleep. We put away the packages from breakfast, cleaned what we could of the house, and made sure any lingering equipment got placed into the bedroom. In the end, the rest of the house looked relatively normal.
Kota didn’t return, so we did our best to set up what we could in the master bedroom with the cameras for observation.
The waterbed was a little strange to me. Anytime I sat on it, I felt like I was leaning to one side. When Luke sat on the bed, I tilted into him, unable to sit up straight.
Luke smirked when I finally relaxed and just allowed myself to use him to prop myself up with. “I like this bed.”
“There’s a bubble or something in the middle.”
“We’ll need to let out the air pocket, and possibly add more water.”
I wasn’t sure I liked waterbeds, but we were able to spread out phones, the laptop and a couple of tablets, along with notebooks around us.
Luke shut the door and locked it. Any one of the guys would be able to open it, but it would be a small barrier for Jimmy if they returned.
Luke opened a laptop, checked in with Carol, who was still cleaning, and then frowned. “I know we’re waiting to find out if your dad or Marie or someone spills the beans about you and what she might know. Never stops you from feeling guilty, even when the cause is right.”
“Like when you break into homes?”
“Oh, I’d never do that,” he said, his face changing into a grin. “But supposedly, if you were to do that sort of thing, there’s always someone innocent involved. We’re doing this so we don’t have to deal with a police investigation about you and your background, and risk you getting put into the system, possibly sent to a foster home. We know this. I know it. It just sucks they’re in the middle of it.”
While he set up what he thought we needed, I typed messages to Victor, who said he was on the way. Dr. Green checked in, letting me know he was at the hospital and was going to be busy for a few hours. Gabriel was going to get picked up with Victor. Silas was at the diner, filling in for North, but he’d be by when someone replaced him.
The last one I messaged was Mr. Blackbourne, giving him an update.
Sang: Victor and Gabriel are headed here. Dr. Green is at work. Silas is at the diner. North is asleep.
I sent that message, counted the names on the screen. We were a large group to keep up with. I sent a follow-up.
Sang: Nathan and Kota are playing basketball with Jimmy to make friends. Luke and I are keeping an eye on things from Nathan’s house.
I sent that message too, and then second-guessed sending something so formal without saying anything else.
Sang: How are things with you?
That seemed awkward. Time passed as I tried to think of something to follow up with, but the longer he went without responding, the more awkward it was.
He usually got back to me pretty quickly. I hoped he wasn’t having problems.
He was the only one unaccounted for now. Did anyone ever stay by him?
What did he do when he wasn’t around the rest of us?
Luke had a mountain of pillows propped up behind us so we could relax and spread out. I opened a paper notebook, and at first just to have something physical in my hands. All I could think to do was doodle along the edges. Luke was watching the laptop. He wedged his leg under mine, until my thigh was propped up above his knee. To make it comfortable, I rearranged myself so I was leaning with my legs over his and using his arm to prop the notebook up on. He kept the laptop on top of my legs. The laptop warmed my skin, but for the moment, it was cozy.
Waiting for Carol to talk to my dad, or for anyone to say things that we needed to know, was taking so long. If they never spoke of it, what would happen?
Guilt weighed on me for watching them so closely.
Carol and I had different desires. She wanted to get married to my dad, to do what was best for her family, to move, and seemed interested in giving Marie and me direction in life. I appreciated it, but I wanted to be with the guys in the Academy.
Pretending to have returned and to be okay with everything going on worried me. It was taking steps further from what I wanted.
As I doodled in the notebook, I glanced on occasion at Carol and her cleaning, willing her to say something that made it so I didn’t have to go back.
It was horrible to think I wanted her to do something horrible to me. Some sinister action from Carol could expedite my escape from the house.
The line of thinking scared me. I hated that I thought so direly about them.
There was a gentle turn of the doorknob to the bedroom. I was slow to respond to it, deep in thought, and part of me assumed it was North, coming to check on our progress. I wasn’t sure he’d actually gone back to sleep.
Luke sat up quickly, double-checking the laptop before getting up just enough to put a foot on the floor.
Victor appeared. His wavy brown hair was breeze-blown, part of it hanging across his dark, wide eyes. He wore a soft white sweater on top of his collared shirt, but the sleeves were rolled up to midway between wrist and elbow. He spotted me on the bed, and then Luke. An eyebrow went up. The intensity in his eyes, the fire, sparked with concern.
“Do we want to be in here?” he asked, the smooth baritone breaking the silence.
Luke relaxed, pushing aside the laptop a little more carefully on the bed. “I don’t care. Someone pick a place so I don’t have a heart attack.”
Victor’s eyebrow rose. “Did we say we were—”
“Get the fuck out of the way,” Gabriel’s voice came from outside the room. Victor stepped aside, holding the door open wider. Gabriel appeared, looked at the two of us, and leaned against the door frame. His hair was brushed neatly. The blond locks on either side of his face had dark roots coming in, matching the rest of the russet. His ears had the three black rings, and one more pink ring opposite the black rings. The crystal studs in each lobe were pink. He wore dark jeans and a collared shirt with a bright orange tie.
The shirt and tie threw me off. What was that for?
Gabriel scanned the room, from the waterbed covered in tech, to the cords going everywhere. There was a low dresser across the room with a TV on it, but we’d piled a laptop and tablets we weren’t using around the base. He made a face. “If we can’t use the rest of the house, this room is going to get crowded.”
“We shouldn’t use Kota’s place,” Luke said. He settled back on the bed, keeping an eye on the video feeds for my house. “Someone is going to notice us walking back and forth. And Erica will figure out something is going on with a ton of laptops and gear over there.”
Victor closed a door and then came to the bed, picking up a tablet. He leaned partially against the bed and typed something quickly. “We need something Sang can access via the woods. Something on the other side of the street, perhaps.”
“A place Jimmy won’t show up at,” Luke said. “Or Carol.”
A place? There were only homes on this road that had access to the woods. There was the diner as well, but that was somewhere Jimmy could come looking for me, and we couldn’t set up laptops all day there.
Gabriel came around the bed, sitting on the corner closest to me. He squinted at me. “Fuck me, what’s with the hair thing?”
I touched the band that covered most of my hair, and the clip securing the rest. “I thought it was easier to keep it out of the way than to wash out all that hairspray she used. Dr. Green took pictures. We’ll need to replicate the makeup.”
Gabriel rolled his eyes, shaking his head. “I saw those. I may need to run out and get a few of the same makeup items she uses. I’ll need to go through her shit if she keeps trying to do this. It is hard to match colors with photos.”
“Not sure when we’ll get a chance to go in together,” Luke said. “But I can probably get an inventory list today, probably tonight…”
“Better get pictures of the outside and the back labels,” Gabriel said. “I’ll be lucky if anything she has is still available anywhere. This shit gets replaced like every season.”
I glanced at the clock, showing closer to ten. Time was slipping away, and I’d have to be back. “When should I go? I’m assuming I only work part-time. She just said be back before dinner tonight.”
The others looked at each other, each one shrugging.
“Never,” Gabriel said with a grunt. “Let’s try never going back.”
“Probably shortly after lunchtime,” Victor said, returning to looking at the tablet. “Between…eight and one? Maybe two?”
I wasn’t sure what was normal, but when no one countered, sometime around one o’clock became the time I anticipated going back.
Besides, Kota and Nathan were at the house now. I wondered how long they could stick around. As much as I hated the thought of them getting caught, I hoped someone could get into the attic space before I got back so I wouldn’t be alone. Or was that possible?
When I did return, I wonder if I’d be allowed to shower and change clothing. Would I have to wear the dress all day?
It was all mentally exhausting, and I wasn’t even back at the house yet. I collapsed onto the pillows again, shoving away the notebook. “Do we have a plan yet?”
“I’m looking for a good location, sweetie,” Victor said. “This might take a minute.”
“I mean…on getting me out. Is there anything we can do to push this along?”
The guys stilled. I stared at the ceiling.
When no one answered, I sensed the heaviness, the doubt.
They didn’t know.
I didn’t mean to sound impatient. I simply dreaded going back. Jimmy shook things up, breaking the sanctuary of Nathan’s home for me. Here we were trying to figure out how to stay hidden longer, when I wanted to work on how to get out. I didn’t want to be on edge every moment. Not like this.
“If we’re going for a private school,” Victor said, “shouldn’t we work out a brochure?”
“A few,” Gabriel said. “Give her a choice.”
“North and Kota were trying to work out the technical details,” Luke said, staring at the screen. “They set up phone lines she can call where she’ll reach someone prepared to answer. Realistic-sounding names that didn’t already have schools associated with them…” He paused, his mouth open and eyes glazing over. “Ugh, why can’t I stop watching her? She’s dusting furniture. Why is this fascinating?”
Gabriel reached out, seized Luke’s pinkie toe and squeezed it, causing Luke to jerk. “Who the fuck cares what she’s doing? What’s he doing?”
Luke pulled his feet under himself to sit up, causing the waterbed mattress to stir and me to roll against the headboard. He switched cameras. “Jimmy’s playing basketball.”
“I mean Sang’s dad.”
“He was working, last I checked,” Victor said.
“On what?” Gabriel asked. He caught me looking at him. His crystal eyes lightened, but just a little. “On a weekend?”
“Filling in reports,” Victor said, and then pointed to Luke. “Check his screen. It should be…” Victor hovered over the keyboard, using the mouse pad to click on an icon.
A screen popped up, showing a computer screen, and some sort of electrical technical document. Words were being filled into brackets, then a short pause, followed by another bracket being highlighted and filled in.
It was familiar to me. The usual things he did for work.
Gabriel sighed and shook his head. “I don’t understand all this. Isn’t he at all worried?”
Victor squinted at the screen of the laptop, frowning. “Has he been at this all day?”
“And yesterday,” Luke said. “I mean around dinner and other things, he was sitting and working at the computer.”
Victor tilted his head, continuing to study the electrical schematics. After a moment, he stood up again and refocused on the tablet. “Remind me to look into his work records.”
I wasn’t totally sure how that would help. I glanced at the rest of them, quiet and without response.
He was relaxed enough to do work. Should we be worried about that?
The bedroom door opened silently. Victor was in the way, so I couldn’t see who it was immediately, only the door moving behind him. I leaned over so I could see, ready for North checking in. The others redirected their attention when they noticed me looking.
Mr. Blackbourne stood in the doorway. He’d replaced his usual suit jacket with a gray sweater. The maroon tie was tucked under it, along with the white shirt. The effect was that he appeared younger, more like his twenty-year-old self.
His perfection electrified a reaction in me to sit up, but this wasn’t easy on the waterbed. I smoothed my clothes out as best I could for pajamas.
His steel eyes behind the dark glasses were wide, aware. He glanced quickly around the room, taking stock of us along with the equipment. The room seemed smaller with all of us in here. He closed the door behind himself. When he spoke, it was the same crystal-sharp command as ever, but in hushed tones. “I’m aware of where everyone is,” he said. “Catch me up on anything urgent.”
I checked in with the others, unsure where to start, but ultimately it was Victor who spoke. “Mostly calm. Carol’s cleaning. Jimmy’s playing basketball. Her father is doing work at the computer.” He paused and then lifted the tablet he was holding. “I was thinking we could get a ‘security trailer’”—he made air quotes with one hand—“for the diner. It would be inconspicuous, and close enough she could get to it via the woods.”
Victor passed along the tablet. Mr. Blackbourne scrolled through whatever he’d been looking at and then nodded. “That solves one problem.” He tapped at the screen a few times and passed it back. “Get this one. I want it installed today if possible. If not, get the closest one like it that can be done today.” He turned his attention to Luke. “Run over and talk to your uncle. Prepare a location. You’ll need to be on site to sign for everything as it arrives. Get Silas to review the installation. We want electrical and water online by this evening.”
“On it,” Luke said, hopping off the bed. He secured his phone, buttoned up the last of the buttons on his shirt, and hurried into the house.
Once he was out of the room, Mr. Blackbourne turned to Gabriel. “The one I picked out has a bathroom and a closet. Start prepping to move basic clothing and supplies. Prepare a list for everyone, including Miss Sorenson. Space will be limited. Bring essentials, including the usual safety kits and air mattresses for overnight if needed.”
Gabriel rolled off the bed and crossed the room, heading for the door. “I’ll need to work from Kota’s house first. Everything here is in Nathan’s room.”
“Don’t plan to move any of it until this evening,” Mr. Blackbourne said. “Best to do it after dark, but I want it ready to go. Be careful not to be noticed walking across the street.”
Gabriel glanced back once at me, tugging his fingers into the knot of his tie and loosening it. He headed out. The garage door opened, closing again shortly after.
Victor tapped at the tablet and then pulled out an iPhone. This one had a similar case to the one I carried. He’d already replaced his phone with another to allow me to keep his. “I need to call this place directly to be able to place an order.” He headed for the sliding door that led to the back porch. “Give me a few minutes.” He stepped outside, just out of view. I could hear him talking after a minute, although his voice was too faint now to understand what he was saying.
The upheaval of everyone leaving the room at once wasn’t totally a surprise to me, but now I was left alone with Mr. Blackbourne. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but I again felt the need to sit up and was completely aware of my clothes and hair. Only this time, with the bed the way it was, I was leaning off the edge whenever I tried to adjust anything. I found it easier to get up on my knees to sit.
His demeanor was intense, but his voice softened. “Miss Sorenson.”
My lips twitched, wanting to smile that he was using what I now thought of as our greeting, but not wanting to make him think I was teasing him. “Mr. Blackbourne,” I said quietly.
He skirted around the bed and stood beside me. He sat down gently, allowing the air pocket to adjust so I wouldn’t get bounced around. He stretched a hand out to push slightly at the top of the bed, making it a little less lopsided. “Turn the laptop this direction?” he asked.
I turned it so we could both watch the screens and he could reach the keyboard if he wanted to.
He watched for a moment, with Carol cleaning and my father doing work, and the shot of the boys, through the garage, playing basketball. The game had gotten intense. Shirts had been removed.
I counted four male bodies and realized someone had joined them. I couldn’t see the face, but I thought it might be Derrick.
I wondered how dangerous it was to include him. He knew about the Academy. Would he tell Jimmy about it? Where was Danielle?
I considered the neighbors. My stepmother would never have stepped out of the house to talk to any of them. Would any of them come over to greet Carol? Would she want to meet neighbors?
What would they say they noticed about my house? About Kota and the others?
Mr. Blackbourne watched for a minute and then spoke. “How are you feeling?” he asked quietly.
“Better,” I said. I meant to add “than yesterday,” but once I paused, I couldn’t help but wonder if that was true. I thought of everything that had happened in the last couple of days: the colossal fool I’d made of myself at camp with the Academy council, fainting in the shower, Kota’s discovery of the plan and the reaction of the entire group as they discussed it, the discovery of Carol and Jimmy.
It had happened, and I was processing it all, yet I felt the calm we were in now to be too calm. My nerves were electrified. I was paralyzed and unable to figure out what I should be doing.
I was self-conscious about yesterday, too. I’d run into him in the woods, a sobbing mess, explaining to him how uncomfortable I was at being around the other girl team.
The last time I had really seen him, he’d led me to his tent and had me sleep in his cot.
Instead of coming back to sleep nearby, he’d sent Gabriel to stay with me. Since then, so much had happened. It seemed every time I was around him lately, I was in embarrassing situations.
When he continued to gaze at my direction and I hadn’t spoken, I got the feeling he was being quiet for me. He wanted to hear more.
Breathing in deeply helped me gain a little courage, but in doing so, I took in much more of the spring soap scent he carried. “There’s a lot going on,” I said. “I don’t know where to start.”
There was the slightest incline of his head. He gently slid the laptop over until he could scoot a little closer to me, close enough that his thigh brushed up against my leg bent in front of me. He motioned to the notebook I’d been doodling on. “Will you hand that to me, please?”
I did, along with the pen. He glanced over my doodling, then turned to a fresh page and held the pen to the paper.
Behind my leg, I tugged at a loose piece of fabric of my pajama pants absently, waiting for him.
He gazed at me, part of the steel softening. There was a small reflection of the computer screen in his glasses, giving his eyes a glow. “Why don’t we start by writing down the things we’re thinking about? It’ll help us to focus a little.”
The way he spoke quelled my nervousness around him, like it was our problem together, not just mine. “Focus is good,” I said quietly.
He started to write a few things: results from blood work, returning to healthier eating, resting.
Afterwards, he passed the notebook to me. “Don’t think about if it’s important or not. Just write down everything on your mind.”
I took the pen from him, feeling the warmth his fingers had left on the plastic. I stared at what he’d written, considering what to put down. Where did I start?
He reached out to me, covering my arm with a hand and redirecting my attention. “Don’t think of if you should, just write it down. Anything that comes to mind.”
I nodded and tried to go over the most immediate things: Finding out how much Carol knew, discovering my father’s point of view of the situation, checking in with my stepmother, finding out what Marie had told everyone. The school, what was going on there?
Academy tryouts.
Going to talk to Lily with Kota.
I blushed while writing the next part: asking everyone how they feel.
It was an ambiguous entry for the list I was making, but I knew exactly what I meant. I wanted to ask Kota and the others directly about how they felt and what they were thinking about the plan. I needed to know.
After that, I quickly went through other things on my mind.
Once I was at a point where I couldn’t think to add any more, Mr. Blackbourne gazed at my list upside down. “Finished?”
“I think so.”
He offered his hand, palm open, and at first I thought he wanted my hand, but his gaze stayed on the notebook. I passed it to him.
The sliding door opened, Victor leaned in, phone to his ear and checked in with Mr. Blackbourne. “Do we care about color?”
“Same shade as the diner,” Mr. Blackbourne said without looking up. “We want people to ignore it. If they don’t have it, we’ll paint it.”
Victor spoke into the phone. “Does it come in blue?” He shut the door and his voice was muffled again as he stepped away.
I looked at the door, only hearing Victor’s voice but not really what he was saying. They were buying something that sounded so expensive…so I’d have a place to retreat to safely, and they could stay nearby. Just because Jimmy had come by today.
It sounded like a lot to do just for me.
Were we going to be able to keep up?
Mr. Blackbourne proceeded to go over the list. He tore the page out of the notebook, setting it aside on the bed. He kept the notebook and then spoke to me. “Tell me the top three most urgent things on this list.”
I stared blankly at the page. There were many items, and they all seemed important. How was I supposed to choose?
He waited and then used the pen against the original list. “If you need help, I could cross off the things that don’t need attention right now.”
I eagerly nodded.
He started by pointing the pen at each thing. “Academy tryouts,” he said and then marked an X near it. “They won’t prepare anything like that until we’ve told them you’re ready for it. We’re busy right now. This can wait.”
Would they disqualify me because I was inconvenient? Yet Mr. Blackbourne had always been adamant about me joining the Academy in the first place. I imagined if he said it could wait, then it could.
There was a small section about the school, Mr. Hendricks and even Volto. He boxed those together and he put an X near the box. “Important. Not critical. There’s a time and place for this. Now is not it.”
He continued down the list, showing me what he marked off, checking my reaction. Most of the things I’d considered to be on my mind, he calmed me by suggesting I should think about it later, or it wasn’t important, or it was something they were working on but that didn’t require my attention.
It was the way he worked over the list that I was drawn to. He studied it, considered every thought I had very carefully and didn’t make me feel silly about any of it. He simply put my mind at ease.
There were a few items on the page that he starred. Joining the Academy. He pointed to that line. “This is a goal, and it is important to you in the long run. It isn’t in our control at this time, though. We’ll keep it in mind, but there’s nothing actionable here.”
He hesitated over the line about asking everyone how they felt. He read it, seemed ready to mark an X next to it and then paused. “I assumed this was asking Marie or Carol how they feel, but I don’t think that’s what you meant.”
I adjusted how I was sitting, pulling my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs to hug them close to me. The headboard provided support. “Dr. Green said I shouldn’t worry about how the guys feel…that I should ask them.” My cheeks heated so much, and I felt the same warmth traveling down my neck, spreading everywhere. “I’m not sure if it is really important, though.”
He hesitated, hovering the pen over the list I’d made. I waited for him to make an X.
Instead, he redirected the pen to the clean sheet of paper.
He wrote down a numeral one, and next to it, he added: Taking time to ask everyone how they feel.
“We’ll go over this in a minute,” he said quietly. “Let’s focus on the rest.”
By the end, he’d only added two more items to the fresh sheet of paper: ensuring a regular schedule out of the house, and figuring out how to get Carol’s approval to go to a private school.
“Your father, we already know, wishes to send you and your sister to a private school,” Mr. Blackbourne said. This was third on the list of items, but he started with it. “This is a long-term goal we all share at the moment.”
I sighed softly in reaction to “long-term.” I hadn’t meant to be so obvious, or to sound rude, and I immediately clamped my hand over my mouth sheepishly.
He raised an eyebrow, with a steel glint in his eyes. “You disapprove?”
I lowered my hand shortly to speak. “I just wish it wouldn’t take too long,” I said quickly and then covered my mouth again.
He put the notebook down in his lap and focused on me with that intense gaze, no other expression on his face. My heart went wild. I wasn’t sure if he was displeased.
“What if it does?” he asked in a soft tone.
The question froze my brain the moment he asked it. I stared at him and then lowered my eyes to the maroon tie, the knot at his neck.
What if it did? What if it took two years? Or even longer?
What if I was stuck in that house forever?
The worst thoughts trampled through my brain.
He recoiled for a moment and then shook it off. He reached for me, quickly collecting my chin in his fingers and drawing me out of my deep thoughts.
His gaze turned more silver, his lips tilting down at the edges.
“What I meant was, if it takes a month, will you give up?”
Give up? Did he mean stay with Carol? Or simply walk out of the house recklessly? I blinked, shaking my head slowly against his fingers.
He held on for only a second before releasing me, but he leaned in a little closer until his chest was an inch from my knees that were drawn up between us. “If it takes two, will you want to stop and give up?”
“No,” I said quietly, although I wasn’t sure I meant it. However, when I thought about it, what was the alternative? Breaking down and storming out? That could result in explosions for the guys, not just myself. As much as I wanted to hurry things along, did I really want to risk everything?
“Then how long it takes only matters when you want to give in,” he said quietly. He motioned to the original list, the important things I’d written down. “You have a lot of goals, and a lot you want to get started on. I understand you don’t want to be in that house. No one wants you to be there. Not you. Not us. Not your father. Or even Carol.”
“You don’t think she likes me?” I asked.
He shook his head slowly. “You’re not her priority. Securing herself, her son, that’s what’s important to her. You and your sister were in the way, so she came to change that. She didn’t do it slowly, introduce herself, or ask anyone for permission. She just stepped in when she saw an opportunity.” He lowered his tone, narrowing his eyes. “Don’t mistake her offer for harmony for being on the same page with what you want.”
That confirmed my own thoughts on Carol, the doubts I’d had about her, yet I still hesitated. She was innocent, a normal person, so I didn’t wish her harm, but I couldn’t really pretend she thought she was doing the best for me.
He took up the notebook again and jotted down a few things underneath that first topic. As he wrote, he spoke, but not on what he was writing about. How he could do both at the same time amazed me. “Fortunately, her goals may give us the opportunity we were looking for. Before you can leave, we’ll have to secure a few things. First, she’s seeking divorce. With an Academy lawyer, one that we will be providing, she’ll get what she’s asking for.”
“She’s the one making calls? I thought she was getting him to do it.”
“She left messages a couple of days ago. She’s not leaving it to him alone.”
I frowned. To get what she wanted, she was willing to go around my father? I couldn’t tell him this without him wondering how I knew, and I doubted he’d believe me.
He continued, “It’s unlikely she’ll get an immediate response, and she knows it. This is probably why she seems to be focusing only on cleaning. Most likely on Monday, she’ll begin more calls. She’ll be redirected to the right people.”
What else would she do by Monday? “When I said things were okay at school, she claimed to want to check in, but…”
“We’ve got to focus on the immediate. We’ll get to that later, if we need to.” He finished what he was writing and showed me a list.
He arranged different questions, and then in little boxes, he put action items.
“Right now, our best chance is getting them both interested. Start with your father. He’s most likely to agree with you if you convince him that doing so will absolve him somehow of his past. With Carol, we just need to convince her that it saves her money and gets you out of her hair. Once we’ve got them on board, we’ll fake a few testing and interview appointments.”
I couldn’t help but wonder how long this would take. I was willing to do it. The work didn’t bother me. My going to a free school didn’t seem like a problem for my father.
For Carol, though? Would it conflict with what she wanted?
I wouldn’t give up after a month, like he’d said, but part of me wanted to be able to know when I could escape. With as nosy and interfering as Carol was, how much of this would we be able to get away with?
When he had written out the plan for a private school, he focused on the portion that allowed me to get out of the house as much as possible. He made a list that included keeping the planner I’d started with North updated. I’d need to call the guys in front of her, pretending to call girls via the house phone. They would get in contact with other girls within the Academy to pick me up, only to drop me off again shortly at the diner or the new trailer being installed.
“We’ll do this until you’ve got a routine,” he said. “You don’t want to be there. Let’s not get her used to you being around the house that often. We may also work in what we can do with your sister as well. She’s the most likely to let everything slip. It may be better to include her in the plan.”
“I should talk to her at some point. I didn’t want to last night.”
“It’s probably a good idea to allow her space to calm down. She may need a little guidance, but do your best not to share too much information with her yet. Not until we know what she wants that we can offer her in exchange for her silence.”
When he got to how to ask the guys how they felt, he hesitated over it, considering. “This one is important, but I think only you can do this. However, I do have a recommendation.”
I sat up, shifting my legs to the side, eager to hear it.
He put the notebook aside, leaning into me a little again. The steel in his eyes melted into silver. “When you get home tonight, find another journal or notebook. Take one from here if you’d like.”
“Okay.”
“Write out what you want to ask there. Any questions, any concerns.” He pointed to the bed with a forefinger, tapping it at each point he made. “We’ll all be able to read each entry and add to it. We can take our time with it. You’ll get something you can reflect and think about carefully.”
My eyes widened, worried. “They weren’t sure how they felt about…seeing how the others…” I wasn’t sure how to explain it. There was a lot to consider about the unique relationship we all had.
“They need a place where they can write out what they’re thinking, too, so everyone gets a chance to express themselves. You can talk to them outside of the journal, but this will allow everyone to write out their feelings, understand where they’re coming from. No more secondhand recollections passed on from everyone else.” He paused for a moment. “We all need to be open about this, or it won’t work. You need to know what they need, and we need to know what you need.”
I savored the idea of taking time to think about the words I’d want to say to all of them beforehand. They each had their own thoughts on it. It would help tremendously to write something out and wait for them to respond. We got interrupted so much that it was so difficult to catch up with everyone.
They’d be able to see what everyone else thought and take time to absorb it. No more secrets or hiding what we were thinking.
“Keep this notebook hidden,” he said quietly. “Find a spot for it.”
“I can bring it to the trailer,” I said quietly. “Can we keep it there?”
“You could bring it there, but the others will probably want to take it home to write in as well. You’d want to take it home to go through and read.”
He was right. But what if someone found it, like Jimmy? “What if I wrote it in the code I made? The Korean alphabet?”
The corners of his mouth lifted. “That may be suitable. The others will have to learn it.”
“It didn’t take me long,” I said. “I can read it like English.” It would protect us all. No doubt Marie was used to seeing my journals written in such a language, and if Jimmy or Carol saw it, I could simply say it was a journal or practicing languages. I already had Japanese homework I could show them. Would they be able to tell the difference?
“I’d give you a tablet or laptop to work with to do it digitally, but analog is probably best for this,” he said. “Volto, or someone else…”
He didn’t need to say more, although we still sent text messages and handled a lot of things digitally. He considered something like this too much of a risk if Volto were to see it.
I wondered if this was why he sometimes didn’t directly respond to messages, like earlier, when he was coming over but didn’t warn anyone.
He tore out the pages that contained the entire list of items that had been on my mind and my new to-do list. He took out his phone and took photos of each. “You may want to take a picture as well of some of the things you’ll write down, like your planner schedule. For reference. And keep us updated.”
“I’ve got Victor’s phone,” I said, bringing it out to hold in my hands. “Shouldn’t I give it back?”
He shook his head. “He cleared anything important off it already. Consider it yours now.”
Part of me wasn’t sure I should keep a phone. I kept breaking them.
After I had my lists, I felt calmer. There was still much to worry about, but as he tried to show me, to focus was more important. Three things didn’t seem like a lot. Part of it was easy, like convincing my father to send me to a school. He’d already wanted to.
Carol wanted in the house. I wanted out. The priority was clear to me now. The guys were right that if we had to do it this way, this was the best choice to do so without it all falling to pieces around us.
“I’ll get a notebook when I get home,” I said. “Another one for us. And I’ll talk to my dad, talk to Marie…” I shook my head, reordering what I needed to do and then trying to come up with how to approach people. There might be only three things on the list, but even those required a lot of work.
He paused, a slight glint of concern in his eyes. He put his phone away and pressed his palm to the bed again, leaning in close enough that his chest did touch my knee this time.
“Get some rest?” he asked quietly. “Please? I know we didn’t place health at the top of the list, but everything else can wait.”
I melted. “I’m trying to rest,” I said in a small voice.
“I know this isn’t easy,” he said, the concern in his eyes and the tone he used overwhelming. “It’s not easy for any of us, but we can’t do this if we’re weak from not getting enough rest. It’s been a long week.”
I nodded slowly but couldn’t help considering his soft tone, whether he was tired, too.
It struck me how, each time we got together, it was always my problems we were dealing with. What about him?
“Are you sleeping?” I asked quietly.
There was a slight twitch as the corners of his mouth drifted up by a millimeter, even if briefly. “I hope to sleep a little better tonight. You’re not the only one who needed to create a prioritization list.”
“Is there anything I can help with?”
A twinkle of silver sparked behind his glasses. He reached for his phone again and tapped at the screen a few times before showing me a digital list.
His had four items.
At the top was: Dr. Green’s mother is in town.
This was a surprise. No one had told me. I pictured the Japanese woman from the photos in Dr. Green’s house. Again, I realized I wasn’t the only one dealing with problems.
The rest of the list, I knew about:
Keep the Academy up to date on the developing situation at the Sorenson house.
Get in touch with team members about where they stand regarding relationships.
Taking care of Miss Sorenson’s health and happiness.
Part of me was surprised ours had turned out so close, especially the part about finding out where the others stood with our relationships.
“They aren’t in order,” he said, and he used his finger to rearrange each item.
The note about my health and happiness went to the top of the list.
Heat built up from my heart to spread over my cheeks.
On some occasions, I felt the relationship between him and me was moving at a snail’s pace.
Then there were moments like this one, where I thought what I felt for him, and what he felt for me, was…perfect.
Just like him.