BOMBS
Later that afternoon, I sat in a bathtub. My hair was piled up on my head, tied into an awkward bun with a black clip. Some strands had fallen away around my shoulders.
The bathtub was filled to the edge with bubbles. Only my toes and head were sticking out. Even though my knees were poking out a little, you couldn’t see them for all the suds.
Gabriel sat nearby on the edge of the tub. He wore red pajama pants and a bright orange tank shirt. His blond strands were combed back into the russet. He held a basket he’d brought in earlier. It had the bottle of bubble bath he’d used in the tub. He went through the other items, opening boxes and bottles and sniffing the contents.
He picked up a pink round ball out of a container. “Bath bombs,” he said. He sniffed it. “Hm, it smells okay.”
Luke sat on the counter, his butt basically in the sink. He leaned against the wide mirror, his hair in a ponytail with a fuzzy black holder, something he’d borrowed from Jessica. Clips were in short supply at the moment. Gabriel had a stash and he wasn’t telling us where. “What’s the scent?”
Gabriel turned the bomb over to read the label. “Pinktacular. What the shit? What the hell scent is ‘pink’?”
“Throw it in,” Luke said. “Let’s see what it does.”
I giggled, lifting my hand out of the water, trying to wipe my cheek from a strand of hair, only I was getting bubbles pressed to my face.
Kota had insisted I sleep shortly after I’d gotten to his house. When I woke up, Gabriel and Luke were here and said a couple of others were going to show up. Not everyone, but enough to make it a sleepover.
Gabriel held the pink ball over the tub and then hesitated. “How are we supposed to see this if there’s so many bubbles?”
“Scoop some out,” Luke said. He got up and slid off the counter. He got on his knees at the tub and cupped his hand. He scooped some of the bubbles out, holding some and looking around. He nudged Gabriel out of the way. “Open the toilet. We’ll put it in there.”
I couldn’t reach the toilet to help, but sat up. I pressed my knees to my body to cover myself as they scooped out enough bubbles to see the space near the faucet and into the water.
Gabriel held the bath bomb over the water and then dropped it.
The bomb sunk, clunking against the tub.
It fizzled, spinning, and the water turned a rosy color. We watched it until the color was thick enough you couldn’t see the ball anymore, only a few fizzing bubbles.
“It just smells like sugar,” Luke said. “And maybe like strawberry, but mostly sugar.”
“I didn’t know it turned the water colors, too,” Gabriel said. He set the basket on the counter and then motioned to me. “Cover up the water again. Don’t tell Kota it was me if it ends up staining his tub.”
I didn’t think it would, but I’d never used one before.
There was a heavy knock at the door before it opened. No one had bothered to lock the door?
Silas and North hovered in the doorway, looking in. They checked out Luke and then Gabriel. North scrunched his dark eyebrows and then spotted me in the tub.
Silas tilted his head, taking in the toilet, open with a pile of bubbles inside.
I ducked a little, feeling North already disapproving of the others being in here when I was bathing.
Until I noticed his eyes also going to the toilet filled with bubbles, and then the water in the bathtub that was looking pink.
“What the hell are you putting in the toilet?” North’s voice was raspy, but still deep. He was losing his voice. I wondered who he had been shouting at. “What are you doing in here?”
“She’s taking a bath,” Gabriel said. “Chill out. We’re just goofing off.”
“Well, goof off downstairs. There’s pizza,” North said.
Gabriel pushed the basket of bath stuff onto the counter and followed Luke out of the bathroom. I couldn’t smell any pizza, but the thought of it made my stomach rumble.
Silas and North remained in the bathroom, gazing at me.
North came in further and sniffed at the air. “What’s that smell?”
“Pink,” I said flatly but grinned.
“That’s not a smell.”
“That’s what the label said.”
Silas chuckled.
North rolled his eyes. “Hurry up before the food is all gone. I’d make them wait but it might be better to let them eat now than force them to sit and wait and just smell it.” He walked away, heading toward the stairs and down.
Silas remained in the doorway for only a second, before reaching for the door. He paused. “Aggele,” he said, his dark, soulful eyes meeting mine. “Do you need me to sit here with you?”
I shook my head. “I’m almost done. I’ll get out.”
“Need clothes?”
I hesitated and then nodded. Forgot those. “Grab some?”
He went to the closet next to the bathroom, leaving the door open. It caused a cooler breeze to come through from Kota’s bedroom, but I sunk into the water to soak in the warmth.
He returned with one of his own Red Sox shirts and a pair of my pajama pants and some underwear. He dropped them on the sink top near the basket. “Smells good,” he said. “I like the pink smell.”
I smiled. I could smile all day.
I was free.
He smiled and came over to the tub. “Can I sit? For a minute?”
I nodded, wiping away some bubbles that had collected on the edge of the tub.
He sat and leaned toward me. He motioned to my neck. “I…your neck.”
I touched it gently, feeling a spot that was tender. “I should cover it.”
“You can tell her Kota did it,” Silas said.
I shook my head slowly. “No. For the others. For Kota. He’d know.”
Silas’s chest lifted as he breathed in deeply and let it go. “I didn’t scare you…then… did I?”
“Scare me? No.”
“Victor said something to me, that…you looked a little afraid leaving the bedroom. I just didn’t expect it. I didn’t think about it. I haven’t thought of what I would do if…I saw…”
I reached for his arm, pressing soapy fingers against it. “No. This is hard. You’re right. I have to be more careful around you all. I can’t imagine what must go through your head, finding me like that.”
He covered my hand over with his own. “I just realized after…it shouldn’t only be on you, either. I’ve got to adjust how I think, too. I think I need to talk to Lily. But I don’t want to go by myself. Will you go with me?”
I nodded quickly. “Of course. I want to.”
He smiled. He leaned over and I got up enough to kiss him, once, on the lips.
He backed up, beaming, and stood to head to the door. “After this week, though. Stay with Kota now. We need him.”
After he left and closed the door for me, I rose out of the water quickly. It was tempting to stay in the tub to soak, but I didn’t want to miss a moment.
I never wanted to miss any more moments.
This was what I wanted. I swallowed, emotion thickening my throat and dampening my eyes. I’d had the same thoughts since earlier.
I was out.
This was right.
I dried off and took some time to brush my hair and reclip it. I put on the shirt, big enough to cover my butt and hang off one shoulder.
It was comfortable, though, so I wore it, along with the other clothes. I allowed the tub to drain.
I opened the bathroom door to find Kota standing there, fist ready to knock. He stopped himself, backing up a half step.
His cheeks turned red. “Oh,” he said. “I just…” He wasn’t looking at me then but at my shoulder. He blinked a few times.
“Something wrong?” Then I realized—the bruise on my neck. Had he seen it? Did he realize what it was?
He reached out slowly, wiping at my shoulder blade. He brought his finger back.
It was covered with tiny sparkles.
I was surprised to see it. I tilted myself toward the light, finding my arms were covered as well. “There was a bath bomb,” I said. “It must have had some sparkles in there.”
He chuckled. “They’ll get all over the house now.”
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” he said. He wiped his finger across his shirt, creating a short sparkle streak across the green. His gaze lifted to my face.
I held it as long as I dared before blushing and looking at his shoulders instead. “How is…um…Luke and Gabriel didn’t know if Carol had left yet or if Lily and Liam were still over there. Do you know?”
He nodded and backed up another step, moving to sit on the bed, urging me to follow. “From what I know, Lily and Liam remained until Carol repacked her car with Jimmy and they took off for a local hotel. They called your dad. He hasn’t answered them back.”
The coward. I moved to the edge of the bed but remained standing. “Where is he now?”
“Still at work, although I wonder if he’ll actually contact them at all. Whatever happens, we’ll listen and we can be ready for it.”
I sighed, shaking my head. “I just can’t believe…it all happened so quickly.”
Kota reached for my hand, tugging at it until I sat beside him. “Are you okay? I know we kind of rushed it. It seemed crazy to me, too, but Mr. Blackbourne…he was convinced it would work.”
“I’m okay with what happened,” I said. “I just can’t believe…I mean, it is hard to think I might actually be out for good. I can’t imagine the favors it might cost for using Liam and Lily.”
“I don’t know for sure, either,” he said. “But I don’t think it will cost as much, with the way Mr. Blackbourne and Dr. Green planned it. This was way less complicated than our long-term plan. We’ll have to talk to an Academy council to go over the last couple of days.” He held on to my hand still and brushed his thumb over my knuckles. “I’m more concerned about you, though.”
“I’m glad to be out,” I said. “I don’t know what the plan is now, though. Do I stay here?”
“For now,” he said quietly. “For the week. If you want. If you’re comfortable…”
“And then what?”
He shrugged. The glasses slipped down his nose a little and he adjusted them. “I think we’ll try having you spend the night with the others off and on. For now. I know that’s a little unstable. We can also use the trailer at the diner now, too. But if you prefer to stay in one place…”
I shook my head. “I’m okay,” I said. “I don’t mind going to different places.” I meant it. Any place was better.
He bit his lower lip. “You can always stay here. I could tell Erica.”
I wanted to reassure him again that it didn’t matter where I stayed, until I realized I sounded dismissive of the idea of staying with him.
I squeezed his hand gently, trying to sound very sincere. “Kota,” I said quietly. “I’m very happy that my first week away from that house, I’m here with you. I hope I haven’t ruined your birthday.”
A wide smile broke on his lips. “Sang…I…wanted you out. I got what I wanted. I wasn’t expecting it to happen so soon, and now it’s just here. Best day of my life.”
The whole thing was surreal. I’d gotten what I wanted, and he’d wanted the same. They all had. It was a moment in time. One minute my heart was so low, so broken from all the doubt and fear about my future. I worried about them all spending so much time watching me, waiting months…
And suddenly here I was.
Who would have thought the one person to help free me was the one person who had trapped me for so long? My stepmother, as much as I feared her, and as much as the thought of her still made my throat close up and my body start to shake…she had saved me.
While I still had to be concerned with the few loose ends left from my past, and to handle what happened, maybe I was finally out, at least. I had my Academy team to thank for it.
Now I could focus on the things Mr. Blackbourne had said I should. Getting healthy, and I vowed to be good about it. To eat right and sleep well. I wouldn’t dare give the Academy a reason to doubt that staying with the guys was anything but good for me, and for them.
I considered what I’d say next, and when I was sure, I simply said it. “About going to talk to Lily. You mentioned I could bring someone with me. I know it’s strange to bring up now, but…will you go with me?”
His hand relaxed. An eyebrow lifted, crossing the black rim of his glasses. “You want me to go?”
There was a hint of disbelief in his tone. It made me pause. “If you want to.”
His hand slowly became stronger, grasping a little tighter, and his smile returned. “Of course…sorry, I just…after what happened at camp and…”
My cheeks heated, and I looked down at our hands. “I’m sorry if you…if…with Gabriel…I’m sorry about that. And for the surprise that you found out.”
“No,” he said, lifting my hand a little higher in his, pulling it until my palm was pressed against his chest, over his heart. “No, no, I’m sorry. You…I know now. I had to talk to the guys a bit, but I realize now that admitting your feelings about …us… how hard that was. No wonder you were so stressed out whenever…when I got close, you tensed. I wondered why. Now I know.”
It was true. He hadn’t known, and the guilt had been too strong to enjoy anything we did together. “It doesn’t have to be like that anymore. But I don’t want to push you…”
“I was the idiot who wasn’t paying attention,” he said. “It should have been obvious. Just like I wasn’t listening to you in the shower. I should have.”
“That wasn’t your fault,” I said. “I tried to tell you at the time, but I was breathless and…”
He leaned in, pressing himself against my palm at his chest and scooting a little closer. “I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t know. I was doing what Dr. Green did to me once when…when I was afraid of those showers when I was younger.”
My eyes widened. His face was so sincere, silently pleading with me to understand him. “You?”
“I didn’t want to go in camp showers when I was younger. There were lots of bugs. And they were gross. I didn’t have the anxiety you have about showers, but I was stressing myself out. He did the same thing to me, showing me it didn’t matter by going into it with me.” He bowed his head. “I was trying so hard not to treat you differently than how we’d treat the other guys. Face things head-on. Thinking there were big bugs made me more afraid of the shower areas at camp, and I wasn’t looking at them as they were in real life. So he made me look at them and they weren’t that bad.”
It made sense to me. “You didn’t know about me,” I said. “I don’t like the bugs either, but…I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t tell us,” he said. He brushed his palm over my cheek, holding my face. “Sang, we need to be open with you, so you’ll be more open with us. So of course I’ll go with you to see Lily. Whenever you want me to.”
My heart warmed, and I swallowed heavily so I wouldn’t tear up. I didn’t want to now. “I am sorry about Gabriel. And how things turned out. It shouldn’t have been a surprise.”
He pressed his lips together and nodded. “We…have a few things to talk about. But don’t worry. I…I’m not going anywhere. It was just unexpected.”
I was happy to hear that. I didn’t need answers from him now.
He wasn’t going anywhere. The others had said if he really didn’t like the idea, he would have said so.
He was adjusting. Like I’d had to adjust when I’d heard about the relationship dynamic of Lily and her team, and the possibilities. We could use their team as an example, but we were different. We had to figure out where we fit in together, among ourselves.
“Lily can help with that, too,” I said quietly. “We could talk about it with her.”
“I think it is a good idea,” Kota said. “Actually, I was thinking perhaps we all should talk to her. Separately or together. However they want.”
I breathed out slowly between my lips. It wasn’t a bad idea at all.
Kota continued to hold my hand and then reached out to me. He picked up a strand of hair that had fallen across my cheek. He shifted it to behind my ear, where it stayed.
He kept his green eyes on mine. “I…don’t want to go backwards,” he said quietly. “I might not be ready for…for exactly what this will become, but I was ready to kiss you and date you since I first saw you. But I’ll understand if I put you off…”
I shook my head. “I want to if you want to.”
He leaned in. I stilled, feeling a little strange, not wanting to press him.
I closed my eyes.
He kissed my lips softly once and then stopped, his mouth hovering.
His nose drifted over mine, rubbing a few times, like he’d done before he kissed me.
I smiled and smothered a giggle.
He kissed me again, a little harder, a little deeper.
A door opened below at the base of the stairs, and we held the kiss for only a second before I backed away from him with an apologetic smile.
Not that I didn’t want to continue, but I had to be mindful about the others, too.
Dr. Green appeared at the top of the stairs. He opened his mouth, uttered a few syllables, stopped and then blushed and started to backtrack down a step. “Sorry,” he said. “I can come back.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Kota said, standing quickly. He turned to me and smiled. “She’s not going anywhere.”
I grinned. Hopefully not.
Dr. Green came up. He was barefoot and wore the same jeans and shirt from earlier. He strolled over to the bed, glancing at the black duffle bag still on the floor beside it. “I came up to ask her what her favorite pizza was. North is fending off the others from eating the last few slices of a couple of them to make sure she gets what she likes. But I’m supposed to check her blood pressure again and other stuff.”
Kota laughed and headed for the stairs. “Other stuff sounds very doctor of you.”
“I’m a professional,” he said and winked at him.
Kota left, going down the steps and shutting the door.
I stood, crossing the room to meet Dr. Green halfway. “Did you get pizza?” I asked.
“Enough,” he said. He looked around the room and then scratched his chin. “I might have forgotten my medical equipment.”
“Did you really mean to check my blood pressure?” I asked.
He laughed and shrugged. “I should, but it can wait.” He held out a hand to me, palm up.
I placed my hand in his. “I still can’t believe what happened.”
“Great plan, wasn’t it?” He wiggled his eyebrows and motioned to the duffle bag. “Why haven’t you unpacked yet?”
I released his hand to pick up the bag and place it on the bed. “I can. Although if I’m going to be between homes for a bit, maybe I need a better bag.”
“Or you need to divide up your clothes among…” He grimaced. “Eight different homes? Geez. Maybe we do need a schedule.”
I started taking out some items from the bag. I found the journal I’d started writing in, and my cheeks heated as I lifted it out.
Next item on my list: find out how the others felt.
“Dr. Sean,” I said quietly, showing him the notebook. “I…”
He tilted his head, puzzled. He absently scratched at his elbow and came closer. “Something wrong? Did we leave something behind? I hope not, because I really don’t want to have to go back unless—”
“No,” I said quickly. “If you don’t mind, Mr. Blackbourne told me…”
He put his hands on his hips and rolled his eyes, tilting his head until he was looking at the ceiling. “Please don’t tell me. He wants to go over a schedule now? Or he wants us to keep a twenty-four-hour watch on your stepmother? Or go over details for the council…”
“No,” I said, reaching to stop him from continuing with a gentle hand pressed at his chest.
He refocused on me, with a slight jump when I touched him, but then pressed his hand to mine, holding it so I continued to touch him.
I smiled. “No,” I said more softly. “I told him how I wanted to know…what everyone thought of the relationship plan, how…they felt about it and any concerns. A few other things…” I showed him the notebook. “And he suggested I write my questions down. That we could pass it around. Everyone reads it, everyone can write out how they feel. It might make it easier.”
He nodded slowly and then released my hand to take the book from me. “You wrote down some questions?”
“I kind of started just writing letters. I found it easier. I don’t mind if the others read it, but it was easier to talk directly to one instead of everyone.” My whole body got warm as I motioned to the notebook. “I started with yours, first.”
Dr. Green blinked repeatedly and then brought the notebook closer to his body, holding it in both hands. “I was the first you wrote to?”
I nodded. I wasn’t really trying to pick anyone to be first, but he’d been at the front of my mind lately. “Take your time,” I said. “I wrote it in the…well, I wrote it in code, the one I made up from Korean lettering. If we want to keep it private…”
He nodded slowly and then looked down at the notebook. “Okay. I’ll figure it out.”
“Also, I sort of wrote it while I was really tired and stressed out, so some of it doesn’t really matter now…”
He chuckled. “I’ll remember some of this was heat-of-the-moment Sang talking.”
I wasn’t sure what else to say, but I heard my name being called from downstairs, possibly North. “He’s going to get into a fight if I don’t get down there.”
Dr. Green waved me off with a hand and then stopped and kissed my cheek. “I’ll have to learn to share.”
I giggled and went to the stairs.
He lingered behind, and as I descended, he opened the notebook.
I sensed he wouldn’t be down until he finished reading it. I’d tell the others he was busy.
I just hoped he wouldn’t consider it silly, but I doubted it.