THE NOTEBOOK
SANG
I sat in the bed with nothing to do but hope Jimmy went to sleep.
Shortly after Mr. Blackbourne and Dr. Green left my bedroom, Jimmy returned, excited by the appearance of Max, and talked about the idea of getting a dog.
He placed the cot closer to my bed and fluffed the pillow. Eventually he settled into the cot. “How did you sleep in this thing? Feels stiff.”
Hadn’t noticed. I’d been sleeping in a cot for camp in the past week. The bed was actually strange for me.
Jimmy rested on his back after turning off the light. “Let me know if you feel weird. Don’t mind me if I check on you to make sure you haven’t passed out.”
It wasn’t long before he turned over, and his breathing became more even. Luckily, he snored, so I could tell when he was in a deep sleep.
I used his snoring as an indicator it was all right to bring out the cell phone Sean had left.
I used the blanket to cover the light and checked the screen.
Would holding on to it interrupt calls he would get from the hospital?
It was odd, as it looked different. When I checked the messages, they were empty. Like Victor’s phone, they’d switched the data around for me. All the old messages I’d had on the other phone were here.
I quickly sent a message to Kota.
Sang: What now?
I waited. I couldn’t imagine what the answer was.
The response came quickly.
Kota: Relay everything she said tonight. Everything you can remember. Then get some sleep.
I sighed. Information gathering. I understood it. We needed to be more careful to make the next move.
I couldn’t imagine what the next move was.
I hoped Carol was mostly upset and would ease back on everything she’d said about taking me out of school.
She’d taken the cell phone. She wasn’t surprised to find it, only saying she doesn’t allow her children to have phones until they leave for college.
She’d confronted my father downstairs, and he was very quick to try to stop her from calling around about me.
“It’ll cost more money to take her out of school,” he said.
“She can’t go to school and faint,” Carol said. “Did you hear what Sean said about that horrible school? Also, we don’t know what’s wrong with her. We should get her to a doctor to find out.”
“She’s probably got the flu.”
“If she goes to school and faints, they’ll insist on a doctor,” she said.
He quieted after that, considering his options.
Carol’s arguments were technically on my side, fighting for what most people would. She was pushing him to treat me like normal humans are treated, not like a mistake to be hidden. Seeing a doctor. Resting. Saving me from a school with a bad reputation. She was technically in the right.
As she continued to prod him, he finally shook his head. “She’s a troublemaker. Don’t let her fool you. Her mother said repeatedly how she’d lie and do crazy things to get what she wanted.”
“Her mother is in the hospital,” Carol said. “I’m here, and if she’s that bad, you don’t want her in a school with bad people. Place her in my care. I’ll take care of the details.”
“What about the private school?” he asked.
Carol laughed shortly. “What? You just said she was a troublemaker. She doesn’t deserve to go. And her sister doesn’t have the grades. And outside of that, if we’re moving, we’d need to wait to send them to school in Georgia, not here.”
My father groaned but then said to talk about it in the morning and to go to bed.
Their conversation at least told me she didn’t know about my real mother. It didn’t help that my father spread lies about me. I wondered if Carol had fallen for it.
How many more lies would be spread? Marie had stayed in her room the whole time. I wasn’t sure if she knew what was going on. If she thought this wasn’t going her way, she might try telling Carol the truth. How much worse would it get if Carol found out? What changes would she make to our lives then?
I repeated everything I knew to Kota. I made the suggestion that I could talk to Marie tomorrow.
When everything was sent to Kota, the phone went silent.
Slowly, I got messages from some of them. I replied back.
Silas: Are you okay?
Sang: Sleepy. I’m okay, though. It’s just like before. Was too tired.
Silas: I mean staying there tonight. With Jimmy in the room.
Sang: I don’t have another option right now.
Silas: We’ll fix it. I’ll fix it.
Victor: Can I get anything to you for tonight? I could send Luke in. Extra pillow? Do you need water?
Sang: I’m okay. I’ll just sleep. It’s been a crazy night.
Victor: Be careful, princess. Please. I miss you.
Sang: Miss you, too.
Nathan: This sucks.
Sang: Yeah.
Nathan: I could still sneak into the attic. So I’m nearby.
Sang: Don’t do that. Last thing we need is Carol catching someone in the house. Then she’d never trust me.
Nathan: I don’t know what else to do.
Sang: Me either.
North: Let me send you something to help you sleep. Something the doc can give you. Tylenol PM. Sleep, okay?
Sang: I’ll try to sleep. I don’t have much else to do now.
I tried my best to be brave, to let them know I’d wait for the next plan.
I pushed them to think of what to do next, they pushed me to sleep. I eventually turned the phone off when they stopped messaging.
What else was there to do? Mr. Blackbourne had asked if I could wait for a month or more if necessary, but that was the old plan. Yet, how long would it take now?
They had taken risks. They were spending all this time focused on me. Had North even been home? Had anyone focused on any of their own problems since we’d been back?
I left the phone nearby, with a smidgen of hope that they’d figure something out and would alert me.
As I waited, I opened the notebook.
I started writing in my Korean lettering as my secret code. I thought I would at least write until I was too tired to continue. At first, I only wrote out their names, as if practicing writing in the language. I hadn’t done it much for a while, but it only took a few minutes for me to be able to remember to write out a sentence like I’d done before.
I’d failed at keeping my health in check, like Mr. Blackbourne had asked.
I’d failed at convincing Carol to allow me to go to private school, and to allow me space outside of the house.
There was one thing I didn’t wish to fail at: letting them know how I felt, and asking how they felt in return.
I considered how to structure it, and I opted to write separate letters to each of them. I wrote in pen, since that was what I had, and many times I ended up scratching out lines. Everything sounded silly at first.
I only finished one before my eyes were too tired to continue.
The one for Dr. Green.